When will you become famous?! to



When the bodies are found, Mom!

Xxx: When I was 4, my grandfather decided to teach me to swim in a classic way: by hitting the pool. When I got out, I seriously told him what I knew he was most vulnerable to: I don’t love you. Recently, when he was still in a relatively sober mind, he visited him: he remembered and struggled not to cry, he carried this phrase through the rest of his life. I’t remember that episode. When I was four years old, I caused a psychological trauma to an adult.

It is noted that the more willing a person helps with advice, the less chances of getting real help from him.

August of 2018. My wife and I go fishing for a few days to our precious places in the north of the Volgograd region.
At the tank at the entrance to the city of Serafimovich, I notice a wonderful thing in our places - Pagerick with red diplomatic numbers.

What a surprise was it when its inhabitants approached me when they saw our fishing ammunition.
Englishmen, he is a small employee in the embassy, his wife a philologist, when he returns to his homeland will somehow teach Russian. The boy is 6-7 years old.

They travel through the Russian depths in their holidays, are interested in fishing.
They are asked to take with them where they catch beautiful places.

I explain that we are going to the dust, where wolves are scared.
They laugh, the wife records the expression, they still connect with us.

By the time we arrived, we stood 120 meters away.
He spinning, small on the feed, his wife organizes a camp.
I caught the nerves, threw the donkeys on the predator.

It’s dark, my wife is in the car, I’m sitting all night, from time to time picking up the caught fish.

Suddenly, after two o’clock, I probably hear a whisper – an Englishman runs:
Neighbors, they send you shit!
Who has come?
The wolves!

And at this moment, I hear from them such a chilling laugh/chrip/rick that there is no doubt that it is clearly not dogs or enots.
The officers! From the weapon only a shooting electric shocker in the calculation of already completely drunk "pumpkins", but it has the power permitted purely...

I just wanted to tell him to lock up in the car, and there... a shot broke out. Then the second, third, and the palm grew almost into a canonade.
I scream, “Lie, they’re hunters, or they’ll hit!” - and we both fall to the ground, lie down, covering our heads with our hands, even when everything is relatively quiet.

The voice of a little boy (I translate): "Dad, my petards are over, will the wolves not come again?"

In short, what were the wolves there - we did not even hear a single bird until the morning, it seems, even worms on the far side of the road.
The snoring also stopped for a while, but then it normalized.
I have not seen the animals themselves, but the fish remembered them for a long time.

And also remembered the eyes of the rural saleswoman, who the next day, in the middle of the summer, sold a new year's children's fun to an adult unshaken uncle.
You like you, and I have a petard and a lighter now at fishing always in my pocket.

The data on the property and income of the patriarch was classified, because jealousy is a mortal sin.

Xxx: I have a friend. I went to Sri Lanka last winter. I ask, with a girl? No, she says, it is expensive.

At that time he was collecting documents for Jewish citizenship. I say, tell this story at the embassy, you will get citizenship out of line.



Yyy: This is a better story for the embassy: I went to Sri Lanka last winter. I ask, with a girl? No, he said, with his mother.

Bolt should be twisted, not hit.

I remember playing football as a child. As I now remember one match: our “Door team” of 8 boys 12-13 years old, and against us four pupils of the Petersburg “Zenit” years 14-15. How they got to us in the yard, I don’t remember, and it doesn’t matter.
We played on an improvised "field", half the usual, even less. We agreed for two times of 15 minutes. Behind us in the gates stood a "legionaire", a boy from the neighboring courtyard of our age, who was engaged in the section of football, behind them - their clubmate.
The first half we scattered like cats 4:0, and with the lens so, without stressing, and if it wasn’t our goalkeeper, it could be 8:0 easily.
They moved like machines, understood each other without looking, gave magnificent accurate passes through the whole field, it was impossible to "wrap" none of them. We are
They looked sorry. As it turned out, the years of "traveling" did not cost anything against the team of professionals, twice the number.
During the break to us came one of the spectators, a man of 40 years, as it turned out, in the past played in his youth for some provincial team.
“You eight people,” he advised, “share up into pairs, each pair should stick to one of them. Don’t let us play like the ball they have, immediately throw, interfere, don’t let us pass. And “do not get tired,” you will not “fool them.” Like the ball you have, immediately pass, "in one touch." And knock at the door as you can.
Here are these unsettling advice but I will say immediately, and in the second half we got 4:1.
But we followed this advice and in the second half it was already a Game, a real ruby.
We dressed like the devil, did not let them breathe, each of them was covered with two, they were no longer choked, played if not in full force, then seriously. We threatened their gates dangerously and one ball was dropped.
Several times they made small breaks to advise, enough to say that for five minutes before the end of the match the score was 2:1, but then they began to play "on the second floors", and since they were much higher and larger than us, we could do nothing and the last two balls got exactly "from the head", - so it was then called.
I remember the second half of the game very well. I remember the faces of those guys, the Zenitovs. Snoring and disappointed. And those who have lost with a defeat, but are proud, satisfied. We all, as it turned out, had one feeling then - well, a little more, another time and we would "do" them!
Of course, they’t do it most likely.
But I think we all felt what a real team game was, long afterwards we were terribly proud of this match and all in a row with enthusiasm told how we played with Zenit. And nobody understood how one could be so happy to lose at the end.
Just we, the boys who lived in the same courtyard, who played together hundreds of times, who fought with each other hundreds of times, who fought and accepted each other in a day, for the first time felt like a band, a team that did one thing and was able to fight even with those who were much better and stronger than us. I hope we all used it.

We lie in the hospital. I went out to the garden to smoke. From surgery, a type with a plaster on the leg and on the bones falls out. One took and cried:
Hi, what are you doing here?
He looked at his leg with a plaster and decided to pick up the squad "A stupid question is a stupid answer":
I have hepatitis A, fucking.
What about the coats?
He is contagious. In order for the hands to miss everything in a row, they gave cushions. My hands will be busy.
What is in the gips?
He broke his leg so that he would not forget his bones.

Sometimes a man feels so lonely that he regrets not having divorced.

It was the story of a fat brother, a twin.
I was an investigator in the district department at the end of the 1980s. Two grandmothers at the entrance saw a man with a bag come out of the window and called us. The man of this they knew, by the end of the day we detained him, things from the theft were seized in his apartment, he was sanctioned and in SIZO. Three days later, he knocked on the door. The thief comes in. I almost sat down – he’s in jail!! And he smiled, "I am a twin brother, we live together in the same apartment." I generally got worse - they will start to roll on each other, and everything to prove that Vasya came out of the window, not Petya? Illegal arrest is good if you are just expelled from work, and you can earn a sentence. The CPS was still there. We run to witnesses – grandmothers and... O happiness! In one voice: "This is for you they are the same, but they grew in our eyes, we distinguish them very well, they are different." I let go.

I had one acquaintance. Politician and businessman. When subordinate officers to him that false information was being spread about him on the Internet, he said, "It is still thank God that the true information is not being spread."

xxx: Once 10 years or more ago, I added the contour of the island on Wikimedia to the reservoir and named it as we called it in childhood (the island is artificial, so it didn’t have its name), and now that name is in the Yandex maps and OSM ¯\ツ)_/¯

In a commercial country, food is commercial, not tasty and healthy.

A familiar woman-dietist told a funny story from the 90s about one of her patients. I will call her Marina and his Sergei.

Sergey in the past was an athlete, then engaged in business, succeeded in it. But relaxed without the daily stresses that were in the sport. Again, the "shale" money appeared, delicacies, alcohol and so on. As a result, the guy gained under 150 kg, hardly got into his jeep. I asked for advice from a friend of Marina. He sent her a fairy fee if she left all the former clients and took care only of them.

Marina took care of the matter. I developed a special diet for Sergey strictly on hours and with certain products, bioadditives, a complex of exercises, acupuncture, massages, meditation and something else there (I am not special in these matters, so I did not get into the details). They met once a week, convened daily for correction and control.

Sergey was a disciplined client and strictly followed all her instructions. The results did not slow to affect after a short time - he really began to throw out the excess, which inspired both to continue the classes with even greater zeal.

A year later, Sergei dropped about 80 kg, was absolutely happy. He built, broke down, paid more to Marina than he promised. It was the last meeting, when he said by phone that he could not come to her - he had an urgent business trip for a couple of weeks. Sergey promised to come immediately upon arrival from this trip.

He called Marina, told her he had arrived and was ready to meet her.

The bell to the door – Marina opened and (further her words quote):

“I almost fainted – Sergey stood on the threshold with a huge bouquet of flowers, smiling to the whole mouth, but...He was even thicker than before we started our classes! Not less than 200 kg at first glance!!! I am in shock!!! to
How is it!! How did he get back in 2 weeks what he wasted in a year of hard work!!!! to
I could not say a word. In my head there were thoughts about my complete incompetence, about some kind of Sergey’s illness, about the need to change the profession.

What happened to you? I asked when I could speak.
Nothing, everything is fine! Here is my brother brought to you, he also wants to lose weight, seeing my results!
With these words from the back of the first "Sergei" came out the second - a complete copy of the first, only already thin and ardent, with the same smile on the face.
“Sorry, Marina, you decided to play a little bit with my brother. This is my twin brother, we are constantly confused.

I almost killed them both later.“..

From the New Year's mood, I now only have an eye dragging into the rhythm of the giraffes.

A few years ago I got on the operating table - I was undergoing surgery on my leg. It was on March 3, just before International Women’s Day. On the leg had to do several incisions, the extreme of which in the pelvis along the line of bending of the leg.

So, I am under anesthesia on the table, I am cut all over. But 20 minutes before the operation ends, the anesthesia begins to release, and I wake up. I opened my eyes without burning - in front of me a tissue screen, because of which nothing is visible. Well, I was upset and decided to pretend to sleep further, so as not to upset the surgeon (I was done anesthesia in the spine, from which I did not feel the legs and everything below the belt, so it was virtually not painful). Shortly, it comes to the extreme cuts, just near my farm.

It, clear foam, interferes, and the surgeon constantly pushes it aside. Obviously from all these manipulations I had such a normal stand!

I understood this not only by the laughter of everyone in the operating room, but also because the two young nurses sitting next to the head jumped sharply at all of this.

In short, I am lying down with myself standing on the operating table and pretending to be the most sleepy person on earth – a shameful cape! And here the surgeon, referring to the anesthesiologist, issues a mega-epic phrase (I will remember, soon March 8): "Petrovich, I will come to you on March 8, you will do me the same anesthesia - I will please my wife!“...

I have never demonstrated such a willpower!

When people shoot me to smoke, I always open a cigar.

And there I have self-wrapping from the machete and the newspaper. No one has eaten yet. Even the bombs.

You say we are living badly.

I’m in the subway car this morning. The guy who runs after me does not have time and crashes into the closed doors in front of him. He smiles, sends me an air kiss, the mood of a person is apparently playful. I smile to him and respond.

At the next door I see a roaring colleague, sometimes we cross the road to work, he lives 2 stops away from me. We rise together, we rise together. A man’s voice from behind the back: “Girl, do you know everyone in the subway?” I turn my head, ba, the former coach of my son, at 7 years of his training, does not remember me, of course. 12 years passed. “Hello, not everyone, but I know you are a coach in the children’s football section.”

I’ll say hello to everyone when I get into the car tomorrow. In any case.

Xxx: I will remind you that one of the tasks of the Ministry of Finance is to complain about the lack of money, cry and not give



Yyy: Suspiciously reminds me of my ex