I once worked in a construction company. There were not many of us sitting in the office, but the most interesting thing in the team were two guys who, by coincidence, sat next to each other. The notable thing about them was that the first was a dense body, well, and the second name was Fat. When someone from the new craftsmen or masters entered the office, the chief of the department sent everyone to the Greenery. The following dialogue is roughly the same:

Hi, I was sent to you.

With me? Who is?

Your boss is yours.

and yes? What exactly did he say?

I told you to approach.

More specifically, what did he say?

(The man has moved)

They said to the fat.

(In addition to the raised tones):

Fat is a family.

(Tell me a fat man who was fat)

My husband and I crossed the 20-year-old line together last year, but his whole family is waiting for him to leave me, return to them, and they will pick him a more decent party. My mom wants us to break up too. But we live and laugh at their wet dreams.



YYYY :

I presented your acquaintance.



Will we be friends?

Against whom?

against the relatives.

You are a fucking son! I am in business.

My parents did not like my husband very much, especially my mother scandalized a lot. After learning about the marriage registration, she even asked (through her father) not to call her for a month.

Then the children appeared, and the parents had to get to know personally (ja-yes) and communicate with their husband. The husband is an unforgettable and cheerful man, and despite the ton of everything that came out on him, he easily communicated with them and even helped them in a difficult moment. We build a house, children, money is there, relationships are good - well, we have settled in 10 years, you look, and the beloved son-in-law will now be, I thought.

A couple of days ago I learned that my mom was just waiting for me to find a normal man.

As he went to the doctor, the tooth of wisdom removed. We are asked before anesthesia: do I smoke, do I use drugs, etc. I thought it was important for the amount of medication and the effects of anesthesia, so tell the truth, I said I smoked marijuana. The doctor asked how often and removed the tooth in a couple of minutes, I didn’t even feel it.

A year later, another wisdom tooth was removed. I thought I’t tell the truth about the grass, because I was ashamed. When he sat in his chair, the doctor looked at me and said, “I remember you, you are the guy who smokes grass.”

He is now my regular dentist.

“Our student environment was good because nobody was jealous of anyone.

Except that the locals were jealous of the socialists – they could wave for weeks without the supervision of their parents,

The local people were jealous, and they could eat three times a day.

When you talk and take your hands...

There is a high probability that you have already been divorced.

We go with a friend and his family to the dacha.

From the rain all roads, except asphalt, turned into a terrible messy.

Not far from the country, a friend decides to cut and turns on the ground.

Encounter a man in a rainbow, rubber boots and with a hoodie.
He saw us and began to shake his hands to stop.

“Better turn back.” He says.

My friend has a jeep and we go.

Within 500 meters, they sat deadly, pushed, digged - everything was useless.

At 3 a.m., the same man passes by on a tractor.
We stop him, we tearfully beg him to pull us out on the road.

He clamps the wire, and sadly says, “How did you bite!”

Do you already have a calendar for next year?
- What else, Naher, next year...

Years ago, I walked around the city and found a new bar.

A roaring guard said that today there is a local rapper's concert and the entrance will cost us 100 rubles (at the time, 2 glasses of beer in a good institution)

We explained to the guard that we wanted to just sit down and the concert didn’t get us anywhere, only we were going to leave, as the guard breathed, that the bar was almost empty and allowed us to enter for free.

Later, we loved this bar, got acquainted with the guard and, given our average check, we were always allowed to go to the concerts of local strangers for free.

One day, the system suddenly failed.

The guard at the entrance said that he would not be able to let us in, given that today the literary evening of local poets and the hall is full.

So many that there are no paid seats.

And, although we had to look for another institution, the mood was wonderful, even the pride took for our little Peter.

Xxx: I was going to remove the tooth.

And this surgeon (age 35-40 is strong, sympathetic) is also specialized in the insertion of implants. He injected me an anesthetic and went out to the presbyterium. It is advised by a client. My aunt-in-law is around me. I sit and wait for it to work and wrap up the information about the implants.

I came back and literally in one movement my tooth - a knot! and all! It didn’t hurt – I didn’t even feel that he touched something in my mouth.

Well, of course, all such a gratitude decided to compliment him and said:

“Well, doctor, if you put in as well as you take out, then I’m your client!”

After a second of confusion, all the people present stood up.

The doctor said he hadn’t had such remarkable compliments before.



Yyy: I had a similar story: the injection, the waiting, the surgeon’s return, the dent and the tooth left my mouth.

I was surprised and asked, “Is it all?”

“Do you want to tear one more?” Ask the surgeon.

Xxx: Shut off at the moment with the weapons babies. Pizdec is like a rage: you watch any disaster or incident - everywhere babies scream. Everyone is scared, but only the grandmothers whirl to the pain in the ears. I can, too, but in such situations I didn’t whip like the entire male sex. I understand the screams of pain, the screaming of fear and the same pain, and so on, but the fool whispers it is a shit at all. Especially the wounded. You lie, you can't breathe from the pain, the beetle hurts and turns because of a huge amount of painful impulses from the body, turns and blows, as if this was lacking, and some creature says that the drum membranes are bursting.

Yyy: The wreckage is nature. It was loudly penetrating, so that everyone was scared, and everyone heard that her leopard was cracking. and escaped.

When I came to the nursery, my battles were weak and quite tolerable. After filling out documents and a couple of humiliating procedures, I was sent to a prenatal room with these light battles.

There already suffered a girl with the "rare" name Katya.

Katya was quick (as far as the stomach allowed) and nervous walking around the chamber: from door to wall, from wall to window. The door wall, the door wall, the window wall.

At some point she stopped sharply, attached a towel to the wall, grabbed it with her face and screamed with a strange low voice. After screaming, she started walking again. The door-wall window-wall... Then it stopped and screamed. Then she walked again.

I lay on the bed and watched her throwing. I thought that Katya was somewhat strange, that Katya was a bad actress and clearly overplayed. Apparently, the word “little” was thought.

“Well, fighting and fighting, why make such a tragedy out of this?” I did not understand.

And then (within an hour and a half) Kaakak understood

Sometimes a man is like a whole planet: he rotates, he rotates, and there is no life.

When I was 16, I joined the Evening Moscow newspaper. Newspapers at the subway.
Payment is calculated depending on the number of sold books.

The point was new, so at the device I was told I would have to scream to find buyers.

I couldn’t scream, so on the first day I sold only two or three newspapers.
In addition, there were interesting, but expensive magazines in my office bag, which I was ashamed to offer.

Realizing that I would not earn money in this way, in the evening after work - I started training.
Remember “Little Hole”, where Jimmy screamed at night, dreaming of becoming a “Layer”?
Here I remembered.

All night I screamed in front of the mirror: “The Evening Moscow newspaper, the magazine “Expert”, the newspaper “Work and Wage”... Overall, I trained and developed confidence.
The parents turned their fingers at the whisker, but they did not interfere.

The next day, inspired by the imaginary success, I took the job.
Imagining myself, neither much nor little, the poor Jimmy from Little Oakland, I overcame the fear and began to scream, as I thought, in all my voice.

Five minutes later, police came to me.
I checked the documents and they were okay.
I bought the most expensive magazine.

It took me here.

I spoke in such a way that the passers stumbled at the exit of the crossing, and the grandmothers grabbed their hearts.
Oral to chrysot and accelerated heartbeat.
Oral, as if my life depends on it.
“The evening of Moscow, Expeyeyeyeerert, slave-oot and salary-aat!” spread throughout the district.

Strangely enough, it has brought fruit.
By the evening I sold almost all the newspapers, about half the magazines and a little souvenir products.

Satisfied with myself, I drove home and expected to earn even more the next day.

And then more.
and more.
I will become a millionaire.
I will buy the newspaper.
I will be a successful entrepreneur and my parents will be proud of me.

The next day I shook.
My attempts to shout out something sounded like this: “Ashshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshshsherrrrrahaya sssyvvaaa” – such a whispering whisper that I could barely hear.

To my surprise, I sold half the newspapers and a few magazines.
It turns out, people who live nearby are convenient to buy newspapers and magazines on the way home.
They greeted, communicated, interested in sales and bought.

When I stopped crying, I started crying with less force, but the same intensity.
Buyers are getting more every day.
I was given a second bag, with wheels, so that I could take more press for replacement.

My business ended unexpectedly.

In the middle of the second month, when I had about a hundred regular clients, I was called by a coordinator.

“Vipman84, you’re doing a good job. Such valuable employees should not disappear, so we put you on a new point, and yours will be given to Ivanova. They don’t want to do it, but they want to earn it all. Don’t worry, you’ll find customers quickly, the boy is capable.”

"And so that your experience does not go in vain, this is Alexander, he will stand with you on the spot. You have to teach him everything to sell like you do. And while you are together, divide your pay by two.”

The next morning, the coordinator was long wondering why I decided so abruptly to quit.
But the decision was made, and a day later I already found a new one - a courier for the delivery of printed products.
Books are sold on the street.

But this is a completely different story.

Vasya was so tolerant that he called the bosses, the government, and the homosexuals the same word.

The matter was in my childhood, and we were then ten to eleven years old (year of action 1990-1991). A new guy appeared in our courtyard, well, and we are all friendly - such a good company (truly, we were a good company), well, and according to all the laws of the court, we must accept, get acquainted with the newcomer, well, and make him a "board" of their own.

Everything was done and fulfilled. Did he great to pursue, while his parents were engaged in unloading and transferring furniture, told us what and where we have interesting things, and where you can go, and where you should not go - all from a pure soul, and from a pure heart. They even brought us to Kolka for guests (one of our company), where they played with the whole crowd, and Mother Kolie fed us all for lunch. No need to say that the bad ones - they have eaten, so it was done. And they went to visit me, and I also fed them, and otherwise - it was normal.

So, we split closer to the evening, and agreed that tomorrow we will be chasing football. The next day, we crossed, as agreed. They chased the soccer, well, and this crendel (Yurick – if you read this, you will remember) says:

Come to visit me.

What is not. Go to. We did not eat lunch there because his parents were not at home. Well, the toys played in Jurikovsky, the photos looked in the album, and again on the street. The day ended normally.

The next day, Yuri came to our black cloud companion. Destroyed and evil.

Why was money stolen?! to

What money?

- In the bank of coffee, with an Indian, was. This is not my treasury, older sisters, there were twelve rubles! (I don’t remember exactly how much – but the sum, for the Soviet boy, is really enormous).

We did not take!

In the morning, after you left, they disappeared. Give it back, or I’ll get into it.

Well, in short, this is how badly it went out... Well, of course, they got caught up with each other, they all rejected, and NEVER there was such a thing that even a penny of a stranger, even one of us took – NEVER!

Okay, I have to return. Of course, and the relationship in the company we have little for those few days that the money was collected, the parents asked, the bottles were collected on all the sweaters, and under the column they were washed to surrender - spoiled. Well, how can they not ruin if one of us is a thief!

We gathered that damn money, well, to him, to Yurk. I knock on the door and my mother opens it.

Call to Yuri.

He is at Grandma.

My grandmother is with my grandmother and we go. At the entrance we sit, we think...Maybe he was sent to his grandmother in punishment? Maybe we already know it, and we are deceiving it? What to do? The boy must be saved! Shortly decided and went.

I call and my mom opens again.

“Look, take,” we stretch the money, “these are the ones that are missing.

Boys, what are you talking about? What money?

- From the bank you, who with the Indian, disappeared. Here is. We have gathered. We don’t know who took it.

From which bank? Come in and tell us everything normally.

Well, we went, we showed the bank, we told you what and how it was in detail, we all look over, our noses hanged, because... well, it turns out that this WOR is standing among us, blowing up, and also breeding the guilty builds, but the fool is not admitted!

This bank, guys, has just been released. So there was no money there. And Jura...He has already done so. I lied to him, forgive him.

Somehow the story ended. With Juric then, “for some reason” we were not friends.

Being on the guard, in correspondence with my wife and in parallel chat with my colleagues - subordinates, I wrote to my wife "I am waiting for a photo of my ass)". At the parking lot, the message was sent to the general working chat of the workshop.

After 10 minutes I had photos of a broken crane, welding work on the pump, no passage to the warehouse.

No one ass.

I had to wait for one person. I walked around the house where several walnuts grew and watched this picture as the crown waited for the car to pass and threw walnuts under the wheels. But not all cars were hit by the wheel. And I, having compassion for the frog, came to the unbroken nuts, crushed it with my foot and went away. The crown went down, ate the nuts, staring at me. I left and returned in 5 minutes, throwing the nuts under my feet. So I walked about an hour and crushed her nuts...

When a person does the same thing hundreds of times, with time the movements are optimized to the most optimal and are done already on the machine. When I carry the tea from the kitchen to the comp, I have the perfectly established shortest route, my little one stops in millimeters from the plintus at the corners, the shoulder is pushed up during the turn around the chest, and after entering the room, the hand pushes the door precisely with such force that all inertia ends in a millimetre from the touch of the door and the chest and silently closes. So it’s not just athletes who have perfect movements.

An idiot does not need to build anything from himself, he is already in his kind of perfection.