bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №109890
 25.02.2015
I go in the electric car, in a tambour, there is a guy of pancrokers' kind with a pitch. Suddenly the Brigadier begins to scream: Why did I, why did I love an idiot?!" The guy raises the phone and gently says: "Yes, dear?"

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №109889
 25.02.2015
Have you watched Leviathan?

Pasha: Not yet

Tatiana: Let’s see?

Paola: Let’s go

Tatiana: well in the sense now) you are at home with me) and then share the impressions

Sorry, do you have sex too?

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №109888
 25.02.2015
It seems to me that half of my ass is like a cyclotron’s duant.
I haven’t seen the cyclone so often. But the carpet in the train sort is exactly like a graphene sheet. Black and of six angles.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109887
 25.02.2015
Comment from the HUBR on the new project:

xxx: Let them make them the size of 1U - you can process the old server stands into huge wool! Or under the size of popular blades, so that the stand does not have to turn on the side. Then organize major beekeepers, ensure proper ventilation and build the world’s first beekeeping center... What’s fun is that the noise will be the same. In local realities, beekeeping centers should be built next to data centers, there will be an interesting symbiosis. People in masks to remove equipment? We press the big red button "drop the bees" and go to shoot a new hit for YouTube.

[ + 13 - ] Comment quote №109886
 25.02.2015
Q: Do you know that my wife's sister was involved with me in the workout?
WOW : well. I know, and what?
The man wants to find him there. It looks like a beautiful girl, slim, smart, but no one meets. I’m afraid of it, and really everything around me is trembling. Fuck who finds it. But the point is not that.
xxxh: I went here with my wife to shopping, and I met a guy from the gym there. Not to say they are familiar. So, a few words overlap... and here we go, meaning we look at the son’s gift. I see the guy looking at me. He waited until his wife went away and said, “Your wife?” Yes I say. and what? Do you say you don’t go to training with her?
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
A: I didn’t have time to answer. while laughed, the wife approached, and he retired... and here today I come to the gym with my wife’s sister, and everyone I know holds my hand with the words: "man!", "beautiful", "crazy" and so on. I’m not going to dispel myths, let them envy :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109885
 25.02.2015
I apologize for raising an old quote.

2007-04-14 <olesya> fuck, I'm going to shut up. Here someone in the hallway hung a list for medical examination with the years of birth, so the women were all angry.

Currently, medical examination is underway and some studies on medical examination for women are tied to certain days of the cycle.
so the chief was seriously concerned about hanging out for general familiarization with the schedule of medical examinations taking into account (yes-yes!) When a woman has a day...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109884
 25.02.2015
I sit with a girl and watch a movie.
Do you want to make me tea?
She: (thinkingly looking at me) A, you know... I don’t want to.

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109883
 25.02.2015
All these rules have a logical basis. The elevator may be damaged, in which case it will crash down not with the girl, but with you. It is clear that now the elevators are more reliable than at the time of this rule, but it is not taken from the ceiling.
The second. When moving along the roads, a man moves closer to the road, in order in the event of something to ward off a woman, at least from the dirt from under the wheels of some fool.
____________________________________________________________
In fact, initially, the mouthpiece walked to the left of the woman so that he could quietly pull out with his right hand the cold weapon hanging on his left hip.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №109882
 25.02.2015
50 Nuances (Discussion)

Amonod # Tell me about what the book or the movie, or everyone jokes, and I don't understand (

FirstA# about colors, more precisely one

Balor# caroch is a rich witch, there is a dull shadow, he loves to hide shadows and throw them on the rotan, but he does not like the shadows themselves, the tna thinks to correct it and allows himself to hide and throw on the rotan, but the attempt fails and the curtain.

zzzohan# shortness, sister of talent))

Mr. Good is the best description of the movie I’ve seen.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109881
 25.02.2015
I go to the ICAD, hanging a poster:"February is a sleeping month!" The first thought: who burned February? Read more about Advertising furniture...

