Three years ago, most people from Uzbekistan worked at my farm. Good guys, a little really bad speaking and understanding Russian, but this is only a problem of the first days. Then they performed their duties well and there was nothing to talk to them about. And the Russian-speaking brigadier was quite enough. Vodka was not drunk, because of national traditions, pigs kept on the farm for "shashlies" were not planned. What else needs.
If not on April 1. It was on that day, in the morning, that I saw on my tablet that the Day of Laughter or Fool was international. So it was written there. I decided to joke.
We will cut pigs today. Nothing more fun or fun, I could not imagine. But the joke passed, I determined it from the eyes of the Uzbek, who adopted a purely Russian form. For seriousness, I added, do you bark your bears? In Russia, it is recommended to cut pigs in the spring. Especially valuable pork wool, national wealth. And in April it is already hot, the pigs in the wool are heavy. In general, especially executive, a prize for a thing!
About the "stitch", I probably said in vain, without thinking, but I really wanted to make the joke as serious as possible. I said and left, I had to go. And their talks in Uzbek, I still did not understand.
When I returned after lunch, I heard a wild whisper from the farm. A little upset, I broke up there and broke up. It was enough to scream:
What are you doing, shameful wolves? They heard my scream. And I shouted all those a few hundred pigs. And how can you not scream if I saw a few dozen completely bald pigs. Uzbek, worked harmoniously and collectively. They were surrounded by a pig, and they grabbed it for their feet, each for his own. She was scratched to the maximum, and the fifth cut, an ordinary manual haircut machine. I didn’t even think where they took it. Hearing my scream, a brigadier separated from the crowd.
Do you understand that this is a joke? I was talking, a joke! Today is International Day of Fools! Are you stupid?
A prize for something? The Uzbek brigadier looked at me very carefully, as did the rest who still held the pig. - We almost cut a bag of especially valuable wool!? to
I counted the pieces and I thought, the day of the fool was successful!
Is it international or not?

Let us speak like the St. Petersburgers: not the administration, but the crap.

In our country, they always remember the good when it is no longer there.

Our steamboat stood on the St. Petersburg-Hamburg-London line and we returned home every two or three weeks. That trip to Peter was unusual: first, it happened at the end of December, and second, we had a crew shift.
Almost everyone in the team, on the last trip to England, bought the right-handed Lades and now counted on them to leave the steam boat home on their way.
But it was not here. Useful customs officers wanted corruption and, after finishing the dismantling of newly acquired cars, told us that they would only issue passes for leaving the port after the New Year holidays. Unlisted cargo cannot leave the port.
The senior customs officer proposed the option: if we give them $500 from Santa from the car, the brave customs will find the strength to overcome the "increased pre-New Year burden" and complete all the passes somewhere in ten minutes. The announced price was overwhelming. The Russian car that was intercepted by the sailors at the gate of the English barracks cost a maximum of £1,000. But the customary greed of the customs, apparently, has been aggravated by the coming New Year's holidays. On January 2, the steam boat with the new crew was going to the sea and the cars left on the shore will cause a tumultuous joy in the port docks, who will immediately unlock the homeless cars to the screw and take everything out of the port by various routes.
The satisfied customsmen carnivorously stumbled, looking at our shallow faces and realized that we could not go anywhere. But I did not want to pay. Guarding the car in the next two weeks was also not possible. Having traded with the customs officers a day "to think about", the crew had done a brain attack that same evening. The decision came in the style of the blockade of Leningrad. The entire purchased fleet was dropped by a ship crane overboard, right on the ice of the port and, under the cover of the night, went to Vasilievsky Island.
The shift captain, shocked to astonishment, told us only one thing: “Switch the lanterns, or suppress the port trailers!”

Georgia has committed a brutal anti-Russian provocation, expelling the US citizen Pozner from the country.

Xxx: I liked one girl in school (8-9th grade, it seems), I was pretty shy and in dreams already imagined a million times how we meet. 

I didn’t talk to her directly, but I tried to communicate very closely with her. So I decided to invite her to a date. Movies, flowers and all that. I set a date in my head – next Friday! He waited with great anxiety, every day in his head rehearsed his invitation.

On Tuesday there was a planned inspection from the military committee. Her father was sitting in the commission. And it was he who touched the eggs and looked at the member. And here he holds my eggs in his hand and says, “I’m a dad named Family, she’s told a lot about you, says a good boy.” He blinked at me with a smile.



In short, we never went anywhere with her.

She worked in a private firm, engaged in the diagnosis and treatment of BPH. One of the doctors was a young lady, but in the body - with a stomach, a lush bust, a poppy, such a smiling valkyrie. And always walked on heels and with light makeup - a very even attractive stitch.



