bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №128279
 19.05.2016
We photographed a young man for two apartments. Every month I throw him half of the value through the Sberbank mobile app and attribute something like "The last one is taken!Theft in the middle of white day. But today he gave me suddenly a genius ground for fantasy, accidentally whispering, “Well, what are you writing. In the bank, they probably read.”

From next month it will be time:

“The accountable party. go further.”

“Thank you for the services” etc.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №128278
 19.05.2016
xxx: The man who considers the struggle of hydraulics with gravity to be an erection, who is fooled.
Erektion is the victory of hydraulics over gravity.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №128277
 19.05.2016
My husband slept in the afternoon, very tired. The middle boy leaves the room and throws his father to say goodbye: “Sleep, Mozart!” You will fall asleep for a long time!"crazy: My husband's dream like his hand lifted up :)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128276
 18.05.2016
I live in Tenerife. In the tram, I was tried by a farmer with two huge bags of onions. “I am married,” I say. He said, “I’m married too, so what? The island is big, we can go somewhere!”

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №128275
 18.05.2016
"Sell the cheapest"
He is like a leech, only a leech.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №128274
 18.05.2016
Atandakil: The super-Earth of Najer with its powerful nitrogen-methane atmosphere is richly blue when observed from space.
When observed from the surface of Cartiana (especially in the dusty atmosphere or at sea level) due to the additional dispersion of the atmosphere of short waves, it acquires a greenish shade.
What follows from this, I do not know.

It is better not to smoke at Niers.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №128273
 18.05.2016
I am a woman. I live in the village. I work as a midwife. I have 130 kg. I drive with the MCP. I go to the beach in a separate swimsuit. I’ll go and buy nine cockroaches for dinner.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №128272
 18.05.2016
Hohma about sorting.
- I broke a pot in the house, the toilet on the street, inside covered (it is said loudly) with tiles, one fell, and lay in a bowl for toilet paper. Cumm comes, sleeps, goes down, goes out, and says, “Listen, I know that you can wipe your ass with a scarf, but with tiles...”

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №128271
 18.05.2016
From the discussion of self-charge:
All guilds with full charge, but the powder in them in bags. With the command "The charge is full!", the bags remain in place. And with the team "Charge third!", 3 bags are thrown out of the gylly. It is done manually, but very quickly. Then the unused powder is burned, a gorgeous spectacle! But 40 years ago, they were handed over, sent to overweighing and equipping new gyls. Now it is considered too troublesome, for many reasons.
YYY: We did not give up. The field kitchen on loads boils very quickly, which is important for cooking. Breakfast at minus 40. Just squeezing a little and jumping.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №128270
 18.05.2016
Article: "Psilocybin fungi defeated depression"
Comment: I don't know how these mushrooms work, but the salty bits with potatoes boost the mood, well personally, I'm sure.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №128269
 18.05.2016
Mishan, [18.05.16 15:36]
We have an ex-military working here, he is so at rallies with the Germans sometimes raises the voice that everyone immediately agrees with him.

Mishan, [18.05.16 15:36]
It’s ppz, and sometimes he confuses the words and it’s his "Aj don lisen ju!" on elevated tones just demoralizes the Germans.

Mishan, [18.05.16 15:36]
In fact, he just wanted to say that the man at the end of the wire is not heard.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128268
 18.05.2016
xxx: the quest of the room must be passed by two, one can fool)
Probably that’s why we started multi-nuclear processors.
xxx: type one stumbled, the other stumbled from him and did the right thing

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №128267
 18.05.2016
Sometimes on a sunny day, walking with a girlfriend without purpose on the street, we struggled to go to the cinema. They passed by the cinema, the session began literally in a minute. We quickly bought tickets, but we were already entering the dark hall. Cassirche said that people are very few, sit wherever you want. Well, imagine, suddenly entering the darkness after the bright sun, we naturally walked on half-clogged legs bending along the rows, deciding where to wrap. The picture on the screen was, as usual, dark and we could see absolutely nothing. So they went, taking their hands.

With a blind handshake, they agreed to wrap in the ranks, reached the middle and pleased splashed. They jumped out immediately. It was in someone’s hands. At this point, the picture on the screen shone, the whole hall shone in light and we saw that these were the only two seats occupied in the whole hall.



We haven’t seen the movie, they and I. And they were more funny, they saw all our blind movements in the hall.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №128266
 18.05.2016
A story that happened to me last autumn. I work in a contact center of a little-known company that provides mobile communications services. The user calls and complains that it is impossible to replenish the balance by his number, nowhere, neither in ATMs, nor through online banking, nor in terminals. In general, it suggests that his account is faulty. I, in turn, try out of my money to throw him 10 rubles (minimum payment) through online banking, payment is done. I inform the client that I just filled his balance for 10 rubles and it all worked. I asked him to explain in more detail how and how he filled the account. To what he replied, “Thank you!” He throws the phone.

The same feeling...

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №128265
 18.05.2016
The case was at school. I was an excellent man, always made the housework, one of the first to take controls. My friend and neighbor in the party was a trio, but not a "track". Just a liar. Of course, writing was ordinary. I once looked at him re-writing and saw a cloud of mistakes. I began to correct it, and he replied, “This is necessary to confuse the censorship.”

He is currently working in the State Department.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №128264
 18.05.2016
Another story from my youth. There was a guy in our neighboring squad, stubborn, with rural notes of simplicity. It could easily be taken on “weak.” In fact, he once bet on 5000p that he will be 3 days without stopping to go around the stadium. It was only eight hours. Then, in order to play off, he drank a liter of sunflower oil for 3000 years and did not burst out.

And now the story itself:

In the field exit, when we lived in tents, this guy blamed the bosses that he had not jokingly angered the rotting. One, as a punishment, ordered to dig out 1 barrage to shoot standing overnight. In the morning, before the match, a daytime man wakes us up: "Men, do you know what Maslov did?" During the night, because of nothing to do, and maybe because of personal stubbornness, he dug the track of the volleyball field, digged 3 rocks, of which two for shooting standing and one for shooting standing on a poni. After that, the nickname “excavator” went on for a long time. Maslov himself was quite brave after this and argued that if he would dig further, do not take the spade from him.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №128263
 18.05.2016
I am a doctor who treats a farmer and his children.Do not listen to them!What chickens can be in the chamber?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №128262
 18.05.2016
I was walking and met in the courtyard of a friend and he told me that the Roma in the market fell money when they ran away from someone, and he raised. There were 2 hundred and 1 five (was 1987 year). For five rubles we so hugged with sweets and drank a lemonade that I thought we would crack. Then they decided to stop spending on all the nonsense and went to the radio electronics store. There on the showcase saw a calculator (at the time a novelty, bills were used everywhere) for 87p50cop. I thought it would be great at school. We went to the box and asked to break us 2 calculators. The seller's eyes had 5 copies, she took the money and said that you don't come without your parents. I became upset and a friend retreated to the street. In the end, the saleswoman said: well, go, can you contact the calculator, - and took me over the shelf to the support room, and then closed there and called the police. I knocked like a beast at the door and screamed. Then came the local and asked about everything, I gave everything as is "the Gypsies lost a friend found and so on." He took me home and in the evening I learned that my friend had taken the money from my parents. We did not communicate with him anymore. Stealing from parents and lying to friends is low, for which you could put a star of October on the table.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №128261
 18.05.2016
What, fucking, to cook for a couple or three days, so that both meat and garner at the same time?
Everything in the refrigerator is cut, mixed and blended, adding spices.
- *checked refrigerator* berries with sugar, milk, yogurt, cat food. I am confused with your recipe. :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №128260
 18.05.2016
As a child, on the eve of his illness, he fell asleep and caught hard glucose. Words cannot explain it. Imagine something terrible intangible approaching you, while shaking the entire universe. It’s not just a sense of danger approaching, but something physically imperceptible approaching from space (a type of asteroid) not from this world. In short, it was really scary. Even adults, I understand that there are no words in any language in the world that can describe this. I described very approximately.

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