bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №105074
 06.11.2014
This is:

I understand that we have a lack of chats on the internet. What, his mother, for fashion took in dialogues here to enter? No matter what the site was created for this, I will go here to raise the mood for myself, rather than re-read your discussions 10 times. Gathered here scientists crazy, in the universities, show your knowledge (no matter what topics) and not here.
_______________________________________________________
You have all been so amused...
Who brought these boring tricks here?! to

In France, an optimist, a pessimist and a bored man was executed. The optimist was first brought to the guillotine and asked his last wish. He answered:
Life was so beautiful and interesting! Please put me face up. It would be interesting to see the knife fall.
They put him face up, pulled the lever, and the knife scratched and stopped over the neck itself.
As usual, he was pardoned. Ask the pessimist about his last wish. He said:
Life was so ugly! And there’s that knife... And the bloodthirsty crowd... Close my eyes and shut my ears with cotton.
His wish was fulfilled, the lever was pulled, but the knife scratched again and stopped over his neck. He was also pardoned, according to custom. Zanuwa asks:
Your last wish?
- The last wish, the last wish... It would be better to fix the guillotine.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №105073
 06.11.2014
observed
— — —
When I get drunk, I’ll ask.
Men, that for a bad habit, turn on the telephone, squeeze a little, leave the house without turning it off?
I consistently observe my father, husband, brother, son...
I ask everyone "no fucking to do so?"no one can answer quite, suddenly here lucky
___
My wife does that. I checked it many times, it’s not a man.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №105072
 06.11.2014
Let us call things by their names. You are not selling products. You sold to eat. You know perfectly who comes to you and in what cases.
– – – – –
Let us call. Before the anti-alcohol measures there was a 24-hour supermarket within walking distance from me. I’m not blue, I just sometimes came home late and bought bread, peelings, and sometimes even salads and sausages. I understand that I did not keep the store on the float. But I was comfortable. The trade in alcohol was regulated. Drunk people are less. Some moved to the underground shinkars, others began to load in boxes, etc. In the fools remained ordinary citizens, as the supermarket stopped working 24 hours a day.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105071
 06.11.2014
X: I was at the wedding. her leg after her hurt - I couldn't get up, only now passed
Did you dance under the heart?
X: Fuck... Under Joe Cocker and Ganghamstil
The fucking shame.
A: at the wedding.
X: I did not want.
X: But competitions
W: You remember the episode of Soprano, where one mafia member explains to another that it is impossible to be a peder, but in prison it is forgiven. As well as wedding dances.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №105070
 06.11.2014
XX: Today, finally, I met people who brought warmth into this cruel world.
XX: Five men dragged batteries to the second floor of the clinic.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105069
 06.11.2014
XXX: How much is done?
yyy: 18))
You can do anything today ?
This is the meaningful day when you can no longer kill people :(

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №105068
 06.11.2014
Did you serve in the army?
and served.
He served in the intelligence?
In the intelligence.
Did he know how to throw knives?
Skilled
Why have a knife if there is a gun with an extinguisher?
After the battle, you will not cut the sausage with a gun.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №105067
 06.11.2014
A bunch of names

He wrote the function, according to FIO calculates gender and belonging to the jur / fis person. It is convenient to select when the list comes [FIFO / name of the organization] [phone]. Pumped reference books of names (26 000 approximately, among other things, analysis of the end of the surname, and so on. It is 96-98 percent.
I am proud.
I was proud, that is, until the list came from Primorye...

They are all Chinese :)
"To That U" - who is this boy/girlfriend? and :)
Honey is a person (there is a reference to his statement from which it can be understood), but my function has clearly determined that it is a legal person (probably an individual entrepreneur trading honey 6))

Such things are everywhere, of course, 2-4% of mistakes have always been. But in Primorye, I had a full... ~ 25% marriage


[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №105066
 05.11.2014
From Facebook:

The question of cultural contexts.
The command word when Russification of automatic assistants Google and Apple should not be “Okay”, but “Fuck”: “Fuck! by Google! Show me the dragon roll!”
Everything immediately comes to its place.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №105065
 05.11.2014
From Habr:
XX: Usually, the keyboard is quite heavy.
YYY: This is not a minus for everyone. A heavy keyboard, for example, is much less on the table, and it is much more convenient to hit the face.

