bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №129519
 16.06.2016
He paid for kindergarten at the Sberbank branch - they demanded a passport. At the question “Why” explained that this is done in order to counter the legalization (laundering) of income obtained by criminal means, and the financing of terrorism.

I always suspected that something was wrong with our garden!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №129518
 16.06.2016
The case was in the late 1980s. A friend married the daughter of the colonel of the KGB, and we, friends, were not invited to the wedding, said, there his circle, then yes, and the father of the bride banned. And even before the wedding half a year ran a stunned man and said everything:

Oh my God! This is such a girl! Such a girl! She has a belt in karate. The daughter of the KGB colonel.



I have to say that a friend was a guy attractive and scary baby, and such loves happened to him three times a day. Miss Riga, then some incredibly beautiful student of theatre, then who else. In general, we did not pay attention to another love, but it is a pity.



Our friend fell like a chicken in a fist and disappeared after the wedding for a while. Then there is a blue under the eye. After long interrogations, he wavered: he came home subdued, began to push his right, and his wife just in the hallway grabbed him from his feet.

He sat down another clock and went away, saying goodbye.

I am afraid of her.



After a while, I got a phone call from my apartment at seven in the morning. I open, stands on the threshold of our unforgettable friend and begins to beg to give him in the eye. I ask nothing, and he begins to tell you that he did not sleep at home, that he is crazy, that he does not know how to explain to his wife, that the aunt scared him with terrible things for betrayal and that if I give him a good eye, he will tell at home that he fought and spent the night in a lie.

You understand! That is logical! I can’t cheat with the red!



I have convinced. Targeting, I carefully lit him in the eye. A friend nodded his head and ran into the bathroom to see the result. There was no blue, so little redness.

– Yes not! It will not go! Bigger than BEY!

No longer restrained and not targeted, I walked him to the left. The friend moved well, and he ran back to the bathroom. There was no blue, indeed, the whisk was swollen with a good yellow.

What will I show? ! to A knot on the forehead? ! to They will not believe me! In the eyes of Bay!



Angry, I struck him straight in the head. A friend slipped on the wall, blood flowed from his broken nose. After fainting, he began to sprinkled blood on his shirt and said:

is excellent. and. and. Thank you, thank you and. and. What should be. and. and. All that, I ran away. and. and.



He appeared the next day in dark glasses with a swollen nose, two bottles of vodka and proudly stated:

A broken nose. With the shift!

He said that at home he was accepted, regretted, believed and let go to his friends with a pure heart.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №129517
 16.06.2016
We have a pedestrian passage in the city, in the central market. There is constant confusion there. When the red still burns, there is no movement, and people with a huge crowd begin to cross the road. But the fact is that for drivers still burns green. Just the connection there is like that, a little crazy and for me still incomprehensible.

I watched the picture today. A grandmother with her grandson and granddaughter, who are five years old, runs to a pedestrian crossing to get time on the green. But he warned when they were five meters from the road.

Then there was a dialogue between grandmother (B) and grandson (B).

B is Sasha! Go ahead soon! Go to!

A: (with an absolutely calm voice) Grandma, I won’t go. Do you see the red light burning?

B: Sasha, you are your mother, go! They are all passing!

A: You, if you want, go and I’ll wait for green. I won’t let Lisa go red.

And Sasha pulled his hand out of his grandmother’s hand, and took his sister’s hand.

The grandmother cried something, but because of the noise was not heard. But in the end they crossed the road only on the green light.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №129516
 16.06.2016
Some time ago, studying in the universe, she witnessed a conversation between a guy and a girl, apparently fellow groups. The guy emotionally told him that he, say, asked to write a reference (on which discipline I don't know) and he, as usual, stupidly downloaded it from the internet, without reading.

In the words of the guy:

- Imagine, I decided, while driving in the road, still to read this report. And I have there in the text: "I, as a member of the Chelyabinsk region...". Glad I didn’t give up.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №129515
 16.06.2016
I was sitting in a bar with my friends. Then suddenly came the morning. The condition is already such that I could not call a taxi myself and my friends generously did it for me. So a taxi comes in, I go out with friends, I sit down, we went. Come to the address. I had no money, only a card. He talks to me 500. I was looking for money in my pockets for a long time, as I was already good from the local spill. I searched all my pockets and said I only have a card, no cash.

What do you think he says! ? to

T is goodbye. and. and.

I mean goodbye, and pay for the trip?

Your friends have already paid for you.

He asks what! ? to ! to ? to ! to ? to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №129514
 16.06.2016
Melting, the password does not fit.
Adamych©: login: Administrator.... that I didn’t invent...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №129513
 16.06.2016
VKontakte offers me a friend of a person with whom we only called on mobile phones and called only by name. Mobile phones are not modern smart touchers and not even smart at all. Not even modern. And 5 years ago over the phrase "VKontakte - a branch of the FSB" almost everyone was friendly.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №129512
 16.06.2016
I appeal to the cyclists! We live in a free country, and what to move in space is your choice. But why are you everywhere demanding that drivers and pedestrians comply with the GDPR (and we do in most cases), while most of you are breaking everything and everything?
Why did none of you read P.24? Why do you think you have the right to go to the red light? Why do you drive on pedestrian crossings?
On the latter, I want to say separately. All distances specified in the Rules, standards of equipment for pedestrian crossings, etc. They are primarily focused on the speed of pedestrians, as well as the reaction of the average person to the sudden appearance of pedestrians. So, the average human reaction is simply physiologically insufficient to have time to react to a moving person. Therefore, please get off the bike, so as not to injure yourself and not to hurt the driver.
I have everything.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №129511
 16.06.2016
Kotovsky, comments to the article on paraffination of chains.
...
3) How I extinguished paraffin with water. I forgot the oven. He warmed and burned. I went to the kitchen and it was burning. I water there! He is like fucks! Falling into overheated, much above 100 degrees, paraffin, the water instantly turned into steam. The steam obviously expanded, compared to the source water. The expansion of the steam resulted in the spraying of the burning paraffin in the form of small drops of several meters, mainly upwards. Since the surface of the paraffin in the form of droplets has increased many times, it reacts with air oxygen quickly oxidized with the release of a large amount of heat and light.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №129510
 16.06.2016
I wanted to remind my husband to see what's there with the couch in the living room.
I: Look at the couch in that room.
for a long time? 😉
He: I watched, stands in place

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №129509
 16.06.2016
wow goes on a date, worries

HHH
She is worried too)
Brushing the legs)
"for any case")))

HHH
)))))))))))

HHH
convinces himself that in no case, but the clothes wear the same))
And the pedicure exactly did))

ZZZ
She got her diploma yesterday, so everything was shaved already))

HHH
I just don’t get the diploma right now. 😉

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №129508
 16.06.2016
Moscow, traffic jams (flaming greetings to roadmen, heroically stopping the entire city center immediately and intentionally). Euro 2016 with the Slovaks. Before the end of the main time 3 minutes, counting 2-1, I listen to the broadcast on the radio. The tension is escalating, there is still a mythical chance for nothing, our pressures!

of advertising.

Advertising is your mother!! to

I understand that the radio station is working "for which it is stacked". But the advertisers – you, don’t understand that NONE of those listening to the broadcast of the match at this point will NEVER use your goods and services simply for the principle? I specifically remembered what was advertised there. I think it’s not just me. Quoting the Minister of Foreign Affairs – "Debils,..."

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129507
 16.06.2016
ALBA actress is no one! Here's even the cracks, only for the furniture to take in the movies, that the cracks would see how beautiful she is ))) And how she dances )))) Tuffa the rest!! The role of the second plans)

yyy: But good furniture)) is not ikia any)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №129506
 16.06.2016
A priest came in. I bought a small infantry shotgun and two shells of grenades. Probably chasing the devil.
I love my job.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №129505
 16.06.2016
The U.S. Air Force prosecutor’s office has lost all internal investigation materials over the past 12 years. All data collected since 2004 has disappeared from computers.

Oooups, I did it again...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №129504
 16.06.2016
How much money do doctors “wash” money? How do pills deal with what they don’t do to patients? Or tell them about how they often acquire them from the balls – themselves not knowing what they really need? How do you buy batches for 5 p., provided they wholesale them for 20k? Or tell you how to make contracts for 100,000. Rupees for nonsense 50% of which go to the main doctors in the pocket?
Well, if you want to get expensive doctors like in the United States, try to treat people, not slander them. For now, we can only lie down and die.
////
You just forget to say that all this is not done by doctors who work in the hospital or at the reception, but those who stand above them on the service ladder. The doctor-specialist does not decide what and how much to buy pills or something else that he bought, he treats. And how supplied and economists can shake their nerves when submitting applications - that is a fairy tale, ah.
And there is no need to speak for all doctors, you can think that in other professions there are no idiots.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №129503
 16.06.2016
Ordinary Virtual Hosting?
I have a ping 15 cm.
Ms is
Not about Freud.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №129502
 16.06.2016
Read on leisure in the Criminal Code, it is written that there is a robbery, that is a rape and how to qualify a conspiracy. And about the patient's recovery - no lines.
( ) and ( )
This phrase made my day! I wonder who should be sentenced - the patient who dared to recover, or the doctor who healed him?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №129501
 16.06.2016
Sad: A student in front of the OGE tells me: "My grandmother is very concerned about me. He will cross me, put a candle for health, the horoscope for the week will tell and the photo of Lenin will be wiped out. All the light forces are now on my side".

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №129500
 16.06.2016
I talk about everything with smart girls, not with their cellulite and I get support not from the press - but from a person, so about the appearance and kilograms I am not very upset.
But when I met a girlfriend I didn’t see for 2 months and saw that instead of a nice 3.5 size there was 1.5 – so I now wear xs! ", nothing but "and where are the boobs?!" could not say (

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