About the most unsuccessful first dates 3 (about girls)



Even as a student I met a girl via the Internet, and decided to meet. I wait at the table in the cafe, and here she goes, in the photo posted on the dating site, it looks like, but plus 15 kilograms somewhere. Okay well. The closer she comes, the more I realize she is drunk. Okay well. She sat down to me, began to communicate, I understand that clearly "not in my taste." I went out with her, she smoked, I was in company. The Winter. On the door is a tiles that are very slippery. The bulldozer approaches and begins to ask for money to "help, or the pipes are burning." She has a cigarette in her hands and a fighting scream: “Are you squeezed?” They immediately get enough for their breasts, and they start to fight. As I said, they fell. We struggled lying down, but not for long. It was the first and last time I escaped from a girl.

*** by

The most treacherous began with her phrase, “Do you want to blow?” To what I made such an expression of the face: 0.o and replied, “No, thank you.” She said, “Well, if you want, I’ll smoke.” Then she started digging into the nearby rubbish in search of a plastic bottle. I found someone who arranged it, burned a hole in it. Then she got out of her apparently very expensive women’s bag a hashish wrapped in foil, and began to make plugs on a design textbook. When the matter was done, she asked to show her the nearest sheltered bushes, where she "dunked." After that, she remained completely inadequate, began to fear me, run away from me on the lawns and carry all kinds of nonsense. A more crazy and unpleasant date is hard to imagine!

*** by

We walked all night around Moscow, looking at the stars, it was romantic. But the girl smoked all night, and in the morning I was sprinkled like a sausage.

*** by

I once had a girl who was dressed decently and with very good manners, after having sex in my apartment, leaving stole almost all the foods from the refrigerator. Even a bag of pasta was lying next to the table. In principle, it is not a pity, but still confused about this.

*** by

In life, the girl was not so gothic, not so emo, not so very dark. The conversation did not go. And my friend started looking for a good excuse to end the date. And then he almost fled, as his chosen woman reports: "I have a cat dead today. Help me to bury.” In general, they went to the house of this girl, she took out of the house a shoe box and a scarf. Go to the desert. According to the law of gender, it started to rain. While my friend digged a pit, I vowed to meet on the Internet forever. A few months later, I found a similar story on the net. A guy went on a date, and then he had to “buri the cat.” He for some reason decided to open the box (a rather strange act), and there was some nonsense for the weight. There were no remains of the unfortunate animal. According to the description, the case was with the same girl. Apparently, she had such a peculiar way of attracting cavalry.

*** by

During my date, my rottweiler dog died, I lost my Parker gold ball pen, I broke a bottle of champagne, I broke the sleeve of my new suit, and I broke up with that girl.

*** by

She literally devastated me with her stories about balanced nutrition, vitamins, supplements, daily jogging, etc. In order not to listen to the lecture, I started dressing her. Sex we had was fresh and dietary))) The girl acted too correctly, as if on the guide "How to bring pleasure to a partner". No fire, no courage, no improvement. Then we dressed up, and she told me how many calories are burned during sex, and what foods to eat to maintain a good erection for a long time))))

*** by

Everything went wrong... At first I forgot her name... Then I remembered for a long time where we should meet... And in the end, it turns out, I didn’t leave at all...)

*** by

Her parents, somehow quickly and too joyfully saying goodbye, left us in the bedroom. And there was the main surprise waiting for me. Like kisses and hugs, everything is fine, the girl is in the right places, and all that. And as for decisive actions, she put her fists in my chest, looked frightened and said, "What are you doing?" I thought at first that she wanted to play, well you understood, yes, and she said to me louder: "I'll scream now!" On my phrase, the general meaning of which was reduced to the question of what I was doing here then, and what is happening in general, I was told the story that parents very much want a son-in-law, but she has never had it, and she is very afraid of sex because it is "painful and disgusting", and in addition, she believes furiously in "Our Lord Jesus Christ", which means I owe now "something to myself", and tomorrow we will tell her parents that I am her fiancé. And she – attention – will give me money for it.

*** by

I invited a girl to myself... And on the phone hinted on intimacy... What was my amazement when she, talking to me, began to hurry her boyfriend: "Let's go fast, he has something delicious")))))))))) Is my hints outdated, or are people so announced...

