bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123217
 17.01.2016
Friendship of the Speaker and the Aitishnik

XHH: Vasya, I know the IP comp from which the entrance was made.
How to hack password and email
XX: I remember that some cookies can be pulled out
Tagged: ahahah
Can I hide it?
Theme: Nahua
I will show the messengers.
WOW : WOW
YYY :D
ууу: no, guy, you can not, knowing only the IP, hack the account in the VC
Vashya, I have a recording of your vocal in the original.
Tagged: fucks
WOW: I understood
XHH: So think

[ + 15 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123216
 17.01.2016
If he is not awarded an Oscar, he will apply for Russian citizenship

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123215
 17.01.2016
V. Roteberg "The Triumph of the Unconscious"

The congress was a celebration for all participants (except for the organizers). The exotic opportunity to come to such a congress brought together in one room people who do not often meet with each other. There were leaders of all, often hostile to each other, psychoanalytic schools and directions. Interesting reports exchanged and went into discussions, unfolding in the corridors and cafés.
Discussing all the most difficult problems of the unconscious created the feeling of breaking the blockade right in front of our eyes. And then Professor Ekaterina Shorohova, an orthodox and odious Marxist ideologue from psychology, felt that it was time to defend principles. She stood up on the bench during a round table gathering the leaders of all psychoanalytic schools, and began her speech as follows: “Psychology should deal with the relationship between man and man, man and society and other...sexual problems.”
Synchronous translation into 3 languages, a short pause for understanding – and an explosion of whisper and applause. Everyone was clear – the scientist lady wanted to say – “social problems.” She was calm, but it is the psychoanalysts who know that such reservations are of great importance – behind them are serious and unconscious personal problems. The hall celebrated and unstopped. Shorohova clearly confirmed what she was trying to fight against. The classic reservation has been included in dozens of foreign correspondences about Congress.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №123214
 17.01.2016
How then came from vacation and did not find his ceds at work (who spares), found other similar ones, cords only others, dressed them (also spares), comes a guy, I see in his ceds, presents, I ask: "and where did you get them?" by his explanations I understand that the guy took my ceds and changed the cords so that they do not suspect. Conclusion: I myself do not suspect the guy spheres his cages. Moral: In Russia, the time has arrived when you curb what was curbed from you.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123213
 17.01.2016
My favorite guitar teacher taught me lifehack how not to make a mistake in a four-way rhythmic pulse. Instead of "RAZ-da-three-four" say "I-di-o-ty".

I’t be me if I didn’t make it into "PI-da-ra-sy".

The main thing now, coming to the class, accidentally not to give it...

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №123212
 17.01.2016
I go here in the bus, in front of me is a girl with my mother, a daughter of strength 5 years old, and between them there is this conversation:



Mom, what is an orgasm?

How do you know this word?

The teachers said

This is when your mouth is full and you are fine.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №123211
 17.01.2016
I decided to sell my old nine. I looked at the prices of similar from $ 3-4 thousand. Since my car in perfect condition put out for $3,500, the average price.



A few weeks later a guy calls, offers an exchange for the same color and year of issue nine and as he said, "WITH A GOOD PAY". I didn’t understand anything, but we agreed to meet.



Arrives the next day one in one car like my, except for not significant little things. Approaches, says, "My name is Vasil", I answer "significantly" he did not understand the joke, well okay. Then he begins to tell me how good his car is, how much he loves it, where he visited it (“very important info”) and how much he needs money...so stop!!! “I don’t understand,” I answer. This head says, "Well, I put my own for $5,000, for a year no one has bought, found yours and with your additional payment in 1500-2000 I would change..."



Yes, I stumbled and lost the gift of speech from what was heard. He turned and went to his car. He cried loudly, sprinkling saliva from my ignorance to him. Then when I left, he demanded reimbursement for the spent time and gasoline.



A year later, I remembered the case and looked at the website where his car was still sold for the same $5,000.



P.S I sold my car for 3,200 a week after meeting with the auto business guru

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123210
 17.01.2016
Daughter Playing Minecraft: Dad, I’m Lost!! to
Just die...
Yes, thank you daddy!
This is the modern reality.

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123209
 17.01.2016
Elite housing is usually built by an elite housing company.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №123208
 17.01.2016
A friend in the New Year broke up with a girlfriend. He did it suddenly and irrevocably. To the question of what he was so disturbing, he remained silent. But we didn’t do such things, especially on holidays, when there’s nothing to do. Here is the moment of truth.
In short, she on her corporate, on the go, hit her eyebrows, felt like a great deceiver, came to me, fucked and went home. And I wrote me from a taxi clever essays, such as, sorry I couldn’t stay, my mom would be worried, but you were superb, chmooki-chmooki.
Is this a reason for separation? Do you like to fuck with drunk girls? Do you like girls who sleep at home?
“I don’t like being fucked in Peter while I’m sitting at a workshop in Voronezh for the third day. This is a great reason for me to break up.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123207
 17.01.2016
The statistician drowned, crossing a river, the average depth of which was only one meter.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №123206
 17.01.2016
To the translator: you can call intimate lubrication - "Epic power".

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123205
 17.01.2016
Why Why?

Why use all kinds of chassams, audio tags, tunics and other song recognizers if there is a Google!? to
It is enough to enter only a piece of the song, for example: "a fa nana".

A song without words? What, then, to enter in Google: "la-la-la"?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123204
 17.01.2016

If Leo doesn’t give the Oscars this year, then the Dicaprist uprising will begin.
WOW: U-Y-Y-Y... Or the Capronarians!
If only not capricious.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123203
 17.01.2016
Google to help:

It is paddle...
....................
Kial: Haval now, from the nephig to do robbed a telecome. And there the Soviet cartoon Aybolit is going.
So, an interesting fact - the first good gray sage flying on giant eagles was he, not Gandalf.
....................
The cartoon was removed before 1953. Because then Tolkan Hobot published.

Dr. Ayboly is a fictional doctor, a character of several works by Korney Chukovsky: poetic fairy tales “Barmalay” (1925), “Aibolit” (1929) and “Oddolejem Barmalay!” (1942), as well as the prose novel “Doctor Aybolyts” (1936).
The song was performed in 1938.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123202
 17.01.2016
As a child, I didn’t like when the soup floats, carrots, onions, and all kinds of greens. I was capricious about it all the time. And then one day, I started screaming loudly and said

I want a soup without anything.

My mother persuaded me to eat this soup, but I insisted.

I want a soup without anything.

My mother’s patience exhausted, she took a plate and poured water out of the crane.

Eat your soup without anything.

Since then I have not been capricious.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №123201
 17.01.2016
I walked through a yard in the area of the River station. A pair of middle-aged hipsters:
I haven’t seen anywhere public servants work so badly.
Why do we have to see all this snow?
I said "Because crazy, winter"and gone, rust. And those euphoriae are still suffering :)

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123200
 16.01.2016
Neighbors after leaving the dress turn on the music in a new way and go to you to beat your mouths. This is Russia...
>You are a pizzaboll! Do not report the arrival of the data of the caller.
and
> when and how. I was informed that as a result of the neighbors carried me the next day and received from me educational guidelines.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123199
 16.01.2016
Do you know well about columns?
YYY: of course
YYY: These are such small furious animals.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123198
 16.01.2016
Kial: Haval now, from the nephig to do robbed a telecome. And there the Soviet cartoon Aybolit is going.
So, an interesting fact - the first good gray sage flying on giant eagles was he, not Gandalf.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna