The better I get to know dogs, the less I understand: why do they make friends with people?

The district pediatrician.
Three minutes of fame and dismissal.

One beautiful winter day, a local colleague from the fifth district, Irina Lvova (the only local pediatrician in the million-city and three-million Ural region, a candidate of medical sciences, and this is in the province to) asked me if I didn’t want to come to Moscow for some sort of Soviet mores.
It turned out that her father, Joseph Khodorkovsky (not even the same family now sounds))) heads our regional association of morges, in one of the clubs of which I myself swim and lead groups of healthy and sick children.
Moreover, I may be given a word about our club there.
Why not go, it is interesting!
He went joyfully to the clinic, said so and so, morge, groups of children, results, Moscow, a story about us, went away at his own expense...

Shizhu, and three times.

First I was asked to prepare and show a “report.”
I understood it and sat down to write it.
The next day, after hearing, together with the poliklinic and the head of my second poliklinical department, what I had time to come up with and record an hour before the “listening,” the head doctor, taking my “report” with two fingers, shrugged the sponges and flushed - and with this (shaking the sheets of the report) Did you go to speak for the whole Union? And by this (again, the blatant shaking of leaves and the curvature of sponges) will the whole country judge by our work?? to

I understood everything and went to the doctor. A young man, quite sensible, really classy children's resuscitator with the "Emergency", was my mentor in the internship on the cycle of "child resuscitation", recently appointed our chief.
He listened to me and said in his own way, “Listen, why should you go there?” You will only benefit yourself there. And while I was stupidly thinking, what is the use here and what is it, he added: but let the clinic go to Moscow, tell us about us there (us??!)) And when it comes back, it will benefit the whole of the Leningrad region.

I again understood everything and went to take the plane tickets, on Friday evening - to Moscow, on Sunday evening - back, the seminar was just scheduled for Saturday and Sunday, but the trip - on Friday afternoon.
Upon returning to the clinic, I was informed in the registration that I was placed two shifts on the emergency, absolutely, of course, by chance, but - on Saturday and Sunday, and "particularly asked to pass," that the failure to go - is a walk with all the consequences.

Once again, having decided that I again understood everything, I went, donated blood, and asked to pass on to the bosses - that I have donor retreats, and that if there is no signature under the schedule - all the bosses can go on this emergency where they consider it necessary. They simply did not know that the administrative-bureaucratic-party machinery had already passed in my opinion in the institute, having excluded a couple of times from the party), that their small wickedness was a childish slander compared to the righteous anger of the district committee and the district committee, there is a story about it.

He flew to Moscow, arrived at some Vatutinok, there was a sanatorium shelter and a scattered act hall.
The seminar began this morning. The presidium, as appropriate, and a 70-80 person in the hall is sitting, watching.
First, the professors and academics broadcast something very interesting and very incomprehensible, then released an enthusiast, who urged everyone to immediately climb into the breakthrough. Then again a couple of professors with very careful recommendations and again a morje enthusiast with an appeal to all and all to treat only a breakthrough...
By the way, then, for the first time, I realized the difference between a fan and an enthusiast, regardless of the sphere of activity. I always help enthusiasts, I consider fans to be plague and contagious.
When the turn still came to me, I just went out on stage and told what and how we do, which of the sick children we bath in the pit, how we do it, what contraindications and indications to this we consider, what results, who of the doctors and parents how to this.
It was here that I learned that, it turns out, conservative doctors, on the one hand, were then fighting the wall on the wall on the subject of "marging", and the morge who were not afraid of anything, on the other.
And here I am, such a fashionable and beautiful - and a doctor, and the tests I do, the cards I lead, - and the morge himself, the hands from the pedestrian to the icebreaker like hooks already.
I came down from the stage, a couple of people approached me with questions, and I asked them to go out into the hallway. We go out, after us a real slide came out, the next speaker was very offended, they say. I spent an hour answering questions and telling. I finished, staring at the sides, saying who else needs to tell.
Here two women come to me, one from the organizing committee of the seminar, and take me aside. It turns out, the plot of the program "Health" is being prepared for the First Channel, I was asked to give an interview, if, of course, I don't mind. I was not against and I was taken somewhere across the corner, with the words - let's go away, or these eNoNoNatics will not let the story be recorded.
The correspondent asked Roze not to crack, not to curl his finger in his nose, look at her, not the camera, and answer briefly, without boredom and in a simpler way, so that everyone understands.
Twenty-three minutes later I went back to warm up the room. For another day, before the end of the seminar, I was repeatedly caught on one side, on the other, with the demands of “explain to these fools what...”, “well you are ours, doctor (morj), tell them what...”

Returned home, went out to work on Monday, no one makes any appearances, but somehow he looks bad, not good.

A few weeks later it exploded.

