xxx: silicone breasts scratch when you press on them!
YYY: Who told you such a nonsense???? to
ZZZ: in the winter, in the frost?

A 36-year-old resident of the U.S. state of Tennessee filed a lawsuit against the largest equipment manufacturer Apple, accusing the company that because of their fault he became addicted to pornography.
According to the man, he "settled" on adult movies like a drug, making several mistakes in writing the address of the social network Facebook in the browser Safari.
In his 50-page complaint, Savier insisted that Apple had destroyed his happy marriage. According to the man, the division of the family could not have been if the company “take care of special filters that protect users from pornographic content.” The American is deeply upset that the corporation is not warning its customers that watching pornography can lead to severe addiction.

Murakami: He is right! Respect the Americans!
Igor: And I got the wrong door and got behind the yandex card into the alcohol shop, started to knock, you have to file a lawsuit on him. and AGA.

I go. A drunk man:
Do you have 5 rubles?
– not
A child with an offended voice:
and cattle beef.

Today I felt the triumph of justice, when in all the well-known bank I saw an operationalist of our post office quarrelling with an operationalist of the bank, because he had a computer and she could not carry out the operation. There is no time to wait for her! and ah!

A small preamble. I have a growing baby in the form of a boy 3.5 years of age. He lives a lot of time in the country, where there are quite a lot of mosquitoes and other flying and biting life and often fighting away from all kinds of evil flies he asks “kill her!” He began to apply this phrase to any problem arising from him and requiring a destructive solution; to remove the disturbing chair, to throw out the paper, etc. It didn’t stress me, but in vain.
And now the story itself: We are walking today on the playground, the son is wearing a machine on hills, cranes and is fighting with someone. The people are very crowded, despite the day. A fat man walks around, also looking after his child. And here my child runs up to this man and ticks him in the ass with the scream: “Uncle, give up!” The uncle did not resist the armed raid, but honestly raised his hands and the dialogue continued:
Uncle give up!
I give up!
You is what? The Russians do not give up.
I am not Russian!
And who?
The Jew.
According to the law of the genre at this moment, everything was silent on the site and only a child's scream on the verge of transition to hysteria broke the silence:
“Father! He is Jewish! Kill him!Kill it!!“..
Everyone turned around us, the kids stopped digging the sand, they could drink beer, and the moms watched their children. The Mhatov pause. Dozens of pairs of eyes placed on my side with a silent question/accusation.
And fucking what you explain, I dropped out of there in a moment!

Previously there were problems with relationships, all the girls said "you are a good friend, where would find such a guy".
There are a number of courses "enchantment".
Now I say "You would be a good husband! And I need an ordinary guy..."

A new level.

We go together, drink beer, and talk. A friend at the same time walks the dog on a short guide. The dog is of course the kindest and loves to lick everyone joyfully jumping around. But explain to the passers that these 50 kg are running to you not with a terrible stone in all the kicks and in order to eat, but with the sweetest lily and play.
On one of the paths, a lady came to meet, who saw a 50-kilogram Labrador, picking up a rat-like creature from the ground under strange circumstances called the "dog", intentionally loudly in our direction: "Masha, go here, they won't touch you." A friend silently gives me a beer, grabs a Labrador and says, “Don’t be afraid, Blake, they won’t bite us!” And also covering it by itself bypasses the lady.
A more surprised face and exhausted eyes could only be seen at DPSnik, when a few meters in front of him accidentally crossed 2 consecutive passing by.

Valve condoms are a 100% guarantee that you will not have a third child.

FFF: It happens by chance. Deliciously tasty, op and eaten.

While I was on vacation, you were visited here by the archangels and the lambs of God?
...??? to
- Well, here is the list of concluded contracts: will be Bright OOO, Empire of Light OOO, Spectrum Electric OOO...

The Habr:

X: God of programming, where can I enroll in this religion?
Y: No need to write, God programming is in your shower ;)
Z: I have so little shampoo left, and here’s it—

A. the

The phrase of the day: "I talked to pathologists. The shortest way to a man"s heart

[Rotk0]: By the way, why in all movies the cool Seagal always flashes when shot? He will not see it or not!
He knows in advance what will happen. It just makes him feel ashamed for a moment that he always falls.

The second week I decrypt a rather large space picture. I think this book about 50 shades of grey can no longer be read.

The wife wants to put her husband's blanket under the monitor.
Why don’t you like flowers?
What kind of flowers? This is the only corner of the male in the entire apartment!

And these laws, doesn’t anyone think it’s a conspiracy of psychiatrists? Did they release their patients? Just like Amber?

Why are you so sleepy?
Yyy: My mother’s wife came back, she didn’t sleep.
Q: Did you boast or complain?

GPS monitoring of transportation. When they distributed trackers on the sites, they made a list of which car to put on, all distributed, said do not confuse.
The result: the merine of the chief has not moved for a week, but my eyes suggest that the merine has just safely passed by, the hose tractor, judging by the data just made a bit on the highway 210km / h, the working ural is not driving on the roads, but directly through the houses, and past bridges.

Without a helmet, in a maid and shells on the dukati in paradise without a row are passed.

From Habr:

by PapaBubaDiop:
Think of London.
I go on a steam truck Kiev-Moscow, customs officers come to Kharkov.
No alcohol is? Looking at it, what is a notebook?
Check out for prohibited information.

I turn on the MacBook, the officer confidently ticks the mouse in the Finder.
I think they are advanced.

The customsman scratched the hat.
I don’t understand, but where are your C, D, and My Documents?? to

Steve Jobs was good.