bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №89485
 09.11.2013
The Forced Voyager:

In the family where I grew up, no one ever walked in public, neither in shorts, nor without a shirt, nor barefoot without socks and boots. And we slept in pyjamas, because at night the blanket will fly, and it will be uncomfortable. And now the same. I don’t want my four-year-old to see it. He has a good vision.

===

Attention, the question: how do you know what’s going on in the neighboring house, because your curtains are tightly stuck, don’t you?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №89484
 09.11.2013
Dialogue on the forum on Skyrim:

Olga: I only have two children, I want to have more ways to do it
Outfater: I can help if you are from Kiev

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №89483
 09.11.2013
You often borrow a lot of money, what about you? Drugs and gambling?
and no. Accounts for utilities

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №89482
 09.11.2013
[about the film "The Life of Adele" (with a bunch of bed scenes)]
I read an interview with NN.
He says that the whole session was over.
WOW: He just had to explain the wet spot on his pants.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №89481
 09.11.2013
This is>
-------------------------
A. G. (30.10.2013 0:01) :
I decided to update the books on the reader.
The chemistry section. There are really cool science-pop books.
But!
This is!!! to
What is it???! to
Physical and chemical bases of salting and fermentation of vegetables.
-------------------------
My friend once wrote a course on the topic: "Denaturation of proteins in the thermal processing of classical shnizel". There are charts, conclusions, dependencies of temperature and duration of exposure, etc.
His specialization is "Food Technology".

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №89480
 09.11.2013
–...
The name of the school was "Hommy".
You look carefully, or the stitch will be attached again.
I’m not like a hamster anymore.
She also thinks she doesn’t look like an elephant. :)

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №89479
 09.11.2013
I was not home for almost a month. She went in, inspected all the rooms, checked the flowers, made some remarks to her husband. He gives me "you came, and you got so much right away!" :-)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №89478
 09.11.2013
Message from E-Vent
Hi everybody, I did not pass the techosotor because of the unworking sound signal, then the beat of the classon or how there is it. To whom to turn: to the car electricity or to the car sound? Does anyone have contacts?

Message from Mark
Of course an electric! What does the car sound like? 😉 As the columns turn, you will signal the shaker on the whole street.)

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №89477
 09.11.2013
A friend of the ex:
We were not ashamed at the end. I especially hate him.
Because fucking it is okay.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №89476
 09.11.2013
Comments under the video, where a man on an airplane makes an overload in 8g cut:
Weak or Photoshop
A weak one? Explain: 8G is when the eggs of a steep man weigh half a kilo. And with this overload began to weigh 4 kg. At the same time, all of the brain (even if there is no) blood goes in the direction of the eight-dimensional force of gravity, that is, in the g#. And the world dims and fades, the lower lip lies on the chest, the ears are wrapped under the hammer in tubes and the thigh is splashed out of the ass with a beautiful rose, which is later called hemorrhoids. Do you mean that you have an eight-fold overload, you are not weak, with a willpower and a trained sphincter you can keep the intestine in you?

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №89475
 09.11.2013
Not so bad the mistakes we make. What is worse is what we repeat.

[ + 51 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89474
 09.11.2013
I graduated from university under the USSR in the specialty of economics. We were taught in a very different way and for a very different purpose than we are now. For example, we knew that the most effective government investment is in health and education, because healthy and educated people work more effectively, are less sick, do not bully and obey the law. But the most inefficient state investments were considered at the time - in the militia and bureaucracy, because they fatten the budget without giving anything to the state in return. Now, unfortunately, we live in a reversed world – police budgets even in developed countries are higher than society’s spending on education and medicine. My story is about something like that.

