Baroness and Cossacks

I went to the electric shop for a lamp.
Within the people there were a few, five people in all, but only two of them can be called characters. The first character is a lady (with, not by age, straight back) standing at the box office. Running forward, I admit that I envy her friends and acquaintances, because they have the opportunity and pleasure to communicate with such an extraordinary person. Dressed she was shameless and somewhat old-fashioned: a dark dress to the floor, a silver brochure, a small riddle, a ring cloth in her hand and a hairstyle like the lady from the Chekhov stories. In the theatre hall, no one would pay attention to it, but in the electric goods store, it looked like a wooden rope in Silicon Valley. The age of the lady was difficult to determine, maybe 61, or all 79. The hell knows her. In one thing I now have no doubt that she has a secret family recipe, according to which she makes a tincture and takes it one teaspoon on an empty stomach, every two hundred years.

The second prominent character in the store was a bearded Cossack studying a window with wires. The Cossack was dressed simply and with taste: shoes, a sporting suit, and on his head a carakle hat-cube. On the street was hot under thirty, so the face of the Cossacks from under the hat flowed courageous streams of sweat.
The cashier for some reason for a short time got out of the box and the turn spread throughout the store. There is only a mysterious lady left.
I approached her and asked:

Are you in the box? I will be after you.

She sneered and, pointing to the side of the Cossacks, replied:

- I have to warn you that the gentleman in the winter hat was behind me.

Everyone in the store exploded with a wild whistle, including me.
Kazak was obviously offended, he pulled his chest forward and said strictly:

My grandmother is not your winter hat, I am a Cossacks!

The lady pretended to be surprised and replied:

Who could think? and Kazak. What a sweet coincidence, your nobility, you are a Cossacks and I am a Baroness.
I am a Cossacks without coincidence. I understand!? I can’t see anything on the hat.? to
“Well, don’t get angry, pigeon, on the hat, so on the hat, Cossacks, so Cossacks. But I am older than you in age and rank, so I will allow myself to give you a little life advice: if you suddenly get bored of being a Cossack and you want to be called, say, a pearl hunter, then one swimming cap will not be enough, you will still have to dive for a pearl.

A man in a winter hat spotted the lady with a glance, splintered inside and, without waiting for the cashier, proudly left the store, lying with invisible spurs on his shoes.

Putin has appointed Mutko for construction and now chooses who to appoint in the government for science - Valueva or Poklonskaya.

I go, I mean, on the street... The sun shines, the birds sing... And my teacher, with whom I was in a great relationship, goes to meet me... He also saw me... I greet him:

Hi Valery Ivanovich.

Hello to Niaveika. Why have you not been to my class for a long time?

Dick, I’ve been studying for two years.

Valery Ivanovich withdraws from poker.

Spartak Michulin received from Dosaaf a valuable gift - a gold clock. I went to the restaurant of the House of Cinema, and there, behind the corner table, Alexander Pankratov-Black...

My brother, I got a gift. The golden clock.

It cannot be! Show me...

Here you look.

Are they all gold?

and Absolutely.

A second shooter?

And she too! Michelin answered with pride.

– Listen, – suddenly proposed Pankratov-Black, – and let’s drink it, do you need it?

My first car was the gorgeous Zaporozhets, I loved it.

Zaporozhye had a bad character and already a non-young battery.

So in the winter, I took it every night and carried it home in the heat to recharge.

Once I stumbled on the stairs between the second and third floors, the battery fell and broke.

Sulfuric acid flows to the stone floor.

In such moments, you think very quickly.

And most often wrong.

Especially interfering with the lonely five chemistry students in school.

I went home with two packs of soda.

It was a volcano in miniature.

The reagents interacted and the pH went rapidly to 7.

It is still in this place in the stairs of deepening.

And the guests of the house think that these are signs of time, because the house is really old.

