bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №123357
 21.01.2016
xxx: news: Oshchadbank began to trial with Russia for assets in Crimea
Tagged: Oyaebubank
ZZZ: The Bank

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123356
 21.01.2016
I went to a small store (there are mainly alkasha and cigarettes, well, and in small amounts - chips, slices, juices). In front of me flies a aunt and to the saleswoman - Give me a warm *fig knows, I am not scratching in the names, but the alcoholic cocktail, as it turned out * but the current to grapefruit or gin-tonic, the main thing is that without coloring!
This is the care for health!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №123355
 21.01.2016
Q: What did you drink for?
BB: Just for no reason. I’m not an idiot to justify myself.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123354
 21.01.2016
..."Not to drink this while driving" is usually on the instructions inside the packaging. I came to the pharmacy, bought it, opened it, read it, said "I have your left", tried to give it back - no, you can't give away the medication.

Just ask the pharmacist. If they do not know, they will open and read.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123353
 21.01.2016
I am not a man hater!
This is how I feel if the conversation continues in this way, by morning we will become Ahtungas.
I think if a guy makes a selfie, he’s a pedicure.
M2 we do not reach the bridge, I have already burned up.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №123352
 21.01.2016
I study in Italy. My classmate recently told me how he and his friends were fairy lounging. In general, they have a friend, Nicholas is called, from a very wealthy family (a huge house with a palace, villas in Austria and southern Italy, 3 cars, etc.). And he has a girlfriend (a very wealthy family), they have been dating for just over a year. Everyone continued to convince him that the girl was with him only because of money. I bet on 50 euros. Immediately he went home to the girl, Nicholas put his phone in his pocket on the line so that the friends under the house could hear the whole dialogue. They told him to check it with this statement:



Nico: “This is the case. My father spoke to me recently and decided to take away all my inheritance rights so that I could earn my own money. In a month I will move to the universe. And I want to sell my car, I will save my own type. “Isn’t it a dog?”



The girl: “Are you joking? What are you, seriously? Fuck you finally! What a good father! I will personally thank him tonight. Not only is it that now you don’t have to ride these stupid pathos cars and wear shirts for 200 euros, so no one will think that I’m some kind of shit salesman.



So, now they collect this bourgeois 50 euros x)

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123351
 21.01.2016
I go up to the floor with the police officer, the door is opened by my grandfather, my pants are broken, my penis is in my hands, and he directs it to my police officer girl, she just recently came to work. The pervert was afraid and let us run down the stairs, only the heels.



I was upset that grandfather was weeping, apparently not able to say what to do. We entered the room, and there his grandmother lay, after a stroke, but can talk, says the grandfather of the adenom, for the second day can not urinate, and does not talk after a removed tumor on the larynx. They rescued the pervert. My daughter had to take a valerian.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123350
 21.01.2016
Why, fucking, everyone can write on the Internet, but not everyone can search and read.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123349
 21.01.2016
I woke up twice in the night from standing. I dreamed of this job.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №123348
 20.01.2016
I was baptized and bathed in the church, but it was very cold there too, and I was six months old. Then a severe pneumonia, a severe allergy to antibiotics...Ele survived.
YYY: With the help of God.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №123347
 20.01.2016
As a man of European culture, I respect the Christian concept of conscience.
As a person interested in Japanese culture, I also accept the Japanese concept of shame.
I have developed my own concept for myself: no shame or conscience.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №123346
 20.01.2016
and lifhack. My younger brother asked.

Brother: Is it true that you have all the questions or tickets issued before the exam?

I: Yes

Brother: Thus they can learn everything.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №123345
 20.01.2016
XHHH: today in Kursk barely in the seat of dpsnics
You do not know how to drive!
In short, I go from the subway along the railroad, and there are two menta cars on the side. Luckily, something happened, I went 20 meters to the right, there was a zebra. I pass, I turn, and there is the turn of those who decide to cross. The mentions are satisfied, they make everyone happy

[ + 31 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123344
 20.01.2016
19365: As long as we buy expensive imported cheeses, the quality of domestic cheeses will not improve? seriously? Have you ever heard of competition? We, if you did not notice, imposed an embargo on expensive imported cheeses, normal cheese (as well as butter, etc.) In the shops now find the figure, someone noticed a sharp improvement in the quality of the domestic product? So what is the reason for them now to improve some quality there, if we have no choice and we will buy domestic one way or another?

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123343
 20.01.2016
I work in a small company as a system administrator. Calls the director and asks to repair his computer chair, "You're a computer worker, you know what to do."

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №123342
 20.01.2016
The three-year-old daughter decided tonight to be a "songwriter like on TV." She went to her room, and 10 minutes later she came out all painted with a mask, with a red shirt and naked. All in all, it quite accurately conveyed the essence of our stage...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №123341
 20.01.2016
The Finberg Orchestra. Rehearsal of the ensemble. We play something like a ballad, generally melodic and quiet. Suddenly, in the middle of the song, the door opens and a cleaner with a huge vacuum cleaner enters. The conductor (not Finnberg) stops the rehearsal, and in accordance with the musical traditions addresses the cleaner: “Sorry, we don’t bother you? To what she gently answers, “Oh! Cannabis - we are here!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123340
 20.01.2016
xxx: I passed the IQ test on the Internet, I am 38.

YYY: “Is that at least a Tyr?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123339
 20.01.2016
News: Cops hit the house of a 10-year-old Muslim living in Lancashire because of an offensive mistake made in a school writing. In the UK, a student from a Muslim family was searched and questioned in connection with suspicion of ties to terrorists. According to the BBC News, the reason was a mistake a 10-year-old student made in writing about his family. The boy wrote that he lives in a “terrorist house” (terrorist house) and not in a “terraced house” (so-called typical houses in European cities).



The next day, security guards stormed the house where the student lives with his family. The boy's room was turned up and down, and the materials in his computer were also studied. According to the parents of the student, they are shocked by the incident and await apologies from the school and law enforcement officials. The boy’s family insists that the teacher knew about his problems with spelling, and therefore did not have the right to report to the police about the content of the work and to expose the child’s surroundings to unnecessary suspicions.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №123338
 20.01.2016
The hour of night. Patient enters resuscitation with a knife. We remove the bandage, and underneath it... a traveler! Where he was taken at night is unknown.

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