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №109880
 25.02.2015
At the time of payment, she got a spoonful filled with thousands of banknotes all the way under the bandage, I asked, and not afraid to show strangers such denge, answered that she serves in the police, I said that this is not an argument in such a matter, but rather a reason for action, for which she showed me a gun and gave out that there is an argument, wanting to listen no.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №109879
 25.02.2015
Budget gifts for a girl (with expensive you can do it yourself):
1st Cooked by recipes from the Internet a romantic dinner of at least two dishes with dessert and candles. Do not forget to wash your dishes!
2nd A circle/thermos for work with the inscription "My favorite, most beautiful woman in the world. Forever yours, Oleg (name and epithetes subtitled)
Three Album with shared photos, admirations, hearts and confessions in eternal love
4 is Women’s pen or other office accessories with inscription (see p.2), so that she can unwittingly pull her out at work to envy colleagues.
5 is A recorded video / photo session / collage (if there are photoshop skills) where you originally confess to her in love and admire her - the more effort spent, the more valuable. It is advisable to post on her page in social networks to see friends.
6 is A basket with her favorite fruits/sweets/cocktails with a card (see). by p.2)
7 is Evening in the cinema and popcorn (even better - for two films in a row) at her choice. And let her choose to go to movies with a girlfriend.
8 is A box on the phone with an inscription...you understand.
The principle is this: the gift should clearly show your love for her and at the same time (preferably) have the opportunity to be shown to friends and colleagues.
The attention! These tips are not intended for those cases when a girl in direct text tells you what she needs, and this is what she needs - in your financial capabilities.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109878
 25.02.2015
I’m on the train, this guy’s stick for a selfie. He photographs people in the tram and then pulls out the window open to take a shot through the glass. Guess what happened next? Is there a brain?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109877
 25.02.2015
Problem with the MFC corridor. It was calculated that the problem with the drivers on the print/scanning server and escalated ticks the network (c). Do they have the phone, the closest to this Xerox machine, the user (p) (press the request button, hardware turn on / off, etc.) Let them solve the problem. How it was:
(c): please put A4 in the scanner, we will check the scan.
A: Ok I did
15 minutes have passed.
(c) Strange, did you put the sheets right?
A: Yes, I put it
15 minutes have passed.
(c) Erunda is something, contrast at zero, you can’t understand anything. Does the scanner work?
(P): Yes, she eats the leaves and then splashes out.
... 15 minutes have passed (Opinion!!! )
(c) Please turn the sheets, they are placed on the wrong side.
A: Please please
The pause increased to half an hour.
(c) Our magic here is powerless, we will call Xerox servicemen. Turn off the car.
A: It is well. Do you still need the paper or can we get this package of cleaners?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109876
 25.02.2015
I was in the bus and there was a blonde. She takes a little bit in her hand from her wallet and speaks it out loud, one, two, four, six... The conductor is standing over her all this time and waiting. The blonde gets a coin. She starts counting again. She counts to 20 (pass 21), then realizes that she lacks the ruble that she has fallen. Just throws all the little things into the wallet and such with an unmistakable look "so, again" :DD conductor there in anger was

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №109875
 25.02.2015
Always envious of the steep soles of the punk like The Exploited and so on. Not everything could be repeated with accuracy. And one day I learned that butterflies don’t know how to play. and :)

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109874
 25.02.2015
The topic of cats
Worked with a local provider, on request in a private house put equipment, with him always a very spacious backpack.
He put his backpack on his back and went.
The cat returned in 20 minutes.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №109873
 25.02.2015
Japanese organized delivery of sushi by sea

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109872
 25.02.2015
You know the neighbor.

When we moved to a new apartment a month ago and just lived, a neighbor came to visit us on the site. Right day after day, we pass, as the evening comes - a bell and he knocks at the door like a rod for some occasion. And there are plenty of reasons, all the repairs are done, one needs to be small, the other. Well, neighbors are neighbors, you will not refuse to live, just like grinding, together will have to.
And as he goes in, so for an hour the planner starts, one so, my already will call him to the table, we start with him, we talk, he is still sitting. Then it’s like it’s uncomfortable to just sit down, I think fucking with him, tomorrow I’ll pick up this shelf with ikee – well, I’ll get something. We shake with him once or twice, as if it’s already late, and he’s all sitting, as if someone is holding his tail. Also condemns, like, say, I have you, such an aura in your family is good, very strong, I like it, etc. and etc.
And after all, it is late, the wife is going to sleep, and he is all sitting and sitting, fucking wiped out. Well, for the acquaintance there, all the business, so he, I say, once five so in half a month came in, tired already.

My wife even asked me once - maybe he's an Indian who is North American? - I, he says, watched the show times about them, they also go to visit, and sit and sit until they fall asleep, and what you like, so they become... like children...
Well, we have nothing, thief, thief, is not missing, he just got us already, worse than the preacher.
A couple of weeks later, Shenka, our poppy, suddenly spoke with a neighbor’s voice. The wife then shrugged, and then said that it would be better for the cockroaches to be with us. And I, honestly, already knew I had to do something with this sitcom.

And here, when the neighbor was drawing in the evening, and again we have already drunk tea and my sleep has gone, I got the cognac, shed it, we drank with him, snack, and he is all sitting and as healed.
I then pour a second to us, I drink a drink myself, then I move, put my hand on his knee and say quietly:

You know, my neighbor, and I got up.

That eye on me rolled out, jumped up as a sparkle and to the door as on the wings, I, he says, need to go home urgently, forgot about the matter one important thing! He ran away without drinking.

And most surprisingly, two weeks have passed, and the neighbor since that day I have never seen, as if the UFO took him away, he seemed to have stopped even doing repairs, my wife and I began to worry slightly...
by robertyumen

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №109871
 25.02.2015
People who throw condoms out of the window use condoms.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna