bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №132239
 17.08.2016
Interestingly, what would be the results of the elections if the ballots were not the surnames of the Russians, but “For the Yacht of Sechin”, “For the plane of Shuvalov” and “For the poor retirement until the end of your days”?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №132238
 17.08.2016
My neighbor drove me out of the village this weekend. He took his grandmother to town, and we too. At first he told me that his cat was missing, three days did not appear. Then he went on to watch a television show about how Americans chiped cats in the USSR so that they could listen to what Soviet residents said in the kitchen. But don’t take into account, fools-Americans, that the cat walks on its own! Okay, we smiled with his grandmother and looked around, but then he switched to another topic. The chip! You know we’ll all be chipped soon! Our brains will not belong to us. It all starts in 18 months, in 17 years (???And we will rot these chips alive. INN is just the beginning of experience. We have already started to open c it. I said that after a year and a half from the FMS for the papers that need to be collected in order to get a paper for the paper, I agree that these chips should be implanted in every place they want. He started screaming that we were brainwashed, we are already zombies, and he will never go to chip. He spoke as if the chip had been pushed into his ass. They reassured him, they said that in a state that is based on corruption, this will never be done.
by 12:33:47
This person works as deputy director of the firm, rides on a new lexus, just built a two-storey mansion next to us, his annual income is around two million. I am afraid to live in this society.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132237
 17.08.2016
XXX with a cigarette
Please don’t be sorry, or you’ll live longer than me.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №132236
 17.08.2016
Okelia: Some people took my brain from me yesterday, and you took it back! thank you!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №132235
 17.08.2016
One of my friends told me in secret.
He said that if he was to fuck only the cute ones, then without sex and will suck.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132234
 17.08.2016
If you believe the Yandex schedules, 14 buses go daily on the route Kostroma - Galic. Reverse not one. It seems, now I know where the first teleport in Russia worked.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №132233
 17.08.2016
Let’s buy cinematic TVs, or the new generation of cats will never sleep on them!
The warm lamps.
XXX is yes! Soon the cat will be cut in half.
YYY: Soon we’ll just stick the telephones on the wall like wallpapers.
XXX: What are the requirements now for the alignment of walls?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132232
 17.08.2016
This is called schizophrenia.
vakudzasi: When others bring one person to the pen, it is replaced by another.
Vakuudzasi: So that the first doesn’t kill all the naked

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №132231
 17.08.2016
The Grammar Nazis

"not regardless of..." vs "not regardless of..."

If we are talking about the eyes, then separately (mnemonic: because the anatomical eyes we also have are separate):

I can paint from memory, regardless of the original.

If you can replace it with "opposite", then it is fused (mnemonic: because "opposite" is fused)

I can draw despite the absence of hands: I hold a brush in my mouth or my feet.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №132230
 17.08.2016
The news:
"Love with a starfall in Almaty ended in mass sex orgia"
The commentary:
"Who else is against the return of astronomy to school programs?"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №132229
 17.08.2016
I raise 150 from the floor.
Weight of 55.
There were weak chickens who thought that everything around them was the same rotten shit as they were.
– is
I pick up a truck on a small. Weight of 47.
After all, everyone knows that the average girl lifts 150 kilograms and a truck on the small, and all the others (about 90%) are crumbling shit.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №132228
 17.08.2016
My grandmother decided to move the closet. For three days, my grandfather’s brain was composed, the day they fought, the day they didn’t talk. Then she put on a cloth and started pulling it by herself. The grandfather stood up, cried out, “Well, fool, you’ll shake your back,” called the neighbor and moved the closet. Then he ran to his neighbor for a bottle and drank it with him, the next day he suffered from a sting. Then it was again Monday and the grandmother decided to hang the shelf. As I expected, I hanged the regiment myself. I have never seen such insult in the eyes of the elderly! My grandmother did not drink, my grandfather did not drink on Saturday. The neighbor looked at Koso, asking if I would be home soon. Two months in the village. I no longer interfered in the natural course of events.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №132227
 17.08.2016
I used to think that people on all the TV shows there with Malakhov go shit and foam because of every little thing, because they are paid for it, but seeing how you arrange the same here and absolutely free, I come to the conclusion that everything is much easier and all these people are really fools.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132226
 17.08.2016
The best anti-virus is Moscow
2nd I’ve never heard of Anivir Moscow.
2nd Where did you find this Moscow?
2nd I killed Moscow.
2nd Flying tickets to Moscow

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №132225
 17.08.2016
From comments on GeekTimes:

xx: It’s a pity that Google is steadily ignoring Windows Mobile. But the operating device in principle is not bad, the third most popular in the world.
yy: We need to say not the third most popular, but 0.7% of the market. Then such questions will not arise.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132224
 17.08.2016
The Russian series is something. I encountered once on the series: there is a wedding, the wedding is led by a cute girl, everything seems normal, competitions, dances. Then I was distracted for half an hour, I came, I watched, and this girl was released from prison on amnesty.? to

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №132223
 16.08.2016
Aeroflot Moscow-Tyumen regular night flight. Preparing for take-off, the stewardesses make a joke about emergency exits, seat belts and oxygen masks, passengers have zero attention, because most are already cut off. The fact that the captain of the ship did not communicate with the passengers before the take-off, of course, nobody paid attention. We sit in Tyumen, the plane begins to brake, and here a pleasant female voice is heard from the speakers:
- Dear passengers, says the ship's captain Natalia Gagarin, our aircraft landed at the Roshino airport of the city of Tyumen, local time...., temperature.... and so on.
In the cabin began to spread dissatisfied male outcry: “If I knew that the pilot was a woman, I would never sit down!” "", "what silly!", "this should be immediately warned!" and so on. The plane rushes to the parking lot, and the dissatisfied outcry is already replaced by thoughtful phrases: "no, well, they were flying well...", "and sat gently...", "men, and she even parked normally!and "
See also Natalia Gagarin.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132222
 16.08.2016
Take your mom in the hole! What a Frenchman the hell knows how many years ago our girls wrapped the boxes to carry, what he complained about in space, and sent. I need to move the closet. But a naphira? If Seroga’s husband+neighbor was chasing for spilled beer much more efficiently? and faster. A child I and 20 kilograms of weight can lift, and even carry, but not for a long time, and not sleeping.For small missing, but already heavy children, special devices for carrying have been invented. A bag of potatoes will be delivered. Do you want to help the girl pull the box? Therefore, it is inappropriate to irritate the weak sex. Speak straight - we are weak, weak, we cannot lift anything heavier than a glass. Women can do it themselves. The question is, who is the weak sex?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132221
 16.08.2016
When Usain Bolt is late on the bus, he is waiting for him at the next stop.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №132220
 16.08.2016
I have a story under two shit.
I had to rest, go to the bushes to write, cut off both legs with bottle pieces buried in the sand, apparently in order to punish people like me.
My friend, a gentle fairy who even gave a beach bag to a man, touched me to the campsite on the back. All my 60 kg! Like partisans in movies, honest word.
Nothing fell out and did not fall out, except one phrase "I and vodka can drink, and I can collect the closet, only why all know about it?"

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