bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 42 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68353
 12.08.2012
The Echo of Moscow:
On Saturday, the Russians earned a total of 14 awards - six gold, four silver and six bronze.

The look:
On Saturday, the Russians won at the London Olympics a total of 14 awards - six gold, four silver and five bronze.


[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №68352
 12.08.2012
I am a radio engineer. I do not want to invent anything. I want to shut down the radio chants in the bus.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №68351
 12.08.2012
Compare the initial scene from the first alien and this movie. Plagiarism does not smell?"

This is what. I, when I began to read the Lord of the Rings, thought that the world of his spirt of the author of that story about the Hobbit.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №68350
 12.08.2012
You sit one day in your room, on the second floor, as suddenly calls you from the kitchen, on the first floor, Mom. You start going down the stairs, and suddenly out of your bedroom, on the second floor, your mother says, “Don’t go to the kitchen, I’ve heard this too!”! to
Whom will you believe?
My mom is always in the kitchen.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68349
 12.08.2012
Time does not exist – it has no physical carrier in nature. Time was invented by man to measure speed.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №68348
 12.08.2012
In the winter, the present face of our provincial Wood (press secretary) fell out of the window, broke clearly completely.H, this personality was not known by the fact that a couple of times a week struck TV viewers with a terrible diction and the size of an expired rush, and his exotic hobby - picked up, chase in inexpensive snacks and beat people on the face more fiercely.Hobby as a hobby, the leadership probably thought the same, so the face grew in ranks and sizes. And here you, probably forgotten that the physical laws certificate does not defile. Why did you remember all this nonsense? I went on the agenda to the administrative commission - case of life protocol - appearance on the street in a drunk state. Naive, I thought it would take 15 minutes. No matter how. The corridor in front of the office where the commission was sitting was tightly overwhelmed by the waiters.Asocial personalities were not observed.Curiously dressed people of middle age,men prevailed.As it turned out from the conversations the reason for which they were called the same as I did.Everyone behaved calmly, discussing the features of modern administrative practice, and agreed that in Soviet times to get here was necessary, but the policy was approved,the end of the quarter,and the plan to be carried out.On the other hand, there was a group of strong men standing out that discussed that there is no such hernia anywhere in Europe that for the smell of alcohol it was necessary to go somewhere for trials,and brought examples from a very personal view of events and life rich in the country,which a city
I was caught driving drunk here.
E.E. It’s very serious, what are you doing so wrong.
I could not be there.
Everyone says so.
I could not, I sat there for five days, here are the papers.
No one has the right to trust the car.
You are entitled to a parking penalty.
Go, young man, we’ll call you later.
The man runs away on half-bowns.The discussion in the office continues.
Any misunderstanding, the protocol should be cancelled. The next.
And finally, the third type.A man even in the company of sailors distinguished by their sizes and a loud voice, occupied the only chair in the corridor.A man of 60 years, dressed in a shirt, a hat, a sweater and shoes so kind that buying them in Russia is impossible even in the principle, not to mention the boutiques of the type "Real Bakinet". The situation did not bother him, he loudly stated his opinion that the city was simply overwhelmed by drunk bombs, and the norms of the sharia of mint were used somehow selectively.
How did you, the chairman, start cleverly.
Arrested at the exit of the restaurant in an insulting public dignity manner.
- I don't know, in the restaurant I did not insult anyone's dignity.And here on you, on the roof, I already insult.
Where are the witnesses of these insults?
The hallway listening to the breath.
-I have no reason not to trust the police officers.In the protocol clearly stated that they were detained at the exit of the restaurant with the smell of alcohol!!! to
- And what do you think I should go out of the cabbage, with a banana veneer or with a tripper?
In the office there was silence and singing.Nobody even smiled.The door opened and with a smile came out this absolutely socially dangerous personality.Showing the door hand bended in the elbow, silently "cancelled the protocol",after which moved to the exit.Different probably people go to the fleet and the police.Healthy sense, humour and self-worth in this person was more than in the entire police department.It is terrible to think what was going on there before the reform,if now such nonsense.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №68347
 12.08.2012
Barry comes to his estate. The next day he goes with the governor and inspects his possessions. They go on a path that suddenly sits in a stream. and Barin:
"Listen, Prochor, until my next arrival in the estate, make it so that we can cross this river of drought - make a bridge or a plaque of ordinary throw, or a pleasant walk is ruined.
For a week, the barin in this estate stumbled and left. A year later, he comes again, again with the manager, they walk around, they approach the stream, and there is nothing. Barin breathes and silently enters the driver’s ear. He falls, and Barry silently leaves. The next day the barin went hunting, approaching the stream in mud boots, and there the bridge is painted. Calls to the Governor:
Listen to Prochor. How, a year could not throw the board, and then overnight did what some could not do in a year?
There was no hard team, Barry.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68346
 12.08.2012
From the Friend Lens:
From a conversation with British colleagues who have already been to Ibiza:
Are you really hoping to fuck a Spanish woman on Ibiza?
“Nowow... Hahaha, that’s the Spanish island, there must be the Spanish ones.
With the same success, you can go to Disneyland in the hope of fucking Walt Disney.

It’s a sad thing ("

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №68345
 12.08.2012
A quarter of women and almost a fifth of men in Russia will give up sex to access the internet. This is evidenced by the results of a survey conducted by the monitoring agency %agentname%.
And in the United States, people are willing to sacrifice sex for the sake of Apple devices - as a result of one study it turned out that 15% prefer sex iPhone, and for the sake of the iPad of women is willing to give up every tenth man.

Not all features of Apple products are known to me)))

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №68344
 12.08.2012
I received a message in ASK:
and hello. How about fuck?
I answered:
Carlson, is it you?
My name is Katya.

I felt a great disappointment.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №68343
 12.08.2012
In the words of my mother, an employee of the police with an experience, after watching her one series "Colombo":
Colombo really looks like an opera. There are no refined, sliced, chopped operas in life. And Columbus is a normal opera-killer, he is always in the same mint coat, he is forever late, he can crumble in his nose, he is scratching in his head, sometimes he carries achine and is stunning with impudence, he is unhealthy, unhealthy and unhealthy. This is a real opera, these are the ones in life and they reveal crimes.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №68342
 12.08.2012
I want like
As a child, as a little
Girl, go under
Cut your knees, and
crying to crying...
Did it happen to Dimon?
Wife broke the car.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №68341
 12.08.2012
I think, or are all the films with Jason Statham actually about the same man?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №68340
 12.08.2012
I work in a company selling satellite plates.

and greetings.
and health.
How can I address you?
-" Your Majesty"
Your Majesty, you would not want to connect...

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №68339
 12.08.2012
People who have common memories cannot be strangers.
WOW: Oh... witnesses to the breakdown of the sewerage on street. Lenin automatically becomes relatives))))

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №68338
 12.08.2012
I: What I just didn’t offer while I was a salesman. And about the retirement to take care of, and the phone to the operator to change, and books to see, and fragrances with a huge discount to buy. Even the phone was tried. But all did the uncle who came now.
>I: And I suggested to buy garlic
I: And on my refusal he asked a very original question.
>I: "Why"

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №68337
 12.08.2012
I am a fantasy writer. I don’t want to solve anything, I want a myelophone, a light sword, the Ring of Almighty, a separator and a 20,000 edition in Armada.

[ + 52 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68336
 12.08.2012
<wasisualij> my friend told me how he was in depression right after his immigration a year before that: all foreign, everything is not so. The bread is not the same, the climate is not the same, everything is unclear.
And here he goes into the kitchen in depression, opens the refrigerator, and a huge cockroach runs through the refrigerator door. And my friend even rejoiced: finally at least something familiar with which he knows exactly what to do. He took off his shoe, swallowed...
<wasisualij> A cockroach raised its wings and flew out the window.
<wasisualij> And a friend sat down and cried.
<Hobober>...the tobacco whispered in the window

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №68335
 12.08.2012
My sister dreams in a German sparring!! Oh, I’m in my apartment. Hitler, his mother is Uzbek, I feel frightened.
Wake her up and ask where the key to the tank is.
She will take me and shoot me, think that I am a Russian intelligence whom she wants to escape from captivity. How dangerous she is, you are mine! I need 100 pounds of reinforcement of tank and infantry troops, the march today will be a hot German film.
All I can write to you is that she is really Hitler.
In the dark, not everyone can charge their hands right through their nose.
She just threw you a zig-zag.

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №68334
 12.08.2012
I washed my plate, and it stuck straight into my mouth with a “out-of-plan” piece of sausage.
I switched off the computer and went to bed two hours earlier than usual - I did a massage.
Answered mom from a weekend visit - baked my favorite cornflakes.
Arriving from the street after the rain did not wash his dirty pants, and left them scattered in the corridor - shuffled the newspaper on the cheek.
I think I’m being trained (

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna