bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №135861
 13.11.2016
Because you have to say "give me a towel, please". I don’t have a wife, but a mother, but I say the same thing. Instead of direct appeal to "Help, please find something", begins with "I can't find something", "you haven't seen something" - of course, I answer "no, haven't seen it" and continue my business. Approximately the same story with circumventing hints "should the balcony disassemble", "do you not have plans for the balcony to roast?" - yes it's, say humanly "do it", I'll unlock the time, you can even without "please". A "not in plans li"-not in plans, this balcony doesn’t bother me with anything. I begin to suspect that the men from the anecdote about the thrown-out tree just likewise do not understand the wives, and not at all from the value.

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135860
 13.11.2016
Our office was located in the north of Moscow. A typical situation - for the rental fee had to travel. A young man Eugene worked with us in the business development department. The management trusted him and this is why Evgeny was instructed in 2 weeks to find a new room under the office. While we packed the suitcases, Jennie was looking for it. And then a week later he says he found a room and went to see.

Two M / Z sarts, shower room, spacious cabinets with bedrooms, dining room / kitchen, rest area with a telephone and 2 sofas. Not an office, but a dream and the price is adequate. It was located in the opposite part of the city, M. Textilchiki.

Driving was a long-distance employee, most of them from the north of the city, but the office was really a fire! They moved in general.

As it later turned out, the room was 150 meters from Evgeny's house. A shitty ass.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135859
 13.11.2016
<...> Instead of direct appeal "help, please find something", begins "I can't find something", "you haven't seen something" - of course, I answer "no, haven't seen" and continue my business. <...>

My problem is that in the question I do not pay attention to pragmatism, only semantics.
Can you give an example?
I can.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №135858
 13.11.2016
Recently I learned that Veliky Novgorod was formerly called simply Novgorod. was renamed.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYY It is time for Vladimir to be renamed Vladimir Vladimirovich.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135857
 13.11.2016
Have you ever filmed insects in flight?
yyy: Only "Night butterflies")

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №135856
 13.11.2016
Guest: Somehow a guy named Zhivotov cared for me, wanted to get married, and seriously said that we would continue the glorious family of Zhivotov with him, oh)))). Then we broke up, but remained friends, so when he got married, he wrote to me: I got married, go to her page, see, I went.))))))) Ekaterina Zhivotova (Puzikova), this is what I understand the farth of the girl)))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135855
 13.11.2016
Today again my faithful what was wrong in the spirit was... I hugged, I shake my head... She asks: what are you looking for there??? He said: reset sought...

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №135854
 13.11.2016
In the VK:
EEE: Girls, need advice))) gave a girlfriend on a corporate dress and coat to wear, she brought it to me and says:"I don't know what you will do about him, my husband and I learned yesterday, that we are expecting a second baby" and here I was persecuted....it's not possible pregnant things to wear, drink, and not the opposite!?)) I think I’m scratching.) mother of two children)

GGG: Well I don’t know I don’t know... sex helped me get pregnant, not drinks and dresses. Instead, I took off the dress to get pregnant.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №135853
 13.11.2016
The Bees

More than a third of our food depends on pollination by bees.
Albert Einstein said, “When the bees are extinct, the human community will follow them in four years.”
More Than Honey (More Than Honey)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №135852
 13.11.2016
In our city newspaper with vacancies, the job of a ritual agent was the most decent and highly paid.
No need for experience, no need for education, they will teach everything on the spot.
XHH: I have thought.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135851
 13.11.2016
The first million people earned are usually invested in pounds.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №135850
 13.11.2016
There are protests in the United States against Trump. California bats are urgently looking for something else to get stuck with their tails. And it all reminded me of a lessonable story about the recent mayor of Toronto. Like Trump, he came from business. Like Trump, he talked about things he shouldn’t. About the immigrants. of corruption. Untouchability of politicians. And maybe his fate will be a calc for Trump. It was Rob Ford.

Before being elected mayor, Rob represented his district for ten years. Periodically wrote about him. Constantly with smiles. Such a populist. Then he will create a school football team at his expense. Instead of 60 thousand a year, he will spend only two for the maintenance of the office. Once a year, there is a free barbecue for everyone in his yard.
In 2010 he was elected mayor. With a huge overwhelming. To the astonishment and horror of progressive intelligence. Then seemed reassured. Until Ford fulfilled what he promised. The key was the word “metro”.
The fact is that the existing metro (subway) is old and few lines, shallow placement, periodically coming to the surface. Since its construction, the city has grown greatly, and morning and evening traffic jams have become commonplace even on highways. So, Rob Ford dared to argue that just building roads underground is the only way to radically solve the problems with congestion. He was opposed by the united lobby of LRT supporters. This is an abbreviation for a high-speed tram. It is an enclosed railway paved in the center of existing streets. In other words, in order to fight traffic jams, the street should still be stopped to penetrate the tram there, and at the same time dramatically reduce the number of turns (because the tram fence prevents). At the time of construction, the street is compressed even more, and this is a year or two hell for drivers. In addition, LRT is built in sections. That is, suddenly there are 6-8 stops, and that is all. That is, the idea that people usually drive to work beyond this length is excluded.

But this, gently speaking, illogical solution has only one undeniable advantage. The rejection. It is clear that such lines will not last long. Meanwhile – what? Bablo can be collected instantly, immeasurably and impunely.
And here the struggle began. Ford stood on his own and did not want to eat the cake. Small located along the roads supported the mayor, but no one listened to them. And then it started! The liberal press is pleased. “The mayor of Toronto hates peddlers.” Yes, he demonstrately did not attend the largest gay parade in North America. “Rob Ford is a drug addict!” Yes, he smoked crack (note, in non-working hours). “Ford hates women!” Yes, Rob was opposed to gender and racial quotas for admission to public organizations.
The attacks followed the attacks. The broadcasters were roaring, well-dressed people were chicking on the television, and the newspapers of those years just physically smelled shit... The police joined with their stupid “investigations.” Rob Ford is gone. Soon it was revealed that he had cancer (to stifle the pain, he, by the way, and swallowed, and smoked cocaine), and he died.

The name of the current mayor, I am sure, does not know more than a third of the Toronto people. Quiet, educated, satisfying all people.
The first lines of LRT were built. It is filled at 10-15 percent. It is estimated to be repaid in 96 years.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №135849
 13.11.2016
Trump is:
I am a true friend of Russia, so I will never lift the sanctions that are so beneficial to the Russian economy.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №135848
 13.11.2016
Princesses Java, Nuri, Gita and Candy have recently become not princesses, but some aging queens at retirement, with a characteristic smell of naftalin.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №135847
 13.11.2016
XXX is lying. Everything can only be done with 18+... And even there isn’t everything!

But before 18 you can do what you can not after 18 :-R.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №135846
 13.11.2016
A little-known fact: originally there was neither Master nor Voland in "Master and Margaret." And to the appearance of the devil in the bulgakovsky novel is directly involved Stalin.
Sergey Yakovlev> A little-known fact: at first Bulgakov did not exist. And to his appearance directly involved Athanasius Ivanovich Bulgakov.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №135845
 13.11.2016
“Everyone was waiting for the results as they were waiting for a shot in the high. The gunshot sounded, and now the world will find out where the bullet went.”

The question is, where could the bullet go if everyone was waiting for a gunshot? She could get to another place only on one condition – if those who were waiting for a shot in the wind took some other place for their head. Probably he was hurt.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №135844
 13.11.2016
How to determine if a doctor has a fake diploma?

He has a beautiful handwriting.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №135843
 13.11.2016
It was during a turbulent youth. My wife left for a few days, I stayed with my eight-year-old daughter, who was to be sent to school in the morning. I woke up at 7 in the morning and the second at 3 in the night to watch hockey. The alarm clock rings, I safely forgot about hockey, I take my daughter to school, and she sneezes, does not want to. In the end, I dressed, conducted and went to sleep. Fourteen minutes later, the girl came because she was not allowed to go to school. I was no longer left with my children.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №135842
 13.11.2016
Comment on the article "In Tuva caught sellers of fake OSAGO policies":
reader: "in order to profit, sold more than 30 fake insurance and receipts to them"-and the real for what purpose are sold? Different from this one?

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