*** by

He got drunk and came up to me. I send her, she is offended in a fight. He was able to calm down only by threatening to pour out the remaining beer.

*** by

But today a girl was sitting in front of me and said, “Let’s meet you? by night. I will go home to the civil husband, and you will stay here to sleep. Let the souls fly out and out of the bodies in sleep and... at 2 a.m. I will be here. See you, let’s talk.” I pointed out the window.

*** by

I didn’t know the town, it wasn’t a local, it was found on some kind of playground. On the ground floor. At night, in the winter, I pulled her shirt and set myself in the back. I work, and scream in front, as if someone is biting something. Then it turned out that she bite out a piece of laundry like a bobber. All her teeth were iron, not iron.

We met and walked to the restaurant. In the morning at my house, she says, “And in this bedroom, we will paste the wallpaper and make a room for my daughter.” I have speech paralysis.

*** by

In the middle of dinner, she asked if I could find problems quickly (I am a dentist). I replied that quickly, if they were. At this, the woman offered to inspect her right now, at the table, and sat for 3-4 minutes with the mouth wide open, while I tried to explain why it should not be done and looked through the eyes of the waitress.

*** by

Falling on the bed. But as soon as it came to something more interesting, she replied that she warned me that sex would only take place after the wedding. This situation began to amuse me, and for the sake of broadening the horizon, I asked if she was not a virgin at her 25 years of marriage, and sex only after the wedding. No, not a virgin. She has a friend with whom she has nothing serious about, just they fuck 2-3 times a week. exclusively for health. And with me, I understood, she has love, so only after the wedding... As you can guess, after we did not see her.

*** by

She was a member of the national team of free struggle of the Republic of Dagestan.

and----

Stories from the face of women, but for men clearly was a trap :)

and----

Everyone was seduced to go to the country, that I would massage him, or he missed the female affection. I did not want to let him go home, so that he was back from me, in the process of walking I began to tell him that I know how I will die, and I know how he will die, and generally clear-sighted I. And we were in the park, and at eight o’clock, saying that now is the time for witchcraft, I began to run on the grass and collect all kinds of leaves and say where to apply - then from prostatitis, then from constipation, all repeating: “You are a man, you will need it, remember” And pulled him this grass. I was generally with a fantasy, on it broke out specifically)) It helped, suddenly stuck home. Truth he still named, on the date called, to see him so bad things were with women.

*** by

I was very worried before the meeting, so I decided to consult with my friends what and how. They advised the guy to astonish with his beauty. They sent me to the solarium (“What are you walking like a pale puppy!”) And for manicure. I took my glasses at the solarium. Which found, such and took - round, like the cat of Basilio. In order to be beautiful until I was stunned, I was stuck for 15 minutes. The manicure persuaded him to grow his nails and painted them almost under the scarf. Even the glow has struck. I got out of the salon and on the way home I thought how beautiful I became - I turned! At home, I rushed straight to the mirror and shuddered - I was dark orange, and still with white circles around my eyes. It was as if someone was mocking a panda. Nails on the side - like a witch, it was necessary to do such on Halloween. But nothing to do - she painted something, went on a date. It was probably the shortest date in my life. Seeing me, the guy suddenly remembered a bunch of important things and silenced. I was genuinely jealous of him - I had to see myself like this for two weeks.

and----

It was a long time ago, 15 years ago. Two of my friends, let them be called Vitya and Petya, went home after school, at that time they were already finishing 9th grade. Not coming home, they met a small neighbor with his classmate. Let’s call them Gene and Ola, they were 11-12 years old.

Passing by Vitya and Petya said hello to the little ones, Olya in response greeted, but here Genah remained silent. Well, and Vitya says to him - Hear p*zduk small hule you do not say hello? To which Gennady silently turned and pointed to the middle finger in response, Vitya, without thinking for a long time, ran away and gave the little one such a good snake. And then it began, the little one was so upset as if Vitya had a knife on his side, Geny's mother ran out, began to run out - the child is beaten! Gene began to hysterically scream even louder. Escaped Batya Gena and wrote Vite a double, Vitiya fell on his ass from the strikes, and then stood up and went home with Petey to the houses.

The conflict seemed to be exhausted, but Gennady’s parents did not stop. They called the police and went home to Vita, knocked on the roof Vita opened, and Geny's father wrote another double Vita, with the words - call the batya we will be dealing. Vitya did not call his father, but quietly took his dog and went out through the back door of the courtyard and walked with her.

The garbage bottle came, the parents of Viti came out.

So much crackdown began, Geny's father kicked on the battu Viti, called it a crackdown and shouted that he raised a fool who beats children...(Vitin papa - Vasily Andreevich a very respected man, worked at the time as a therapist, in his student years took the KMS on boxing, all this silently listened to. Shortly speaking, the militia there made a protocol and left.

Vitya came home as everything was quiet, his father spoke to him and asked what and how, Vitya repented and said yes - guilty, wrote a strong slander to the little one. His father bothered him all this, well, and punished him - you won't walk for a week.

In the morning Vitya stands up to gather to school and on the face illuminated bleaches from the received twins, which Vitya did not tell the father, his father saw it asked again and went to visit Father Gennady.

After their conversation, Geny's father walked for a long time with the eyes swimming from the bleaches, surprisingly, no one called the police.

Genka is actually a good guy, he didn’t start to roar because of the snorkel, he started to roar because he stole a pile of metal coins from his mommy to serve Olya with ice cream, and so that the mommy didn’t burn he threw a handful of coins in his mouth. That’s why he didn’t say goodbye and it was after Vitin’s counterpart Genka swallowed this handful of coins. He was then taken to the hospital and he was still joking rubles for a long time.



After this story, Genka got a hole - a copper.

Positive post, on hot tracks. I went out at 21-40 for a run. She ran a little, jumped a little into the classics, and went home. Finally, almost in front of the house, I decided to run again - the road is straight, almost flat and without holes. You can break up.

Suddenly I noticed the car, there was police. Slow down a little ahead, from the passenger side comes out a guy in shape and eagerly goes to meet me. I pull out the headphones and I get the following dialogue:

Girl, is it okay? From whom are you fleeing? Need a help? ? to

I just want to run, I want to lose weight.

Don’t wait, it’s late and it’s dark.

I am just running home.

They sat back and left.

Honestly, it was even a little pleasant from such attention and indifference.

There are good people, there are good people.

I was born in Uzbekistan and understand the language a little.

I liked a leather jacket.

He came and asked:

How much is it worth?

“Seventeen,” the seller replied.

I, without thinking, turned away and left, as suddenly the auction began. For a long time he offered me to buy it.

I said it is expensive.

And the seller discusses with his friend in his own language, "Give him, but you took her for two."

I open up and say in my eyes, "I bought for two, and you sell for seventeen."

Seller in shock:

How do you know?

Don’t fool me, I read my thoughts.

Time at 20: 00, returned home from work and I hear the music playing in the neighboring apartment, namely a "good" chanson about the hard life. Well, I think what to pay attention to, has the right. While I took a shower, ate dinner, bathed my son (4 months) and put him to sleep with his neighbor, nothing changed. I look at the clock, time 23:10, I decide to go down to the neighboring entrance (the neighbor lives in the neighboring entrance, the mirror apartment of mine). I call the cellphone, no one responds. I stood, knocked, called again, but the result was the same. I come home and see that the wife with a little on her hands, and the music of the neighbor can already be disassembled by words. As a result, psychoanul, I call the service and tell them the whole story (parallel data). After 40 minutes, a guard stops at the neighboring entrance, from there, two boys walked out and entered the entrance. After 2-3 minutes there is a long-awaited silence. I slept safely. The fun begins in the morning. I go out of the entrance and meet this neighbor and he declares to me (C-neighbor, I-I)

You are from such an apartment, right?

I am giving. Yes is.

- C. Not by concepts you live, neighbor (parallelly mastering your hands). Why are you calling rubbish?

What does it mean to live by concepts? I was just born when these concepts didn’t exist (well, in my childhood they didn’t exist, fortunately. 96 years of birth) and I don’t know how to live on them, explain.

Fuck, you are a lost generation. (I went out at sunset)



Thus I became a lost generation, because I did not allow man to rest on concepts.

Smart is not the woman who strives to do the things of men, but the one who does not prevent a man from doing them.

