We have few parking spaces in the yard, so we often block the cars and leave the phone number under the front glass. I go out this morning, my car is locked. I call the phone number and the girl takes the phone. My phone is not my car, but my husband’s. He gives me his number. I call, he goes out, resets his car, I leave. But...

In the afternoon, a morning girl calls and asks at what address the man’s car was. I am talking. After a second’s silence, she said: “Happy!

Sorry man, if anything.

Poverty in Russia is dying out, so it has gone down.

Have you seen your husband’s eyes at least once when he sucked? No is! And I sucked at the cousin for the New Year, and then my husband went to the bathroom! So what? He had such eyes!
In 2008, they decided to go to the New Year in Lagos-Naki in a hotel, a place of course beautiful, the air and atmosphere far from civilization. On January 1, the comrade convinced me and my spouses to do a heroic act and go on a tour to one of the caves. I wanted to stay upstairs and drink a glint wine, but my wife insisted on the tour.
I have to say that the descent was by a metal staircase and the transition deep into the cave by bridges that crushed and bended, and since I did not sleep and still got sick from the water, I like a zombie slowly moved in the crowd in the darkness of the cave and hardly listened to the tour guide. I was not alone, there was still a brother in a chain with a thick finger, with a barbecue with a piercings and a dim sight. Well, in short, a very specific pashan, who came to a huge jeep of the type of Tahoe, and who also hardly gave in to the conjury of the spouse and agreed to a tour instead of a glintwein.
Five minutes later, in order to warm my frozen fingers, I wrapped my wife and pushed her arms under the coat and began to wrap my chest and rub my cheek on her hair. When asked that she was accidentally not cold without a swimsuit under her sweater, she shrugged her head and whispered in response. The radar began to work, she felt that she was holding something in the pop, began to rub and murmur. I quietly said to my ear that it would not depart from me, or everyone would see my radar in a combat position.) She whispered that everything was okay! So we went out to the central square where there was a lot of light, I stumbled and suddenly saw that from the opposite square looking at me with the blinking look of the spouse in the same coat as the lady I embraced!
With the scream of Yopt... This is not my wife! I pulled my hands out of my coat and jumped away.
What has not been communicated to the people. Everyone except me and the girl. What to roast? Imagine a painting with oil – She’s all dotted by embarrassment, and I’m with a standing hero and frightened eyes! From the shock he did not fall, and I tried for ten seconds with shaking hands to put him in one of the jeans pants, as the short jacket did not cover anything.
Reaction of participants:
Father of this lady:
It is stupid! It was necessary as soon as he began to embrace, turn to the exit and drag him into his daddy's car!
The lady (excuses me):
Dad, I was thinking about taking him by the hand!
A scream from the crowd:
I had to catch the shit!
The Canadian pashan:
The Brother! It is beautiful! You made me feel good for the whole day! Drink at the top.
The Wife:
A good year has begun!
At the top, a particular pashan dragged me to the bar with a shale and glintwein, where we had to fix our health for another hour.
And my wife has a smart woman...understood and forgiven...)))

Dear President Vladimir Vladimirovich! The inhabitants of Primorye, Khabarovsk region and Vladimir region are interested in whether those who voted against United Russia will be attracted by the article "Extremism"?? to

It was in Minsk. year of 2006. We worked on one object. As usual, the people with the boron on the saucer. Who is from where. My husband and I only knew each other. There is a company of four villagers. Six people are unfamiliar. We took the room as a home. We work. After two weeks, things start badly. Denzels as by the maneuver of evil will themselves disappear from the pockets of clean clothes. In different quantities, but every day. Everyone matters who for whom. But the disaster continues. Stir things like a dust. It is uncomfortable to carry. It can be forgotten or missed accidentally. After a week such a hernia already reaches a frank bite. My husband and I wanted to set up a seat. As always, the case helps. I brought color Xerox to the office. Only a misfortune. Delivery to the door and in the office onli ladies. We, as decent, helped get in for what was included in the gentlemen's league. And here I stumbled. The next day I asked for $20. Of course, ladies tortured me with all sorts of punishments, but my intelligent appearance reassured them.



Tomorrow the boat was abandoned. It was in the wallet, but the corner was visible. In the evening, the bill was extended. Who doesn't understand and the comrade said that I was a bad man and a bad man if I didn't look. But I knew what I was doing. The exchange was on every step. But the grandmothers were checked everywhere.



No one came in the morning... And at lunch the mints came. He told me what he borrowed from me. I naturally denied the origin. There, of course, rose up and cried out from the others. Everyone immediately wept who rats... When the mints left, I explained how it was. I only said that this note was found... In the end, the devil who was wearing our pockets received a conditional period, and in the household it became quiet...