I met Mary on her birthday. I immediately attracted her attention because she is a very beautiful girl. Although not so, she is very beautiful. At the first communication she showed herself quite well: she did not say nonsense, was too modest.



I spent the whole night with a girl. We exchanged phone numbers. Everything was cool.



The fun started the next day when we met in a cafe. I was a little surprised that every dish the girl photographed before eating. A little later, I realized that she had put it all on Instagram.



I also photographed a bouquet of roses. Probably, he lives on the principle: "not stuck - there was not." I was first photographed once. I waited for the reaction of the subscribers. Then I started taking general photos. It polished me. No matter where you go, there is a selfie everywhere. He’s constantly putting something in his smartphone. I tell her something or answer, and she cries. It became angry.



On the second date, she almost always disappeared in the smartphone. To be honest, it turned out to be crazy. I asked her to remove Device for a while, so that they could communicate like ordinary people. She put off the smartphone for a while, and then everything again.



The same thing happened on the third date. I even signed it on Instagram. And you know... before the beginning of the tape I could not twist: the toilet selfies, then in the office, then during lunch, then before going to bed, then near the bench, then behind the tree tree...



I asked her at the next meeting not to get the phone to give time to each other, not to the subscribers. I look at her and she’s frightened. All psychic became. That night everything was wrong with her: they get annoyed, it’s not that, it’s not that.



This was our last meeting. And everything she thinks of me I read in her profile tonight, and all the 2,400 followers too. stupidity of some sort.

A review of the vibrator on Ali: "Looks good. After two weeks, my wife filed for divorce.

Hello to everyone. I read posts here as people argue with vendors of equipment trying to return the blood for a low-quality product and remembered the story on the other side of the barricades. The letters were unexpectedly many. A few years ago I worked in a regional network of digital supermarkets. Service engineer on paper, but in fact accepted the goods for repair and sent them to certified offices. As one comrade handed over a planch of the Chinese company. He left contact details, address, phone and phone of his wife. I with a clear conscience sent the patient off on Saturday and forgot. He was repaired quite quickly, and he came back to me. I joyfully ran to call the client, and there would not be this post if not but. Both phones were disconnected from the network. Time allowed me to wait, so I hit. I tried it a few days later and the result was the same. As a result of the ten days before the end of the 45 days I went to the boss, and he sent a letter to the client. It would seem all, but it wasn’t here. The letter returned with a sign that there was no such thing. The address of the client always filled in the questionnaire by hand. It would seem clear, but suddenly for 45 days, I accidentally called his wife and told her by phone that the tablet was ready and needed to be picked up. She gladly said that today will and turned off the phone. No one came. In fact, for another six months, we constantly called on all the numbers once a week. Both were inaccessible. But six months later, the customer appeared in the store and raised an or. No, he raised the OR about the fact that the store has delayed the repair period, and now he must return the money for the equipment, for morality, for simple equipment in 100 days with more than a percentage per day. Roughly speaking, he wanted to get from us 3-4 times more money than he spent on the tablet. But whether he was either stupid or decided to roll on the ball, I don’t know I think the first. They didn’t even need lawyers. We were able to explain through the whole or to this dude that: 1. He himself indicated the wrong address, because there is a questionnaire with his signature. 2nd We were able to call in the specified time, there is a recording of his phone conversation with his wife. Three For the storage of his tablet he owes us 1% per day after 45 days, which is also stated in the repair documents. Days passed over 100, but as it happens with inadequate it did not convince him and he drove away threatening to go to court. The ship we waited for about a year, until the liquidation of the trade network. Morality is simple. Neher exit if wrong, because they could just go to the world giving the tablet. This did not arrange him, so neither money nor a plan he saw.

No one teaches history. Everyone thinks it will be different this time. will not be.

My teacher of labor in 5-6 classes in the 22nd school of Orla, Grigory Ivanovich Vnukov, was a good-soul man. When introduced a new subject - the initial military training, G.I. He wore the shirt with the black loop of the artillery and the chases of the senior lieutenant and began to teach us the basics of martial arts. Then we learned that he was a war veteran.

At a solemn line-up on May 8, 1975, the director of the school gave him the word, presenting him as the warrior-liberator who liberated Königsberg.

Grigory Ivanovich came out, took the medal and showed it to the students who stood next to him: "Read, not for liberation, but for the capture of Königsberg!"

Three surgeons smoke on the door of the government hospital.
The ordinary surgeon says:
- I cut the deputy appendicitis from the morning - while through a layer of fat, two scalpeled!
The Cardio Surgeon:
It is nonsense. I made the plastic valve to the deputy - I opened the chest, I reached the heart, and it is stone! While the Bulgarian cut - two diamond discs melted.
The neurosurgeon:
Men, this is all nonsense. Have you ever tried to transplant a deputy’s brain into a chicken’s skull, and fix it so that it doesn’t talk?

I just came home. I recently met a young man on VKontakte. We talked for a week and asked for a walk.

We met and asked to go to a cafe. I asked, “Can we go first?” “”

The answer: “No, no, go to the cafe, there’s better.”

We sat down at the table. I ordered coffee and salad, and a companion meat, cognac, soup and dessert. We sit and communicate. They sat for half an hour, and then he made me a proposal: "And they went to me, we are adults! “”

I respond with refusal. Again he insists. I refuse again. In an offended voice, he says, “I called you to the cafe and I’m paying for you just so? “”

I answer that I am able to pay for myself and that I will not go anywhere. She says, "Well, pay for everything yourself, since such a smart one has been found," rushes and moves to the exit.

I scream: “Hold the man in the blue, he didn’t pay! “” The guard doesn’t let him go, the waitress approaches him and I. I explain the situation. My new acquaintance says, "I don't know anything, I didn't eat anything, I sat with her at the table, she ate everything, let her pay."

The waitress says, “Let’s take a look at the camera recording.” My new acquaintance pronounces an obscene word, whispers the waitress a thousand and leaves. I wait for my bill, I cry, I leave.

At home, I see a message from him: "Can you come anyway, what as a little girl?"

My acquaintance told me. She has been in divorce for a relatively long time, and has been dating a single cavalier for a couple of years. And here he made her an offer, and putting this case with fiction: on the birthday of her mother, i.e. in the presence of her parents, daughters and sisters gave a sign to the waiters, they brought a cake with a beautiful inscription with a glazure with the text of the proposal to marry him, and at the same time solemnly asked the parents the hand of their daughter.

People are already grown up, so Dasha did not immediately answer, took a break. The cake was partially eaten, and the main part with the untouched inscription was taken home and placed in the refrigerator.



Obviously, Dasha is all in thought, thoughts revolve around the proposition, there are many nuances and there is no decision to make. There is only a daughter, but the 17-year-old, for the role of the pencil in this matter is clearly not suitable.



The next evening they sit in the kitchen, are going to drink tea, Dasha is all in mind. Then the daughter asks:



You need it, is it an offer?



Here Dasha opens the gates, and she begins to share her thoughts on the subject. Her daughter interrupts her half-word:



The inscription on the cake! Can I eat it?

I visited one man today. The institution. Everything is serious: metal detector, thick glasses, video surveillance monitors. While one guard recorded the passport data, the other checked me with a handheld metal detector, simultaneously whispering the standard phrase: “Any prohibited, coil-cutting weapon is with you? “”

The correct answer was no, but some mood was a joke. The telegram, I say, is on the phone. And I smile.

A guard with a serious face.

and out.

I remember enrolled in the institute, I come for the first time at the gymnasium, and the first phrase I smiled from the teacher: "So, the norms - three bottles of cognac, you can run down with the whole group." Then he said it was a joke, but everyone immediately understood it. Fishermen are like that.