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №105064
 05.11.2014
Answer to: Where to go, for example, to the population of the village of Zhukop of the Penovsky district of the Tverska province after the closure of the woodplate...

1st Stop blaming and blaming others.
2nd If the logger was closed, the equipment and structures remained in place... We apply the old good way to get the initial capital – we throw metal and build materials, we drive it all at a similar price.
Three But here is the novelty - we don't account for the earning grandmothers!!! to
4 is From the remains of boards and etc. we build barracks, on the first babies we buy pigs, chickens or calves (who likes it).
5 is We grow all this vitality all summer, from dawn to dawn without laying hands... and not talking!!! (You can co-operate with a non-drinking neighbor.)
6 is In autumn, kill the grown herd, most of the meat to sell, the rest to feed yourself in the winter.
City people with great pleasure take good fresh meat at a similar price, you can negotiate with acquaintances in advance.
7 is In the winter, we don’t pay for money!! to
8 is In the spring we repeat p 4-6.

The recipe is working, I know at least 10 men (in different deaf villages) who have been feeding in this way for many years... They grow from 10 to 200 heads and do not blow in the mouth!

All good luck!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №105063
 05.11.2014
From a short quote:

Rising from the knees, Russia dropped the ruble.


[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №105062
 05.11.2014
I have become a provider :-)
I put a servacle, connected to it an access point unparalleled, I give free Inet to those who want :-)
Gorbachev: tough
Can you get closer to me? I have a big problem with this in the hospital.
The access point is called Free WiFi from ZyXEL U-1496E+ and has a speed limit of 14,400 bytes. Back to the end of the 90s! Oh yeah! I could only dream of that!
Gorbow: I don’t have to give anything. The Jewish Internet ?

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №105061
 05.11.2014
I understand that we have a lack of chats on the internet. What, his mother, for fashion took in dialogues here to enter? No matter what the site was created for this, I will go here to raise the mood for myself, rather than re-read your discussions 10 times. Gathered here scientists crazy, in the universities, show your knowledge (no matter what topics) and not here.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №105060
 05.11.2014
From Zems

I go to the boss, shake my foot and say:
I want a weekend!!! to
- You can't - he says - or no one will work.
And I tell him: by law, it’s a weekend! Why do we not have them?! to
He said, “I didn’t invent it.
Here comes Alexandra, my assistant:
Alexey, what are you doing?
Weekends with the boss.
Alexey, you are the boss. And the development manager, and the CEO and the only founder. Go away from the mirror, I have to shave.

In short, if I understand everything right, there will not be a weekend...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №105059
 05.11.2014
Skomoroh100: And we were taught. When you go out on the road, look to the left... and then to the right.

SocketP: This is no longer relevant. Now going out on the road - look in all directions at the same time and walk, like a mine field.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105058
 05.11.2014
The girlfriend is cared for by two representative Americans in Moscow, the process of selection is going on:
MV: You understand, one is low and the other is high, with one I can't wear heels, and with the second I only have to walk on them!
November: so what did you set up, one low, the other high, what in your understanding is low, and what is high?
MV: One head above Obama, and the other head below Obama.
November: Do you now measure Americans in Obama?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №105057
 05.11.2014
Found in the airport:

Announcement: I am selling a cat. Kakaet everywhere, go out on the street and there Kakaet, sleep Kakaet, Perdit constantly bored already or exchange for a magnetol.

O_O

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №105056
 05.11.2014
Today I realized that you should not hope for a miracle when buying a shampoo for hair growth. Only the remaining hair grows faster.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №105055
 05.11.2014
Did someone take anything from you personally?
Why did I have colleagues who opened cafes, dance studios, internet projects and still are all alive, healthy, do not swim in gold, but there is enough bread with oil?
Why is there a well-known IT community on the letter X, where people often publish stories of their success / failure, but at the same time none of them have taken anything out with properly drafted contracts?
Why is there also the same community on the letter X, a search engine on the letter I, an antivirus? Why are there thousands of companies that make profits and no one takes them away?

My parents were taken away. The acquaintance of his father wanted to put him in jail, but when he began to resist decided to kill him. He currently lives in Canada. A friend's father agreed to give up the business and revenged from the deadline. Running a long time. Uncle lives in NY because in the 90s he traded auto parts very well.
On the resource X is a non-representative sample. You only see successful projects. By your logic, you can say that anyone can become a billionaire, because in the Forbes of hundreds of them.

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