Wut: “A Chinese man lived 256 years.” First thought: a programmer.

The man’s card is blocked by the bank, he asks what’s going on? In response, why did you fill up our map? Answered surprisingly so said filled up to pay for services and buy goods. From the bank even more surprising, and what is the "economic meaning" in this?? to
-Well, in general, it is really strange, as if a decent person had a card for himself, well, he filled it, so he even thought about spending! It is suspicious!

From the chat on the swingers website:
How many cm?
I don’t have to wait, I’ll ask my wife to get an ambulance to die. :)
Can you move yourself?
- favorite said about 17cm 3mm, laughing is not worth it, by memory measured :)
What a memory she measured!! to
She put the ambulance in her mouth. :)

>>>Uzhn made the film "Marshal of Finland", where, in fact, Mannerheim plays a Negro.

I realized that you have not watched this movie, nor even the trailer, and are familiar with it only by the news in the tape.
This low-budget film was shot in Kenya and it has ALL black actors.

Two employees of the firm secretly carried into the office the machines of their sons and arranged a fun game right at the workplace. Six people suffered from jealousy.

XX: Interestingly, can you buy a prostitute not for sex, but to love"? She took care, smooked her head, boulders boiled there, didn't fuck out, all the things.

Once, we gathered together by a company of 15 people in a water-water march on the bajdarka. During the purchase of alcohol received an offer from the side on the sale at an acceptable price canister of dry wine. The offer was supported (we are all subtle lovers of good wines here, BLIN!The canvas is acquired. Already on the way in the bus, at the first parking lot for a snack, it was decided to taste ambrosia under butterflies. solemn spill, and... shock: disgust is unfavourable, gives some rottenness - may it have broken up? What to do? to expose? How will the Soviet man pour out what the money is plotted for?
A suicidal idea was adopted: let's dilute the alcohol with this screw, it will still have to be diluted with something, and drinking water is rare in the journey (we usually cook on fresh river water, but it is yellow, and sometimes with more strange shades). of logic? And so is! The final hell mixture did not even know how to name, then the name BERLANDIN was born, with the emphasis on the last slang. This mixture fell from the feet of one glass and was disgusting to taste. By the end of the two-week journey we finally came out to the inhabited land and first run to the local village store... There was only the famous apple-beneficial drink... We took 5 bottles... CHILDREN! I have never had a better food in my life! It was not just drunk, it was tasted! It was just a fairy tale, then we took another box with us.))) Moral: never, NEVER mix alcohol with dry wine!

Conversations at work
What do ants prefer, salt or sugar?
Sugar of course. They don’t eat salt at all.
So why do ants crawl in the salt?
Maybe they thought there was sugar?

Memento_mori: I needed a leash. I went to the store.

Seller: Can you tell me something?
I: Do you have a 0.2 mm hose?
Seller: I don’t understand what you said to me right now!

and silence. No one else in the store. Is it little. Maybe he hears badly. I repeat the question, half a ton above:

I: Do you have 0.2 mm?
Seller: We don’t have any woods! And it never happens!

It was said in such a tone, like, you are what, fool, right? Where did you come at all? It even became fun for me.

I: And where is it?
In the fish shop!
I: Thank you for educating.

Indeed, you have to be a finished creature to go for a leash to a store called "Splash. We fully equip (this is a network of stores, on the site of which in the section "Fishing products" in the category "Equipment" about 40 species of shrimp are displayed).

No need to shoot, kids.
No need to poison.
Time is the best doctor in the world.
But a pathologist.

I came back from work, tired and hungry. The wife says, “I have not prepared anything to eat, do anything and sing, my wife is on vacation.” I go to the kitchen and make eggs with tomatoes. I eat, I watch TV. The wife says "You are naked, you have eaten and I am hungry"

Direct burning: "Cabbage Seeds Aggressor F1!!and "
I am afraid to plant it. Even the consequences will be terrible.

I am not married, I am approaching 30 years old. With the same friend for fun we sit on a dating site. Look at the candidates.
P: This is nothing. A smile is guilty.
I: Oh, this is normal.
Q: No, his ears are different.
One left, one right?
P is yes. Here is the cute one.
I: No, the leaves are too green on the background.
P: I agree with you.
The leaves are too green. The leaf. too much. The Greens.
How to get married here?

He comes to me in the office of a colleague, stops in the middle and, contemplatively looking at the landscape outside the window, asks:

What do you think is better – heavy metals or intestinal stick?

It is cute, I answer. It depends on why.

“Yes, you understand, my wife told me to bring water only from the well for tea, and we only have two wells nearby, one with heavy metals because of the landfill, and the other with an intestinal rod because of the farm.

I never thought that very intelligent people could work in a taxi, but...



I came to the village to my parents, there are taxi drivers at the bus station, and I went to one. We go. An elderly Armenian taxi driver stretches my card and says:

Are you driving with me for the first time?

and yes.

Take a visit card. If you hit the number in your phone right now - I will make a 10% discount (so you have a prospect at the price of the trip of 50 rubles).

I take a "visit card" - 1/6 of the A4 sheet, on some printer printed numbers and big letters name - ABIK. Transcribed to the phone, saved as "Abik.Taxi.Grachovka".

You know, and my name is Yura.

Abigail is written here.

That is what I invented myself. You need a taxi. You pick up the phone, open the address book and what is the first name? is right! and abic! A and B, do you understand? The first letters. As long as they get to Yuri, someone else will call.

How genius is it? Abigail...

I have been living apart from my parents for 15 years and I see my younger brother less often than once a year, and his name still automatically breaks out as a reaction to any trends, instead of "bl. Even if the hammer hits your finger...

I want home! I have left there a white Nick Fury and a guy named Starbeck from the “Battle Star Galaxy.” Leia and Han Solo have three children, and they are all normal!

"Postcapapleptic mixture of worlds and times"

What a wonderful word the author (r). Here there is a connection with the leptha, and with the palette, and with the glass, and with the fast... Truly messy!

There once lived an old man with an old lady.
My grandfather was throwing nets - erši, snoopers.
Maybe not rich, not rich.
But it was made of rust.

Here comes my grandfather with his catch.
“You hear, old lady,” she says, “what’s the matter?
I met a fish here, in a word...
By the way, what about the cork?" "As a whole...";

Thirty years have passed and three more years.
They all live together, and they are just as friendly.
"You... say if you need something."
And calm down, grandfather. No need for it."

Vadik arrived on the promised land with one backpack, two hundred U.S. dollars and three courses of MISI (Moscow Construction) behind his shoulders.

The backpack dropped on the balcony of a relative who arrived a few months earlier, and immediately went to build something low in the neighboring hotel complex. Five and a half days a week he mixed the solution and carried various cargoes on himself, held and served, thrown and carefully installed various objects in the place of the future pavilion.



Vadik did all this under the guidance of a gray boss of forty years who rarely appeared on the venue, in the company of a dozen dull, cuddly guys who communicated with each other on the local throat. Vadik himself spoke to everyone in English, which he did well. He generally loved different languages, and he went to the construction university more for the company and geographically - lived nearby.



Colleagues at work in the historic homeland served Vadik with eastern sweets, drank coffee, pronounced the words and sentences that he tried to remember, and in general were smiling and quite friendly to the new citizen of a small but proud country.



On Fridays and Saturdays, Vadik rested on the balcony allocated to him, almost not communicating with anyone, systematizing the knowledge gained over the week. Sometimes I only watched a movie in Russian with a relative from the nearest video rental under a bottle of cold local beer.



A month later, the young man was already tolerantly dealing with his sluggish comrades at work in a new language for him, and a few months later he decided to upset the chief with almost free speech in Hebrew – it would make the job easier, raise the rank, and at the same time raise the salary.



Arriving at work on Sunday (it is the beginning of the working week in Israel on Sunday), Vadik, after listening to the instructions of the day, pronounced by the boss in his usual rubbed English, replied with a long tirade, including not only a few good considerations, but also wishes of good health and to the boss and members of his family including children, brothers, parents and all the "rabbit relatives" up to Sakha Bukashka. All in Hebrew!

At the end, satisfied with himself, Vadik remained silent.

The slightly upset boss also opened his mouth, and when he was able to do it, he spoke everything in the same English.

Do you understand what you said to me now?

“Yes,” answered the glowing Vadik.

Do you understand in what language?

Of course! In the Hebrew! Looking proudly at the boss, the new repatriant replied.

“Nearly,” the boss smiled, “it’s Arabic.

What? what? – Vadik was terrified, – and these? – he pointed out to the fucking and dumb guys.

They are Arabs. from the neighboring village. Palestinians are like.

Vadik nodded his shoulders, darkened.

“But you are good,” continued the boss, “and from this day on you become a brigadier’s assistant.

And the salary? The smile gradually returned to Vadiq’s face.

If you learn Hebrew, I will rise up. You seem to have it quickly.

A month later, Vadik learned Hebrew, and his salary was immediately raised by one and a half times.



But two more later he went to the hotel business, the owner of the hotel where the construction was going invited, having heard about a guy almost freely speaking in four languages. Now Vadik speaks at five, added Spanish, but writes mostly in C++. It was more profitable...