In a familiar office, serious positions are recruited from all over the country, so candidates are met at the airport, taken to a hotel, then for an interview, etc. Ordinary car with driver from a transport company. The nuance is that the driver actually works in the staffing department of the office, which helps to filter out too much of them even before a serious interview.

It was 6 years ago. I rested in Sochi. I lived in an apartment with a large bed. Next to the bed there were 2 covered tubes on which the lights stood (this is important).

After resting and walking around the city, he took a little wine and in the evening watching TV "condemned" him. I do not remember asleep.

I dreamed that someone took my hand and dragged me into the sea. I stand up and I don’t go. It lasted about an hour in the sleep.

Suddenly, this entity that dragged me into the sea suddenly let me go. And I wake up from the fact that someone dropped the lamp from the tub. At that moment, I was thrown into the heat and a little “Poperdolilo”. I jumped up sharply and began to look into the darkness without realizing what was going on. At some point (per my brain hasn’t awakened yet) I decided to wipe my eyes and look into the dark.

And as soon as I thought about it, I got a tough “LIP” straight on my face.

I specifically "Poperdolil" at this point and started to get up, and then I realized that my right hand is missing. I do not feel her. Trying again to reach the lamp on the second tub, I realized that I was missing. It started to get a hard tingling in the hand and it became horribly funny.

Then I realized that when I fell asleep I hand over. In a dream, she fell on a covering tub and removed the lamp. And when I was trying to wipe my eyes, the numb hand gave me a "Lash".

I sat a long time and shrugged my hand. It was funny, but it was scary.

Xxx: I had when the rottweiler was, I woke him so quietly whispering on his ear "walking", he began to pull his legs and tail, but slept )) then a couple of times, and when he, encountered, not understandably looked at me, thinking in a dream that he heard it or it was in reality, I turned around and did see that nothing happened. He stood up, walked and tried to look in his eyes, where the question was read, "Master, did I dream this?" (It was very funny

Once a long time ago, in the early 90s, when almost no one had cell phones, and everyone used stationary city phones, I bought a phone with an auto-responder.

At that time, the stucco was new, strange, and many, hearing the voice of the respondent, did not record who it was and for what reason it was ringing, but were frightened and threw the phone.

You used to come home in the evening, for example, you have 7 new records, you turn on PLAY, and there are consistently recorded short slides.

It was horrible)

And then one day I called somewhere, but at the same time I got the wrong number, and got on the same car respondent. Well, I also automatically put on the phone, did not say anything.

I laid the phone, and imagined how the owner would come in the evening, like me, to listen to the recordings, and there were short bands, and how it was angry.

In other words, I was ashamed.

I call again on the last number (the REDIAL button), I listen to the greeting, I went the recording, I greet and I begin to explain what I said so and so, I was wrong with the number, I apologize, and the previous time I called too, and all that.

And at that end, suddenly they remove the phone and a vivid voice says: Well, that’s the same!

Evil is the impasse that does not dream of becoming a tunnel.

A success story for you? I have them.

I’ve written about the aunt here. She loves to get stuck in all sorts of stories, and so cleverly that she flaps the shit and everyone around her and still has to solve her problems.
This is a very recent story.

The case takes place in Germany. There is a maid in my apartment, not far from us.
tk. She may be bored, she loves to call me and my wife at any time of the day. The conversation begins as follows: “Oooooohayjj, уууумираю, call the daughter!”
And then talk with calm for an hour or two. I would have believed her if I had not known that my grandmother loves to lie and simulate.

And here's the phone call in the evening, just after Malakhov, or what she's looking there. “Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh“”
And the "doc" takes the bathroom, which I told her and that the psychological unloading phone is temporarily unavailable.
Immediately sprinkles from the tube, “How do you talk to your wife’s mother?” Give her a phone right away!! And all this with lukewarms.

We have not been together with her lately. I recently left a grandfather Alfons who took her money. And it came to me when she came to me with the request, "Zyatek, give me money."
Well, this is another story.

I asked, are you really dying? Immediately the tone from the boycott-aggressive is changed to the "dying swan."
Once you die, help will come. I called an ambulance.

The story was told to me by a police officer in the area.

The ambulance quickly arrived at the address. The aunt, thinking that it was her "daughter" opened the door, where she was taken into circulation - like they went to the hospital.

Here we have to say that the ambulance in Germany does not deal with treatment (with rare exceptions) - there are sanitarians, whose task is to bring the patient, preferably alive, to doctors to the hospital.

The mother-in-law at the sight of the sanitarians fell into rage, scattered them like cats and threw them out of the apartment.
Well, the sanitarians suffered bleeding, rejoiced that they did not bite and said with a clear conscience - not our profile and called an ambulance from a psychiatrist.
They came, courteously knocked on the door, and when it did not open, they called the police. The police quickly joined - in response silence - the grandmother hid.
Now it is impossible to let the matter go on its own, suddenly the grandmother lies in the apartment unconscious? They called the firefighters to break the door. When they opened the door and asked Grandma to go out, she naturally opened up.

Well, word by word, the sister at the table, agreed that the grandmother kicked the policeman, which Tom did not like very much.
This is how the grandmother was broken on the painful, wearing handcuffs and hands - the legs were taken out of the house and thrown into the police lunar vehicle. And not from the first attempt - she managed to strike there on all sides, but what can a weak, elderly woman do in opposition to the roaring police officers with rubber bows? I don’t know why the police took her, not the psychic.

Late in the evening, the phone rings, the wife comes. The wife's eyes are rounded, the tube wraps matts on the whole apartment.
In general, the hooligan was tainted with the use of violence. Somehow, the lawyer flattered, but had to pay a fine not chilly.
Who was at last to blame, guess?
One thing I now understood with certainty - if the grandmother was barely twisted by 4 dozen men, and even the crowns were received simultaneously, then to death she is still oh how far!

by Aibo

A terrifying fact of racism has been revealed: Black humor is much more funny than African-American.

I am 14 years old, competing in the field of sambo.

I take the 2nd place in the area and joyfully run into the dressing room with the medal, throw it in the bag, throw off the pieces and run into the shower with the towel. (There was a lot of people there, so those who went to the competition will understand me)

And there, 8 girls 18+... (interrupted the dressing room foreigners).

It’s been almost 20 years, and I still have those nice memories :)))

P.S No, I did not leave :)

xxx: I once got into a cool group of women’s stuff for 100,500 subscribers in VK. And directly in the first record on behalf of the administration found five mistakes. Right under this record left a comment that it is not so beautiful, smart and cool as they position themselves, girls make such mistakes, they are read. What I was directly there answered in the style of "I went on the shit, we do not write dictates here, we are engaged in casmetec" And there were more than 100 such answers, no fool from this group supported me. And then it fell in the face. I was so in shoah that I blocked this fucking group. In the damn of these beautiful, I will be friends with the terrible, but literate.



Yyy: "I will be friends with the terrible, but literate."

The guys have a chance!



Zzzz: But not for you. Five missed

xx1: I’m always roaring when I go to the classical dress section at Wildberry, where this pseudo-Italian shit is a pond pond.

Toni Hueti, Dino Govnici, Carlo Zalupini and so on.

Why do they invent these Italian names for brands? Business model of some grandparents from the market.



xx2: Many are rolling, such as Carlo Pazolini, Incanto, Zolla



And everybody knows they’re Russian.



xx4: Some do not know and think that we are not producing anything.



xx5: So it is not mainly manufactured, it is ordered in China, and we have stamps sewn.



xx6: Birks are also sewing in China



xx7: Well, the price is exactly our hanging



xx8: No, sellers from Central Asia



Q9: Do you buy them?



X10: No

It will be bad, go ahead. I love to be angry.

