bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №125416
 13.03.2016
Well, once I went the list of real cases... I have two children. One is disabled. His wife was swindled, raised by herself. He ate and walked. He married again, having a third child. Problem rating for this time:

Third place: big, dumb and aggressive children. Healed by explaining to the daughter where and how to beat in order to be called crazy the next time and walk around a large bow.

2nd place: duplicate parents of large, stupid and aggressive children. It was treated with a joyful readiness to come together and discuss the problems of our children with the social teacher, in the children’s room of the police and in other places where these parents are already well known.

I place: ham tantes, knowing exactly what I am doing wrong, knowing exactly how right, and that’s why your child is still not walking, that you are doing everything wrong. Sometimes I wanted to answer from my feet. not be treated.

No problem with the dogs, sorry.


[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №125415
 13.03.2016
I was at a parental meeting yesterday. Talk about preparation for the EEG. The Mathematics:

What mistakes are they making? and computational. They know the table of multiplication. Multiply seven by nine and get thirty-two.

At that moment I wanted to say:

You taught them from fifth grade to high school. They multiply seven by nine and get thirty-two. Have you ever thought about harakiri?

Particularly relevant after last year’s story, when I discovered that my daughter brings five in chemistry, but doesn’t know what valence is.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №125414
 13.03.2016
M is The young man, d. and girl.
M is My height is 192. If you retreat by one sign and put a tail, the size will be obtained.
D is (Rise of the head)?
and pause.
M is On the right hand! Retreat with one sign to the right. The Right!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №125413
 13.03.2016
In fact, what is burning? Or have I missed the moment when girls who have a lover were forbidden to see other men?

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №125412
 13.03.2016
Congratulations on the birthday of my 3-year-old nephew.
I ask him, and how old are you now?
And he said: Ten.
I: Why so much?
Sister (dark): And in this family year for three goes.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125411
 13.03.2016
I bought tickets for Machu Picchu, I found out the price, I thought. Cash: "Why pay for the name? Here we soon have another pianist, the prices are very democratic, and he plays the same thing, on the same piano. Go to it"

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №125410
 13.03.2016
A film about the Assassins is coming out soon. They will be filmed on board. In case of commercial success, I fear we will see the third Half before we play it.

[ + 15 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125409
 13.03.2016
Congratulations on March 8!
Yyy: And so illiterate half of the population of Russia!
zzz: But the second half knows the grammar and congratulates the eighth.
Yyy: Oh, and the third knows not only grammar, but also mathematics. It’s not the third, but the third.)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №125408
 13.03.2016
“How good that there was no juice,” said the child, wiping out the apple buds.
Why is it more? My mother was suspicious.
Let me drink this shit.
Who would dare, right?
Multiple significance of:
and greed.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №125407
 13.03.2016
Vika complains that I put her blues on her hands.
YYY: So you are a despot? Home and all that? :)
If only I could! ;) I held her in my arms on the bed, and the bleaches she got when she broke out, shouting: “Immediately let me go, I’ll knock on you!!!” I am " good. I’ll let you go now and what will you do?" Scream: "I’ll knock on you!!!" and ?

xxx: And you, you say, housewife... here is not housewife... here is my self-preservation and its untransmitted female logic.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №125406
 13.03.2016
Diplomacy is the art of doing ugliness in white gloves.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №125405
 13.03.2016
I encountered an anecdote about good-minded people making roads at night in secret from the administration. I remembered history.

Grand district center of the Novsk region, the city of 50 thousand people. The authorities do not complain especially, and what to say here if the person in charge of the roads has long been sitting in the police station and waiting for a verdict. And there was a man in this city, a big businessman by local standards, who has long overcame all the thresholds of the authorities about the roads, to which he got one answer - no bug. And he decided to repair one of the main streets of the city. In this he had his interest of course, since the warehouse belonging to him can only enter everywhere.
So he began the design, hired the equipment, used part of his own, the workers also used part of their own, part from the outside. Budget in general.
Started work on Friday night. And when by Sunday it was ready almost 2 kilometers of this road came penty and the same head of administration. Self-government is what you do, citizen.
The work had to be stopped. And then from the administration’s appeal to the court which demanded to bring the road to the original state!!! Remove the newly laid asphalt. The entrepreneur refused to comply with the court decision. The case was handed over to the officers. Those not long thinking let the columns of loaded cars and then the excavator on the newly laid road. An impressive column was formed. And then two workers with clutches were pressed, which scattered asphalt in different places. In general, the court decision was fully implemented. But this road after the court ruling still looked much better than before him.

P.S The claim of the administration to the entrepreneur was that he did work without a project, which could lead to harm to people and property!!! to

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125404
 13.03.2016
at a government meeting.
In the crisis, the government should remember the small entrepreneurs, the motorists and just the people of work.
But we have more pensioners and students in the country.
You are absolutely right, they can also be taxed.

[ + 26 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125403
 13.03.2016
Maybe our biathletes need to arrange training for survival.throw in the taiga in a week of walking from a person and give 3 ammunition to wildly extract.who will survive in the national team.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №125402
 13.03.2016
He works with the Chinese and has a very good relationship with them. They bring him rare varieties of tea from China. The Chinese told him about the “soul of tea.” The soul of tea is a dark plaque on the walls of the cup and the boiler. The more it is, the better the tea is. They just wash the dishes. I told this to the bat and now every day I hear from the kitchen: "Mother, why did you wash the cup? You killed my “soul of tea”!”Well, my mom doesn’t like dirty dishes.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №125401
 13.03.2016
My grandfather got married, a child was born, divorced a year later. Married for the second time.

My grandfather got married, a child was born, and a year later he divorced. Married for the second time.

My uncle got married, a child was born, and a year later he divorced. Married for the second time.

My father got married, a child was born, and a year later he divorced. Married for the second time.

He made an offer to his girlfriend and thought about something. To tell her or not...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №125400
 13.03.2016
I installed a printer. On the site of HP found wood, refused to install the driver installation, chose "just download". Downloaded, launched, disabled in the setup "compulsory for the printer" programs, such as smart printing, update manager, photo editor, computer information collector, click on further. Entered the native word in the field of entry of the postal index - the button further without this did not work. "to continue the installation of the driver online go to the site", Goed, closed the registration on the site "necessary for the printer" work. After successfully completing the installation of the driver, I found that it installed me a bit important program to buy cartridges. Closed another window with advertising of HP products.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125399
 13.03.2016
The consumption of beef in India is declining, but the export of this meat is growing, reaching $5 billion a year.

YYY: But they don’t eat them, just business :)

XXX: Oh, this is a good thing.

Yyy: And Pakistan probably grows pigs, barter...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №125398
 13.03.2016
I sent international mail by the Russian Post. A bunch of people, hot, periodic twists and screams. Finally, it happened, I get the track number, the numbers: 666 729 666... The sum of the numbers of the number 729 is 18, which is also 6+6+6... Taking into account this fact, my impressions and the number of stories about PR, I consider the existence of the branch of Hell on Earth proven.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №125397
 13.03.2016
Do you have problems with alcohol? I asked a narcissist.
and no. I answered and got a bottle.

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