But her profession was a venereologist, and patients in her office usually experienced all sorts of mental pain and horror when they were told the diagnosis. And then physical, when burging began, all kinds of irrigation, etc. Often they had to be encouraged, they were already hurt or sometimes cried.



And here came to her for a reception of Georgians, you see that it hurts a man. She asked to put down her pants and took the tools for scratching. It turns - and he stands in all combat readiness, an erection though the walls are broken. She lost the gift of speech. And the poor Georgian from embarrassment and embarrassment "Listen, I'm not hatel, honestly, yeah?! But you’re so young and beautiful here, and I’m a bas of pants. That’s what he wants, I can’t do anything!!”

xxx: At about 14 years old, I was placed for examination from the military committee in the hospital complex of the city of Nalchik. That was about 19 years ago. I was very thin. In the 90s, the food was bad and the military commission decided to find out why I was thin (truly). So I decided to examine the stomach and the endocrine system, I am not full due to a lack of hormones) In general, the stomach was checked, pushed into the throat and stomach tube, this was the first time and so far the last time. Then followed the study of the rest. And here’s the most touching moment) The doctor touches my eggs with the whey and asks – what’s so small? I was sharply upset and upset by the question and replied that type yes like normal... and he supplements you eat little? You do not gain weight. Heavily weak...



And then I understand that it’s not about my her, but in general about physical development, but I didn’t look at it.)



But that moment of touching my eggs and the question of the size of the fire for a lifetime)



YYY: I had a similar situation...



I was assigned a course of injections, injections were traditionally done at the fifth point. Every day after school I went to the clinic to inject.



I come again for the injection, I lie down on the banquet waiting for my fate. And, I have to say, I at that moment knocked somewhere 12-13, and the signs of puberty began to appear on my body - then I would grow breasts and black hair in the places they were placed. Until now, my hair has only grown on my head, and it is very long, so I was curious to note all my physical transformations.



And here, I am lying on a banquet, the nurse turns to me with the syringe in her hand, with a critical look throws my body with the naked ass and exclaims, "What a long hair you have!" What I ask with my eyes full of horror: “Where?”



Of course, she meant hair on my head, but I decided that I already had black hair on the pop for some reason (will I cover it all!So long that she noticed it. When I pulled my hand to touch the pop, the essence of my question came to her, and I had to wait another 5 minutes until she would break through before she could inject me. I also gradually realized that it was about other hair, and the expression of horror disappeared from my face.



P.S And she remembered me since then, and even on the street greeted me with a mysterious smile.

We brought all the garbage from the winter.

And our garbage tanks are on the edge of a small square. Unwillingly listened to a phone conversation of a man who was walking the dog, well he said very loudly:

“Vasya, I tell you I can’t drink anymore!! to

The interlocutor says something.

- Vasya, right, I am very sick today, I barely walk!

......

and Vasa! I tell you again – I can’t drink anymore!

...

and Vasa! I told you that I have a star like a hero!

......

No is! I have nothing to explain!

...

What argument?? to

...

B to E! Okay, I will be soon!



Unfortunately, the voice of Vashi was not heard, and I did not recognize the most deadly argument in the world.

XXX: Everything decides in seconds for the school record. The first person who submitted at 00:00:34, who reached 140th place out of 140 - at 00:05:47. The remaining 50 people - by the way, in the other OU will enter...



YYY: That’s because they made a drop-down menu. It would be faster. This money was earned before.

Five years ago, my eldest son went to school recording, writing a script and filling out all the data in one window in 1 second. Three seconds to choose. 2 seconds on a capsule. Wait for 5 seconds.

Shorted for 14 seconds. It was 11. School is not easy.

Yesterday I gave the younger. Since the scripts are nowhere to unfold because the menus are added in the process of filling up, all the data is loaded on the lmouse+key button combination. Click the window and press 1. The window is full. And went on.

It turns out that almost all data is drawn from public services. Only that doesn’t happen quickly. With my hands on the trainer, I filled all the data on average for 40 seconds. And then I just inserted the recording number in the Zags and my phone for some reason. The rest was filled. And because of the crap of state services took it 01:01.



XXX: Here is the spider on the state servants came

Paradox: a secular lion can at the same time be a dumb sheep.

It was at the airport upon arrival. Waiting for luggage. Previously, I always flew with a black suitcase, and this time a few days before the departure, I bought an orange with a discount. I wait, everything does not go. Then I catch a black (by habit), like he. While she was reading the name and surname, a man approached and said, “Woman, this is mine.” I say, “Sorry, it’s very similar to mine.” Soon my new suitcase arrives. It was necessary to see a man’s face when he said, “Oh, yes, here’s he!” I catch my bright orange.

When did you start working in this company?
I was threatened with dismissal.

Recently from the rental apartment came tenants, good guys. I bought a mortgage apartment. They called me to give me the keys to check out if necessary. Since the son who in May will be 6 years old to leave was with no one, took with him. Coming into the apartment, I say to my son dress up passes, you have to notice he has never heard of this apartment. The little boy taking off his shoes asks: Daddy, where are we going? I answer seriously, well, it is said, your apartment now, you will live here on your own, you will always say that you are an adult. One shoe hangs in the air, the eyebrows knock, such a grief in the eyes I have never seen.

Dad, you know that I don’t know how to feed. I keep my property in me, I don’t give up, I wait. The little one looks at me, waiting for me to smile and say, “I’m joking, baby.” I hold on. The joke opened after the phrase "Papa and garden on which side". I think you are good, adult.

When I was very young, I noticed a strange ritual in dogs - to smell each other under the tail when they meet. The meaning of this was incomprehensible, he turned to his father for explanations. The East had the following story:



A long time ago, dogs wanted to go to the moon. They decided to jump each other on their backs and thus build a tower to the moon itself. But when they almost reached her, a dog down there cracked, and they all dispersed. Now they go and look for who it was.”



It sounded credible. I don't know if my father invented it himself or heard it somewhere, but I remembered the story. And so far (I 32), as I see dogs dating on the street, I remember it - they still did not find it, they are looking for everything)

I remembered a case from the high school life.



English lesson, an exercise for understanding the oral narrative. The teacher turns on the tape, everyone is listening carefully, and then they must briefly recount the essence and answer the questions.



From the very beginning the story seemed strange to me, because in it the hero with admiration told about some of his “mistress”, which translates, including, and as a “lover” or “ladies”. Adolescent hormones of the spermatoxic body immediately drawn in the mind love BDSM-toys, which is why I was quite squeezed, because from the school lesson this is expected in the last place. The hero, in the meantime, had already tweeted something about the lady’s expectation, about her magnificent legs to which he wanted to cling soon. The degree of my defamation grew in geometric progression, and to the BDSM in the imagination was added foot fetishism, although in those years I, unspoiled by the internet, did not even know of its existence. I looked at the faces of classmates with round eyes and saw nothing special on them, which confused me quite.



It seems that my reaction did not go unnoticed, because at the end of the story to answer called me. I probably reminded Randy of the South Park episode of the "Naggers" at that time, because I remembered the story very well (yet, I caught every word of the storyteller), but it was somehow absolutely uncomfortable to tell this to the teacher. Red and closed and began to describe what he heard in his own words. Somewhere in the middle of my talk, the teacher started to red, and from the neighboring sides, a silenced "squeeze" was heard, turning into rotting rust.



To pay tribute, I was allowed to bring the story to the end, and then asked the only question: from whose face was the story? I could not answer it, because the atmosphere in the class at that time was quite wild, and I could definitely not understand what was going on. The teacher answered the question, and this answer not only put everything in place, but also burned the whole case forever in memory, making it the reference definition of the word "shame".



The story was told in the face of the dog who was waiting for the master’s return (“mistress”).

We are asked to look closely into the future so that we do not notice the present.

This is not a funny story, but I wanted to share it.

At one time, I was familiar with a lady who was the owner of a very large dog, possibly a wolf and a domestic German Shepherd.

Over time, this lady and I had a river of events.
The dog has not forgotten me. At the time I loved walking, and now I enjoy it. But then I noticed, as I was walking in my direction, that dog was accompanying me.
At first I just thought he was guarding the house and the house from me, but then he started running next to me and we started talking to him. I spoke, and he was either silent or running in front of me, and as if he wanted to say something to me.

It became usual. He accompanied me halfway there, and from there he met me. I started buying him some tastes, as they call it now.

One day, I had to go back closer to the night. I carried an expensive mat.pay for PC.
And I literally didn’t get a few meters to the crossroads when I was surrounded by Gypsies.

I can imagine my thoughts at that moment. At that moment, a dog came from nowhere. And quietly walked next to me, while I, licking cold afterwards, almost flew home.

The memory of him (he is no longer).

The feminism demanded that April 1st be renamed the Day of the Fool to the Day of the Fool.

Add to the “marketing genius.”

I wake up in the morning. There is no internet, no mobile phone, no TV.

Take the second sim. Call to Rostelecom.

After listening to a bunch of beleberds, we get to a living person.

Why doesn’t everything work.

You are disabled for non-payment.

It is still paid!!! to

We accidentally charged you a random payment in the amount of 2100r. You did not pay him.

So I don’t have to pay, turn on the internet.

The Internet can only be turned on, either after payment, or within 10 days, when we cancel the wrong charges.

Pizza... Oh, it is over!