I had a classmate, not the tallest and the thickest in the class. All the years I’ve known her, she’s always said she’s losing weight. The classmate decided to help her with motivation and proposed a dispute: 3 months remained before graduation and, if she does not lose weight by this time to 60kg, then he himself will break her skin right at graduation. She agreed, all witnessed, shrugged hands. The next day she came, laughed, said, told her father about this dispute, and he said:

My daughter will not only be fat, but also thin.

I went to the cafe with my husband to eat. made an order. Since I can’t eat without bread, I ordered a few slices. When I received the order, I didn’t notice there was no bread. Then I call the waitress:

Sorry, you didn’t bring me bread.

Grisha has already gone to the store.

Meeting a smart woman only two days is interesting, and then pulls to fools.

Dreams

There lived in Israel an ordinary, hairy, domestic boy Nathan and he had a dream - to wait for his adulthood and to make a parachute jump.
I even spent money on weekly courses.
And then came that long-awaited first adult day. The joyful Nathan arrived at the nearest air club, but the instructor carefully examined the potential student, congratulated him on his birthday and said - as he cut off:

Sorry, but we won’t take you. Weak muscles of the legs and with poor reaction. No is. The matter is not a joke, if anything, then in the best case, the whole will break, and answer us. Sorry but not.

But Nathan did not despair, turned around and went to another parachute club, but only in the second and third, as in evil, the same thing repeated, word in word.
A week later, when the guy had traveled around all the air clubs he knew, he surrendered. Almost gave up. Realizing that the independent jump does not shine for him, he decided to jump at least in tandem with the instructor, but also awaited a "brake". Nathan again began to beat the thresholds of the airclubs, but everywhere he was put on the weights, sadly turned his head, handed out his hands and said, "103 - it's a little lot. For tandem, the maximum weight is 90. “Sorry, but not again.”
The dream slowly but surely broke apart.
When Nathan left the last air club, he was suddenly caught by an instructor on the street and said:

Don’t worry, life doesn’t end here. By the way, you were near Haifa, everywhere? There are many parachute spaces.
- Of course there was, everywhere the same: either the reaction is slowed down, or the weight for the tandem is large. You think one hundred and three, my acquaintance weighs one hundred and twenty and she jumped with the instructor. What is the reaction? I’m driving, the reaction is enough. Okay and goodbye.
Do you know, you were in Beer-Sheva?
Of course was.
- Oh, and you were there... Well, okay, was – was not, since this is the case, I will help you, only promise that this conversation will remain between us. Here’s the address of one club, there you’ll pass the five-day courses quietly, and you’ll jump well alone. The club, indeed, is very small and very far in the north, but most likely your mother doesn’t know about it.

The United States has a president but no prime minister.
Britain has a prime minister, but no president.
Why do we have two?

A man with a gun can rob a bank, a bank with interest on loans can rob the whole country.

Watch whose handhelds are you connecting your iPhones to!
xxxh: I was thinking here - all, I drank when my magnetol in the car said to me ale))))

Q: How did you learn to play guitar? The selfie?
tn is youtuber.

Praised his wife for skillful handles, economics and active creation of comfort. She, thoughtfully stumbling out, says:

Yes, not every ball gets its matroskin.

I don't know how in your cities and in your childhood, and in my city and in my (Soviet) childhood, bottles of 0.5 of lemonade or beer were called "cheburash".
We were told by a chemistry teacher who came to our city by distribution after the institute, how the stupor fell from what was seen in the
Advertising store: "Pets are accepted in unlimited quantities".

After visiting the cemetery (going to grandmother and grandfather), the parents decided that the next time you will have to take more salt and a knife with you. If I hadn't been with them then, I would have thought they had an interesting secret life :D

I cannot write:
/////////////////////////////////////
How long will you drag young children to movies 16+ and above? You don’t want your kids to grow up as psychopaths, but you drag an eight-year-old child into an adult movie. There is nakedness, blood and violence on the screen. But it does not stop you!
///////////////////////////////////
a few years ago in theaters was such a movie "muwi 43", I do not remember what was the rating, but the movie is very cool and very funny. And here despite the rating some couple of young parents decided to go to this movie with the child. Even the administrators came to them late, who explained very convincingly that there was no place for the child here. But these minors with hygiatry said that modern children are already aware of everything and nothing terrible will happen to the child.
But when the movie began (if I’m not mistaken, in one story Hugh Jackman appeared with eggs on his neck, in another the bridegroom wanted to smite the bride, etc.) this hearing was already quieter and more modest. They did not sit until the end of the film.
To be honest, I even what they dropped.

In the blogs came the phrase "we moved from Decartov "I think, therefore I exist" to "I feel, and therefore shut down"";

The Euro Network. Mother and daughter come in and get in line at the box office. My mom asks if they put on the MTs. The daughter replies, “Mom, they put it on everyone!”

Because of the increasing cases of "desert" the window in the male toilet of the ZAGS was shut down.

The news:
The former General of Drug Control was appointed as the temporary head of the Chuvashia Road Administration.

The commentary:
Looking at our roads, even in the Chuvas government realized that drug control will not hinder our road drivers.

Walked with his wife on a large building market, could not find "boys" from the same department. They came to their desk, the computer, the phones are lying, the keys are some. A guard was sleeping nearby. At our question, he said, “Yes, they’re going somewhere here. He wrapped his hand in the air and fell asleep again.
We came to the table again. They waited, they waited... Suddenly, the wife whispered loudly and asked: “Honey, there is a video camera here?”" The security guard suddenly woke up, came down and brought the missing boy.

And the fund itself will settle the relationship with alimony owners, the organization will do it easier than a private person. But who will do that... you are there somehow. Hold on...
— — —
We have hundreds, if not thousands of such funds... There is EVERYTHING calculated... Wages, awards, staff of lawyers, taxes... EVERYTHING, except the payments themselves... For example, the Russian copyright society :)

A very cheerful father named his son Jehovah to cheer over his witness at the wedding.

My dear brother, start from the beginning:

Could it start with the fact that an adult aunt would be good to think with a strong head before giving birth to a fool? I do not believe that everyone should be born. Is there a shortage of fools in this country?

I fell in love with you, married with you, and then "it’s too hard" – is it how to see from the beginning? Well, according to your logic, if the guy is foolish and moldy, then maybe he should also think before running ahead of the demonstration to strike a child? It's always my grandmother's fault in everything (I didn't see the fool in time!And she has all the consequences.