bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №109043
 06.02.2015
Keir: One of the biggest disappointments in life is a glowing condom.
I thought that for the sake of the galaxy, I would proudly march with my light sword, relentlessly pushing them over to the dark side, and it turned out as if an elderly lighthead landed on the hole to quietly and peacefully meet his death in a dream.
Val: I haven’t read such a review yet.
[17:04:52] Val: but about the latter they write all
Kira: either boasted or not tried
Val: And did they not try to hold gong in the light? From a dark package to a dark package.
[17:18:29] Keir: Have you "Calculator" not seen yet?
[17:18:35] Val: not
Kira: I have to go.
[17:18:51] Keir: take a cognac, girl and go to the movie
Why do we need a movie?
[17:19:10] KIR: Well...
It is dark there!
[17:19:32] Val: Are you gathering with the Lightning Broom to go? 8) is
[17:20:46] Kire: Oh! It will be anthropogenic. Add to the list the glowing Gandons. I have a flash to activate them.
[17:21:49] Kir: Shut up, the movie, the movie is going, the room is dark... HUUUUUUUYAK! flashes in the eyes. The spectators were missing, and there were two men with glowing members. Fantastically!
Val: “Mom, mom, we seem to have come to Star Wars, episode seven!
Here is the trailer!
by rzbzdc

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109042
 06.02.2015
>>> The pollen of potatoes does not fly! She is heavy!! She, your mother’s foot through her shoulder, is falling!! to

and ah. with Groucho

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109041
 06.02.2015
Soderano from the cooling body of Nash:
"xxx: Fuck, it’s there as much as you can with your surname. have to pass.
Yyy: That is, you want to say that you have a fancy, archery, vampire and sorceress available, but you, fucking, definitely want to fuck a cat?
YYY: You are fucking.
Yyy: But by the way, I didn’t know, I have to go through."

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №109040
 06.02.2015
xxx: Recently the server of our universe was hacked, and I became aware that the faculty of comprehensive security here consists of separate departments of real and imaginary security(((

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №109039
 06.02.2015
Marasmatic hysteria
What did they do with it and how does this grape grow?! Why didn’t they say it was GMO?
I bought grapes in the market yesterday. They said sort somehow "kum-kush" or "shesh-beš", I did not remember.
And - horror - there is no bone in it!! ! to I didn’t notice at first and ate 1.5 grains! ! to Only then I noticed that he was without bones, that is, infertile, but it was too late! I have already eaten.
What did they do with it and how does this grape grow?! Why is it not warned that it is genetically modified? Now I sit and fear - can I now have children?
*********************************
1 Vineyard is called"Kishmisch"
The vineyards are multiplied by beams, cracks, cuttings, but not by seeds!
The mention of Kishmish is preserved in Uzbek fairy tales and dates back to 1212.
The Uzbeks reproduce normally.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109038
 06.02.2015
The project manager asked one admin to restart the server. And when the server was down, she asked another administrator to check why the server did not respond. Trolling of the 80th Level!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109037
 06.02.2015
Everyone has a friend who gives advice, helps to set up a personal life and these advice work, but hell, this person has no personal life.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №109036
 06.02.2015
Video of the collapse of the Takom Bridge:
The chief engineer passed through it during the rowing to show that the bridge is safe.
...
Three hours later, the bridge did not stand and collapsed into the water. Strangely enough, only one dog was injured during this tragedy.
The father adds: "Aga. Well you, chief engineer, and the dog!"

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109035
 06.02.2015

Yes, no, it is quite obvious that the more leaves, the warmer. Here in the tundra, for example, there are only trees, they have small leaves. In the middle latitudes it is already better, but only in summer, and in autumn the trees drop leaves and all, soon comes winter. And the heat does not come until the new leaves grow. If, on the contrary, it was, before the first snow would fall, and then the leaves fell, but no - always first the leaves fall, then the frost and snow come.
And in the tropics there are many evergreen trees, there is always warm.

Andrei
All right as well. The sun just grows along with the kidneys.

Dmitry
I think we need to cut forests in the tropics to stop global warming.

Andrei
They do so.

Dmitry
All my genius ideas have already been invented by others.

Andrei
I throw the bottles into the pond to reduce the area of evaporation. Because when the water evaporates in the sky, clouds appear and the sun closes.

Dmitry
You are right, and I think the car is black, why did I buy it?

Andrei
Because there were no others.

Dmitry
so that in the summer the sun heated her and she condensed this heat into the surrounding space, so that in the winter it would be warmer

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №109034
 06.02.2015
Experience shows that if a frog and a frog have a conflict, it is usually because one of them behaves like a frog.

Using the opportunity, I greet the former, who knew that I was going to bed at 11 p.m., but still chronically suffered from pseudo-dramatic impulses such as “I just wanted to wish you a good night’s dream!” at two o’clock.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109033
 06.02.2015
Do you also have a drinking duo who is drunk doing horrible things and then everyone thinks you did it?

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №109032
 06.02.2015
If a child wants to eat, he will scream.
If you look a child in the eyes and talk to him, he smiles and walks.

The situation :
The child wants to eat, wakes up and begins to cry. We approach him, look at him and talk. The child is silent. He wants to eat and he wants to cry. But he talks to him, and he wants to smile. There is an emotional and cognitive dissonance, and the child, pressing his lips, shakes his eyes on you, in which it is read: "This is a good idea to be born in the family of the tester."

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №109031
 06.02.2015
I’m in the car, my wife and aunt.
We go from my wife’s work (world courtroom) where I was repairing the flow in the heating system (and my wife’s secretary there).
Why does the judge not do it, he is a man.
Wife: Because when the site moved to a new room, I asked him, “Do you have tools, a screwdriver and a perforator?” and he said, “No.” There is a two-sided Scotch"
I roared so much that I had time to stop on the side.
Now in the family a new mem about men "He has a home of tools - a bilateral Scotch"

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №109030
 06.02.2015
Nothing kills skill and skill in a person like comfort and luxury.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №109029
 06.02.2015
The morning. The sleeping tram runs precisely on the rails that have not yet awakened. Suddenly he stops: everything is clear, an accident is ahead. Unhappy passengers leave the train. In front of me was a line of semi-empty trams.

I get to the nearest intersection: so is, a small red “Peugeot” crashed into a steep jeep. The side of “Peugeot” on the passenger’s side “wraps”, so the driver was still very lucky. The driver of the “Peugeot” was a gentle woman, who came out of the salon and speaks with someone lively on the mobile phone. The driver of the jeep also speaks on the phone, but directly from the cabin, it is visible for him below his own dignity to go out with some stupid grandmother, especially on his beauty there is no scratch. Everyone is waiting for Haishnikovs. Listen to the victim’s whisper:

- Imagine, dear, a goat has crashed into my little bitch. Why am I stupid and can’t drive? It’s his fault, it’s his fault. Probably as stupid as his jeep.

Her voice visibly reached the cabin of the jeep, the door opens and the driver of the jeep goes out to the disassembly. She looks at him, he looks at her, they recognize each other and at the same time shout:

That is you! 🙂! to

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №109028
 06.02.2015
A penny ruble is guarded. Until the thunder blows, the man will not cross. They are not rich and have nothing to start with.
Minister of Finance, have you completed the report?

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №109027
 06.02.2015
Fuck her in a bathroom filled with black maffins.
and...
You have been squeezed, gentlemen.
Everyone has something sacred.
pornography

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109026
 06.02.2015
xxx: Everyone knows what it leads to... First we remove genetic diseases. Then predisposition to disease and dementia. After we remove the genes associated with addictions (drinking, drug addiction, etc.)

xxx: Eventually, they will ban the copying of genes that are harmful to society (wanderers, alcoholics, “sexual perverse”).

xxx: Even if a preliminary review of the genome is not mandatory, such people will be avoided. After all, you suddenly have the genes of a maniac.

Don’t forget the paranoids! Their genes also need to be removed from circulation as soon as possible, so that the discussion of scientific problems does not slide into religious and political messes, as in the dark XX-XXI centuries.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №109025
 06.02.2015
Today I explained to a 25-year-old colleague with two higher education that not Lenin fought with Hitler. Judging by the expression of his face, he did not believe me until the end.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №109024
 06.02.2015
We had a bar. With a beard and a sweater. In honour of the excerpt, I sang "How wonderful it is that we all gathered here today". in the psychiatric department. Great is yes.

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