bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №124434
 15.02.2016
Thank you to those idiots who ask stupid questions on the forums, thanks to you I don’t have to do this! Your victim will always be in my heart!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124433
 15.02.2016
When they say that a child is your personal affair, and no one is obliged to pay for it, they mean not the state, but the taxpayers. You, holy believers in free schools and hospitals, consider the state a subject of social relations, almost a living person. But free schools and hospitals, parking, unemployment benefits and maternity capital we provide ourselves. Nothing is free. We don’t pay the state to provide us something. We give a portion of our personal resources to the common needs. And we pay wages to people who run this process because they do it well, it’s their specialty. And we are deducting more and more taxes on these common needs, and the needs are almost not met. I can even hint why, but it’s hardly necessary. That’s why it’s worth listening to people who say they won’t pay for your parking or your child. Or that they will not pay a penny of extra taxes. They understand that it is they pay for parking and for the child. It is not the state that generates money, it is our money. And each of us has the right to decide whether he wants his money to go to a three-year maternity leave, to the war, or to quality medicine, for which you do not have to pay extra. And having decided to spend money on medicine, we have the right to be upset that it is still of poor quality, that we still have to pay extra, and that again war, although we did not give money for it.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №124432
 15.02.2016
You can be trained to deceive the body as if it had a medicine:

Quantuz: Drink vodka with strawberry syrup. And then just a strawberry syrup.
ivansychev: That is, vodka to train immunity?
Kotyara12: Apparently, it was meant that the body will begin to react to the syrup in the same way as vodka. That is, as if it were “poddamshi”, but without harm to the body :-)
ivansychev: And is it harmless if the processes are similar?
Kotyara12: I agree, there is a possibility that the body itself will begin to produce alcohol in sufficient amounts to be intoxicated. After all, in small doses, as far as I remember, he “knows” how to do it.
Karma555: In extreme situations, the body is able to produce everything. Even the vitamins.
FireSparrow: I’ve read that one person was so upset at the airport inspection that from stress his body produced two pounds of heroin in cellophan in his stomach.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124431
 15.02.2016
And in our utility, those who buckle from lunch consider alkashs those who buckle from morning. 

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124430
 15.02.2016
How tired you are of literary shit! Different literature is intended for different target audiences. People have different tastes, which also change over the course of life and depending on circumstances. If we make the analogy with food, then we will get the same set - from Fu-Gra and black caviar (which is also not for everyone's taste) to mom's borsche (maybe not exquisite, but native and beloved since childhood) and to submission. Taste is different.
The only thing that speaks of a complete lack of taste and upbringing is the manner of climbing with ZU to other people and imposing their only right opinion on them.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124429
 15.02.2016
xxx: checked the creation of the article on the website. I copied a long name from the work site, attached the first image. The first picture was the image of the projection of a 4-dimensional hypercube on the plane, and the title of the article "How to properly plan the living room: the main zones and interior"

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №124428
 15.02.2016
I remember exactly the same story. It was necessary in a strictly defined time to analyze ~40,000 processes (1 tp - 1 file). The program was written long before me in Delphi and worked in 2.5 hours. The management had 30 minutes to make any decisions there and asked to speed up. He re-wrote everything in Builder 2006 and got the result in 40 minutes. Everyone is excited! But what kind of nail in the ass did not give rest and one of the New Year's Eve re-wrote everything on a clean "C" without templates, classes, with the upload of files to memory and the calculation of the shift of the markers and all on 2 streams. The program calculated all these files in one and a half minutes. I am in shock! Leadership is scary! Asked not to write such programs any more.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №124427
 15.02.2016
A grandmother called you and asked if everything was in place for the evening.

This is Prunker Wavan!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124426
 15.02.2016
>>It turned out that the file "Presentation of rabbits.doc" is a representation of the Prosecutor’s Office in respect of the Republic of Kazakhstan. the rabbit.

At one time in the state structure when cleaning the network drive encountered the following error: "It is not possible to remove the bobs. There is no access".

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №124425
 15.02.2016
I was at a graduate meeting.

The nightmare. The faces are worn, unwashed, all with beer stomachs.

It is scary to look at guys.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №124424
 15.02.2016
I was 20-21, and I had a passion a couple of years younger than I was. At the family feast at her house, on some occasion there, all gathered, including her grandmother. There was little room at the table, so I put my passion on my knees. No one gave this importance, well, the kind of love there, the youth and all the affairs, but the grandmother was unhappy. A few minutes straight with all her appearance and a drum under her nose showed that she was clearly dissatisfied with something. So she asks, “Alo, Mommy, why did you wake up?” Too little or what? The grandmother recalled that the granddaughter, the granddaughter of the guy on his knees sits and is not ashamed, and hugs. Disappearance is something, and no one cares, but she is in her years... There the grandmother, the daughter of the grandmother, stands up and adds - here you are in her years, she has already given birth to me, exactly at 18. The grandmother silences, knocks on the stopper and moves away to the neighboring room. Such things.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124423
 15.02.2016
xxx: By the way, hemp and hemp belong to the same biological species, so if they are polluted with each other, then beer can play with new colors. Think about that idea.

[ + 13 - ] Comment quote №124422
 15.02.2016
When he was a student, he carelessly threw out a very important contact (it was written on a sheet). Contact was needed by my then girlfriend, she was immediately in the hole, all in tears (now a wife). We lived in the shelter, well, there was nothing to do, I immediately gathered, dressed in a shameful way, got to the garbage and dive there.) I return, as a hero I give a shit sheet, and she replied to me: - Oh, and I already found, I found my girlfriend in the phone! I almost broke it! Then we separated for the first time.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №124421
 15.02.2016
Provator: A disaster man, you say?
Provator: My girlfriend dropped a meat cutter on my leg
provator: not modern plastic, but iron, with a drill handle
Provator: Right on the big finger
She laughed so loudly that she fell down again.
Provator: the result - a crack in the finger
I have loved fish since then.
What about the girls?)

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №124420
 15.02.2016
Sitting in the road on the front seat (near the driver), sat at the final stop.

We touched, and despite the fact that the bus was half empty, he drove past the next stop where three people stood and froze.

Then he takes the phone and calls (later it became clear who).

- Allie, Valer, you can in principle leave in 5 minutes, I left you on the Railway 60 rubles, pick up until they freeze.

[ + 41 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124419
 15.02.2016
Once in a large company, we sat in guests with our friends, drank a whisky. As usual, it wasn’t enough, it was nine o’clock. The owner of Sasha's house was urgently sent to the supermarket for a supplement, and his wife also gave him garbage to throw off on the way. Sanya has a great guy. The shoulders are wide, the face is healthy... He approaches the washing, throwing out the garbage, and there the vanity man in the rubble is forged. And so Sane became uncomfortable that in the crisis he whiskey all sorts and snacks, at the time when people on the laundry are looking for food... He decided to feed his uncle. What he told him. Uncle embarrassedly rejected, thanked and stumbled from our Sasha. But from Sasha it is not so easy to get away. With the words "Good breasts kill, beat - run, give - take" he pulled the bomb to the store. There, buying alcohol, I also bought a gift to the poor uncle. Cooked sausages, beer, bread, some canned foods - a shorter set of foods. With a sense of fulfillment of duty, our comrade broke up with the man, to say goodbye, crushing him on the cheek, issuing something like "Don't drift, we will break" went to us.



Then was morning. Sasha heated his Renault, jumping near him from the cold and envying Lexus with an automatic remote heater, which quietly heated himself in the neighboring place. After 15 minutes, the owner came down to Lexus. The same man that our Sanya found yesterday in the washroom!!!! In a good coat and with watches more expensive than Sasha car! At Sanin's logical question, the man told his version: "I accidentally threw the flash with financial documents. I waited for darkness, changed clothes and went into a container, looking... and here you are!”



“Why didn’t you explain it?”



“Oh, I tried, so you didn’t listen to me! I was afraid that I would get the mouth now, decided to reconcile."

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №124418
 15.02.2016
I was sitting with my friends at a bowling club. And next to the table was a beautiful girl who, of course, attracted our attention. One of my friends was not confused, and with the words "Look and learn" a confident walk went to her.

Hello to you ?

and hello.

I am not a fan of such noisy places.

Fuck me from here.

The pickup lesson is over.

[ + 14 - ] Comment quote №124417
 15.02.2016
by 19186
If somebody looks into my plate with their Very Valuable Opinion, it’s either my mom, because mom is a sacred thing, or my nutritionist, or that someone is going in the ass. If somebody looks into my training mode with their OCM, it’s either my coach, or that someone is going in the ass. If he looks at my library, you know where he’s going.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №124416
 15.02.2016
Flying in the plane. Among the passengers were children. Go to landing. The houses on the ground can be seen clearly. Suddenly, the plane started gaining height, crawling. All kinds of manoeuvres. Then the commander’s voice said: “Because of poor visibility we had to go to the second round.” Immediately after this phrase, one child said loudly, “Mom, I want to crawl!”
I was delighted by the response of some drunk gentleman: "Yes, half a plane wanted to fly here!and "

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124415
 15.02.2016
This is psychological, tell me.
When I read the next batch, I have the desire to gather its IRL participants in one room in the proportion of 50x50, close the doors and give a day to find out the truth. Question: Do I have such a desire? And is it true that the beings who boldly throw words on the internet, IRL very carefully pick words?
I have everything.

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