In my family, everything is full - from hxl and above. In elementary school, I did not have the "right childhood swelling", and I was dragged by doctors: they were looking for worms, then terrible diseases, then nervous disorders. At the sixth dietitian, the mother was psychotic and asked loudly to "explain the torment of the daughter." The doctor is silent, my mother says I will die. The doctor looks at his mother and asks her to sit down. She sits down, reports that she is ready for everything, just to know. Nutritionist: “There’s a guess that you’re eating it.”

The principle “Don’t hate where you live” has a reverse side – “Don’t live where you hate.”

Therefore, the owners of large money store them in offshores and transport families abroad.

The former waitress told me about it. I ordered to organize a banquet in the city in nature near the client's cottage. Well, the usual thing, prepared everything with the calculation of 100 people plus a special wish of the client, the chef marinated and prepared a huge steak, such as served in America. They can feed another 5 hungry ragbi with the supplement. On the designated day, we come, set up tables, chairs, serve, unfold the open space kitchen and begin to receive incoming guests. I explained to the new bartender that under the threat of death he should not leave the bar stand next to which were all the foods and ready meals and went to serve the guests himself. That's why I hate such events for life, then the birds will remind someone of their head, then the field beast will start to show curiosity, but this time we were interested in the local dogs. They didn't get closer than 20 meters to the kitchen, just a couple of them watched the kitchen, pressing with saliva, and the rest rolled in the grass, as if they were sleeping. Okay, I think there are a lot of people, and our newbie bartender cabinet meter 80, no fools dogs, will not risk. Here suddenly one of the waitresses rushes out the bowl and with it falls a bunch of washed dishes. Nothing broke, but a small mess attracted attention. The bartender, guided by a gentleman's impulse, came out of the bench and went to help the girl collect the dishes. This is what the dog brigade was waiting for. According to the command, a couple of observing dogs crashed from the spot and at high speed reached the kitchen, grabbed the meat with their teeth on both sides and ran into the field, and in the aftermath, the rest of the dog team, scattering from the excitement. It was a stunning picture, a healthy steak supported by two dogs flying through the field, followed by three more with grace of running wolves, and this whole gang is hiding somewhere in the slum. All 8 people of the staff slid down the carpenter for the expenses incurred by the restaurant, and no one spoke to the bartender for a couple of days, but after all, there will be something to remember for old age.

My father’s brother came to me for a week or two.

in the form of Major. My brother and I were small at the time.

What surprised us was that he did not break up with his diplomat for a moment. Like in a postman’s cartoon.

The package had it. I took him to the toilet and the bathroom with me.

And as for breakfast, when everyone was sitting at the same table, I asked what he wanted his diplomat. His mother replied that there were secret military documents and he could not leave them unattended.

- But not, brother interrupted me, just uncle Misha came to buy on DV foreign trade, I heard his conversation on the phone. And the diplomat obviously has money and he is very afraid that we will steal it, because he does not let it out of his hands.

And he didn’t go to the hotel because it was expensive and we got it for free.

Everyone at the table was red of shame except me and my brother.

On the evening, Uncle Misha was already in the hotel.

Well, it is probably worth adding that a relative even came without a ball with spices to the other end of the country.

He ate and drank for three.

No one bothered us, everyone just breathed up.

I have lived in America for a couple of years. And here all purchases are made through Amazon or Ebay with free shipping home. Markets as such virtually do not exist, mills and shopping centers are on the verge of disappearance.

And from what I’m in the wharf, it’s from the customer support level at Amazon. That everything here is cheaper than in the shops is just the beginning.

I ordered a magnet with a screen in the car instead of an old with screens. 300 was worth. I ordered it, paid it, and promised to bring it on Friday. has not arrived. He did not come on Saturday either. The money was returned on Monday. Magneto arrived on Tuesday. Free magnetol for 300 backs simply because of the fact that the deadline of the order for 2 days.

Another time I ordered a panoramic rear-view mirror, but decided not to bet, it cost $ 9. I press to make a return - I receive a message saying, the money returned to the balance sheet, the goods left to yourself, sorry that did not meet your expectations.

I remember once buying a monitor in our digital store before I left for the U.S., there was a scratch on my leg since the time of the purchase. The monitor turned out to be shit and could not get it back because it was crushed to scratch. I even ordered another monitor in the same store to show that these scratches are on all the monitors out of the box as this is a party marriage and not I scratched.