At the end of the fifth course of the institute, the teacher in two sentences summed up all our studies in one phrase: “After graduation you are not needed by anyone, so agree to any proposals! »



This phrase settled very deeply into my brain, and after receiving my diploma, I set out to look for the perfect job. We did not know about headhunters and super pockets at the court in 2007. Therefore, the algorithm was as follows: 1) You go around the city 2) You find a building in the name of which is the word "energy" 3) You find the human resources department 4) You go through an interview 5) You realize that you are not needed here 6) go to the first point.



The problem, of course, is the lack of experience, skills and practice in the workplace. Engineers are only on paper. During the interviews I was unable to answer basic work questions.

After a week of such wanderings, one staff member gave the phone number of a company director from a neighboring city, who allegedly needed students, but it is not certain. This is my 100% chance! We called and agreed to a meeting. has arrived.



The director is not there. I call him. He apologized and said that the interview would be conducted by his deputy.



The Deputy arrives. This guy is an energy worker. With a powerful voice and constructive humor. They greeted. He looked at me. I asked a couple of questions, such as how I reached them, who my parents have, whether I am engaged in sports. I asked anything but not about work. Then he calls the director and they have the following dialogue (I hear the director’s answers):

ZAM: Sanych, here my student is sitting, I think to design it!

Are you confident? What kind of guy?

Yes, normal and clean! Such an intellectual

What is his height?

Above me, it is 180.

Okay okay, then make up.

I sit in the soup.



The deputy pointed me to the door where the human resources department was sitting, indicating that I could register. I arrive in a slight shock, because I was not even asked about the assessments! “This is a document for them,” he went back to the staff department when he was trying to hand him his diploma.

Later it turned out, the director is a high-healthy man, who values in people steadfastness and believes that the engineer should be high. This makes it easier for engineers to communicate with employees.



In the end, I remember this place of work as my universities. And most importantly, I needed the place. I am very grateful to those people and to the team for their lessons. There were many of these lessons. Everyone is interesting in their own way.

If they ask you what your mood is, they want to ruin you.

Former President Theodore Roosevelt in 1912 decided to return to rule the country again, as he was dissatisfied with his successor William Howard Taft.
During the campaign, Roosevelt decided to distribute 3 million brochures with his speech "Confession" and his photo on the cover.

Picture by Theodore Roosevelt. At the bottom of the image is the inscription "copyright 1910 by moffett studio chicago".
When the edition was already printed, Roosevelt's campaign leader discovered the record. And I understood a catastrophic mistake – no permission from the copyright holder was obtained for the use of the photo.
The copyright law allowed a photographer to demand $1 for each copy of the photograph. And in 1912, the loss of $3 million is equivalent to the loss of more than $60 million now. That price the staff could not afford to pay. And re-printing brochures cost not only money, but also time.
Roosevelt's chief of staff was George Perkins, an experienced man in solving various difficult tasks. Perkins would have to try to negotiate a more lucrative deal with the photographer. If you were in his place, how would you deal with these negotiations?
But after a careful analysis of the situation, he decided to enter into negotiations with Moffett a little differently and sent him a telegram of the following content: "We are going to distribute three million brochures with a photo of Roosevelt on the cover. This is a great opportunity for a photographer. How much are you willing to pay if we use your work? We need an immediate response.”
Moffett replied quickly, “Thank you for the opportunity, I’m willing to pay $250.”

The man parodying Vladimir Vladimirovich in the Kamedi Club has already aged. Vladimir Vladimirovich is not.

You have a beautiful daughter.

We have a son.

Why in the dress? O_O

Oh, this is a daughter. We also have a son.

After graduation, she went to work and left her parents.

I built a one-room apartment on the fifth floor. The main group are pensioners. There were four apartments on my site, three neighboring ones were occupied by grandmothers of an average age of 70.

Since this was my first rental housing, I was raised with respect for the elderly and tried to establish good neighbourly relations with them. Overall, I have succeeded. One of the neighbors was different :)

For the New Year, I gave each neighbor a box of candy. Everything was fine, thanked, began to ask for tea to drink, which I tactically refused.

On January 5, a neighbor-grandmother approaches me, holds a box of candy in her hands and says:

I thought about it and decided to give it back.

I had many thoughts in my head, but I said one:

Did I offend you something? Do you like the gift? He was of pure heart.

- That you, that you, did not offend, just not in my rules to take gifts, but could not immediately refuse. I thought, all the holidays suffered, but I can't overcome myself, here, take it.

All sorts of thoughts continued to roll in my head, but in fact I just shrugged my shoulders and took the candy back.

By the next New Year acquired as a gift for the neighbors a special set: tea + candy. I gave. The neighbor greeted her in words.

After the New Year holidays, she meets me on the stairs:

I learned that you gave gifts to our neighbors.

Well yes, I did it.

Why did you get around me?

- So you made it clear and clear that you do not accept gifts, I did not want to impose.

I could even catch up with an old man. Ugly from your side.

and well. I’ll go to the store and buy a gift for you.

- Late caught up, blue, no need anymore, - and, pressing her lips, hid in her apartment.

A few years ago, my girlfriend had an absolutely stupid story, but then it didn’t seem funny to us.

A grandmother called the police station and began to tell her neighbor that her neighbor was foolish and stupid, killing a child on the stairs. He holds his feet and hits the window with his head. Come, he says, and call an ambulance with you, suddenly alive yet?

Law enforcement agencies worked on their conscience and arrived in a few minutes, immediately behind them in the courtyard a ambulance.

They enter the parade room, and there the window is broken and blood on the floor. Trying to avoid the scene of the crime, the police called into the apartment. Here, the testimony of the grandmother began to disagree with reality. The “victim” slept in the bed, another child, the older one, played the comp, and the “shalawa and fool” cooked the soup. The policemen went to the grandmother in the company of a friend. The ambulance was on the stairs all the time. The grandmother opened the door, saw a friendly company and said that she probably thought, but once the ambulance came anyway, let them measure her pressure, or fall asleep.

The grandmother was fined for a false call, the ambulance did not measure anything and everyone left.

Where is the blood? And on the stairs at night, the alkasis fought, here is the "place of crime".

The grandmother was long in the back.

I work as a taxi driver. I come on order to one of the villages near the city and shook "expectation". A couple of minutes later, the guy comes out in the feeding room, and then the girl with the baby is also fine. Following, a woman of an uncertain age rolls out the wheelchair and asks me to put it in the trunk. No question, the wheelchair was folded and thrown into the trunk. They touched. I ask the address - the guy says he will show me how to get there (I hate this shit, taxi drivers will understand me). Well, we come to one of the not prosperous districts of the city - a completely private sector, house by house, Gypsies live with all the outcomes. We stopped near one of the houses, and the guys told me they would go in now, and in 10 minutes they would go out, and we would go on. “And let the wheel be a pledge,” they said. Okay, I’m not asking, I’m waiting, the taxi meter counts minutes. When the hour passed, I began to worry. In another 40 minutes, the body fell out of the house, or more precisely, a woman aged 40-60. On my question about my clients, she grabbed an acky horse, and then said the following: they came to drink and eat on a hole, they have no money or a penny, and in general, they are already in a drunken coma. Then she apologized, said that things were waiting for her (I joke), and left me alone with this information. I was just starting my business in this field, and I have not come up with anything smarter than selling a wheelchair (I agree with the House's mind). I fly to the dispatcher's office and tell the situation, then I offer the girls to buy a wheelchair at the price of the trip (the town is small, people's salaries are small - at the time they could buy a wheelchair without problems). The senior controller, a tough woman who worked in a taxi for more than five years, says to me: "Idiot, go to the trick, and give this wheelchair to someone under a description and write a statement, otherwise you will be sad. I did not have to argue with the elderly since childhood - I went to the department. It was evening, and there was nothing special in the department. There was an officer sitting in the checkpoint and another one came down to me. I generally described the situation, also showed the check (by the way, the taxi meter was working all this time - I turned it off only when I came to the department), and we went to the office to write all kinds of papers, before this delivered the wheelchair and put it in the shelter. Minutes after 20 in the office where we were drawing up the papers, a call came out and "my mint" removed the phone. In a minute, he begins to roast. At my silent question in his eyes he says, "You're lucky shit." In short, this couple, which I brought on the patte, a little distracted, understood that the child was oret, and where the child would put it. They remembered me and invented a simple story, namely: a taxi driver took us, then stopped in the middle of the road, drove us out with a child from the car, and squeezed with a wheelchair in the trunk. And with this story started in the department (city small-division one). They stood next to the checkpoint when we came down and, seeing me, probably all understood, began to mock something unclear. The story ended well – they borrowed somewhere the amount they owe me on the check, took the wheelchair and dropped it at sunset. Here is. The moral is that listening to the elderly is sometimes useful. But it is not certain.

Difficult times will come to you, dear Dmitry Anatolyevich, and to us they, thanks to you, have come for a long time.

About the trust.

I left the army in 1993. Walked a week. and...

Andrei met me with a puppy of fat, generous at licking and wretched. From the hallway, the puppy watched all the actions of a black cat, Panther! No, she was called more prose, I don't remember how, but she looked after him, exactly like in the cartoon about Mowgli.
Sit in the kitchen. I drank and congratulated me on Dumbledore.
and here! From the table, a cat is jumping out. The Black! Played with a puppy’s tail, tried to bite the tail of the “Major” Cat and jumped back to my feet.
The puppy tried to bite a puppy, but here the “Government” blinked and gave the Dog a leg! Without the nails, you know.
Black, scared both: a dog and a cat! The idiot jumped on my knees.
I pressed him and drove the dog away, because he was in the game, he did not understand what scared the cattle! He knows with whom to play!
The cat is in my hands.
The dog and the cat went together. My friends and I recorded my dembel.
The cat didn’t want to leave me at all.
I ask the owner of the apartment:
Andrew, you have a strange cat. The child was attacked. Then the offender went out.
This is not her cat! I picked up in the parade yesterday. He whispered, the cat cried and scratched the door to be opened to him. My wife and I gave up. She swept him out of everything. The hunter whispered a few times and calmed down. And here you came.
Word for word, and sleep smelled us.
My friend laid me down, sleeping alone.
And it started!
I don't remember the dog breed, something hunting. He had no legs, he could not sleep. And the cat, from sin, on my head climbed and was constantly trying to suck to the pot of my ear... So he fell asleep.
The morning.
The dog jumped out of my tired legs and woke up the owners!
The cat was lying on my head like glued!
I stand up! He jumps on my neck and blows! I’m going to the kitchen with this treasure. There, the owner has already made coffee and is fighting with the Dog.
The question arises! Since the cat is not of this family, and I so looked at him, it would be time to come up with a name! (The question that I will take it with me, even to me – did not arise!)
Coffee and thoughts.
Three thoughts!
I ask :
Before me, what was their name?
We did not call! It is smart! He went after our cat, polite to eat. I followed her into the room. He sits next to her and looks! Exiled or not. The dog did not see the cat at the time, he was busy with something. When he saw a new toy, he tried to bite the cat while playing. But even the cat jumped when the cat “broke” the dog’s leg on the nose.
That night, the cat took over the cat! A few hours later, Dembele was painted. and you!
by MIA!
The cat with me categorically does not want to tear, and from the race you do not give him a month.
The cat is black, with white legs, the strip-punctur called it in Andrew's joke... And I take and crack: - Let it be, "Strich!"
In a couple of hours, I went home with the most confident cat! He immediately trusted my life.
It was the best cat of the century. He lived only 14.5 years. I love him! So far!

He died in my arms.
I went to work at night. I thought the Striche had at least a week left. (The disease of the kidneys)
He came to me when I started dressing up. And I understood. and now! And when the agony began, only he insisted, looking him in the eyes, as his seizures tormented: - Strich, I am with you! I am with you! I love you! You are not alone! I am always with you!

So he died. I will never see such gratitude in my eyes.

The situation, when the prime minister declares that the next six years will be tough for the Russian economy, and his economy minister – that in six years Russia will catch Germany, suggests that cocaine continues to come to the government regularly, but Dmitry Anatolyevich prefers whiskey.

My brother, having built a house and settled in it, decided to try to hold a pig. For meat-salo and find out if it is so bad and unprofitable to feed and keep the animal, as they say.

A pig, in tribute to the tradition, was named Borka and became a favorite of my nephews, boys of 12 and 6 years of age. The boys fed Bork, ran on it and did not see a source of meat resources in it at all.

But time is going. It is time to beat the pig. At the family council, it was decided not to traumatize the child’s psyche by striking when children are in school and children. The garden. And the disappearance of the pet and the full refrigerator of meat can be explained by the fact that Bork was sold, and the money earned bought the same meat.

Two weeks after the struggling murder, I was walking in the park with my younger nephew, Alexey.

Serena, why did you sell her?

I repeated the official version.

But it could have killed him then and the meat would have been...

I looked at this 6-year-old boy and realized that we were taking care of them in vain.

I remembered the topic of interviews. It was many years ago, when I still had nothing to write in the resume, I had to fill it with "water" of the type of a long list of skills and personal qualities. Skopipastil from some resume: stress resistance, initiative, diligence, good memory, bla bla bla. invited to an interview. We met with HR and the director, we sat down, we talked. Director: “And here you have written about memory. What is my name?” I am “Andrei.” He said, “No Sergei.” I said, “Well, then let’s cut off the memory.” Poržali, the position received and worked there for several years.

A banker is a person who borrows you a towel at the price of a bed and asks you to return the towel.

My girlfriend complained. She broke a crane in the bathroom yesterday. Called the slider.
A bell at the door. and opened. Standing in the special with a suitcase, everything is as appropriate and asks with a voiced voice:
Spraychen Zy Doych?
And the rabbit, the son...