The driver of the ambulance after the day was driving home in his car, was stopped by the Gaiishnik at excess speed. You are what, mud...la! Totally overwhelmed? Do you see Michelin?!\" - he spoke on the swallowed tongue of such a greedy mint...

by BES

Did you know that noise insulation mainly protects not from sounds from the outside, but does not emit sounds outside?

Pure mathematically: what prevents counting the cavity of the apartment "outside" and not releasing the "internal" sounds of the world from it?

xxx: Gentlemen, some endless idiotism that has no prerequisites. Hand luggage has weight and dimensions, what is its shape? Rucksack, clutches, drum... Why discuss the style of the bag, if you can limit the weight and size, as all normal companies do? And if the bag is in the shape of a frog, what is it - carrying an animal in the cabin?

yyy: Of course, with mandatory permit for the export of rare bird and herd )))

Yes, okay, what did you stick to the aunt, who beat the kitchen for 5 hours and sort, in each business has its own tricks. Wire in the cleaning room also meet, and both sexes, I personally know a man who every Sunday does the cleaning in his garage-workshop, takes over and unloads every screw, well maybe he so stress relieves... and that you don’t think there, he doesn’t bump there :D

Every time I keep track of my purchases from China and see something flying out of the airport and then two weeks without anything happening, I see a crowd of unhappy Chinese catch that sinful plane and drag it across the Chinese wall and then across Russia running. Otherwise, how can it fly for two weeks?! to

Wife: We’ll have a wretched cat. He will scratch the households, throw everything off the tables and bite the guests. And sleeping on my pillow.
Wife: Mulled once a year and eaten like a salmon
I don’t understand what you lack in me.

Comments on "News" from YouTube:

Andrei Makarov:
I don’t have a Twitter. Am I a sociopath? = = )

by cPunk238
You are a sociopath, not a sociopath. I know a guy who doesn’t even have an email! =) is

Andrei Makarov:
What is email? 0 to :D

by cPunk238
If you didn’t know, you’t be able to go to YouTube.

Andrei Makarov:
and 2:0 =)

My sister is an alcoholic worker who barely sleeps at work. He sits and complains:
I only have two conditions at work.
"Lord, I will be fired"
Damn, when will I finally be fired?and "

Everyone says how to eat properly, but nobody says where to get the money for it.

The main celebrity of Moholoholo is not a lion or a gepard, but a honey-eater.

It was distinguished by numerous and successful shoots from the volley. In addition, he is an old man, he lives on the farm for more than a dozen years and has not put people in money from the very beginning (therefore he went to the shelter).
At first, the volley was equipped with taste - with sticks, stones, a bush in the middle, so that he did not miss. The beast grabbed all the stones in one corner and went out of the volley.
removed the stones.
The beast built a staircase of sticks.
Remove the sticks.
The beast broke new ones out of the bush and repeated the previous step.
Remove the bush.
The beast overturned the pitch, accumulated wet clay right in the hole, rolled out of it columns, waited until they dried up, drove into the corner and climbed out, as before, on the rocks.
Repaired the drink. In the hope that the beast will slow down or at least a little rest, a young female was settled near him. The first date ended with the fact that the honey-eater dragged the female into the corner, walked on her back and was so.
It is indicative that from the territory of the farm he never tried to escape, the goal of all the escapades was a volunteer dining room, where he tired all in a row and from where his full and satisfied in his hands was transferred back to the volley.

How many voters are needed to change the light?
and no few. Voters cannot change anything, nothing depends on them.

Naive schoolchildren remembered that there is Greek mythology.
So, in the original Greek mythology there is both homophobia, and incest, and pedophilia, and groupishness, the only thing there is no - sexual abstinence.
And you keep whispering, you can’t, you’ve invented all this out of your head, they’re all wise and sublime, and Zeus fucked only Heru, that’s Virgil’s written! He is a family model!and "
Zeus - alphach, of course, was the jeep of all in a row, but the other gods did not lag behind. Behold, the Cronos and Uranus will be more fun, they will cut eggs there, children will eat...

Sex vs household

If my husband wants me in socks and a corset, in all poses and with perversions - when I come from work in a cleaned apartment, a ready-made dinner will wait for me. And otherwise it will be as I want: five minutes under a blanket and fairy tales. Because she is tired.

Humor: the husband got up early on March 8, made breakfast, raised the children, gathered in the kindergarten / school, fed, washed dishes, took away, at work in the lunch break in the shops ran away, in the evening took the younger from the garden, cooked dinner, covered on the table, washed dishes, cleaned up, washed clothes, hanged, washed dry and laid down in the closet, laid the younger, read a fairy tale, made lessons with the elderly...and "

The first collision with the notorious stitched shelves happened to me long before family life. When I was a student, my brother and I (three years apart, I was younger) rented an apartment for two. And here the kitchen shelf, on which it was very convenient to store all kinds of useful little things, collapsed.

The brother had long vowed to strike straight tomorrow, but each time a chain of fatal circumstances interfered. Then the hammer we have is wrong, so tomorrow he will go to the yard for the right and beaten. The nails that we have are not suitable for the gypsum wall, we need others, he will go to the house tomorrow... Well, you understand.

In a month, the regiment was closed. Only a problem arose. Or rather two. First, my brother is a healthy two-meter-long uncle, and the shelf was attached to such a height that even he had to stretch a little to put something on it, and I with my honest 162 cm didn't even get from the chair to the far edge. Secondly, I cannot use the building level, but even without it it was obvious that the shelf is at some angle to the horizon. The eye is 15 degrees. But don’t get into the men’s affairs, stupid grandmother, and in general, I’ve said that you still need it.

In short, my brother in words very much wants to marry, but not to whom, all women are pigs with claims...

>>>>> Personally I am tired of repeating to my aunt, wife, and sister, and all the other very active counselors: "Tell me what to do, and how to do it, I will decide myself".

Personally, I very successfully weigh all relatives and sympathizers with the following tactics: when they say that it is necessary to do wrong, but this is the way, I answer: I did not understand, show how. Man shows, thus performing part of the work. I say no, I didn’t understand, show me again. It shows. Another part of the work is done. When on the third iteration I say, that, say, stupid, I did not understand, show again, then, depending on the stupidity of the showing, either show for the last time, or suspect the rise and roll off. I do my own way.)

Vvv: So many questions and so few answers
Vvv: So sex with vampires is still necrophilia, or not very much?
And do you need to heat the vampire at least to room temperature, so that nothing is not only wiped out, but also not broken?
Kkk: You are a dark man, vvv. There are special treatments for such cases.
vvv: if you are about heating - they heat your hernia and vagina, accelerating the flow of blood
How about vampires?
Although, in principle, somehow their blood in the body moves.
Yes, it should work...
Kkk: I was talking about VD40 at all.

If you talk about normal work, not a salesman or a teacher

Eppt, the more you write, the more everyone is upset... do you know how many salesmen in alcohol companies earn, for example? Or regional managers in major retail chains? Trading is a much broader concept than standing on the market to sell socks. 70% of jobs in Moscow are related to trade. Teachers in class! Don’t forget to say this when you send your child to school.)
Blame this foolishness to God, it is inadequate.

A friend's two-year-old daughter goes to the toilet on the team. I asked her how she had achieved such brilliant results. The answer was short and substantive:
We have two cats.

And I have four cats of 6 cm in reach. Warm sardines with scratches. Jealous of what.

xxx: In the work correspondence, a colleague gives the medicine because she was found allergic to psilocybin. After three letters it became clear that it was actually on penicillin, but everyone had time to read, discuss and get in line for the miracle drug. and :)