I had a client. Divorced from her husband, property has nothing to share, the only problem is that she took a consumer loan, with the funds of which a car was acquired. As long as they lived together - the loan continued to pay, and, remaining alone - does not pull.



I explained to her that in court, of course, you can file, but the husband is not a borrower, not a guarantor. He will say - I have not seen any credit in my eyes, I know nothing, and all, this is the end of the whole trial. We agreed that I will make a complaint, and already there, based on the answer, we will make a decision.



I send a complaint. The ex-husband personally answered. Such a winning look. And shouting - I'm not a fool there, I went to a big law firm, I was written a reply, fucking what the ex-wife will get!



I read. I did not understand. I read over. Again I did not understand. So and so, my wife took a loan for common purposes, etc. I fall into a light stupor. The answer was clearly not written by the man himself - he would not have written there literally. So what fucking thing is this law firm putting its client on the grandmother, acknowledging the fact of the loan?



And here it comes to me. If the answer meant - I don't know anything, I didn't see any loan, where my wife spent the money - I don't have the slightest idea, there would be no court, nothing. And so - the lawyers, where the man turned, created a client, ensuring a representation in the court. I put it on the grandmother.

In the course of training on the site, he was constantly confronted with the fact that some emergency pedestrians constantly cut the road through the car park, where driving students were trained. Given that everything was initially stressful, the suddenly drawing body caused a marked negative. Eventually, he could not stand and asked the auto instructor - which hero would they not put a fence? ! to

The answer killed - they are useful... the same idiots run across the roads and throw on the red under the wheels... it is better to get used to them from the site)

I was on a plane to Istanbul. The place was near the passage, on the left (at the window and in the middle) from me was a guy with a girl.

Bored, nothing to do, I decided to watch the movie on the screen built into the chair. I press my fingers, twist the list, select, here the guy on the left takes and turns off my screen.

I was so upset, sarcastically telling him, “Thank you,” he indulgedly said, “Not for nothing,” and turned to the girl.

I did not understand his actions at all, turned on the screen again and again began to select the movie and only then came to me that the screens in the seats are made so that the neighbor from his angle did not see that on the screen and he seems black. That is, the guy thought I was so dumb that I dumbly drive my fingers over the black screen trying to turn it on.

Very uncomfortable.

The bird of happiness was suspiciously blue.

Probably there was a need to share some drawings about the war that the people of our country experienced. I want to convey the visions of ordinary people, not the hairy memories of political workers or military leaders.
Gennady Semenovich Shcherbakov, captain of 2nd rank and commander of a large diesel submarine lived a bright life and shared his observations and memories as an illustration of the event.
In the mid-1960s, only twenty years after the end of the war and not all of the heroes were dismissed in the reserve and even on holidays in the DOF (House of Officers) Polar organized feasts. 9 May. The solemn lunch ended, the officers went out to smoke and with them the commander of the brigade (?) The submarines. They began to ask him to tell something about the war. He refused for a long time, but the young Zador won, and the boss surrendered. Here is his story:
I was in the dosage for two weeks. During this time, no German ships or transports have been detected. I return to the Polar and to me immediately, as soon as I landed, on board the submarine, the sharp guys in skins jumped in. They looked at everyone and asked me, "Comrade Commander, did you release a combat sheet in the sea?
I answer – no.
“Did the wall newspaper be released?”
Again I say no.
“That’s why, Comrade Commander, you didn’t find anyone.”
Overall, for ten days my nerves trembled until I went on a journey again. Two vehicles were drowned on this journey. Upon returning – I give two salps, I am met with a pig... Again appeared sharp guys in skins. And again they approach me with questions: "Comrade commander, did you release the combat sheet in the sea? I answer – no. “The wall paper has been released?” I say again – No. “Comrade Commander, Sometimes we do nonsense to do. You have to throw them, throw them.”
Everyone laughed, except the head of the department.
This is what happened in the polar.