bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №119653
 20.10.2015
You embrace your neck with my hand.
Petrovich, keep up with you! Next time I will not take you home, drunk in the wood!! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №119652
 20.10.2015
by FSHOKE.

XXX How I was here...
XXX: The boss comes to us in the room and with a strange smile on her face asks:
How would you write - after the expiry of the guarantee period or after the expiry of the guarantee period?
XX: Everyone is so clever, so insecure:
Oh, I do not know. I have to think...
Probably I don’t know...
- I can be mistaken, I notice that I have recently gotten literacy crumbling (this is our gold medalist, her mother, daughter of her school girl)...
XX: I am alone, burying my ears in the documents and not feeling the situation, with my four in Russian (hello to you, Lydia Grigorievna and all your boiler) confidently grumbling: "After the expiration. This is very important."
XX: It turns out, our lady with the head of the department signed a hand-printed letter, and he corrected it at the end.
XX: Now I sit, waiting for repression.
XX: Because you can’t be smarter than the boss

Is this now the norm? This is the ice-cutting pizza... the middle-aged level of relationships is now the norm? Thank you a thousand times for learning well. I’t have survived an office plankton.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №119651
 20.10.2015
Men have 7 colors, don’t even try to prove anything.
The Computer Engineers 16
zzz: A in the networks 8
And half of them are white.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №119650
 20.10.2015
XHH: And how did he justify your entry into the department as a scientific group?
Yes, it is easy: more than one means a group! They can make a long sentence in an incomprehensible simple mortal language - that is, scientific!

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119649
 20.10.2015
In Israel, all soluble coffee is called Nescafe. Well, right, there is no need to sneeze.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №119648
 20.10.2015
One day my friend challenged one act, namely, he had to approach one high spot at night and for 40 minutes to scream “Egor.”
At two o’clock at night, he approaches the house, looks up the windows and begins to call Egor loudly and persistently. Soon, a curse and a selection mat broke out of some windows. Someone looked at the dumb man.
A few minutes later, on the third floor of the lodge, a light burned, a window opened and a pond of water flowed out. After that, a girl looks out of this window and says: You probably have been dry in your throat so persistently calling Egor, she decided to give you a drink. The friend was not confused and asked for a warmer water, or the throat is afraid to get cold. It was said, done and in a couple of minutes a second basement with warmer water was poured on it. Word for word, they began to talk.
Five years have passed since that day, they are expecting a second child and every year on that day they go to the water park. You never know where you will find your man who is ready to bring a glass of water...and maybe a barbecue.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №119647
 20.10.2015
What happens if alcohol is banned on Fridays?
Friday starts on Thursday, that’s what it will be.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №119646
 20.10.2015
In comments to the photo:

The horizon has collapsed
Gromov: You’re going to fuck, I’ll fuck you

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №119645
 20.10.2015
Dialogues of wife (s) with husband (mmm) about the cat:
How much does this animal live?
During: 9 months 21 days
Which one was chased?
Burn: It is complicated. I call her Milka, [daughter] Ponce (or Poncey, I don’t remember), and [wife-in-law] Mica, because Paradise called all its cats Mica. You can call her Ubla or Phlata, not critical anymore.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №119644
 20.10.2015
How would...

to this
The taxi stopped. The driver for a long and difficult time explained to me in German (to the middle of the explanation I began to understand a little language), that there is no need to catch a taxi here, because there is no stop here. Five minutes explained, very friendly. Then he left. I went where it was not forbidden.
I say I love the Germans. They balance us. We are in order, we are in order."

I am only alarmed by the fact that the German stood for five minutes in the place where, according to him, it was forbidden to stop.

That was a joke. You are here with your "to this" to everything in a row completely learned to smile.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №119643
 20.10.2015
In the topic of infertility, so the doctors told me that I would not have children, from 16 to 23 I was not protected. Three consecutive pregnancies in three years. One of them is protected. and Nico. We live soul in soul with our children and husband. He was in awe of what the doctors said.
I’t care if he had any diagnoses. Doctors are meteorologists.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №119642
 20.10.2015
I guess I am an old necrophile.
xxxh: again I rearchive from one hard to another archives with old records from the home comp, which are lazy to disassemble
I am sad to see in the progress bar that the opera cache has been copied for 10 minutes now.
I haven’t used it for 5 years :(

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №119641
 20.10.2015
News: Passenger flying to Dublin bite a neighbor and died
The beginning of the zombie apocalypse? Do you all have water and drinking water?

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119640
 20.10.2015
to this:
Xxx: I'm somehow out of colony on myself
Eggs sprinkled, let me say.
It smells pleasant. But I am not so
Hardened!
Yyy: Sometimes because of a big
The mind poured into the bath
The essential oil.
I was like a fucking man.
Dragon, I was sitting on a menthol.
torpedo, I was wearing around the apartment,
As a baby cat, I voted.
Ultrasound and crying.

I found a peanut butter in school. Splashed, coughed, appreciated, decided to keep. I went home to write and forgot to wash my hands. It was terrible to be a virgin for a lifetime. But since then I have always had my hands before and after.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №119639
 20.10.2015
My husband always asks for a discount. everywhere. In the store and in the restaurant. And even if it costs 2 rubles, he will ask for a discount. At least 2 cents. And even if he buys a car for $8 million, he will ask for a discount. A hundred rubles, but a discount. He likes to negotiate. And if the seller does not drop, then he can always call the manager or the owner. He always gets a discount. It is all about the desire to sell the product, respect for the customer and possible recommendations.

Your husband is a cowboy who doesn’t understand the difference between the Chinese market and the car salon.

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №119638
 20.10.2015
24-Year-Old Passenger Tasted A Man Sitting Next Door and Died

I remind you, we are about to have winter, and every walking nest turns into a piece of ice. And now we continue to drink tea under the stool and smooth the cat.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №119637
 20.10.2015
Some people believe in the Gremlins.
There are people who don’t believe in the Gremlins.
But inappropriately placed on the craving with a hook-key on the head from them get everything.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №119636
 20.10.2015
Conversation with an engineer:
- Gen, I have something boiling on the plate, that is, the temperature is 100C, right?
Wait, looking at what is boiling? If titanium is 3200°C
Damn, Gen, my chicken is boiling!! to
In the Titan?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №119635
 20.10.2015
But a perfectionist cannot be an optimist / pessimist - the glass is always filled with nibig not half.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №119634
 19.10.2015
My grandmother at 69 years old.
He lived with a broken leg for 3-4 days in the forest at -25-35.
During the day, he collected wood, supported the fire. I slept at night in this "coaster".
When found, no hypothermia or frostbite. I did not forgive)

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna