Once, at the age of 6, I asked my dad what my paternity was "Dmitrievna" or "Vladimirovna". The father was noticeably tense, issued "Dmitrievna" and asked where the legs of this interest are growing.

And I just knew my dad’s name was Dima, but I didn’t know what the full name sounded like. And in the name of Vladimir, I also heard the root of DIM. But Dad thought for a moment. A friend of the WOW family also had a...

The morning. and Taxi.

The passenger is a 25-year-old man. He speaks tightly on the phone. Rather, he does not even talk, but more often there is a loud begging female cry, which unpleasantly cuts my ear and me.

“I’m an Iranian,” a few minutes after the start of the trip, he puts on the phone. A week ago, my wife took her away, and my father returned her.

Arrived in Iran? Taxi drivers are hard to surprise.

and no. She is Uzbek. My parents live in Uzbekistan, they changed me.

The hero...

- Six months ago I got married, she was at home, and I provided her all, worked... And then I learned that she has a lover. On the dating site found...

......

Do you know what is the worst thing about it? Asking after a short pause.

...??? to

He is a Tajik!! to

He was on a trip abroad, and his son had a birthday. I gave him a bottle of wine as a gift. Specifically asked the seller to advise something better, because I do not understand it myself.

I gave. The man rejoiced:

“Well,” he says, “we’ll open it together next weekend.

I come to visit them. Organize a small table. Open the bottle. The taste is pure. It is not of the best quality. Even the smell is disgusting.

- Fuck, sorry, the seller fell sick someone advised, I was upset.

Here comes his wife:

He ate your whiskey the first night. I’ve been around with a bottle all day. And then the same ones poured there with tea...

- Great whisker, bring more, I just thought, you still don't ball, you won't notice.

Lenin: A monk can drive a Mercedes

Once from work sent to training in personnel management for middle-level managers.

We sit and discuss different things. The coach throws the topic: have you met employees in your practice who are constantly late?

One guy says, yes, there was a girl in my department, led several departments, performed duties qualitatively, but was constantly having trouble coming to work. The company has a strict regime control, and she is 5 minutes late, then 10 minutes late, every day.

The coach directly revived: yes, yes, that’s what I’m saying, a very good example! How did you solve this problem?

Boy: I married her and started taking her to work on time.

A black woman to a white man.
- Remember, if you start flirting with me, I will accuse you of harassment.
I am not going to flirt with you.
You are also a racist!

In the courtyard 2004.

I met the girl on March 7. Sitting in the cafe. The first kiss, all work. According to her, it is an intelligent family. Dad is a diplomat. My mother is a doctor.

What to give for March 8th?

The best gift, as you know, is a book. I ask, do you love to read?

I answer, I love it, of course.

I bought her a gift edition of Edgar Poe's works.

I give you a bouquet of flowers and a book.

He asks, what shit is this?

My favorite writer. Read it will like. Classics of American Literature. You said you love to read.

The girl is a little stuck.

I mean the brilliant magazines.

A colleague at work during the watch took it for this, then for that, and then when he left home, he took a little more, and eventually got something about 2500 rubles. (2014 the year). He went home. Debt promised to return, and never returned, died in a dream of Quincke's edema.

Together with another colleague, they were on the train for the third day, then another 5 days of the helicopter was waiting for the departure to the facility. They ate and drank for my money. He borrowed me 6500 rubles. Upon returning home, one of my colleagues immediately paid me the debt as soon as we were counted in the office. The second one had to be given later. But I never gave it. Eventually, I fell under the train.

The energy engineer, already at another place of work, was familiar with them. He owed me 500 rubles for two years. So I told him these two stories, and in a minute he pulled me 500 rubles and said, "You carry some hernia, take away from sin!"

Emotional security is like this.



When you run out of the bathroom in horror and complain (almost matte) that the toilet has stopped washing... and the 4th of the summer says, “Surely it’s because of me. I dropped a lot of papers. I needed a cardboard̆ roll. I’m sorry, pleasĕ And instead of “no cartoons today” you answer, “OK, thank you for your honesty.”



When a teenager calls you from school, travel in tears and says, “I’m drunk with alcohol. What should I do? Instead of “you’ll get home,” you say, “Don’t worry. This is not the end of the world. With whom are you? Where is? in safety? »



When you say to your husband, “Song, check if she is breathing. She’s sleeping too long.” And instead of “don’t say nonsense, thoughts are material,” he answers, “I’ll check. But what are you afraid? » And you discuss with him your fear of sudden syndromĕ childhood̆ death. He embraces you.



When Rebecca says, “I’m afraid to make an unfaithful choice, you don’t go to that university. Suddenly I’ll regret,” and instead of “you have another year to think, it’s an important decision, it depends on the whole life” you answer, “You can always change your mind. A mistake is also a result. We are growing and our view of ourselves is changing.”



When older children say about the baby, "when she screams, I have such anger, such anger within me," and you understandably sneeze instead of reminding her that it is your sister and you should love her.



How comfortable to live in a house where there is emotional security. Life is completely different̆. In her there is almost no fear, less anger and a lot of support.

Mother burned her favorite dress with a stitch and was very upset about it. I sincerely wanted to delight her and I started looking for the same dress. I thought it would not be difficult to find it, as it was bought in a large network store, but since this collection was created a few years ago, it was no longer sold in the store. A charming girl-consultant offered to travel through the stockpiles or look for someone's flight on the network. I went around 8 out of 9 stocks and found a new (with a mark) exactly like this dress.

I quickly bought it, wrapped it in a gift package and gave it to my mom. It would seem like buying a dress is such a nonsense, and she still considers me a hero.

Disappointment is when it seems like it’s time to get married.

My wife and the younger went to my mother for the weekend. I am home with the elderly. He plays with friends on the street, right under our windows, then they run in the crowd, then for toys, then to drink, then to change clothes. I am busy at this time - I prepare lunch, parallel my floors and clean up. A boy from their company, watching this picture, says to me:

- But my dad said that a man should come to the kitchen only to eat, and the cloth can not even touch.

While I was thinking about how to gently explain to him that his dad was not quite right, one girl was quick:

Everyone knows you have a strange father.

And with noise and laughter the children ran out to the street, and the boy came out thoughtful.

Thanks to you, good girl.

When entering the store, do not allow the thermometer to be attached to your forehead to measure the temperature.
They wipe away the memory.
Yesterday I went for bread and milk and went out with two bottles of beer.

My nephew came in for a visit. Well, how did it happen that we met him on the basketball pitch, who will get to the basketball shield in a jump and who will jump further in length. Our parameters: I am 183 cm, 35 years old. Nephew 21 years old, height 190 cm. I got to the shield, the nephew is not, well, and in length I jumped a whole foot further. Summary: I am lying on the bed for the third day with a sick back and I give myself injections, and tomorrow to the doctor. The boy returned home whole and uninjured. The youth has won.)

I worked in the glorious city of Tel Aviv in the early 1990s. I was late a couple of times, and the boss solemnly handed me the keys from the office. I had to come half an hour earlier, take the office off the alarm, and leave half an hour later. Thank God, about a year later, another employee was late a couple of times, and the keys were handed over to her. No material cares or morals.

Once from work sent to training in personnel management for middle-level managers.

We sit and discuss different things. The coach throws the topic: have you met employees in your practice who are constantly late?

One guy says, yes, there was a girl in my department, led several departments, performed duties qualitatively, but was constantly having trouble coming to work. The company has a strict regime control, and she is 5 minutes late, then 10 minutes late, every day.

The coach directly revived: yes, yes, that’s what I’m saying, a very good example! How did you solve this problem?

I married her and took her to work on time.

Having a half-billion-dollar yacht with its own air defense and missile defense systems is not cool. It is cool when your country sends you an aircraft carrier accompanied by support ships and a battalion of marines.

Just two cats carry a disabled dog across the road
https://vk.com/video-34740837_456264247

Comments to Video:

Our youngest cat came from our neighbors. She lived in their courtyard, on trees with white trees, almost wild, considered herself a little white - a cat walked on the wires, to the horror of the spectators... Then the neighbors moved and took her with them. And she returned. The white and the native tree.
He begged to eat. We took her. The older man poured a little out of the bowl with cat food, and the bowl was right next to it and forgot. The cat has eaten the spilled, wants more - and can not open the bowl. She went to the bushes, brought a striped friend - enote. Enot opened the bowl, and they sat in two throats next to this prey and ate it.
Cooperation in the wild is at the height.

My friend in Toronto was sitting on the veranda, reading a book and crushing chips from a bowl next door. At some point, I realized that Krustit was not alone. He looks, and next to him, the enot sat humanly and also puts his foot in the bowl and tossed the chips.

I bought a taboo in an online store. Now Yandex constantly offers me to buy soap and rope.

Two friends came to visit me yesterday, one of them with a 4-year-old daughter. They agreed that I would give them green tea from Thailand, and they would bring rolls.

Nothing predicted trouble.

While the girls were coveted on the table and mastered the kitchen, I went into the hall to arrange entertainment for a 4-year-old girl. With the words - "Go, uncle Igor will show you cartoons now."

While I was running the PS4 to turn on YouTube and then find cartoons about Elza, I was trying to keep the conversation. I asked her about her hobbies and everything in that spirit.

Suddenly this miracle declares –

D: “And I can also sit on the sword! “”

I said, “Oh how cool! Will you show?” (I am still watching TV)

D: “Of course! Thou shalt!”

He runs to the kitchen.

What happened next caused my heart to shake.

I hear a child’s voice from the kitchen:

D: “Maam, maam! Uncle Igor asked me to take off my pants, can you help?”

There was silence in the kitchen. My eyes turned into the eyes of Steve Bush. The rear pass is compressed proportionally to the eyes.

I run to the kitchen. People with the same eyes are looking at me.

Everything ended well and we all laughed together. But hell, I really hope that now that childhood voice won’t chase me in nightmares.

and upd. The logic of the girl. She was in jeans and could not sit on a sword. So they had to be removed first. There were jeans underneath.