She put her one-year-old son to sleep, his grandmother calls from Ukraine. In order not to disturb the child, I go out with the phone on the balcony. I talk, I tell my mom something. And here from the 4th floor, that under my balcony, a whirling and drunken voice of a man, something begins to weep exhausted and unclearly on the whole street. Mom gently in the phone: "Uti my beloved grandson there speaks!"
I was roasting so much that I barely broke the phone)))

Olympics *The Voice of the Orc * - You need more gold!

You have already borrowed your poor jokes about the "British scientist" who was lost in the woods... He is from Harvard.

It’s in the United States, Dallas.

zzz - What is the best way to wipe the egg from the white carpet?
XXX - Try to use the cat.

There was a common man and he heard once about pussy riot, and especially about those who support them. I was surprised, because these girls acted badly and deliberately, arranging such a provocation in the temple. He also noted that this was not his first attempt. A simple person thought about the customers, the producer of this "group", who remain in the shadow. The habitant struck the tail and went to eat calmly, throwing these unnecessary thoughts out of his head. This is the end of the story, and who has understood it is good.

It is not necessary to solve with lead - what can be solved with a screw.

Have I heard or seen it? I do not remember.

Military unit, military inspector, terrible general. soldiers in the shelter - praporters, lieutenants-captains-major...
The general is accompanied by the commander of the unit, Colonel.
The general stops next to the lieutenant: - Remove the left boots!
The lieutenant removes the boots - on the foot of the red nose (a horrible violation of the shape of the clothes, who does not know, there should be a whore on anyone, and on any whore the officers do not "dress." Yes, I am talking about the Soviet army. The general becomes much more red than his socks and cries: “Three days of haupwatts!” Colonel: There are three days of hauptwacht!
Next is the builder.
Remove the right shoe!
I will not shoot.
General: I am ordering you to take off your right boots!
I will not shoot.
General – Colonel, announce the praporter’s excuse!
There is an excuse...

Putin on the way broke a car near the psychiatrist, while the car was repaired he went out to breathe fresh air. The crazy man shows him his fist from the window. Putin has his fist. He has two fingers. Putin turned his finger at the whisky, said the fool and left. He tells Medvedev, he was such a fool, he was a fist for me and I for him, he was two for me, I was twisted by the whisky, he was a fool. And the madman there tells him: Putin saw. I show him, keep Russia stronger. He shows me, I hold. I hold him with two hands, and he shows me “brain is missing.”

I work in the factory. This morning it turned out that the entire inventory had been forgotten to hand over to storage. My boss is crushing: "Hey, how is it? They could steal! I am empty! I decided to reassure her, said that one machine weighs 7kg, it will not work out for the pass (every package and a large bag is checked there). She looked at me with such a big look and killed me with the answer: "Ola, we stole a concrete mixer a month ago. by day. And no one noticed anything." Everything went to its place.

KpakaguJL

I liked how swimming was described yesterday. I quote.
Phelps came first, Lochte second, NORMAL people took place from third to eighth (c) )))))

We sit with my mom in the kitchen, talking about pets (my rats she was afraid of, but cleaned cages). I have a fear of insects.
When your children want a spider, you’ll also clean it.
I: If my children want a spider, they will live alone.
M: Yes, I will give you one!
I: Well then my grandmother.
M: No, she won't agree, we've already tried to have a hamster with Andrew (brother), she's against.
I: Mom, when I have children, you will be their grandmother.

What are your plans for the weekend?
Plans are many. All are useful.
I bought a fun one. 500ml of adrenaline, incredible sensations and bright emotions.
A delayed kefir?

Alkazar: A neighbor’s boy called me out for a fight with water pistols. I just write this message while the water is boiling in the pot.
Jakonda: boil the oil – it’s cooler...
Jakonda: the heat intensity is greater and the boiling temperature is also...
Alkazar: I am afraid the gun will not withstand
Jakonda: and it is also desirable under pressure in the gun to drive and boil already in the gun, so degrees to 500 I think you can catch up
When the meat is dropped, it will be removed from the bones.

lx> in a dark night
lx> in the black-black corridor on the way to the toilet
lx> black and black shoe shelf
lx> with black shoes
lx> with black shoes
lx> blinking my yellow-yellow eyes
lx> no, then I realized that the cat was sitting there...

Everyone saw on the asphalt a melt "...the name...! I love you!" Question: Why does the inscription last for years, and the road marking is wiped out over the season?

3yko: Our staff is not threatened with dismissal. She’s very carnivorous and the CEO is just melting from her phrases like “I’m on a signature to a brilliant director.”

According to the RTR now advertising of the film: "At the river two banks". Cap went to the directorial.

The boss is locked up and appears to be hysterical.
Today accidentally learned that his - the director of the enterprise, a healthy 40-year-old man - the staff calls in the corner Pavlusha)))
How inaccurate it was 😉

In the courtyard, a 4-year-old boy with a candy Chupa-Chupsa in his hands. He is taught to share with everyone, so there is a conversation between him and two aunts:
“Aunt Irra, do you want to...chupachops?”
No, thank you
The boy talks to another aunt:
Do you want to squeeze?
Eat it yourself.
The aunt laughs, and the boy goes offended and says:
I don’t care, you don’t want to suck.

From Skype:
What did you not answer yesterday?
Yyy - was engaged in the philological dispute
XXX is oh! Knowing you, I’m afraid to guess what was discussed.
yyy - The central question of the Russian elegant vocabulary - the combined or separate writing of the word "nahuy"