I meet a girl - Goth (long black hair, black clothes). We work around, meet and go to the subway together.
Today, the ladies at work issued the phrase - "We saw you here with a young priest," and then described the appearance of this girlfriend. It was a long time in the stool.)

Status in one subscription:
"I will take accounting lessons from a accountant (female), payment in nature is possible ;))"

Commentary :
A professional accountant will tell you about all the subtleties of accounting, 45 years, weight 120kg, tel. 89 bla bla bla bla bla. Payment only in kind"

My aunt barely broke me in pieces. As usual, they sold meat. Aunt of Tites. I approached and looked. I asked what the ribs were, they answered. The aunt bats together.
I am not a fool, give me one.
They opened my eyes on me.
And with a terrible voice – it’s our turn!
Fuck, there was a crowd, not a line.
I am where?
They immediately set up the line.
I am OK.
I stand (I wait) they stand in a row and remain silent.
I have a seller, will you get it?
I am AHA
Weighs my ribs)) I take, pay for a friend's whining and leave)) how I didn't fly the sausage in my back I don't know))))))))))

I got into some spam link "Learn the secret of your kind!"
A picture of a genealogy tree with a window for entering the surname. With the assignment - "Find out first if we have information about this family" entered the data, get the preliminary answer:
The name in the database is
Relationships found
Photographs and documents are
Celebrities and Outstanding People Discovered
To obtain detailed data, of course, send a SMS to the number...
Now I'm tormented by doubts, maybe fuck them with money?
When will you get a chance to find out the secret of the family "Ytsuken"!

Some will only go far if they are sent far away.

A acquaintance told me.
He worked as a taxi driver. And almost not the first day of an urgent trip to the airport. Just approached the entrance - a young family with children flew into the car and all shouted that they had fallen asleep, that they had gathered to Turkey, that the plane would leave without them - a guard! Things, children, parents - all wind, then cry, then laugh, then sing, then encourage the driver! He says, he said, the impression was as if in childhood on the carousel food - and fun, and sadly them, and the gambling dismantled.
In short, broke through all the traffic jams, flew five minutes before the end of the registration: screams, whispers, “Thank you, thank you!“Happy children hang on their necks “Uncle, Hurra!!!“He ran with his bags for registration, ran with everyone, pulled them some suitcase there, managed by a miracle, all galoped for inspection, kissed for farewell like their parents!
The driver barely tears did not let go of humiliation, came out of the airport joyful, looks at his car - pilot!!! And the money!! Never in his life, he says, felt so stupid!
The funniest thing is that three weeks later, the father of this wretched family found a taxi driver and gave the money for the trip with a bottle of cognac and apologies. For a long time, they were choking together, it turned out that they only remembered paying in the plane and all the vacation was tormented by bites of conscience.

Why do people living on a subsistence maximum set us a subsistence minimum?

I just went home after the practice (from the morning I ran to sign the reports, and put the stamps), tormented all. A girl approaches me and asks for a cigarette. I pull a package out of my pocket on the machine (at the same time on the face of zero emotions and in addition I am in dark glasses), her eyes become 5 rubles and she says with such a blatant look, I just asked to smoke...". I confusedly look at the package in my hand, it turns out I pulled out the package of condoms and try to open it)) generally laughed and I gave her a cigarette, but her face had to be seen xD

How?! How could a hamster eat magnets from the refrigerator? Were they glued to the floor or was the hammer a rock climber?

From the discussion on alternative modes of transportation:
It is also not a cheap pleasure to hold a horse.... And at night, they are placed near the house and on the alarm, so that they do not spire. And at night riding horses from the crossroads to the crossroads. And the most male Horse horses will be the belly of the neon to be illuminated)))) Or called a taxi, and to you a man on a horse jumped, sat so behind him, hugged... and here is such a homosexual rushes around the city))))))";

After I die, when I am sent to hell, I will ask to deduct this and the previous summer from the total time I spent there.

Mom asked to buy ice cream, but it was "Three Bears". I bought, I brought. Not that. He got out of the refrigerator and showed what was needed, it turned out "Hercule". In general, she decided that it was "Three Bears" because there was a bear drawn on the envelope... one... and the other - a panda.

from VK:
Do you know? What...
When sneezing, all body functions stop, even the heart.

1 commentary :
to abuse. Chihni – restart your body.

Dave: What are you doing?
Tommy: I am working!
Tommy: And you????? to
I don’t want to do it. (caps)
Tommy: THIS IS SHIFT!!!!! to

The question of Habr. What do you call your servers?

Personally, I refer to the first letters of the name of the project. For example, kb1 and rb1.

The practice of naming projects by the names of girls was unsuccessful. One day the boss in my conversation with the admin heard "Irina lies and waits for you." Half a day explained who “Irina” is and why she “lies.” Then all the servers had to be renamed.

I noticed in the ass: Office workers put themselves in the status of a helmet or a spade, and the workers costume and tie... =)
Wow: some pretend that the job is difficult, and others that the prestigious %)))

4 months ago, I found an archive on my hard drive with the name Important.rar, and I didn’t remember what was there.
Today I finally opened it, 4 months broken.
and there is a PIN code from a card that I still got at college, which I remember by the mouth, which has been two years as outdated)
I sit like a fool.

by UN8JAB

A friend (p) calls now and begins to say:

Q: I have a professional question for you.
I: I am listening?
Q: See, I now have a monitor standing, but we want to replace it with another, which now has no wires. We want to buy wires and change monitors.
I : and?
Q: Where will the labels from the desk go?

My laughter seemed to hurt her.

A friend was diving for two and a half hours in the water costume for the rapans, after which, going out to the shore and taking off the costume, said: "Now we need to go swim, and he joyfully ran away to cheer."

For a long time the question:
Parents are forbidding their children to suck puddles. So why do they call caterpillars caterpillars if they can’t be sucked?