bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №135101
 23.10.2016
The tax authority of the United Kingdom refused a citizen to accept the tax declaration due to inaccuracies in the completion of the form. In the column "Dependents dependent on you", a resident of the town of Eveshem wrote:
“2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million drug addicts, 4.4 million unemployed, 900,000 prisoners in 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Parliament and the entire European Commission.”
A tax official said such a response is unacceptable.
“Who have I missed?” The citizen tried to clarify.

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135100
 23.10.2016
######
Do you have an erection to go out on the street???? to
######

So what? A man with an erection looks much more advanced as a companion (thumbs up)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135099
 23.10.2016
When will you invite me for tea?
YYY: today
Okay, don’t forget to wash your tea.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135098
 23.10.2016
There is something irrational about cleaning. You collect 2 packs of garbage, and the remaining on the previous place for some reason does not fit.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №135097
 23.10.2016

Go to Mother!! Are you giving birth to elephants?
In the Russian Federation, the right to maternity leave is regulated by Article 255 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation.
Working women are granted maternity leave for 70 (in the case of multiple pregnancies - 84) calendar days before birth and 70 (in the case of complicated births - 86, when two or more children are born - 110) calendar days after birth.

Continue to teach lessons. What you have calculated is a pregnancy and childbirth hospital. This is followed by paid leave for child care up to 1.5 years and unpaid leave up to 3 years.
So 7 years of decrees is three children with a difference of 2 years.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135096
 23.10.2016
xxx: looking at photos of Kim Jong-un in company, surrounded, on walks, visits, etc., it creates the impression that he is the only person in North Korea who does not wear a military uniform and a medal from neck to heels...

YYY: They are taken by the truck.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135095
 23.10.2016
The book of the great Spanish psychotherapist:

"How to feel great and fuck the opinion of all kinds of piddars".

The author is Pocher Huelo.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135094
 23.10.2016
I’m from the village, explain to me, why did everyone get to the vapors?
What are the ponts there?
What can be the pants if the costs are less? Is the harm to yourself and the inconvenience of others also less?
Are you so nuclear?

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №135093
 23.10.2016
You’ve done it all right alone in the field... one in the field... let the man fuck.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135092
 23.10.2016
I went to a smart home presentation. The systems should be turned on by telephone call. But I couldn’t call home, so I didn’t see the presentation.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135091
 23.10.2016
I was put into surgery. As soon as he entered the chamber, he noticed a sleeping guy, he was 30-35 years old, without a leg. I put off my bags and went to smoke. I go back to bed and see that the guy, who has no legs, got up and sat on the bed. Then he began to look, I immediately realized that he was after anesthesia, and looked at everyone who was in the chamber. He looked at the rest of his leg, and then on me. Again on my feet. Later there was a question I did not expect to hear. He asked, “You don’t know where my foot is?” At that moment I felt uncomfortable.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №135090
 23.10.2016
We had medical ethics. A postgraduate student, tells a case from practice:

Shortly afterward, a lady with a cat came to us and said, "Sleep my cat, a witch has settled in her." And seriously so. Well, we and the trainee poured water into the test tube, said it was holy water, sprayed on the cat (the cat was very dissatisfied). The trainee read Goethe's poems in German (well, Madame German didn't know), then they infused the cat with a solution and let go home with Madame. Madam left happy, and the cat looked at everyone as if they were fools.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №135089
 23.10.2016
My parents met this way: Mom, long-loved with Dad, decided to kiss him before leaving for another city. She walked into the entrance, kissed him and ran away. But how badly she came... caroch: broke her leg. He is lying in the entrance, swirling in the throat. My dad, slightly stunned after kissing, rushed to help her. He took her to the injury point and took care of her. And now listen to what my mother recently told me: She, long in love with her dad, decided to spend the whole day with him and try to fall in love with herself. She did it this way: agreed with her aunt from the injury point that everything would be arranged for her as a fracture of her leg, pre-painted her leg in red and rehearsed the pain. I went to the entrance to my dad, kissed, specifically fell... well, and then you know. Dad still doesn’t know.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135088
 23.10.2016
They confused virginity and integrity. There is that aunt in a towel, redening with the words "physical intimacy" and calling the equilateral triangle "equilateral", because it is unesthetic to talk about the hips - she is wholehearted, although she is ten years married and has three children. But this sixteen-year-old woman, writing a bitch with a blind rape of the hero by the Hussars regiment, is physically a virgin, but she has no drop of chastity.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135087
 23.10.2016
In fact, all the articles on the analysis of neural networks have the same problem. Teaching without a teacher. Moreover, it is so common that “he” develops his own language (a system of concepts) for “self” that we do not understand, and then we try to ask “he” questions and wonder that instead of talking some kind of fist comes out. When parents teach the child, he is directed and corrected. This is the blanket, and this is the curtain. Not the opposite.

In the case of AI, two packages of photos are just poured on it, one with curtains, and the other without. Then they put another picture and ask if there is a curtain there. Then they get overwhelmed and surprised by what under the curtains of AI understood batteries.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №135086
 23.10.2016
Why did you think he had seven children? Pregnancy leave + care leave is about four years, that is, seven years of continuous decree is two or three children, not one every year.
Yes, by the way, the midwife is not a housewife. This is exactly vacation. And engaging is supposed to be the child, not the service of the husband, as real housewives do.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135085
 22.10.2016
In this case, the wife goes out sharply. Worked somehow with us one such mademoiselle, a week before corporations and holidays began to wonder if she could not attend this event. I let go and do.
and ==
was released? Did she do such a favour - released from corporations? It was not worth it, but just once to resolutely send you with all the corporations and holidays, once this attitude.
It’s disgusting to call a woman “Mademoiselle” because she doesn’t want to participate in this corporate idiotism – it’s a kind of corporate brain. Most of all, I am stunned by the fact that there is even such a job "office manager", the essence of which is the organization and support of the "corporate spirit" with such idiotic methods.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135084
 22.10.2016
Why not hang an information banner at every airport, port and train station: "You go to a foreign country - leave your habits and traditions at home."

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №135083
 22.10.2016
The colonization of Mars.
Scientists around the world have asked how to create an atmosphere on Mars.
European scientists have come up with something like placing columns across Mars.
The principle of operation - (let's miss the entire scientific part) each column will be equipped with a solar battery and will emit charges in the form of small lightning, lightning in its own.
The line will charge the atoms of water molecules and thereby heat,they will rise up to them and when they reach saturation will form clouds and clouds.Radius of the 1st column about 100-150m.price and delivery and arrangement of each column in the right place is also not a small problem,if you force the columns the entire planet then through 15 years on it will be the first clouds.This at the same time, moisture and ice will be sufficient on the planet itself.And it is possible to get the atmosphere.
The answer of Russian scientists to solve this problem:
To deliver several hydrogen bombs to the planet and explode them in squares, the dust will rise into the air which will close the planet and the greenhouse effect will be achieved, which in turn will trigger the process of heating the planet and the formation of all the moisture on it into clouds in 3-5 years, there may be an atmosphere on it.
The Zombie of the Last Martian Soldier.
Wau-or we will start the first space, and the Russians will be guilty as always))

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №135082
 22.10.2016
A real case: A foreign student asked me what Camalin is.
Where did you hear that?
Well in the song: Kalin, Kamalin, Kamalin, Kamoya

of stones burn grosslarnakh

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna