Recently, I had to send an important and urgent letter with a notification. It was a Monday when most post offices in our city were on holiday. In the whole area (not very small) only one department is open. I come there and go out of the line, a battle that hit the spacious hall... And naturally only one window works. In response to all requests to open at least one more mail workers answer in a firm ham style type there is no one, and in general - stand there and don't binge, and continue to fade without a matter. And next to the sign: if there are more than 5 people in line, call by the number, and three city phones. No one calls, no one calls. Then I click on the number of the hotline of the Russian post, I leave a complaint about all this shame, promise to figure it out. The letter had to be sent the next day.
In a month I receive a notification of the ordered letter (the sender is not specified in them). I go to the mail, suddenly, what is important. After a long line, I take, I open. What do you think I was sent? Right, apologies for the long queues...These people are invincible! >.<

I guessed it! Her name is Isabella. Minus three letters - abbreviated Bella.

Isolde, I presented myself.
The papule from surprise whispered, but did not fix me.
- Very pleasant, said Horek a little confusedly. - And how, forgive me, it will be diminishing-loving from "Isolde".
"Neither figured myself a shaky hook was", I thought and calmly replied:
I go out. It will be diminishing from Isolda.
There was an uncomfortable silence.
(c) Alex Exler, "Notes of the Programmer’s Bride"

Sex with an animal is zoophilia, and what is sex with a plant called?
YYY: If you mean barrel, it’s dendrophilia.

[10.10, 7:36] Dmitry: Aborigines of northeast Australia when dating a man press not a hand, but a penis. This is an expression of respect and a test of male power. The sexual organ symbolizes vital energy for local residents, and such a member is a symbol of incredible friendship.
[10.10, 7:37] Dmitry: Hi
[10.10, 7:39] PaškaNa: Keep the udva
[10.10, 7:39] Dmitry: Keep your own utva))
[10.10, 7:40] PaškaNa: No one to be fooled by friendship

Ardet: And I saw you collect mushrooms) You don’t look like a liar.
Cherry: And yet, I am lazy.
Ardet: You are just selectively wasting your energy.
Cherry: A good repayment. I have to remember :R

After the counting day came home, sleep reluctant. stumbled in the telescope. The old film “Armageddon” with Bruce Willis. I sit down and look for frogs. Here can not burn in the vacuum, here they steadily run on the asteroid, despite the miserable gravity... Well, here is what it is!!! An explosion, a dense chaotic roy of fragments, stones, rocks, crashing, rushing from the asteroid to the viewer, passing past the close, well, it can not be, it can not. They could not allow the operator with the camera to be exposed to such danger!!!!! to

One day, at the age of 9, I went to a ice cream store. He went to the box, asked for ice cream, gave money, without giving. The ice cream cost 100 rubles. The seller took the money, but then she was taken away and she promoted me 50 rubles of delivery. I do not believe in such miracles, confidently take the money and quickly go home...only in the evening I remembered that I forgot to take ice cream from the fridge in the store...

Youth is a time of unlimited theoretical possibilities.

At one time, I worked at the airport of one of our fellow citizens' favorite resort destinations. And this was the story.
Departure room, registration for the flight. There was the height of the season, a lot of flights and, accordingly, a huge number of tourists (Engels, Germans, Russians - all confused, full of farce).
Suddenly my attention is attracted by a burning conflict on the registration stand between our countrymen and a local worker behind the stand (a girl). I have to say that the conflict at the airport is quite a common thing (overweight, flight delay, row, etc.)
I fit. The standard situation. 2 boys and 2 girls (2 + 2), all well drunk, do not speak English and spoke to the employee of Aero (C), and she does not speak Russian and tries to explain something to them on their fingers.

Hi, what is the problem?

2+2 - Brother, we (boys) here on vacation with them (girls) met. I want to sit next to the plane. And she doesn’t want to sit us next to her, she says it’s impossible. We know exactly where to sit, even in the ass of the plane, the main thing - together!

Please calm down, we’ll fix it now.

(I am referring to the Air Force)

I - These tourists want to fly together. It is 2 pairs. We met here and would like to spend time in the plane together. And for them, it does not matter which specific places they will fly, the main thing is to plant them together, please.

I’ve been trying to explain it for 15 minutes. Planting them together is no problem. The problem is that these two fly to Moscow, and these two - to Yekaterinburg!

Next to the plane are a young girl and a Catholic priest. The plane goes on landing and the girl speaks to the priest:
The Father! I am very uncomfortable asking you, but can you help me? The fact is that I bought a new expensive women’s shave that I need to declare. But I have no money! Be so kind and hide this shave under your sultan, the customs officers will not notice anything!
My daughter! The priest answered. Lying is wrong! But my duty is to help people, I will try to come up with something.
The plane landed and passengers passed through the customs control lane. The custodian asks the priest:
– Father, do you have anything under the satan that needs to be declared?
There is no upper belt, my son.
Under the belt?
And underneath the belt I have a device for women that no one has ever used before.
It is clear, go through. The next!

The truth before them became a couple of years ago to come, that if you have to break down, or there money to earn (to learn a language in half a year, to live on the water for a week, to do a repair, to blow up the whole landscape on its own) it is to me, I horn up and sell, and myself, and circumstances.

and ahaha. They have not learned how to manipulate you. Who could have thought so?

Close my eyes! Cherry with "carrot’s" on the main. Soon it will seem that the shit will move there, because only they are more sad than THIS.

A bit of boredom:

Economists, theorists... Teach 450 papagaies to speak “prohibit” and you can save millions on our state’s salaries.

You will not save much. because the papagaies are scientists and governmental, their food will come up in a round amount... "writing - fruits, thrown into the abyss"...

xxx: the gentleman said that his curly-looking macacos were overwhelmed, we will only take Olympians for an internship.
Foxes: Say that they don’t need, they have some approach, they need to work quickly and if the task is to make a ball and twist, then they will first make a cube, because it’s easier and they can, and then from all sides weave such a number of baskets that it starts to ride.

He listened to the conversation of two women:
I’ve been without a young man for almost a year, it’s hard to be alone.
Do you have a ring on your finger?
This is not to let all the dirt cling to me!
How should the guys meet you?
A normal man will not stop it.
Suppose it won’t stop. But what if you get married, then how can you stop him from a relationship with other girls?

I am only my spring.
Yes, you are a normal car.

If I was bitten by Layka, does that mean that she’s bitten me?

xxx: I stood in the store and thought, and the spice for the pellet is in the water or after the cooking?
I see, there is salt, all things.
I think it’s in the water.
XXX: It was in farce :D
YYY: Did you forget that they can also be lipped and not just cooked?

From Habr.

A: The JavaScript community is crazy if it thinks someone can keep up with it.
B: The most important thing is that browsers can’t keep up with this. Therefore, we should not leave ourselves apart from reality.
C: What specifically did browsers fail from the list above?)
B: Some browsers didn’t have time to die. Some things cannot be implemented.

Penis worms may be the ancestors of all living beings. This was by scientists from the University of Bristol."
yyy changes the name of the conversation to "Descendants of worms-penises"
Emm... well, more majestically...
xxx changes the name of the conversation to "Great descendants of penny worms"