I lived with my wife in Venice for a week. Right on the second street from San Marco, in a cozy and luxurious hotel, where there was only one inexpensive room under the roof, with which we were lucky then. We got up early in the morning and went to the sleeping city. There was a sense of some unreality of what was happening when you wander here alone on deserted streets and squares where even pigeons are not yet.
We walked so long, for two or three hours, until the garbage dealers began to knock their chariots, collecting bags of garbage, that they were dropped from the windows and balconies right on ropes with clamps. Funny, by the way, the spectacle.
Those who have been here not as part of a one-day tour, but lived here for at least a few days, know that at different times of the day this is absolutely different city.
In the morning, Venice still lives by herself, she wakes up, opens her famous bedrooms, greets neighbors, breakfasts, walks dogs, takes boats to school and goes to work. By that time, all the central streets and squares are already tightly filled with the noisy outdoors of tourists. Thro the day they are continuously photographing and selfieing, because the best nature for this activity is simply not to be found. The city is really very generous, it delights all its guests, any view here is beautiful, any photo is unbeatable.
The real Venice returns only in the evening, when it is finally left by the turbulent crowds of visitors and the locals go out to talk and dine, taking seats in cafes and restaurants, children chase the ball in front of churches on deserted squares, the channels cease to be transport arteries and the water in them quietly wraps, reflecting the yellow light of the lights.
In general, the morning and evening are very special hours for this city.
That morning we crossed the Academy Bridge and walked around the Dorsoduro area. Through the narrow streets and bridges we went to the incredible beauty of the temple of Santa Maria della Salute with the entrance in the form of a triumphal arc, then reached the very edge of this area-utyug and went back.
And then suddenly the next thing happens - a young Chinese woman runs to meet us and screams something, and then a healthy fat Chinese is carried with a stick in her hand. Moreover, it is not a typical small Pokémon, but such a huge versilla, like some bad guy from Bondiana. Worse than cabbage and cabbage combined.
The situation is up, go up! The wife is already whispering, you need to do something, and do something in such cases especially and nothing.
I miss the Chinese, I get up in the stand, not my category, but the weight and nothing, if you pierce in the beard, then all the norm, who knows. The other thing is that physics hasn't been cancelled, you won't find it, so it will be removed.
And then he, apparently noticing something or feeling something, brakes and begins to run dangerously around me, shouting confusedly, "Sandrajs!" Showing me somewhere behind my back.
I turn around, and the beauty is beautiful. Directly behind us, the sun appeared to be a peak, making the view of the Venetian Lagoon simply stunning.
The Chinese friendly rushed to the edge, stood up against the backdrop of the pink rising, beginning to photograph feverishly with their selfie stick. And we, waving them for goodbye, went back to the hotel under the usual complaints of the spouse in the fact that I am forever rushing on strangers.
But as they say, I would have been as smart before my grandmother after.

c) The Robot

From the interview with V. V. Putin:
We have launched a vaccine against SOVID-19.
I tried it on my daughter and Alexei Navalny. Effectiveness is 50 to 50.

A friend called, said, come to me, take the debt. The money I needed was urgent, I called a taxi, and once I got a taxi, it was decided to take my wife and son 4 years, and go to the supermarket at the same time. Lanos, the grey, has arrived, a million of them are riding through our city. The wife and son in the rear seat are silent, I am next to the driver, knock on the phone, knock the address specified by a friend. I come to the agreed place, get out of the car and call him:



Well, I am in place.

Do you see the Garage Cooperative? Go in, third street and to the right, there you will see my car.



Well, I walked a few steps, saw the entrance, returned to the taxi, I sat down:



We went to the garage.

Taxi, what is there?

I need to meet a man.

T – Why?

So do not be afraid.



He has gone. I met a friend and took his money. The taxi driver asks:



T: Now where is it?

Go to the supermarket.



From the garages to go there was literally three minutes, we come, I turn to my wife, and there....

and empty. There is no one in the back seat. I am the driver:



Where are my wife and child?

In the meaning? You sat alone in the car.



For a second I thought the working day today was really difficult... But no, I’m not quite touched yet.



I sat down with my wife and child. Am I really sick? ! to (I call my wife)

You were sitting alone.

Allo is well, right?

You are where?

We sit in the car.



and short. Talking to a friend, clarifying where his garage was, I got out of one taxi and sat in another, which stood next door. Also grey Lanos, well, and I did not consider the driver. The most interesting thing, well, I worked out, but as it was from the side of the second taxi driver - a stranger sat in the car, says, let's go to the garage and go. And I went. The first driver? ! to I saw that I was sitting in another taxi, but he says, You said that you would meet a man, I thought it was he.



I almost lost my wife and child. As my teacher said, “Well, even though I haven’t forgotten my head at home,” but that’s not certain.

In connection with pregnancy, the spouse is often driven by impeccable ladies in order to touch the stomach. And my faithful person in general does not love people very much, and even if little-known people touched the stomach... And here is another attempt.

Can I hold my stomach?

Why Why?

For good luck! I also try to get pregnant.

In order to get pregnant you need to touch not the stomach, but men's letters. Do not touch me please!



I shared my experience, fucking.

Married a colleague. After that, in his conversation there was a glimpse: “My Klava to, my Klava to...”

I went home to him for papers. I knock on the door and people from the apartment are interested in who I am.

I answer, “Clava, this is your husband’s colleague...”

He opens the door and says that she is not Clava, but Irina.

I thought the door was wrong. But not.

The next day, a colleague said he called his wife so for himself, and at home he got full for Clava.

They drove tourists to the water park, so some returned to the bus as soon as they had just left the swimming pool, while at the entrance they were arguing with them. I started carrying garbage bags, giving wet, say, put on the seat.

We put the towel.

Is it waterproof?

No, let’s get a package.

Here are the bits. Once are a father with a son of twelve years of age, of course, to change clothes is superfluous.

Don’t worry, we won’t freeze.

It is wonderful! But the seat is wet, please take the bags.

have taken. I walk from the front door through the salon, I count people, I hear from the middle what a roar is being delivered, the father of the son is a paraffin. He comes to me for support:

“Maria, I’ve already made holes in the bag, tell my son that you need to take off the cowards and put on the bag!

A colleague of his wife offered apples from the country, many of them were born that year.

Why not, we look forward to the winter. The wife went, bought snacks to the children of colleagues in thanksgiving.

He comes back upset.

Are you so sad?

“I came, I gave the children some delicious foods, they drank tea, he puts me a bowl of apples in a bag and speaks to you a thousand times.

Eeee o_o

I said, thank you not. Okay, so take it then. Something was uncomfortable. Can I translate it?

No, don’t have to, let’s turn around.

He offered us nothing more.

The same hernia was in childhood when Emmanuel was shown on Ren TV at night. It was necessary very quietly in the darkness to steal into the room with the TV on the scrolling floors, disconnect, take to yourself in the room, return to the room antenna, after very, very quickly to slow down the sound with the buttons on the TV, pre-covering the hand with a pillow, hiding a loud whistle.

And at the end of the session, switch to the AV channel, as it did not produce sound, add the sound and take the TV with the antenna back.

So I learned to walk quietly, to quickly look for a point of support, to breathe quietly and to curl all the corners in the dark, counting the steps and distance.

And all because the TV was in the room with my mother, who has a very sensitive sleep.

The acquaintance "Gaišnik", now retired already, told as before "fishing for drunkards". At night, on civilian cars, they drive and flash all passing cars in the face of the far light: "Mole, brother, mint right on the course", and they themselves burn in the mirror, if he started to unfold - drunk, do not go to the guess. They immediately stop at the side and “Good evening, let’s go.”