How many officials do not sit, and they still do not sit.

The case takes place in the United States. I go home, adjusting for the working pickup of some water piper. In horror I see that on the steel rear bumper of the pickup lies a small size gas key, somewhere in the size of my hand. He will soon fall off on the road. If such a bandour arrives in the forehead, then it will definitely beat everything to the appropriate mother, at least.

He decided carefully, observing the distance, to drive for the pipeline to his destination to tell him about the danger. It didn’t take long until the nearest gas station.

From the pickup comes out a large good-hearted bearded child and begins to fill fuel.

Oh my friend! - I start with you here from the bumper almost the gas key has not fallen!
What a key? A! This is this?

Here the child approaches the rear bumper and pins the gas key of an impressive size with a boot. The pickup shakes, but the key remains in place.

I brought him to the bumper.
Why Why?? I am asking in the hustle.
So why why? Keep the distance! Here I looked at you in the mirror, you first did not see him, and then as you noticed, so immediately slowed down and carefully drove noticeably away from me. Everyone is doing so now!

The government will pay compensation to officials whose property was damaged by the flooding in Germany.

Xxx: It happened that I had to bury a completely alien man to me. The story is long, not the point. I ordered a tomb, a tomb, wreaths and other nonsense. I come to the morgue for the body, and they say to me, you are 11 thousand. 7 thousand for the storage of the body, 4 - the payment of the services of sanitary. I say, salutation has arrived. The storage of the body in the morge is free of charge, I pay your sanitarians from my taxes. My body, dress and endure. The whole group of Morgue fell upon me. and fully. Orals touched me in the face with their internal regulations. When it became clear that I was not going to pay, they threatened that the body would not be given. Well I get up, I say, okay guys, now this body is your problems, goodbye! And I am going to leave. In general, it turned out to be a wonderful way that everything can be checked for free. And they washed, and dressed, and laid in the tomb. What if I was murdered by a relative of the deceased? I would give everything and even more if everything went well. So knowing the laws and being able to prove your own right is a very useful skill in our time.

Xxx: I was in the camp only once, but I remembered it forever. I was in class at 6-7.

I was sick, so I had a stomach, defined my illness as constipation and sent for a cyst. I run out of the office to the side of the push. I covered the mutation with my hand. And in front of the other office, losing the cowards, she runs away. We met in the middle of the hallway next to the toilet. I, as a true gentleman, give in to the lady, and I myself try to understand will bring to the bushes on the doorstep or better right here in the flower pot to drop the load from the soul. And then she screams from the inside, “There are two points!“”

Seated mentally.



Yyy: The first really cute story about shit

Xxx: I have a colleague at work, Russian. His name is Wahhabit. He loves to grow his beard. They are constantly checked at the airport. We tell him, at least before you go on a business trip, shave your beard and then grow it.

and broke. We are on the planeët, and it brakes. The whole is burnt, and where the beard is wë white. The terrorist was burned 😉

The case takes place in the United States. I go home, adjusting for the working pickup of some water piper. In horror I see that on the steel rear bumper of the pickup lies a small size gas key, somewhere in the size of my hand. He will soon fall off on the road. If such a bandour arrives in the forehead, then it will definitely beat everything to the appropriate mother, at least.

He decided carefully, observing the distance, to drive for the pipeline to his destination to tell him about the danger. It didn’t take long until the nearest gas station.

From the pickup comes out a large good-hearted bearded child and begins to fill fuel.

Oh my friend! - I start with you here from the bumper almost the gas key has not fallen!

What a key? A! This is this?

Here the child approaches the rear bumper and pins the gas key of an impressive size with a boot. The pickup shakes, but the key remains in place.

I brought him to the bumper.

Why Why?? I am asking in the hustle.

So why why? Keep the distance! Here I looked at you in the mirror, you first did not see him, and then as you noticed, so immediately slowed down and carefully drove noticeably away from me. Everyone is doing so now!

People are like birds: just some fly, and others - stumble.

The story of a real scientist.

Maybe not very funny, but life-affirming.
In general, there was one Indian boy Suren. By mistake, he was born and lived in future Pakistan. When the two states were divided and the artillery went to battle, he and his family, in some cowards (or maybe the maika was on him?) He fled to New Delhi. Who once went through the loss of everything, they say that the second time is easier. Here he, with 50 cents in his pocket, as a young specialist broke into Canada.

In Montreal, he developed medicines for one farm. The company. One day, he got a soil sample from the Easter Island and noticed that the soil samples contained strange bacteria that slowed the growth of mushrooms. For the scientist "smelled" a new medicine, for, neither much nor little, for immortality! Suren fought him like a child, tried to get him wherever possible and named Rapamitsin (the island of Easter - Rapa Nui in local). If a barrel of honey falls "from the sky", then it is necessary with such additives that it is not possible! In our case, the drug not only "slowed" the growth of cells but also suppressed immunity. Who will eat it? Especially for money? The company closed the development, the laboratory dismantled, part of the staff moved to the United States, and the drug was destroyed.

Well, rather, it was ordered to destroy everything, but after all, it was not a German to follow the instructions, but almost our man, a Hindu. And it was his favorite "child", and children cannot be killed. Suren packed the container in dry ice and carried the smuggling through the U.S. border and began storing the drug at home in the refrigerator.
Years went by and mankind became acquainted with the miracle of organ transplantation. But there was a “small” problem. Transplanted organs are often rejected by the immune system. Doctors, at conferences, motherly words mocked such a response of immunity, patients "moved horses", but the farm had nothing to offer.

Our Hindu, for years, went to the bosses: why not try my drug? The headquarters imposed a resolution that the idea, of course, is healthy, but not practical - everything has long been destroyed. Suren persisted, you know, not all samples are destroyed. What?! And he pulled the container out of his refrigerator and a miracle! The drug is not damaged in 5 years of storage.
At hand, without a case, there was one graduate student, also an Asian. The Hindu gave the samples in the thick feet with the words: Do you want a Ph.D?! Go ahead my friend! The mouse blood flowed through the river, the postgraduate student stopped sleeping, because what he saw did not climb into any frame and was not described in any book. The result of the experiments was several discoveries, such as mTOR.
Samples were also sent to other laboratories, everything was confirmed and there was a rumor about the miracle. The doctors flocked to the smell, bended the FDA and began to give it to patients (no tail, no mice!) A great drug. And the immune response was suppressed and the body revived normally! What if I give to those who have a tube in their hearts? It works too!! and etc.

The fame grew and Suren remained a rich man, but became immortal during his lifetime. He was arranged tours to the hospital with children (with transplants), where they explained that it was the uncle who discovered Rapamicin and you are alive thanks to him! The rumor went through the hospital and already parents and other patients broke for autographs, grabbed the hand of the Hindu and just looked with admiration. It is for such moments that unknown scientists are torn in small laboratories. Not everyone has time to save mankind for their short ungrateful scientific life. Suriname was lucky.
In such moments the Hindu was pleased as an elephant that it was his contribution to the salvation of people. Especially considering that he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, colon. His life, and not only as a scientist, was coming to an end. The doctor gave him six months. His wife asked him to spend time with her and her grandchildren.

A true professional does not lose courage in the face of death. He went to work and did experiments. But this time he spent another and secret, on himself! The logic was iron - if this thing slows down the growth of cells, maybe it will help with cancer too? The scientist is interested :) Without a doctor’s prescription, he took the drug in the laboratory and instead of mice, began to take it himself. Six months later, he was alive. Six months later, the tumor does not grow. He began to speak at conferences in different countries, already with this, a new discovery, wrote articles.

But one thing did not give him rest: along with taking his drug, he also underwent standard procedures, chemotherapy, etc. The question remains, what exactly continued his life? My wife stopped drinking. The standard procedures? Or his bacteria? This question could only be answered in one way. Stop taking experimental medication. His hand did not shake, he stopped. Another 6 months passed, the cancer got a second start and reached the lungs. An Asian postgraduate student, more precisely a PhD at the time. And my wife was terrified by such a “last check.” But in vain they begged Suren to start taking medicine again, the truth for the Scientist above all else!

And he died as a true macho, with an oxygen mask on a balde, smiling at 32 teeth and re-writing a scientific article on the anti-tumor properties of rapamycin.

Parisians would continue to celebrate the Day of the Bastille, had it not been for the evening prayer.

Xxx: I remember something, like at 28 years old.I met a woman ten years older than me. And somewhere after six months of our relationship, she began to marry her daughter for me. I said that I was not interested in it, she was offended and stopped communicating with me. This is what I understand my aunt’s approach was in choosing her daughter’s husband. This is not for you to send photos on the internet to men)))

Our power is capable of discrediting absolutely everything. Not only the idea of vaccination, but the word "satellite" itself.

A friend from America came to visit me. We sit talking, he asks about the strange habits of the Russians
I am him:
- In the borsch poured into the plate is added cream, sausage in the sandwich on top and unclosed, etc.
In the evening, he went to the store, returned, and he had bread in his hand... eaten from the edge. I tell him;
How did you know, did I not tell you?
The answer killed me:
“You know, I walked with that bread, and the voice inside me said, ‘Bite,’ and I bite it.
The Russification was successful.

As of today, only the Amur tiger has the right to be officially named a tiger. For the rest, the label "Tigre cat-like" is introduced.

The lesson of my youth – I work, immediately after school, young, of course, inexperienced. The boss next door. The phone is ringing, still a disk, the conversation is heard throughout the room without loud communication.

Do you need a master? My son is looking for a job, can you get him?

and hello. How old is he?

– 25

No, I do not need it, thank you.

The master was needed. I ask :

You are what? Did not even talk, did not look at him?

More than 20 years have passed since the incident, I remember the answer as now:

At the age of 25, his mother is looking for a job. such a. The Master. not needed!

Xxx: There was a guy in our company, like a prominent one - a tall, wide-armed blonde with blue eyes, well-educated and educated. But with the female sex, shy to mindfulness, because of which the relationship with the girls he did not develop at all, and was a virgin. We often went to the country with the whole company, all but him, in pairs, which caused some inconvenience - the pairs adore, and he craves. And one day our brilliant minds decided to pick up a prostitute for him, said, it is our acquaintance and also wanted to go with us to the country. The choice was entrusted to us, the girls. Well, we looked in advance, selected one, booked it for a day, explained the role. The girl turned out to be very cute and companion, shutterly captured the attention of our virgin friend, the whole evening murmured with him, he just shone of happiness. In the morning we ask this girl, said, well, how did it all work out? Oh yeah thats. Nobilely rejecting all attempts to drag him to bed, our friend inspired her to read poetry almost all night. Jesse is fucking.

Xxx: I went to the service and gave the car. Everything was barely carried out. after 3 days brought spare parts for repair, I go to the box (they had 3 lifts there) I look there empty sitting guy in the corner telek looks. I tell him that I brought spare parts to Murano, and he told me I don’t know about any Murano. I say and where all and he said there is no one empty room. I call that steel to whom he repaired and he is not a subscriber. It turned out that the shirt went to the neighboring boxes and there the phone does not catch, after a couple of minutes he called again. But it was a wretched minute.

Xxx: On the day I came to the TC, while I parked, I saw a picture. A 50-year-old man was not allowed to enter the hospital without a mask. He approached the garbage-cinder at the entrance, cuddled, found something, burned it and went in. Lifhack, his mother

Some people, after leaving their mark in history, would not be bad to clean up after themselves.

Mishka is a veterinarian from God. He has a private house, a plot under the protection of two of his friends - a rottweiler and an alabay, thrown out by the seasons and rescued by Mishka in one of the cold winters. He doesn’t talk to them at all, they surprisingly understand the owner without words by one eye movement or a stirred forehead. God and King for these dogs under the center weight.

It must be said that Mishka himself has some amazing magic for animals. Accept at home. Any whispering and pulling creature, being in the hall of his reception room instantly turns into a frozen and obedient doll, with which you can do anything. Since the area is large, there is a lot of space, neighboring holidaymakers, people very famous and respected, often bring their pets to the lodge. No any problems. After hearing about the regime and time of feeding of these Oscar and aristocratic cattle, Mishka loads the refrigerator with their supplies and sends the owners to their deserved rest. On the first day, the aristocrat receives a hercules bowl on the water as breakfast. Desperately turns his mouth. The mouse says Agah and hides the bowl in the refrigerator. The next day he gets a bowl of flour from the refrigerator. The aristocrat looks even more contemptuously at the harvest. Again, Agha and Miska are coming back. For more than a week, none of the aristocrats can withstand this procedure. A week later, he happily eats hercules on his mouth and moves around the courtyard in search of tasty and useful strawberries. After two weeks, he passes through all the diatheses of allergies of incontinence and a bunch of mops and bulldogs is worn on the lawn, driven by the rick of the alaba and rottweiler. Returning burning owners will not recognize their pets, but after a month all the dog’s appetite for pets disappears and again they eat for breakfast only steamed beef under the sauce of dušamel. But what’s curious, when they’re brought back, they instantly recall the favorite taste of Hercules on the water and the teams of the Alaba and Rottweiler. Mouse - he is not evil, he just behaves like the most important in the herd. Achilles is him. And it is right. Animals understand a lot, but they don’t speak. One day, Mishka decided to save a village housewife, bitten by a fox and ill with rabies, for the sake of an experiment. For almost a week he did not leave the dog, making her droplets, intestinal massages, enema, washing. The entire dog bonbon walked on chickens, literally staring into the eyes of the Mouse - you do, we will not bother you. He pulled out that dog. True, she has a defeat of the CNS, she walks like under the shelf, but alive and healthy. It lies on a hill and gives a signal to the main dogs about the approaching of strangers. They really talk to each other... It’s hard to say why Mishka doesn’t have a private life. But let’s wish him to find his half that will accept and love his whole family and his cowardly friends.