bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №125736
 21.03.2016
To prevent unwanted sex, it is enough for a woman to marry not a selfish fool.

It is advisable not to leave the house and not to open the door to anyone.
This particular problem can be solved by the monastery.
By the way, if someone does not like women, in this case, you can also go to the monastery. But already in the man. No greedy, aggressive, mercantile bastard, you can imagine? Love and prosperity.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №125735
 21.03.2016
I play MMORPG, killing from the bow of skeletons. Next to her, she sits and looks. Every time the arrow hits the enemy, the word "immunity" appears - the knockdown hanging on the attack does not pass. Daughter: "What immunity can skeletons have!". She loves biology. But we know what, for example, to bleeding and poisoning.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №125734
 21.03.2016
I met a girl on the internet.
She is from another city. Asked to send a photo of the fresher, agreed that he was shooting with the cat. I wait. It does not go for a long time.
I ask: "What is it about?" She: "I decided to clean up in the room before the photo".
It would be nothing, but for the first time in my life I cleaned up in a strange house being almost 2 thousand kilometers away.

[ + 10 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125733
 21.03.2016
Rbbb: What is it? Russia has an entirely inexhaustible resource – shit. Russia can trade shit. To arrange anywhere for anyone abroad this shit, and then to stop it for money, withdrawing troops. And then you will be able to take money only for the shit not to arrange.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №125732
 21.03.2016
In our work (government) introduced some novelty: the premiums, which were the majority of the s / p, to be paid on the fact of the time worked. If a person was hospitalized, his prize was given to the person who replaced him all that time. There is no fairer place, in my opinion.
Mothers, sitting with their children at the hospital for two weeks a month, raised the universe high, receiving a naked salary. They wrote complaints, but did not anything - everything was according to the law.
And a miracle happened - children who were regularly cold and barely went to the resuscitation, recovered sharply! As the boss said "although you write to the Ministry of Health. He found a panacea for illness in old age".

[ + 27 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125731
 21.03.2016
At the beginning of the first night came a call about the violation of public order (neighbors worship karaoke, children can’t fall asleep) Narwad went out, rises to the victim’s nighttime singing, opens the door... say ‘shakaf’ – say nothing. A huge man with a weekly scarf and stickers. Neighbors from below are really a whistle (it can’t be called singing) some hard pop. Asked if you were asking the neighbors to be a little quieter, the man answered humbly: "If I had called, they would have called the police," then scratched his neck and added, "I think the ambulance, too."

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №125730
 21.03.2016
Oh these references: Jeanne d'Arc(1412-1431) - biography, facts from life, photographs...
Well yes yes...

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №125729
 21.03.2016
To solve the dispute with the Negro in the movie you just need to make a film about Nelson Mandela with a lean red Irishman in the lead role. And that among the white government a pair of blacks shone. It will be the most tolerant movie. Let the Negro be angry!

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125728
 21.03.2016
here here :

I add :
Six years later, the guys met again, becoming colleagues at a large factory.
Alisha is an engineer-technologist, programmer of CNC machines. He is entirely at work, often delayed after a working day, leaves on weekends. It provides approximately 20% of production. After work, Alisha does not go home, he attends various courses, trainings and seminars.
Sasha is a sales manager. He works 1.5 to 2 hours a day, giving the rest of his working time to social networks and online games.
Salary of Alisha - 40 t.p., Sasha - 90 t.p.
There is no need to, try to invent it yourself.

I want to know where such idiots employers pay for 2 hours of work 90 thousand, and who has Sasha's dad. Or is it not so unambiguous?

We had to work in various AO-energy with a staff of just under 1000 people.
Such a difference in salary is possible only if Alisha is a specialist, and Sasha is the head of the service not less. No one cancelled the tariff grid, I repeat if the company is large. How many times have I heard something like this: "Asuschniki with compams play nifiga do not work", "suppliers of henna suffer", "And here we work to..."
I believe that nowhere just so money is not paid, everywhere their "specialities", which are not always visible until you face this personally.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №125727
 21.03.2016
The best bridesmen are among those who dance badly.

[ + 40 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125726
 21.03.2016
As a child, I wanted to be a soldier so much that one day, when my dad and I were fishing, I put a zinc hose on my head and put a pen under my beard for faithfulness. Well, I’m like a soldier in a beautiful new helmet. True, I did not see any shit except my sandals, and the hose was very unpleasantly pressed on my ears, but I was still terribly pleased with my fiction. And metal-golko asked the daddy, throwing the donkeys, if they would take me into the army now. Dad was silent for a while, and then said a bad word, meaning that the fishing had ended, and began to pull me out. At that time, I experienced all the burdens of war life: the hose terribly struck my beard with a pen, when my dad pulled it up, then stretched on my head and compressed my stupid child's skull while trying to pull out the pen.

My dad reminded me of the cherry bones in my nose not so long ago, when I wanted to be like Muslim Magomayev, and said another bad word. Then he threatened to cut off my nose, and now the whole head at once. Because anyway, with such a bad head, my dad said, trying to separate us with a barrel, I will not have a normal life. My head, my dad’s fisherman and the Soviet army were saved by a passing car with passages in the trunk.

The father unfolded one of the fittings of the cane pen with them and released his foolish fool. And then long roasted. This evening I told my uncle about the case, which I really liked at the time. Maybe that’s why I didn’t have such love with my uncle.

With age my craving for metal objects did not decrease, and my brains did not increase. I do not remember when the first fluorography is done in school, but it is assumed that the head should already be and even sometimes work. Then I did not know about the existence of gynecologists, so fluorography was afraid terribly, just terribly. So I thought even worse than usual. As I walked into the cabinet on unridden legs, I saw a terrible design consisting of two panels above me with a height between which a rough toilet chain was stretched. Type, entering between panels is prohibited until the doctor removes the chain. Well, of course, or they will rush without demand, take pictures and run away.

In short, my aunt-doctor finally let me inside the satan aggregate, told me what place and how hard to press, and dropped into another room. I am alone, cold and scared. And suddenly he heard! The voice above: Take the chain into your mouth.

I decided not to resist the Voice and humbly took this terrible chain into my mouth, which it is unknown how many people before me took into the same place. The chain was very unpleasant and very cold. "It probably serves as a kind of X-ray wave transmitter," I thought, while trying to figure out whether the whole chain should be taken into the mouth, or if it could be limited to a small fragment of it. Having guessed that once the chain was rotting, it was quite obvious that I would have to push it into myself to the very ring, I honestly stuck it by the cheek. 15 minutes later, when the doctor’s aunt was able to speak again, she explained to me that she meant a silver chain with a hook hanging on my neck, but it did well. And she said that she was jealous of the gynecologist to whom I would go for my first examination.

When I told my dad all this, he replied that after the cherry bones I realized that life would be difficult for me, but interesting and boring. And although I have stopped putting on my head and taking inappropriate items in my mouth for a few years, I really can’t complain about the monotony in my life. What I wish you!!! to

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №125725
 21.03.2016
Mart calls December: “Listen, brother, come out for me today.
December: No question, brother, you came out for me.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №125724
 21.03.2016
A: An advertiser from the radio writes: "Sended a prequel - 30 transl rolls up to 15 sec. Or, if the partner resumes the mouthpiece - 100 tr. After all, even in the absence of the management image of the institution is worth supporting, do not disappear from the air!"
B: Does it have a bulky tariff?

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №125723
 21.03.2016
Watson is fat? The military doctor that tubed out what in the colonies in the war was a puddle?

[ + 25 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125722
 21.03.2016
XXX: I hear, we didn’t take this tester in vain.
The toilet was stuck in the office. The chemistry does not help, and nobody, forgive me, in a great need can not go out the second day.
xxx: Called the sanitary technicians, they turned around the toilet, touched the block with a wire
XXX: You have to understand. They have no time
xxx: Tester says, fig with them, find 2 packs
XXX was found. I went to the toilet. A few seconds of bullshit - and it comes out pleased with the statement that everything is cleaned up
XXX: We come in, and it is true.

XX: Clean the toilet with two bags. How? →! to

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125721
 21.03.2016
Do you have to go or go?
Women and without additional benefits are not so willing to work compared to men, because. either we can leave in the decree, or we will sit with the children in the hospital, not everyone has a free healthy grandmother or, more importantly, a babysitter.
Additional privileges that the employer will be required to provide a woman will confirm her unwillingness to hire women, and the reason for the refusal he will indicate any other if asked. And fighting this is useless, because in essence he is right, he needs a worker, not a mom who takes the place.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125720
 21.03.2016
Fastfuddin is the new Tatar name.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №125719
 21.03.2016
At work, we hurt those who do not have a garden.
Sadists can forgive late to work in the garden season
can be released to the plant earlier (or a week if you need to go fucking to the garden) without damage to the salary
The manager also made repairs at home.
for those employees who also did repairs in the apartments at the same time with her
Written awards

Tensions in the collective relationship


[ + 24 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125718
 21.03.2016
"U.S. police killed a woman with a gun mulch"

You made a mistake:

The word multiplier is written with 3 "l" (at least). Better than four.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №125717
 21.03.2016
Hi, how are you?
Like in the army.
What did you call?
Cherry: No, in the training of work.
Maria: And how then?
Like in the army.
Maria: So you were called? I’ll probably have to kill myself to get out of that loop.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna