There are only a few days until the wedding, and the preparations are ongoing.

I take a shirt, I include a shirt... The girl (wife) seeing this whole picture, rips it out of her hands:

D: What are you doing?

Tagged: hotel

D is forgotten! You are a married man! (Sweetly kiss the cheek and finish what I started)

Five years have passed, but I have never forgotten the only time I was wearing a shirt.

Why buy new pants? They are not seen. Stick a hole with a scotch or isolate and continue to walk. And in general, when you bzdi the trunks, remove them, or you are tormented to fix the trunks in them.

YYY: Thanks for the advice! He threw the ripped truffles, glued the hole with a scotch. How often do you need to change the scotch in the hole?

Excess weight is a problem for the legs, which is created by the hands carrying everything in the mouth.

During my work, I had to establish units specializing in information technology. As a rule, the management trusted me and the staff schedule agreed without unnecessary questions. One case I remembered.
The director calls me and asks:
What is this originality? In related units the positions of analysts and experts, and you have the positions of specialists. And the salaries of your specialists you ask for higher.
I jokingly, but in a serious tone, answer:
An analyst is one who thinks how to solve a problem, an expert is one who does not think but knows the solution, and a specialist is one who knows and decides in practice. Thus e. An analyst is a underdeveloped expert and an expert is a failed specialist.
After this conversation, the Director-General reduced analysts and experts, and specialist positions appeared in related units.

To make the flow in the roof you need two people, one and a half meters of ruberoid, a cage of goodron and two burners. The problem is that the President must send these two.

When my son was in the 4th grade, I found a book called The Body Language.

The book captured him.

How to understand when a person lies, whether his smile is sincere, whether he is interested in conversation, gestures in different countries, what are handshakes and much more.

He liked the chapter about the look of a self-confident man.

He immediately started practicing.

The next day there was a record in my diary – I was called to school.

The child broke the lesson of English.

The wording of the claim was magnificent: “Your son was looking at the teacher.”

I remember someday I got a job in one distribution company and my task was to bring the brand of children's cosmetics to the market.

There was already a brand with a strong market position in the company’s portfolio and my brand was in addition to a strong brand for older children.

The bosses developed a clever strategy that we will retail offer two brands in a complex and the retail will of course agree because it will immediately close a wide audience by age and, as a result, the budget for promoting my brand is virtually not needed.

Given that my brand was little known to the retail, this approach seemed to me at least strange. I was not lazy, I spoke with retailers in Minsk, I traveled through regional cities, I spoke on the spot and they told me clearly that my cosmetics were not needed.

I came to the office, drafted a report and scheduled that without a budget nothing would work and threw out the budget needed for the start.

The bosses read, thought, and then said, guy, you’re cool, we really see that our strategy won’t work and we need a budget. Therefore, we decided to abandon the active promotion of the brand and just leave it in the portfolio in the background.

But, unfortunately, now we do not need your services and we will have to break up. We will send you a recommendation letter!

A week later, with double feelings and an offensive letter of recommendation, I went looking for another job.

At age, sex is not as important for health as health is for sex.

The story of contesting the fine in court.

I got a letter from the police, in which I was accused of driving on the red light. A photo from the camera. Actually, I don’t usually do that.
I violate the speed, mostly on the haieves, but here to the red...

When studying the photo, it became clear that I was turning red to the right, which is quite cosher in Ontario. Accordingly, he put a bar on the option to appeal in court and sent back.

When I appeared in court, I realized that people like me on that day were 20 people, as a result of the same camera. In fact, we were all accused that we turned right on red without a mandatory stop and in the corner of the picture was visible my speed from the radar - 28 km / h.

The prosecutor immediately offered everyone to pay half the fine without penalty points, about $ 100.
Everyone except me agreed, and I wanted to see how the judiciary system in Canada works.
I said, “I am not guilty!”
The prosecutor began to scare, "If there is a court, then we will demand the most severe punishment. up to $1000 fine.
I didn’t give in, like, “I can’t agree, change the wording!” and c)

The prosecutor cried out and complained to the judge that I was such a bastard and refused to admit my guilt. The judge reasonably noted that this is exactly what the process is.

I started my speech:
“Is there a certificate for this radar? But that doesn’t matter – the radar measures average speed, not instantaneous speed.”

The judge said, “Please explain the difference.”

I said, “It is simple. Instant speed is a derivative path in time, whereas average is an integral of instant speed in time for a time interval divided by the same time interval.

Take a pause...

The judge said uncertainly, “Well, even easier, can you?”

“And how much easier... I was driving at a speed of 56 km/h, with 60 km/h allowed. Stop at the red light. My immediate speed was 0 km/h, as prescribed by Ontario’s traffic rules. And my average speed was (0+56)/2=28 km/h, which was measured by radar, as you, Mr. Judge, can see on the attached photo."

The prosecutor understood that something went wrong, and as an experienced man understood that if I won the trial now, it would be a precedent, and no one would be able to be convicted in Ontario for driving the red without stopping on the basis of camera testimony.

He said, “Since we don’t have enough evidence, we’re taking case.”

Then he approached me in the corridor and asked, “Are you really stopping?”
I honestly replied, “The hell knows it.”

The only thing that could break the Soviet meat machine was the table to which it was attached.

Just just.

I leave home. I approach the car. I see a neighbor parking on the ground floor blocking my car. Out of the car, the dialogue continues:

O neighbor, hello to you! And I’m just writing to you that the mouth has blocked you, little, that you shouldn’t argue.

I am: Hi! What do you not like nearby? It is free!

So if I put my own there, others will cover me, and I HATE it.

Today I met my longtime friend, an ordinary guy with a beard and a beard, but since our last meeting he was somewhat bald. I asked him why he was shaved.

What he answers:

The girl I'm dating now recently told me that she loves smoothly shaved guys, well I shaved, so she's not talking to me the second day now.

I bought a landscape and encountered the fact that there are constantly a lot of bugs on the site and around it.

I read on the Internet that hoodies do not live where there is a lot of hoodies.

Thro the summer, I searched, dragged and fed.

Now in the day I have a lot of gossip, and at night it is full, shit!

I went to Moscow for business. Half the day I ran and sat in the car on the back seat to rest. I removed my shoes, stretched my legs, I sat lazyly chewing a sandwich. The weather was summery and therefore the windows on the front doors were released, and the rear windows were raised and darkened. Two men come out of the entrance to smoke and stop so that I hear them and see them, and they are not there.

Here are people who are not afraid to leave the car with the windows open, says the first man.

Per he has the alarm wrecked - the second responds.

Or a big dog sitting on the back seat - I insert my replica.

Men are dependent.

Then the first approaches slowly and looks carefully into the open window.

Silence looks me in the eyes. He goes, says something to the other and they leave.

And I am still tormented by the question: Did he really hope to see a big talking dog in the rear seat?

If you lived in a cyberspace world, what augmentation would you make first?

yyy: Iron Concrete Member

Zzzz: You are a fool. The concrete from friction crumbles, and is also toxic. You don’t get fucked. Well, or you will stay at the end with an armor in diameter in a centimeter and an angry girl, forging a concrete crumb from the secluded places and hiding you with an 18-story mat. I recommend titanium.

On the already disappearing wave of memories of children that cannot be forgotten. As I said before, I’ve been working with children for a long time and the most “beautiful” guys have ever met in the camps. On the one hand, you understand that you only have 3 weeks to communicate with them, not years like in school, on the other hand, teachers are not with children 24 on 7. So here. closer to the essence. The camp. The senior squad. The girl Lena. The first impression is an ordinary girl, beautiful, always asking what to help, with everyone friendly. Exactly 1 day. Then millions of calls from her mother begin:

- That the child did not get fruit in the dining room - gave herself to some of the guys, my mother said that she was not enough, and the leaders did not start to understand.

The evil leaders pressed into the sandal forced them to repair the bed - although the adults always repair themselves.

- during the trip to the excursion, they were not allowed to buy a shaurma - children are not allowed to buy it, because it is unclear what it is from

A million other predictions. Every time I spoke to my mother and told her as polite and detailedly as possible why it was so and why it could not be otherwise. Mom usually did not listen very much and after a couple of minutes went to the ultrasound, blaming me that since I don’t have my children, I can’t understand her and take care of the baby normally. Who, by the way, always smiled in her eyes, and then told her mother all the stuff. The only time I didn’t answer my mom correctly was after this conversation.

M- me Lena has downloaded the link to your profile in VK, I need you to edit

I am? ? to ? to

M - you have 174 photos, where you are in the cafe Sit, on the table of glasses with wine, this will be seen by children! Remove it immediately. And 392 photos, there is a cut in the shirt too deep.

Honestly, I couldn’t stop laughing. She has not yet reached the photo in the swimsuit.

Selling unnecessary things in the car. A call from a potential buyer that I am not from Moscow could not you send me an express mail to Lipetsk. I say no problem list the money and I will send it. No says you send first, money then. I said goodbye to her and forgot about her. Suddenly a call again. Again she. My cousin in Moscow tells me I will transfer money to him, he will take the goods from you. I tell him to come in. In the morning, the phone call from my brother says he will arrive at two o’clock. It is evening and he is not there. A call from Lipetsk. He took your goods. I say no. He sent me a SMS that he had it all. I have not seen your brother in the eyes. Okay, I’ll call back now. He calls back. He does not take the phone. Tomorrow morning she is again. He locked me in the phone and does not get in touch. I ask how your brother has alcohol affairs, maybe he has already wasted your money. As they say, you can drink 11,000 a night. I tell her that it’s Moscow and it’s easy to drink 11,000 in the evening. The call tonight. Well that didn’t announce this goat, he completely switched off the phone. I’d better give you the money. It’s a lot of money for me and I’ll go to court for it. Of course, I would probably not give money to a stranger, but as a relative, I could not understand.

If you have half a glass of glasses, then believe it doesn’t matter if your glass is half empty or half full.

Two Ural oligarchs decided to build an Offigen temple in Yekaterinburg in order to perpetuate their names. This is a pretty “dirty” story.
But literally on the days, June 19, in Nizhny Tagil, the local treatment and rehabilitation center was named Vladislav Tetyukhin.
This hospital Tetyukhin built on his own money.
He didn’t buy football teams, yachts, or planes, though he could. He built a hospital where qualified doctors perform unique operations and simply treat, return to normal life, put people on their feet.

Putin ordered the return of Russians from Georgia.
And from London, Vladimir Vladimirovich, from London!