bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №72013
 24.10.2012
What kind of woman am I? She slept in the bedroom, froze, decided to stretch and break on herself, removed the rope from the rope and broke it half by half, opened the door and broke the iron cross, prepared dinner and bended the pen at the bowl!
Master of Disaster!

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №72012
 24.10.2012
I sit and click on the channels....the broadcast "all will be fine". Just watched for 2 minutes and switched from what wanted to fuck this messy host who rubbed a guy something like "don't consult with parents, run away from them"...there is a need to ban, not cartoons.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №72011
 24.10.2012
all
We are looking for a place for the new year.
Tamara
Have you found anything?
all
I have a couple of ideas, but it’s already so full, shit ?
Tamara
Everyone wipes up, if they wipe.
all
The pigeons came to me.)
They’re also crazy ?
Two things
I sat in the bedroom behind the comp and went to the kitchen - and here I encounter them in the hallway.
They went through the balcony, they went through the living room and they went like this.
As you correctly say, the wicked.
I was scared and ran back.)

[ + 57 - ] Comment quote №72010
 24.10.2012
I sleep, next to the second half is satisfied, my pillow shows me good stories and...
What is not so.
I raise my head, I shake my head, fucking! Robots are attacking. I catch the torch and hide them from all the doors.
As the firefighters later told, they went out on the challenge, stumbled into the neighboring apartment with the fire, the door is not closed, we see, such an idyll - a sweet couple sleeps, here you woke up, rounded your eyes, grabbed the torcher and broke on us with a wild scream, we were well trained and quickly ringed.
Well, and the picture "They met in the entrance", there are neighbors, firefighters and I am like that, all out of clothes, only a torch in my hands. Gogol, with his silent scene resting.

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №72009
 24.10.2012
It is a long-awaited Tuesday - aftermorrow is the last day of the working week.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №72008
 24.10.2012
My wife works as a nurse in a clinic.
Following her words.
The call comes to the post - calls the patient - an old very cute grandfather of 96 years of age, a former captain of an ocean ship, and now a retired with a light Alzheimer's disease. I go into his chamber. Grandfather asks to bring him an apple from the closet, because he himself moves already with difficulty and therefore mostly lies in bed. I bring him an apple, make sure he eats it carefully and leave his room.
A minute after 10 again a call from my grandfather, I go to him, I take the call button from his hand. Grandpa is interested in the weather on the street (seems to have thought of a walk). I describe him in detail the weather, the grandfather thanks, I leave the room.
It takes about 15 minutes and again a call from the grandfather appears on the control. I enter the chamber, take the call button from his hand and learn that he wanted to ask something, but already forgot and apologizes. We crawl, I go out.
Shortly after, my grandfather called again. I go in and wonder what he wants this time, and Grandpa asks:
“Daughter, here’s the button that I periodically press, why is it?! to

R. S. She is a Japanese nurse, a clinic in Tokyo.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №72007
 24.10.2012
Everyone has their own recipe for happiness. On the ceiling is written, “Tomorrow I’ll eat.” Every morning when I wake up, I see this inscription and think: well, tomorrow, not today.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №72006
 24.10.2012
XXX: on Thursday I wait for the installers to connect to the inuit
How about the guests?
XXX: The Evening
Instead of working...
Do you want to tell your grandmother?
Xxx: Grandma, the boys will come to repair the internet. When they are done - proping the default, proping the googl, go to www.ru, if they do not drive, show them the track and tell them that they are ugly? )
YYY: But throw the boys’ faces when their grandmother tells them that the default isn’t pinching?

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №72005
 24.10.2012
The Russian Post is...
But the office at our enterprise first prints emails from the corporate box, then registers them in the journal, puts a stamp with the incoming... And a day later another paper comes to the address...

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №72004
 24.10.2012
If a dragon has an erection in flight, he turns around.
YYY: In what way?
The blood was in the body and moved somewhere else. There was an initial, small turn. Because of the displacement of the surfaces, the angle of the wing’s attack changes, the flight is sharply destabilized due to the difficulty of predicting nonlinear and non-state turbulent flows.
Therefore, while flying, dragons try to think of the eternal. That, in turn, became the basis of legends about their wisdom.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №72003
 24.10.2012
I have a few
My favorite films:
1st Where where
Johnny Depp in his hat.
2nd Where Seagal
Everyone gets one.
Three Where at the end
The film shows during
Jackie Chan’s filming.
broke
4 is Where Nicholas Cage is bad
Playing
5 is Chuck Norris is unreal.
cool
6 is Where is Arnold Schwarzenegger
Speak a certain phrase.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №72002
 24.10.2012
The lesson 1.
Learn to cook Chinese cuisine.
Choose a recipe for the dish you liked.
Add 1 head of garlic and replace salt with 500g. Soya sauce
You have learned to cook Chinese dishes, congratulations!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №72001
 24.10.2012
Q: What, are there aquarium heaters without a thermoregulator?
by Aha. The boilers

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №72000
 24.10.2012
About the fast-service restaurant:
Within half an hour, my girlfriend and I both felt a severe stomach upset. They were forced to go home urgently. We ate a sandwich "pork barbecue" + pepsi. be careful. Ruslan from the toilet.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №71999
 24.10.2012
I study with my girlfriend in the office. It happened that we were left for a day without the supervision of the elders.
Well, once such a labyrinth invited the best friend to kill together. While we were waiting for him, Natashka and I started aboutsexual games. What about CHO? The Chamber is empty.
Serega appeared in the right place when Natasha followed me with a healthy enema — she tried to lick.
Well, I’m in the hazard behind Sereg – "Save me! The best friend!"
And he looked so strangely at the cliché and said:
You also know that I am ready to close you from the bullet with the body, but it’s...". and went out.

Natasha and I are stupid.
And only a minute later I remember that he recently had two weeks in the hospital with poisoning. Probably not all that he told me.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №71998
 24.10.2012
AkaTigra: "Ukrpost" fired all the management of the department in Dnipropetrovsk for theft of coft.
3-14: you wait, in a couple of days will write that the Ukrpost has closed this department.
Muravey: and shot all the staff.
AkaTigra: and burned
Headquarters of Dnipropetrovsk.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №71997
 24.10.2012
PortalX3: The processor is worn out
Jurassic: Beer, vodka and cigarettes wear off liver and lungs. I did not notice that anyone was stopping it.
Cybertronik: I do not drink, I do not smoke, I do not speed up.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №71996
 24.10.2012
(◕‿‿◕) was renamed to (◐ ‿ ◑)
(◐ ‿ ◑): Well his naffig, it’s your tride

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №71995
 24.10.2012
I am a recruitment specialist at the bank. I keep a different heresy from the summary, I decided to share:
"Computer skills and knowledge: Contact"
I like to observe people and their reactions to various stimuli, often experimenting myself in causing reactions.
I do not smoke, do not drink, do not smoke. I don’t know what humour is."
"Debits of the Company: (Cassor)
Greeting customers, asking customers if the customer has a discount card, offering a package.
"Stripping company in St. Petersburg. Insurance
Position duties and achievements: Pv insuranceproduction product"
"Desired Position: Actor"
"I have been working in the sales sector for three years, where there is no salary! If it’s you, call us "
"I want to be more independent, so work will not hurt"
"Development of projects "The key"
As for personal qualities... Without excessive modesty, I can call myself a responsible and executive man.
Organization of staff work, control of the performance of tasks, work with guests of the restaurant (greeting, planting, farewell...)
"Specialty: Director of Recreation."
"01.2004 - I continue to work, OOO Oriflame Cosmetics - Recruitment and training of staff
Creative work on the search for people-diamonds in the sea of office plankton.
"Key skills: to sell"

by donna.j

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №71994
 23.10.2012
3 hours of night. I translate text for the site about excellent, soft, elastic, elastic mattresses and beautiful pillows "for a good healthy sleep"... Chinese torture((

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