bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №134321
 03.10.2016
Chuvak, I found a pure Russian transport company!
YYY: How is it?
We received 2 goods. So this transport company broke one cargo, the other lost.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134320
 03.10.2016
Two young men decided that role-playing games were a win-win and became mosquitoes. They fly into the camp to the elves and say, “We are mosquitoes, let’s eat you, or let’s bite you.” Elves by nature have no sense of humor, they are not given, so they gave them to eat. After 3 hours, the mosquitoes flew to people, history repeated itself. And everything would be remarkable if one day they didn’t fly to the orcs. They said the crown phrase: “We are mosquitoes, let us eat, otherwise we will bite.” Suddenly a voice came out of the tent: “The mosquitoes don’t bite at all, but SUSUT.” What happened next with the "mosquitoes", history is silent.

[ + 26 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134319
 03.10.2016
Neighbors on the top every morning start having sex, on a scratched, scratching sofa. At first it froze. Now I turn on the second meter))) I lie down and rju. The man swallowed for four minutes. Recent record was: 5.45

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134318
 03.10.2016
The client will consult,
The psychologist touches – the client stays.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №134317
 03.10.2016
At home, in order not to lose my passport, I put it in a prominent place, and for the third day I can not find this spot.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №134316
 03.10.2016
I was offered to have sex with a nineteen-year-old girl today, but in exchange I had to advertise some dishwasher. I refused: I am a man of high moral principles with a strong willpower. Just as powerful as Ajax, a super powerful pipe cleaner! Now available with the smell of scented lemon or vanilla!

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134315
 03.10.2016
And many mothers buy baby water, it's like ordinary water from a filter, only in bottles from the store and 15 times more expensive.
222: Well, it is probably something there for children enriched.
I don’t know about water, but its producers are enriched with the money of the buyers.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134314
 03.10.2016
Xenia: Being a programmer is good - you can earn during maternity leave! and :)
Basilmak: in the Massaal of the VC of the respected NIH falshpol lifted the cables to transfer and found deposits of rubber products preventing maternity leave. tk. машzal was with a serious admission, in the magazine everyone was easy to see when in the night shifts there gender couples of programmers remained, after which 3 family couples in the team divorced.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134313
 03.10.2016
Of course, the gentleman was Tomato's wretch and exploiter when he expelled Uncle Tykva from the house. But, on the other hand, where is the cadastral passport and what is the Roma self-construction?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134312
 03.10.2016
There are often stories of anecdotal nature about what was stolen, say, a package of biomaterial for analysis. Something like this happened to me.

We have an eagle. He doesn’t fly, we feed him, he’s our bird. Since the donkeys are meat-eaters, I buy him frozen daily chickens. In the poultry factory, which prepares chickens, cockroaches are not needed, they are sold alive, freshly bitten or already frozen for food to predators. And for barley, such food is more useful, and cheaper than store meat.

And here is a bag with two kilograms of dead chickens from me today picked up by some guy, and squeezed away. I really hope that this fool, discovering the contents of the bag, will think that there is a terrible curse on it now.)))

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №134311
 03.10.2016
Why is pumping a game character up to 80 lbs through all the burdens cool, and when it comes to a real family, many people prefer to start over and over again? or multi-accounts to open.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №134310
 03.10.2016
In the tram, I paid attention to one conductor.

Everything in it was not like it, except a bag and a dirty bag, for tickets and money.

The first man. Expensive clothes, shoes and watches. Everyone smiled and said, please. It was evident from everything that his work was very pleasant and not punishable as it often happens.

I think of myself, maybe the crisis is really angry that such people have gone away.

The man I was curious, did not resist, approached and just asked:

Do you look like a conductor?

He smiled as if he was waiting for that.

As a child, I had a dream of being a conductor, but it didn’t happen. I turned, for the wheel, did things, there was no time, I do not remember when I was in public transportation. And here, here I came on vacation, and what it was, if not now, then when. I agreed with the boss and my dream came true. I'll go home tomorrow, but I'll tell you, I haven't experienced such emotions for a long time. Okay, I have to work.

Pulling me on the shoulder, he went on to give smiles and as I suspect receiving much more than words can describe.

And yet the dreams come true...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134309
 03.10.2016
XXX: I want'secret materials' completely from the point of view of the Rock: no special effects and nonsense, just a fucking partner sometimes brings everything to the morge.

YYY: This was a pleasure of the House series from Kaddi. No one dies anywhere, just a fucking doctor makes some shit.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134307
 03.10.2016
In the year 83, airfields were built in the Mongolian People's Republic. It was very interesting, of course.
Indicative sample barracks (2nd place in 1982 according to the ZABVO), an electric tea in the household, a closet of the senior for the night seals. Why the Tea? Because after the fight, the warriors start to cook the "ball" - very strong tea + condensed milk. So, the closet was just removed from the wall, the cupboard was removed, used and put back.

P.S Comrade Yushin, the senior officer of Yushin! All the hundreds of child fools respected you as a father! And we turned on the TV with a stick of handcuffs.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №134306
 03.10.2016
From the Gifts Forum

And then my future husband gave me such a gift that I barely sat down. We returned from the store through the park and watched rats ride on the bank of the stream and here, when I turned, he grabbed one of them and eats "Look what I caught for you!!I’m just an officer! He throws it in my hands, I throw it back, and then it comes to me that the rats are dead! She does not move! My husband raises her up and throws her back into my chest again - here I couldn't stand it - I fell straight down the track and began to roar in the whole voice. I thought you would be nice!" It turned out that he did not throw a rat to me, but a plush enot, about the size of a rat and the same gray color, like wanted to depict that a live enot I caught (bought, until I saw, in the store) only I did not understand this, because I was without glasses.
I then could not calm down all the way home, I walked and cried after the horror experienced.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134305
 03.10.2016
It is hard for a woman to be the first, it is much harder to be the last.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №134304
 03.10.2016
It’s not just about writing funny things. I want to share the history of our family. blockade of Leningrad. On the Lermontovsky Avenue lived the family of my ancestors. Father, mother, and two daughters 17 and 21 years old. My father (my great-grandfather) went out one winter with cards for the bread and did not return, like many in the years of the blockade. They were waiting for him and for the bread.
And he does not go. And there is a bell at the door: the grandmother opens: there is a woman who is as weak as she is.
And he says that your husband died, froze, took him (this is believed to be buried in Piskarevka), with him the cards of bread were found. I brought them to you!! The grandmother looks at her and cannot believe: that a hungry man in a hungry time brought the card of the deceased to the family. So it was her nobleness that shook to the depths of her soul that he said, “Thank you, take your cards.” Gave it back. could not take.
I remembered this woman all my life, surprised by her moral purity. I survived the blockade with my daughters, one of them was my grandmother. From there my family went. I don’t know the name of this righteous woman. A tribute to her descendants.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №134303
 03.10.2016
Judging by the thickness, the lying policeman was at least in the rank of a major.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134302
 03.10.2016
Sorry for the off-top, advise books on the subject of social engineering, psychology, manipulation, pressure on people. thank you.
I sell a hypnotic costume.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №134301
 03.10.2016
by Dairy
After the message from my mother-in-law that she had a tattoo on her eyebrows, her son nodded his head:
- Oh these tattoos... I wonder what it will look like when my mom gets older and the wrinkles go away?

P.S Motherhood 94 years.

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