bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134501
 08.10.2016
You won’t believe...

Trade fleet of steppe Kazakhstan, small..."
News on Fifth

Kazakhstan also has a military fleet. Kazakhstan, unlike the coast of Belarus, has an exit to the Caspian Sea.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134500
 07.10.2016
I live in an industrial city. I go today, cold, raw, gray, breathing nothing. The mood corresponds - a sad word I think about what kind of hell we are still living in. And here I see a poster with a arrow, black on white "<- Your boiler is there". Everything was sold for the stove. For a few seconds I believed them.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134499
 07.10.2016
Rabinovich, your wife today has 50 and you gave her a bouquet of 30 roses. Are you sorry for 50?
What are you! My favourite shirt is 30.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №134498
 07.10.2016
An illustration of unlimited and desperate cavalry may be the behavior of the Czech King Jan of Luxembourg, who, being blind, took part in the battle. To do this, he tied himself to the seat, and his horse to the horses of two armoured men, so that they would direct the blow of his spear. They were all killed..."

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №134497
 07.10.2016
It is immediately visible who engaged with reading as a child, when the consciousness still quietly missed certain moments of fairy tales, and who continued nostalgically, when re-reading suddenly discovered a bunch of erotic hints. Moreover, folk tales and do not hint, and all in direct text, but also in the author's a lot of interesting. As a child, you don’t even think about what the “scooter” means about the star in the “Golden Cage,” and how it relates to the phrase of the king “and why do you have a virgin?” Between Ruslan and Lyudmila Nashe, All first described a very spicy scene, and then also obscurely hinted on the technical failure of Chernomore :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134496
 07.10.2016
I will probably explain:
He has been a member of her for six months, and she is not a go-go. Why not talk, since friends are so good? Ask me, what are you doing, friend?

So here’s number one: "It seemed like it couldn’t be, we’re friends. I’m not going to bother him with suspicions."
Number two: "I do not want to spoil the relationship, I will not encourage, I will calm down."

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134495
 07.10.2016
Oh, okay you, the man who writes "panayahali here to Maaskvou, go back to your muhosransk" has nothing to do with the Moscovites. Here, in the area of Mitino all such weaponry "maskovich". These are people who came yesterday from the same Mukhosransk, who bought a mortgage for 25 years, and now they swallow a page of a passport with a passport, drive for 2.5 hours in one direction for a hateful job, because they can not change - you need to quench the mortgage monthly, and they are all terribly annoyed. And in addition, they are terribly proud that they are not marketers, teachers or doctors - although, having obtained a Moscow license, they regularly apply for services to these "slugs". Probably they are accountants and lawyers)))) and generally deeply unhappy, angry and jealous people, which can be seen in every post.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134494
 07.10.2016
Andrei: With Igor Nikolayev in a dream fought
And he stole my cat.
And the sweater
Sergey is drunk. Not to drink for love.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134493
 07.10.2016
My girlfriend’s daughter is in a junior class. A dictatorship in Russian. The result is an assessment of "4". There is a mistake in the word "train". The teacher corrected the letter "m" to the letter "n". A friend, not thinking long, goes to school with a notebook to the teacher.

Q: Why did you dictate to my daughter "4"?

W: She wrote the word "train" incorrectly. Do you not see?

Q: Is it written "traNвай"?

A: Well of course! The test word "transport"!
°°•°•°•©

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №134492
 07.10.2016
Knowing Russian fairy tales by the editor of Afanasiev is about like knowing ancient Greek mythology by the book of Nicholas Kun, who created in that mythology, the absurdity rushed into the scope of suitability for the study of noble girls :)

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №134491
 07.10.2016
And it would be good if the children did not cry at a stop of decibels, but would whisper like cats.
So many nerves could be saved :)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134490
 07.10.2016
I had to rent an apartment in Simferopol for six months. I read the advertisements in the local press, I look at the options. The apartment, according to the description, was perfect. And rooms as much as you need, and like a quiet center, and repair, and cherry blossoms on the cake - a view of the river. Salgir, of course, can be called a river only a couple of months a year, but still better than the view of a market or parking lot. I come to see. The staircase at the entrance is dead, going is scary. I go in. Apartment in an old foundation. Plus, the ceiling is slightly above average. I did not like it. I am about to leave, and suddenly I remember the promised view from the window. “Where, I ask, do you have a view of the river?” The housewife said, “Then go to the toilet. There is a small window. Raise your head and look to the left. You see the bushes? “Here is the river!”

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134489
 07.10.2016
I have worked in the bank for more than five years, a lot of interesting stories happened during this time. For example, one day I go to the ATM area, a 30-year-old woman asks for help. Almost crying says that the card was blocked by the bank, and there are the last 300 rubles, they cannot be removed, the cards are no longer, there is no cash. The card is not our bank. I advise to call the call center of her bank, but she does not remember her code word, there can help nothing. Even her passport was forgotten at home, will not be accepted without it in her bank. The situation is unpleasant, and we cannot help the non-client of our bank here. And she stands, tears roll, does not know how to get home in the area now to get to children, acquaintances or relatives in Moscow, help no one. I have about 400 rubles in my back pocket. I was lying down, I wanted to go to the store for a break, I think it is better to help a person, I will not be missing. She had such eyes when I put out the money, I couldn’t believe. She asked for my phone number to write to me and left. I thought I forgot about this case, and didn't even hope for any money back, I just wanted to help the person. Colleagues told me, well you give, do anything, will not return! A week later, a SMS comes with a reimbursement of 500 rubles of the balance of the phone and a message "Thank you huge from the heart! It helped me in a difficult moment.) It was unexpected and pleasant, and then you begin to believe in the responsiveness of people.

[ + 31 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134488
 07.10.2016
“These cows, these officials, steal and steal. Apartments, cars, and they do not have enough," said Andrei Andreich, selling me a solarium for 27 rubles / l, which he squeezed from a working van.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134487
 07.10.2016
xxx: %username%, I need your help
As usual, they broke.
I removed the driver.
XXX: by chance
YYY: How is it?
xxx: @$%#@#$ as
YYY: How exactly did you do it by chance?
YYY: There are times 3 asking if you want to remove it?! to
xxx: I just didn't like the icon of this program and I deleted it

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №134486
 07.10.2016
I am not very proud of anything, but to boast - as much as you want.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №134485
 07.10.2016
My son is 4.5 years old. He does not want to go to sleep. He said, let’s play chess. By the way, he knows how to walk and rub figures, but knowledge in tactics and strategy is very lacking. I say, “Let’s go, if I win, you go to bed.” I agreed. Not especially stressed, I put him a baby mat and send him to sleep. I was so upset that I even cried a little, but I went to sleep. The next night, taking his mother as a helper, the son demands revenge.
“Son, Daddy plays well, we won’t.
We will win! Now we’re going to put Daddy Matt! My heart is full of determination.
Party has begun. At first I sat with my mom and actively walked the figures, every time threatening me that right now I will be mat. But as my mom’s figures began to melt on the board, he moved to the middle, and then went to my side.
“Well, dear, you have a mat, I say.
“Well, I told you that you and I would lose, Mom broke up.
My dad and I played, so I won. - declares my child and with the appearance of a winner goes to play with machines. And my wife and I, clogged, realize that we have a clever ass growing up at home.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134484
 07.10.2016
Human stupidity can be used to create an eternal engine.
And how?
Put a pen, write on it “Don’t turn” and all that.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134483
 07.10.2016
When I was 4 years old, I loved watching 911. Previously, there was such a thing, about various CPs, rescuers and disasters. And one day, we and the guys from the courtyard decided to repeat one episode, where firefighters stretched a special tent, and a man jumped from the window of a burning apartment.

Everything was ready. Four friends at the bottom stretched the blanket, I stood on the corner of the 3rd floor and prepared to jump.

A grandmother went by, saw this picture and asked for a jump from above to see.

WOW! There will be an adult among the spectators. This gives everything a special importance! I had to get out of the window and open the door to the old lady. At home, my grandmother calmly told me how my jump would end. She did not quarrel, did not scare me. But I was able to convince you that my flight was a very bad idea.

So, an unknown grandmother broke my career as a superstar in the yard, but saved my life.

First post, don’t bother too much :)

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134482
 07.10.2016
Why do you think everyone should live just like you? You have a decisive "no" grabbing your ass, and someone can only wait for that as the first step. And conversations in the style: "You like me, and I like you?" will be considered stupid.

Man, you are little in life beaten, if you think that in the ghostly hope that someone will like you, you can catch the ass of everyone in a row.

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