bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №82165
 29.05.2013
I am a contractor in one project. The project is delivered. Docks for payment are sent by courier. To my question:"Where is the money, man? All deadlines have passed!" Received reply: "we have not received or lost your documents".
I write a letter. I hesitate between "look closer at the secretary’s table", "look at your dumb accountant’s table", "we have a list of receipt of a package by an employee like this" and "takes a sting every time it comes to paying our bills".

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №82164
 29.05.2013
by admin (23:31:40 28/05/2013)
The body I was going to sleep with has been removed from the dating site.

wicked (23:31:42 28/05/2013)
I am in sadness

lion-sabbie-to-knee (23:32:04 28/05/2013)
You wrecked me with information.

wasam (23:32:15 28/05/2013)
I’ve been fooled.

lia-sabbie-to-knee (23:32:36 28/05/2013)
She broke up when you got married.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №82163
 29.05.2013
The student. Work is eaten, but paid for hours, which I have been reduced for a month. There is no money accordingly. I am proud, so I try not to take money from my boyfriend, even though we live together. I came home in a bad mood, almost quarreled with the faithful, explained why, and sat on the window to cheer about the fate of my girlfriend. He looked at this case, called a friend - he just needed people of the apartment before sale / removal to bring in order, wash, clean, etc. I was very pleased, I paid a good acquaintance. I decided to tell a friend. She: Give me a guess, did you want him to give you money and he sent you to wash the floor?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №82162
 29.05.2013
devotedparasite: I want my pocket Peter Molino.I could get him out and smooth his cute baldness every time.
Rokudze: But every guy has his pocket, if you understand what I mean.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №82161
 29.05.2013
It’s not the students who overwhelmed the internet, it’s you who have grown up.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №82160
 29.05.2013
I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry XD
Girlfriend: What is it?
I went home, I washed. I think I should wipe my face with lotion. And here I see my nails and refined lacquer - there is immediately the thought of the lacquer all wipe off the nail. Well, I approached the mirror, wiped out my moustache, how I realize that my eyes are just going to go to hell now! The whole plant is burning! I don’t know what it is at all!! Then I look, and in my hands I do not have a lotion, but a malignant liquid to remove the lacquer!!! to
Q: You are loooh XDDDDDD
P: In the sense, I sympathize )))

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №82159
 29.05.2013
The client raised the threshold this morning. Application for blocking: "Dear provider!!! Turn off me from May 30 until the coming of autumn... kiss me gently. It is forever yours."

[ + 91 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №82158
 29.05.2013
I am a beginner driver. At night, I went out of the yard with a young man and forgot to turn on the headlights. He decided to step down and silently turned on the lamp began to light on the road.
After a while I thought: dark, fucking, well though Romka shines.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №82157
 29.05.2013
<xxx> I've been singing
<xxx> what is a zombie is a dead body.
<xxx> a cold body with frozen legs.
<xxx> was bitten by zombies by those who became zombies earlier,
<xxx> and who was first - judge for yourself.
<xxx> Zombie in the heart should not shoot
<xxx> hands and legs, he does not care,
<xxx> the most important part of it
<xxx> the one whom you chew!
<yyy> o_o

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №82156
 29.05.2013
About the VAZ:
In three hundred years, people will be in line to sit in such a car.
In the amusement parks?
In the automotive museums, when the world introduces freight-passenger teleportation, the rear glass lifts and ESP will be introduced on the vase.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №82155
 29.05.2013
SCSItel: And now laugh and run to sunset.
[1:08:01] Paylys: Ahahaha
[1:08:08] Paylys: O
[1:08:10] Paylys: o
[1:08:11] Paylys:.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №82154
 29.05.2013
Don’t love your neighbor’s wife, choose away.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №82153
 29.05.2013
A couple of days ago, I read the heartbreaking story of Filimon Popper about a Russian girl who married an Arab-Christian and immediately remembered my classmate Tola. I tell this story with his permission.

In our class, Tola was the most capable, but science did not interest him. He was much more interested in cards and he never hid it. Seriously playing for money started probably from the ninth grade. To enter the Toll Institute decided in Moscow.
Where to? I asked him.
There is a small competition. In Moscow, the most clever players, and everything else does not shake me.

He went to the Forestry Institute and continued to play. Sessions gave up, as he said, not to be driven out of the dormitory. In my opinion, money was immeasurable. How much did his diamond stamp cost and now I don’t know very much. One day, when I came to Moscow, we went for a two-day walk with the Roman Theatre. I paid for it all. Since then, I have only one photo of me. At http://abrp722.livejournal.com/ you can look at it. He is the extreme right, I am the extreme left. At fifth grade, he decided that the diploma would not hinder him and graduated from the institute. In charge of the diploma received distribution in the forestry in Krasnoyarsk region. With the distribution then was strict, Tola trembled and went. He was a great engineer. He was carried there on his arms and paid as much as he could, but Tola escaped, having only worked a year out of three. He said he would not survive the second winter. He returned to Moscow, again engaged in cards and soon again fell for the same three years in the same forestry. They met him as a native, quickly disconnected, and Tola began to do the same job as before, but for free.

When he returned, he expressed his desire to move abroad as soon as possible. The time was Soviet. It was hard to go out. I told him to marry a Jewish woman.
“No,” said Tola, “where the Jews are, I will be caught. I need a place where there are no Jews. Do not offend me. A pure business.
Eventually, he met a Christian from Egypt and married his sister. I went to Cairo, and for twenty years I hadn’t heard of him. A year ago, I accidentally found him on Одноклассники under another name, and then spoke on Skype.
Are you playing? I ask you.
I tried but failed. Muslims can't play cards, in the casino you are quickly remembered. I had to tie. And the wife is drinking, saying to live for nothing. And it is true. I remember that I am an engineer. He made a resume, sent it to several companies. No any reaction. The wife says:
“You’re doing something wrong, talk to my uncle, he’s the smartest in our family.
I met my uncle.
Are you an engineer? What engineer, what engineer?
of forestry preparations.
What is forestry?
- First the trees are rolled, then the bushes are folded on the woods, then fused.
Why be an engineer for that? With this work, two phallus will manage.
In Siberia, the trees are different. This barrel is 40 meters long, more than a meter in diameter and a lot of them. In addition, you need to read maps, build temporary roads, install equipment and much more.
The uncle thought for a long time and then said:
Forget the forests! You are an engineer in the transportation of non-cargo goods. I have friends. Let us invent something.

Two weeks later, I started working as an engineer and am still working there. I am well paid. I will work there until I retire. This work will never end.
“Don’t, Tola,” I say, “there is a saying in the United States, ‘Nothing lasts forever.’ “Nothing lasts forever.” There is no such work.
“You don’t, but we do,” Tola replies with dignity, “I work for the Ministry of Antiquities and am engaged in the ongoing repair of the Egyptian pyramids.

by Abrp722

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №82152
 29.05.2013
To combat the publication on the Internet of questions and answers to the EGE, officials went to the trick. From next year, the questions, as before, for all time zones will be the same, but the correct answers - different.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №82151
 29.05.2013
Axsor: there is a dog on the parking lot alone, I don't like it for some reason, it is constantly crawling. Before yesterday I went, decided to serve her with sauce to show that I was not her enemy. So this creature took and drowned. And when I coughed, I decided that it was I who killed her. Now she hates me even more.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №82150
 29.05.2013
It seems I will never be able to read the word "northern" correctly again from the first time.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №82149
 29.05.2013
Hunting is a very demanding thing. She always wants to be done.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №82148
 29.05.2013
Edelweiss: Shit it up! How did they get the frogs under the windows!!! 2 hours in the night!! They come in the car, open the doors, rub on the whole coil some pops with a spinning fucking buffer and... When you get up from the bed, take the ice shredder and you are going to hide the puzzles, these fools turn off the music and bite a little!!!! Be damned by you!! Tomorrow I’ll take the arbalet and I’ll take you away!!!! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №82147
 29.05.2013
xxx: soon the average size of the phone will exceed the average size of the member

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №82146
 29.05.2013
My wife test. He writes from work:
Throw off the laundry.
In a few seconds:
What happens if you throw jeans in the dishwasher?

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