How here? You just pack the goods in a box and throw them into the drop-off point and all, you are returned by grandmothers without looking into the box! If you broke something within 30 days, smashed it in a box, wrapped it in a scotch and returned it, you will get your money back. Because with their volumes, it is more profitable for a degenerate to simply give money than to risk the reputation of the company, getting at least one precedent of the dissatisfied fool who will climb forums and write "Amazon will not always help, I am fucked up."

And there is also the sale of goods with a huge discount just because of the open box. If a buyer bought something, unpacked it, looked at it, changed its mind and returned it, you can get it about 30% cheaper.

So I bought a DJI Mavic AIR drone for $590 although it was new and cost about $900. And it was all in films, stickers, an entire original packaging, just from the packaging of the box cellophane removed.

In short, I really hope that Amazon will also come to our countries instead of bargain renters from all avito))

I go to the store today. At the entrance, supporting each other, two men stand.

One says to the other:

Did you eat me yesterday?

Well I catered.

I will host you today.

Go to Host.

Oh my God, how much in this simple dialogue! Male friendship, fidelity to principles, shortness of slogans, correct understanding of life, ease of being and anticipation of the holiday.

Example from life, do you say?

I have a friend who is also a fun musician. He told me that his wife had left him. And she left because his mistress (wife's best friend) stuck him for sex with his aunt while his wife was on a business trip and told her everything. And it would be nothing, but how the mistress struck him, you ask? And he gave her the keys from their apartment with his wife, so as not to walk and not to open her entrance door (the home phone broke). And no, she didn’t decide to make him a surprise, he just forgot that he invited her to a guest for fun))

I waited at the passage point of a small factory. End of working day. Employees and employees leave their workplaces and go home. Suddenly there was rain. Two middle-aged women decided to wait for the rain in the lobby, at the exit. They talked, the rain was over, and they all talked about something. I go out into the hallway, open the electric shield, loudly click on the free switch and say, “I have turned off the rain, go home.” The ladies looked out the window, where the rain stopped, and then stared at me. Those three seconds, while they thought, were invaluable. They laughed when they came out of the door.

He worked in the center of education (servers, networks, all business) after one of the doctors, who was expelled for drunkenness. When I came to them, there was almost nothing, part of the routers did not work, the accounting office was sitting on the yate. Windows Server and the pirate ( for educational institutions Microsoft distributes them for free).

In short, I fix everything. Compatible with the external HDD:

“Look,” he says, “Before leaving, your previous predecessor told us to keep this disc like the pupil of the eye. It is something that you cannot work without.

Here is thanks! I was pleased.

I don’t know why, but I was sure that there was a normal Windows Server on the drive, the distribution on the interactive boards (there were problems with them too) and a bunch of other important threads.

I connect the disk and immediately I get blurred suspicions. Of 1 TB, only 40 GB is occupied, only one folder on the entire disk. It is called World of Warcraft: Legion.

I am Alexander, be careful with this caretaker. He has a BMW.

A – What is wrong?



I-BMW 99% of debilities

You also had a BMW in your youth.



I – so I know exactly...

Rule of the ruling top.

In order to give something to people, you must first take something from them.

About children, domestic dogs and others

In the Sunday issue 09.06.2019 there was a story from Non-Young "About a good girl, wandering dogs and not only".
I remembered another incident that happened more than 20 years ago. I was then working as a sysadmin in one of the medical centers.

The story itself did not happen to me, I heard about it entirely by chance, partly from the participant, partly from his coworkers.

At the entrance, I noticed some nervousness from the guards. Usually quite benevolent, this morning the guys worked somewhat nervously, too selectively checking those entering the clinic. I didn’t stop and ask: first, I had a lot of work, and second, I knew I would be late today, I had another backup at noon and I’d have time to go down and ask what happened there. At 11 o’clock, I started backup, drank a tea, smoked a cell phone and went down to the security room. I knew almost everyone, repeatedly helped with the repair and adjustment of their home computers. This is what I heard from one of the guards.

I came home after the shift, I think it would be good to chew something, I open the refrigerator, and there communism came. In addition to a bowl of mustard and a bowl of shit, there is nothing at all. I went to Stasi.

A small retreat. In those years, there were no large supermarkets with non-shell products, but so-called "Russian" stores have already appeared. As a rule, everyone knew by the names of the owners of these stores and despite the official name, for example, "Store of delicacies", they called these stores by the name of the owner.

During the day, as you know, Stas is empty, there is no people, I am not in a hurry, I go out, I smoke a cigarette, I look on the lawn of dogs healthy, without a leash and a nickname on a tiny girl whispering. The virgin is quite small, 5-7 years not more, stands, is afraid to move, cry, shakes all. The first thought, and where the parents of the child, why she is herself and where the owner of the dog. And why does such a big dog walk without a hammer? Looking around, here is the owner, standing this kind of pedrilo in white trousers in a cloth, a maid, nails mocked with the same speaks. The girl did not stand and broke. The dog followed her, caught her, fell to the ground and grabbed her teeth. The girl cried terribly, then cried and silenced, and the dog cried out, pulling out pieces of meat, blood in the mouth, all the grass in the blood, people scream, and this pedrilo stands and cries about something with his friend. I threw the bullet with the snail and ran to them. I brought him with me, but I was somehow confused and completely forgot about him. I am running:
Pidor, take the dog away!! to
Finally, this misunderstanding turned his head and not so in a hurry. He runs and cries to the dog:
“Fu, fu, stop immediately, bad dog.
I’ve never had dogs, I don’t know what to do in this case, but it’s good that I had heavy shoes on. I run and hit the dog’s fist. He hit successfully, the dog flew away from the victim, turned over in the air and slipped to the side. I did not let him get up, I ran, started beating and kicking. He stopped when he saw that everything was no longer moving.
This puddle runs to me and begins to suck with puddles. I hit him a couple of times too. He stood down, and began to portray the dead man. Zero attention to him. Police are called, an ambulance, there is a nearby clinic, somebody has stumbled, nurses have rushed, started to knit something, tie it over, put a dropper, swinging a syrene, the ambulance flew. It was still a little lying down, then the village on the ass, crying, splashing.
Police arrived, a couple of cars, another municipal inspector arrived. began to understand. The child took an ambulance. The police quickly rewritten the witnesses, me and this got into the car, were taken to the site.
Well, you see, you are a hero, you will get thanks from the police.
Oh, that is the case. This goat called a lawyer and they roamed on me that it was I who threatened him with guns, beaten because he was gay, and I was a homophobe and everyone heard how I called him a pudor. Because of this, he couldn’t pull the dog away, which just slipped off the rope.
Did the police believe it?
- I don't know, the trunk was immediately seized from me, you saw, my boss came, said that I am working today for the last day. This is fucking.

I did not meet him anymore.

It’s been five, maybe ten years. I worked in a different office, doing completely different things. I come somewhere to the object and see a familiar face on the passing. This man worked as a security guard at a clinic. Stopped and talked. So I learned the continuation of the story.

The family of the injured girl is very assured and very decent. As it turned out, the girl was walking with the babysitter, who, for a moment, went to the store. Nyanya was fired immediately and let her say thank you for not bringing her to court. They searched for a security guard and hired him a lawyer.

Despite all the tricks of his lawyer, who drew to the court representatives of LGBT (everyone who is against the “blue” – homophobes) and representatives of the movement “Give Life to Animals” (poor dog, this is such a cruelty, you could pull away, the girl was the fault itself, it was not necessary to escape), the guard was justified, all his actions were recognized as legal and correct.

The court’s decision was very severe: a huge fine for the dog, compensation and payment of all bills for treatment, rehabilitation and other psychological assistance to the affected child. Money compensation to the security guard, payment of honoraries of all lawyers and court costs.

Accounts, movable and immovable property were described almost instantly. Whether LGBT comrades helped him – I don’t know, but lawyers and prosecutors grabbed him with a dead grip.

This is such a ridiculous story. Questions without answers. Dogs in the city. Good or bad.

The sanctification of rockets by pops is actually the singing of our cosmonautry.

The boss asked me to pre-sort my resume for a new position in our company. About 70% of applications were inappropriate, but they were also interesting. The most promising candidate wrote in the section on interests and hobbies: "I am rotating the causandals like a helicopter." I guessed it was a stupid joke he probably didn’t even know about. So I called him and said that I would like to pass on his papers further, but I need a more fresh resume. The guy was surprised to ask if it was a helicopter. I readily agreed to what he replied that he really liked doing helicopters, and he’s great about it.