Like all the students in the summer, we went on construction to the SSO, where they worked out their free education and earned extra money for themselves on grain. And it took us to the district of the city of Kotlas, to the villages where the zones were intertwined by chemical settlements. It is clear that chemists were not scientists, but settlers. They were engaged, like everyone else in those regions, then mainly in forestry - refining, refining (correct refining, not current), loading, transportation, etc. And we had to build a school - a large three-storey with a swimming pool and a stadium. The police department lived in a wooden barracks, but we did not build it. This village was very strange and the name of Kadnikovsky and the customs of the locals. There were many families with children. But their parents and children there spoke in some special slang - the mother fan. It seemed a completely unrealistic fantasy that these people would be able to read normal books, write works, speak pure Russian. As assistants, we were given a fifth of minors for re-education. How they liked our commander and commissioner, I do not know.
They are small, splashy, smoking all the time, looking for any reason not to do anything. But when a commander or commissioner appears, they begin to lie down, depicting dying from labor and fatigue. They may not have seen another life. The commander in the evenings at dinner plays such stories about the life of his orphan that to raise on their hand seemed impossible. So I suffered with them. On the day of the builder in August and our commissioner, and the commander, a couple of brigadier and a couple of obaltus children were invited to Kotlas for a solemn holiday. They promised a lot of prizes and prizes. After washing, shaving, we laid out the Watman leaves on the doors, placed on the goats as tables, hid in the bushes the bottles of one, placed the other beautifully on the tables and began to wait. The children left with us joked about something, joked and disappeared unnoticed.
There is no commander, no commissioner, no prize. They come here happy and cheerful and look at us with amazement. Why not celebrate the prize, where the furchette, the holiday cake. The prize was? Where is? The distracted commissioner looked around – so we, he says, were left at the banquet and we sent her out of the boy... He looked around us, saw that there were no children and was thick red. We were dressed, we were dressed, we were dressed. Well, the commander told the commissioner, go to the police. Don’t need the police,” Savelich said, “our driver, an elderly, silent local man in his knees. Do not need. He sat in the gas and left. For some reason, no one even risked after his intonation of words to go to the department. The celebration was finally ruined. Two days later, a gasket arrives, and there are three scratched and scratched children with a money ball. Silently they went out, silently gave to the commander, silently went to change clothes. The rest of the month worked equally with the construction workers. and silence. On the question where the two just shrugged their hands into the area. Ask Savelich, how did you find it? He replied - you are building our school, the whole village was looking for these wretches. No more words. When we already gathered and went to buy gifts at the local supermarket - the turn demanded (naturally) to leave us without a turn - they built us school. And the grandmothers who would ride anybody in the place - we were also pushed in front of ourselves so that we could also buy salamantera shoes and Finnish boots for mommies home (the villages were very even good). They built a school for us and I have never felt a greater pride in my work. The village of Kadnikovsky. The 1975 year.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №89473
 09.11.2013
Employees of the registration office in the clinic and the passport desk can eat lemon without changing the expression of the face.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №89472
 09.11.2013
In the Moscow metro machine will issue a free ticket for 30 seats:
I want to look at the developers and testers of this system.
It would be fun if something broke.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №89471
 09.11.2013
XXX: the concept of the norm is statistical by definition, not almost.
YYY: It is not necessary. There are 10 tractors. Nine are broken. Only one works normally. So, the normal condition of the tractor in your collage is faulty.
ZZZ: In our collage, homosexual relationships are the norm, and nine out of ten tractors are broken. And now attention, the question: how in the colloquial people call people who break tractors.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89470
 09.11.2013
I will tell you more, butterfly in German is also male.

The bird is also a man.
and here is the girl - ta-dam - middle

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №89469
 09.11.2013
I have a cat and a cat playing. The rubbish of money is pulled. Whoever has crossed is a fool ;)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №89468
 09.11.2013
I was told here how the last Fedora Rashen Edishen overtook its time and now Linux will conquer the desktops. There everything went wrong, no problems with me, complete Russification. What am I doing wrong?"
I even bought it and put it on my notebook.
You don’t want to bet, what kind of shit?
- Oh, so it wasn't necessary to install from the life-SD or it was necessary to first label the disk with GPart, and then start the life-SD.
Where is the switching, where is the switching?
What makes it difficult to get into the form of Arch? There, in the topic of valens, one guy gave a recipe for how to restore the arrangement in Fedor.
Why is half of the menu in English?
Which normal person will translate Notepad or Calculator? There are no such words in Russian and analogues.
That is not a problem? Is it complete Russification?
I have no problem. I have a complete Russification.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №89467
 09.11.2013
Comments on the harm of smoking:
Watch out for smokers! When they finish, they will take over the drivers. and 😉 😉

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №89466
 08.11.2013
SMS exchange with a girlfriend
X: Do you want me to come to you?
Y: Where is it?
x to you)
Y: is it now?: *
X is not)
X: In principle someday
Y: And what will we do??? and :)
X: And guess from five times))
Drink the tea 😉
H to H)
Y: I’m not sure what you’ll do, you’re all too gentle for me :R
X: Oh you didn’t see me drinking tea, from the cup straight pieces fly away!

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna