I remembered one case. Leased in a year like 2008 for the purpose of producing furniture, the room was not expensive, completely empty, there was never heating, iron gates without a hint of any type of seal, 3 phases were introduced, and the accounting shield. tk. They knew what they were going to do, improved in the shortest possible time, made heating, lighting, changed the gate and it was fine. Time passed, the work burst. A year later, the landlord, apparently looking at what magnificence it gives almost for nothing, decided to raise the price to the level of the corresponding property. Without thinking for a long time, we come to the industrial zone across the road, the squares are slightly smaller, but the conditions were as early as before. Demonstrated heating, lighting, returned to the place the old gates - in general left as it was.

by the tenant:????? to

I have a friend, Julia, with whom we worked in school a long time ago. At that time she was a young girl after pedinstudy. She was appointed a class leader in 10th grade. In the classroom was Vanya, a very good guy, an outstanding, an activist and all that. He helped Julia, literally taking over her chief. Of course, it became her favorite.



Ten years passed, she was married, moved to Orenburg, but she always remembered Vania, such a good guy. I didn’t only know what happened to him, I only knew that he went to medical school.



Julia had a second pregnancy, she was thirty, became ill, was taken to the hospital by an ambulance. In the reception room sent to the examination room, said wait, now the gynecologist will come, he will examine you. She sat and waited for the doctor, the door opened and Ivan Dmitrievich entered, who graduated from the medical university a few years ago, and, despite his youth, had time to become a very promising gynecologist. It was the same Vanya, her best student and favorite.



According to Julia, at this point she almost had a heart attack, the meeting went to fame.

Most loudly about the greatness, significance, national exceptionality of the lambs are claimed by those who cut and cut these lambs.

The Money Rain

End of the 70s. I, a very young virgin, was going to go wildly to Crimea. She got her first vacation in her life at her first job, her parents also added money, but everything was somehow not very large bills. Even in those good Soviet times, people were afraid of their money. Where did I hide them? Of course, where they were hidden by all women at all times, in the underwear...

In addition to me, there were three other men in my coupe, well very suspicious... They immediately got a drink and sat down to play cards for a small amount of money. I stood on the upper shelf and guarded them from above. Until I fell asleep tired.

I woke up from the wild. Apparently I was sleeping restlessly, swirling, and my money, carefully wrapped in a towel, turned out and broke out of my still small underwear to freedom.

Men sit down, drink Port Wine Agdam, play cards, complain that the salaries are small, and suddenly my holidays start to fall quietly on their heads. This kind of money rains mainly from five-ruble notes. And as a bonus, I hang from the top shelf, all so beautiful, young, roasted and choking myself for the chest.

They ran like horses... They gathered all my savings and gave them back to me. Normal men have arrived. Thro the way, we drank tea together, featured foods on the road and joke anecdotes. The train approached Simferopol. And likewise, the times of the disintegration of the Soviet Union and the fall of the Soviet Union were unremittingly approaching. This is life...

The middle class in Russia is those people who are told in the store:
There was a little over half a kilo of sausage.
And they answer:
Let it leave.

When I was 15 years old, a neighbor came to visit us. We sat down, we drank tea, and she began to complain to her husband that she started drinking, quietly, she noticed that the guilt of the household became much less. My mother, a fan of joke, came up with such a plan, "revenge": in the box where there was wine, put a large drawing of the dule.

I painted the doula, it came out to me very picturesque. We were so cuddling, just waiting for him to open the closet, and there was a douleur. What kind of face will he have. The neighbor put a drawing and cleaned the wine.

Further silence, a week, two, a neighbor says that the husband is frozen, did not show, is silent. We don’t ask for wine...we have forgotten this story.

20 years have passed. I sat in a cafe with the daughter of the same neighbor who was visiting us at the time. I remembered and told her the story of her father, as we painted him. I realize that my friend’s expression has changed. And here is the end of our joke... It turns out it was she, drinking wine, (she was 13 years old, no one could think of her, an outstanding woman) and she saw the same joke, and her father was not at business at all. It turns out we thought so about the man!

I worked at a guard. A lot of people from the eastern republics worked there. Mostly Muslims. They had a mule. And since the internet did not exist at all, it was necessary to change movies to color the leisure. When the set of art films ended, I dropped a lot of the BBC documentary Earth. Biography of the planet. After a while, this mule approaches me and says, “You don’t give this movie to anyone anymore!” and ah. With Hera?

He said that God created the earth. I’m trying to tell him that in the movie it’s not about who, but how. But he insists that the film is wrong and that God created the earth. Somehow it was even sad for him. Whether he was born like that, or... yeah.

P.S By the way, when you watch this movie you realize that such a number of coincidences are not coincidental.

I remembered another story from the sanatorium, where I worked as the head of IT.

Winter, clothes, something sick from the sky. I sit in my office, pressing the buttons. A call from a distant corps.

- Max, here is the cartridge, let somebody come and change it.

Okay, we will arrange it.

I go to the department with the guys. There are two admins, the others have gone somewhere.

- Men, here in the office 123 I need to change the cartridge, who will go?

The men look out the window, at me.

1: I just came.

And it’s ugly on the street.

I: Let’s throw a coin? Choose who what.

I have an eagle! And you are participating?

It is really ugly on the street. I don’t want to get rid of the context.

I: - I, as the boss, will finally reveal and my rib will be.

So, then I have a problem, what...

I get a coin and throw it. It failed to catch, she hits the table, jumps, jumps away from the floor and dives behind the plinth at the wall.

On the rib.

I: Fuck, no one pulled my tongue.

Men are laughing.

I take the cartridge, carry it, change it. Because I have to keep my word :)

An old, but relatively harmless aviation-military joke. For those who are not familiar with military aviation, personnel are fed for free (both flight and technical, but according to different norms). Previously even dining rooms were different, then in the 90s combined. Servants, white cakes, several dishes to choose from. In the second, the garnery always consisted of two parts (half of the purple, half of the oatmeal, for example). That is, the memories. The very salt of the joke, strangely enough, consisted precisely in the "white salt death": someone caught the fly and threw it into the soup and there was poured out a sauce of salt. Then the waitress was called and needed to replace the "first". Replacement was done, as a rule, unquestionably, and the table was shut up in anticipation of disconnection. After some time, a loud cry of indignation spread across several tables: "Well, what a fool has so much exaggerated!!!!“”

When I get to know the new class, I read the name and surname of each, I ask to raise the hand to see the child. As always, the first reading is not without curries. I warn the children in advance not to be offended. But this time it was different...

I am I, D is children.

I: So, we have timers (read with emphasis on E)

You are the first to read correctly!!! to

I: It wasn’t difficult (and in my head right away: “For THEMERY!!!”)

This is how the Witch helped me easily get into the circle of children.

Once, I was arranged a traveling admin for money. Everyone was attached to their clients, and I was placed in emergencies, such as an ambulance. A good thing. In these four months, I have seen so many accidents that I can’t count. All sorts of blue screens, white smoke from the body and so on. And I have an experience, clean ten years have come up by that time. Well, it is understandable, in my farm I just never brought to such a point that the computer from birth never understood until the hard is covered. With all the accounting, ah.

One case I remembered and I now tell it to young admins as an anecdote-instruction. I was invited to the accounting office of a small but well-known publisher. The black screen. Of course, it happens.

I sat down, turned on the computer. There is a bios, there are booklets, then instead of the screens a black screen. The light bulb flashes, as usual. The VGA cable? No, there were booklets in the bios. Video drivers are flying? No, it would be seen. The monitor blinked? I turned off the monitor and turned it on. The black screen. The second monitor to check, no. I regretted that it was not Linux, so maybe in the neighboring console would be able to get out. With a short double press, I turn off the computer. I lay under the table, pulling the rubber on the food block. Well, the fuck knows, with a drum, there is nothing to jump if there is no thought. I Include. I go to the bios - nothing unusual, the key is normal, the video built-in. It’s a pity that it won’t work, and the booklets are here. I am out of bios. Loading and black screen. Double press, turn off, turn on, F8, safe mode. The black screen. and fucking.

And it has been 7 to 8 minutes, for this time the accountant has already managed to go in three times and ask how things are and what is so long.

I turn my mind again. Wood - no, video card - no, cable - no, monitor - no, everything is not. Ordinary accounting in accounting. The monitor... Here I lean to the table and see three cables going from the back of the monitor. The WTF? It turns out the day before that my colleague, attached to this publishing house, configured the server, connecting it to this comp DVI cable and so it turned on the monitor and left. One end in the monitor, the other on the floor. Windy, feeling that this monitor port was busy with something, pulled him in. Wow to all of you. Everything is ready, take it. And he made a fat side on his nose - before looking at an unfamiliar computer in the front, bypass it from behind for surprises.

The next day the boss calls. “How is it?” He asks. I tell how things are. “Someone has to go to the publisher again.” “Well I go.” “No is. They ask for another master, they say, you sent us something new yesterday, we asked him to help, and he was sitting like a dude, looking at the black monitor for ten minutes.

Sometimes it’s much easier than you think :)

An ordinary morning call.

Don’t go to the computer, you can go.

I will now.



I calmly go in a good mood, again a capsule, a numb, not that paper, not that button, etc. Well, what do you have? Here, I type a password, and the computer restarts. Hm, a little worse than I thought, but not scary, let’s fix. I try, really, starts the system login, 2-3 seconds, restart.



Wind of Seven. I tried the manager, the same result. Go to Safe Mode. Everything is okay, everything works, the Internet is there, the antivirus does not bother, in the events only numerous, unexpected completions of work.



I watch the car loading, everything is normal, I watch the programs, nothing special. I clean up the unnecessary. I try to load, the same. Again a safe system.



The first thought, something starts loading and cuts the system. There is virtually nothing in the car. I try it, I try it, zero. Okay, for any case, I’m browsing another antivirus, including a check. Too much time has passed for such a problem. On the compact, the usual hard and reboot are tired. While the antivirus checked, removed and removed something else.



Antivirus says everything is fine. I try it, zero. well well. I have to turn off 2-3 services. I turn off, reboot, turn off, reboot. I pulled the wires for the case, zero.



Arrived at the network. I turned off. I reboot it, it works! well well. I issue, admin rights and turn on the network service, immediately restart. It is great! The problem narrowed and I will fix it soon, I thought.



Safe mode, I include everything I disconnected, I cut off the network card, restart, it works. Turn on the network, restart. Great, some program when the network appears, something begins to do and this leads to a reboot, or the network itself slides. In safe mode, it works perfectly.



I remove everything I can, it doesn’t help. Time is going. By the way, if it were not the computer of the chief accountant, on which a lot of everything, I would not have been involved for 5 minutes, I would immediately reinstall everything and forget. But this is another! Backups are made once a week, something every day, and there is a general backup. But in time, as it seemed easier to find a problem, I thought so.



After a while, I have the following. If you pull out the network cable, everything works, even if the grid is turned on. It needs to be removed, immediately removed. All drivers have been updated. A separate network card was inserted and removed, which behaved the same way.

I sit and dumb. There is still a version that someone breaks in Inet when it appears. However, I have already removed everything, including the antivirus and turned it off. I get the parameters by DHCP, I prescribe manually, zero. I just try to leave a locker. It works!



and Taak! The problem completely narrowed. Restart occurs only when the Internet appears.

Meanwhile, it’s about lunch, I’m sitting awkwardly long.

What else to check? Is this the internet? I go to the neighbor’s computer and pick up a proxy. I connect to. It works!



Give it up! Dear accountant, you can work, but I won't let you go for the computer, because it's a nonsense that I don't understand, and I'm going to understand further.



So then. Everything works, there is the internet. I turn on, install, and return everything as it was. Everything works great.



and OK. I prescribe the gateway, reboot. Again safe mode, I clean the gateway. Everything works.

Restart occurs if a gateway is written on the network card. That is, the main router sends invisible rays of death and kills everything.



I sit and dumb. I no longer think about time. There is a hunt, the accountant has already sent a walk.

What else to try? I go to the router and change the address. He was 192. and 168. 0 0 0 11 is



I put another. I Include. It works!



What? ! to I am in shock.



Soon, I write the gate back 192. and 168. 0 0 0 11 is The reboot!

I write in the gate, any numbers, everything works. As of 192. and 168. 0 0 0 11 to restart. I look for these numbers in the register, without hope. Zero of emotions.



The situation is wonderful. It works, but what is it? ! to

Changing the router address is not an option. It is easier to make a proxy. Check it all works. Leaving, for any case, I kill magic numbers again, reboot.



It’s been more than six months, I didn’t fit this compass anymore. There was acasia to change the hard to the SSD. I remember the problem. I try, everything is old, reboot sweet)

I plug in the SSD, install the Windows. Interesting one is to find out who it was that confused me so a few months ago. Wendy, she is the same. In the new system, everything works well.



I left that window. It has been more than a year, recently loaded, tried, all the old way.



The mystery is still relevant. The computer restarts when you hit the gate 192. and 168. 0 0 0 11 and turn off the cable.

I worked in a company as an engineer, where moderate drunkenness was not denied. Well, that is, drinking a glass of beer at lunch was considered quite fine things. And next to the office was just a delicious German dining room, where when ordering a full lunch they poured a glass of beer for free, which we repeatedly used. So, my colleagues and I went for lunch, they brought us a beer, and immediately a healthy black fly fell into my glass. The waitress makes her big, frightened eyes and pronounces the phrase from which I fall under the table: “Thank God, she has drowned! Working all day, I couldn’t catch it! Now I’ll replace you with a beer and bring +1 as a thank you.”



Now I have the suspicions that the girl was well instructed to immediately issue such phrases on emergency situations, and most likely the phrase was long learned. But I still want to believe that the girl was just ingenious.

One day, a little boy returned from a "course" from his grandmother quietly. All night he behaved well, not capricious, ate all dinner, obediently went to bed.

As he lay in bed, he whispered:

“Mommy, is it true that the disobedient boys are being sent to work in a factory to wrap cakes into paper?”

Over the memory of the heroes of the war glimps those who are perfectly aware that they would give up in the first second.

My wife brought me a melody: let’s buy it! Flowers and everything. I got overwhelmed, made a few calls and on a beautiful May day with my wife and child went to arrange a surprise for them. The house was 20 minutes from the house, had a beautiful brick flange 3x3, electricity and fruit and berry plantations. All the weekend I cut grass, and my wife planted flowers – a holiday home, not potatoes. The next weekend I excavated the land, and my wife roasted the strawberries. Then I planted cucumbers, zucchini (what land to lose), and my wife was driving with me less and less... On a beautiful autumn day, sitting at the extinguishing fire, my wife told me: “You know, husband... Probably the land is not mine... Let’s sell it?” But then the wife repeatedly admired the wisdom of her husband. And for the “saved” money we went to the sea.

Good night! A vodka, please
is finished. Pepsi is going?
Let it go.
For the first time in my life, I tried Pepsi.

I go in to hope for a five (for vodka, of course). I took vodka and went to the box. In front of me is the turn: a man is paid, behind him are teenagers - a guy with a girl aged 16 to 20. A man cries out to a girl like this:

I slept with you, but that doesn’t mean I’m yours.

He responds with the same bitterness:

Change the cassette.

I understand that this is a kind of youthful joke, because they both crack, and she calls him “Morgenstern unworked.”

An unwavering treasurer breaks through their endless chips and cookies and slows down energy before the bank.

Show me your passport.

- Oh yeah, I left the right in the car, I will bring happiness, try, I will bring happiness, you will see, - it all went from the mouth of a teenager to an already young cashier. I thought it was also a modern joke, or maybe even a fashion song.

- Show the passport - these cassiers are truly untouchable.

What kind of kitchen? Everybody knows me, nobody asks me anything. This is an overturn by the teenager.

The cashier puts the energy on the side:

It is 256 rubles. Card or cash?

- The card, - crushes the teeth of the unsuccessful buyer of energy, who was disgustingly embarrassed in the eyes of the whole public, and in addition to the beloved girl.

I finally pierced my favorite vodka plus a pack of cigarettes. I go out on the door and taste good.

Let me smoke, let me smoke!

Oh, it was drawing a cool boy out of line again. Nearby is his passion (is it funny to say, do they know that word?)

At first, I just wanted to send him where the grown-up uncles should be sending the young ones. But then I remembered the cruel and unbearable face of the cashier:

Show me your passport.

You would see the face of this ungrown macho. And also the laughter of his girlfriend)))

My mother was 16 years younger than my father, that is, when he was 50, she was 34 years old. She is a young and beautiful woman who had three children at the time. His father, despite all his positive traits of character, was very jealous of her. How hard I can only guess. I remember several cases, but one was the most impressive for me.

One day, my mother took me from the kindergarten and took me home. The road to the house passed through the railway, in the place of crossing the railway was a heat car, and in the cabin the mechanic, he with a short signal attracted our attention and sent an air kiss.

I asked my mother, “What did my uncle show?” “It’s an air kiss,” she replied, “And to whom did he send it? “Of course for you,” my mother replied.

God, what was happening in my soul was a fireworks of joy, happiness, life played with new colors, all the way home I imagined myself beautiful.

Upon returning home, the first thing I ran to my dad to tell him the good news, I shared with him the emotions, happiness flung out of me. My mom and dad talked about it in the kitchen.

But I wasn’t interested, I was a princess and a beauty.

Far 98 years, the dollar in the area of 7-8 rubles. I’m 8 years old and I’m a family: Mom and Dad.

Dad bought a TV. modern, with a controller, and not at all likely, as I thought at the time, to replace the old "Record", to which you need to walk with your feet, if you want to switch the channel.

I sat a new telephone with my mom and dad in the bedroom. And that means for another day in school, which seemed to happen with constant frequency - I get a ban from my father to watch TV during the daytime while my parents are at work all day. Verbal prohibition, no passwords, parental controls, etc. was not protected. Why when parents are not home all day and don’t turn on the incredible FoxKids channel at the time where 24/7 cool cartoons went, where dad will find out that I was watching the TV?



The day 1.

I fly from school - I turn on the TV and from noon to evening, just not moving away from it, I watch Pendosov cartoons one after the other on the above-mentioned channel. I turn off for 20 minutes before the arrival of my parents I mean a telephone, and I pretend that lessons lessons and only lessons occupied my whole day. Dad comes home, enters the bedroom and calls me out of the room, where I sit over a Russian language textbook and pretend to be a student. The further dialogue:

Why did I watch TV? I have forbidden.

I – I did not watch! (Stanislavsky would take me wherever I could.)

I watched and I know it!

In short, it was evident that he did not bluff and did not take the pot. He knew I was watching the TV. I got a hike and went to bite the granite of science until I was repelled.



The day 2.

All day in school, I thought: How could he know that I was watching a TV? I probably turned it off late, and it was still warm before his arrival, I probably did not fix the bed and it was visible that I was lying on it all day, and yet I did not put the control where I took. and all! Everything will be perfect today!

I fly home from school - I remember the location of objects before my intervention - I watch cartoons all day - I turn off for 1.5 hours before the arrival of the inspector, that the telephone would have time to cool, I put everything in the places where I took, I level the bed - I sit in the classroom - comes the father.

P – Come here my friend! (heard from the bedroom)

I – what happened? O_o (going into the bedroom)

Why did you watch TV again?

I - but I did not watch! (Stanislavsky wipes a tear from his cheeks)

P. gives me the nobles of such lilies, and I go into the hall, very upset no longer by the fact that they were abused, but by the fact that he did not bite the scheme as he learns that I was watching the telephone!



The Day 3.

All five lessons in school I thought about the bottom: I miss something, I miss something very important.



I couldn't understand - how he understood that I was watching the TV!

When I got home, I sat down against the TV off and looked at it. I thought about all the actions I did while watching the calf, and I wanted to guess how I left traces!

Taking the controller in my hands, I gently pressed the switch button. And then a huge light of awareness shone upon me from the sky! The TV is on 8 channels. The TV kept the channel on which it was turned off! (to the word "record" so did not know, and always turned on from 1 channel) Immediately I was enlightened that I can still remember the volume on which the TV was turned off, so I did, remembered the value of the volume and channel on which my friend was turned on for the whole day!

I watched cartoons all day - for 1, 5 hours before the time X I put the channel on which I was, I exhibit the volume that was - I turn off the telephone - I clean up the room - I put everything in my place - I sit in the hall for lessons. Father is coming. My heart wanted to get out of my chest and go to sunset, for the third time to be caught is a nightmare, the belt and my ass meet 100%.

P is excellent! Go here...

I am? ? to ? to ? to ? to ? to (Stanislavsky nominates me for all the awards that only exist in the theatre)

Q. You watched TV.

I am -

P - *#@$%^*&$@&*#$*@&#%! #$ and (! *#%(# and%^!



In short, I was in despair... I was empty of the idea of revealing my father’s scheme as a three-liter bank... My inner Stirlitz was uncovered once again and the instinct of self-preservation whispered to my ear – there was no attempt at all, Barikx you broke everything, reconcile and watch “Record” in the hall – where there was no Fox Kids channel...



The day 4.



I have to do it, I have to bite the algorithm of his actions when he comes home! I must solve the mystery of the century and commit the perfect crime.

I the TV. The pult. There is nothing more in this world. We remained three. I know that if I press the switch button now, there will be no way back. I was sitting and looking at the controller, I was looking at every button and wanted to understand what to press here, that would be carelessly watching for the rest of my life TV in secret from my father. I noticed one button. This is the return button to the previous channel. (who did not understand: there is a button on the controls, return to the channel that you watched before that on which you are now, i.e. you watched 7 - moved to 1, if you press this button - the TV will switch to 7)

My life was divided into before and after. I realized that when my dad comes home, he turns on the TV, presses that button, and the telecast naturally throws it on my favorite Fox Kids!



I turn on the TV, remember the channel that turned on, press the return button to the previous channel, remember the channel to which the telephone switched.

All day I watch the telephone - for 1, 5 hours I turn on the channel that was before, I switch to the channel that was when turned on, I expose the volume, I turn off the telephone, I clean up in the bedroom.

I sit in the room... I wait for the keys in the door to start ringing like my lever from fear. The father comes in, greets the excellent man and goes into the bedroom. To say that adrenaline I could have sold in the market at the time - nothing to say. The fear was incredible. I sat and waited every second - that he would call me as 3 days in a row before that...

One minute of silence from the bedroom seemed to me a year, I waited and waited... 2 minutes – 3 minutes – 5 minutes – and absolutely nothing... silence... It was Victory! Winning at my 8 years on my father =)

The perfect crime. I put everything on the last attempt and she was successful!



Then I watched the telecast all the days performing this algorithm of action when turned off and caught I was no longer...



p.s Yesterday, sitting in a restaurant with my father, I told him this story, he of course laughed a long time, and at the end said: If you told me then that you bite this algorithm, I would never ban you from watching the telecast again and would not press for your “Successes” in school!



All are good.