First I published my article in Komsomolskaya Pravda, and this newspaper of the Central Committee was, 44 million copies daily, if I am not mistaken.
I sent a foolish letter there in the autumn, telling us how we organized a team at the Ufa Children's House No. 3 at the institute. The correspondent of Komsomolki, Inna Rudenko, called me again, clarified something, came to Ufa, checked everything, edited the letter - and a sketch for 2/3 of the strip came out with my signature and the place of work.
And to get a positive assessment in Komsomolka in those years is like a free passage to the first rows on Pugachev / Leps / Brezhnev / Timati / Morgenshthal or as it is there, whoever likes it, shorter.
Right in the morning from the party committee calls in the hill - "Molods! You work well! We were seen on top.” The joyful mountain bells in the rainbow - "Moldi! We are on the top!” From the district committee a call to the chief doctor - "young boy! You have a good change! We were appreciated from Moscow!”
By lunch, the chief doctor called the clinic...I don’t know what he said to her, but her love for me didn’t add, quite the opposite.
And literally ten days later, on Sunday, on the First channel of the Central Television of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics in the most rating broadcast of the time "Health" with Eleonora Belianchikova, now even to compare in viewability close there is no broadcast such or host, comes out the same interview with me, whispering the nose on the camera and excitedly something there broadcasting...
Obkom calls in the hillside... the hillside in the countryside... the rainbow - the chief doctor... the one who is completely awkward - again a poliklinik... and she is just tearing in pieces - it was about her to make a story and show on television, it was she was supposed to go to Moscow, it was she was supposed to go now calls with enthusiasm and wishes, and not this is unclear where she came from a curly high blue-eyed jump-off party...

That I was started to be harassed not in a childlike way, I understood far from immediately, except for calls-requests-work, seeing nothing around. Just when suddenly a colleague refused to sit down with me next to me to talk, and even with the words - I'm what, stupid with you to sit next to me, so that I'm off with you... I finally broke my eyes and saw that all the chairs in front/back and right/left of me are empty, although there is a lot of people, and the hall is small.

But I had to quit in three or four months, after the story with the pioneer camp.
But this is another story, I will write a little later, now there is no time.

Gelendzhik was found in Putin’s palace.

What do you need to fight for happiness?

The tongue and teeth.

And the brains?

When there is a brain, it is happiness.

I have a German Shepherd and a Husky. They had a booth, but I decided to make an upgrade with a stove, as the temperature often doesn’t spare anyone. I put up the stove and made the dog entrance. Together they never lie, and here I go, and they are hugged like people. I saw in my eyes that they were hiding something. He moved them away, and there were six kittens who had just been born, and a cat. The dogs warm them up and tried to hide them from me. Cats for two months already, they run on dogs and don't let them sleep, and one kitten generally tries to chew. We live in the village with a large family.

And remember, there was a joke that if you put all the money that we rented for the capremont, you could build a palace? This is not a joke.

At three o’clock my mother and I were on the train. Next to us was an extravagant 45-year-old woman with a very striking makeup: huge arrows, thick shadows, a bright mask with a contour behind her lips, and a cloth under her head (somehow my mother described it - I don't remember myself). The woman whispered at everyone with contempt, saying that you understand in beauty. The spectacle attracted the attention of others - many watched with laughter and smiles, and my childhood captured comprehensively. I looked in all my eyes, with my mouth open.

My mother’s attempts to tactically distract me were not successful.

And then I said with a breath, but in all my voice:

Mom, look at me! The co-ro le!! to



The woman blossomed :)

I lived on the 16th floor. In the afternoon, the grandmother and the copnik (son of the one) come with the claim: we throw, we hinder sleep, they are out of shift. The question is, who are you? It was from the 14th floor. I asked the residents 15. Answer: We were there, they said that you are tapping and transferred to 14. So I learned that 15 live hatred, and 14 are stupid.

XXX: I would like to share a childhood story. When I was a kid, I had a favorite toy, the white rabbit Misha. So when I behaved badly, my mother threatened to kill the rabbit. I tried to be a spider, but there were misconduct. Mom took the scissors and cut off some part of the rabbit's body, then after a while she sewed back with black strands. I am 26 years old, yesterday my wife bought a baby rabbit. I almost went crazy, a hysteria began and I threw him into the rubbish pipeline. Question: Should I seek the help of a psychologist?

My girlfriend had a twin sister.

And just then I confused and accidentally fucked her father...

In the 90s, business paid the bandits, now the officials, the bandits took less

The Submarine

A long time ago, in the last century, I attended a seminar of psychological practice, which was led by a psychologist with a simple Russian surname like Horkov. The seminar still exists, whoever wishes can easily whisper its name and the real name of the head, but here I will leave it under a pseudonym, not in the names matter.

We were there doing the same thing as in the current psychological training and personal growth training, but everything was still warm and lightweight. Group exercises on self-knowledge, diligence and improvement of self-esteem, some scenes and dialogues were played, a lot was argued, generally entertained. There were also exercises on physical diligence, such as the well-known “fall to trust” or embrace with everyone in the circle (hello Covid-epidemiologists). In one class, even required to take off the maximum number of items of clothing. Almost all the guys split up naked, most girls stayed in underwear, two or three decided to topless, and only one, quite full and ugly, took away everything that deserved the general enthusiasm and respect. The guys who missed this class, then bitten their elbows for a long time.

Most of the Khorkovs were from 17 to 25, and I was noticeably over 30, I got there only because after the death of my wife, whom I once met at similar classes, I tried to secondly enter the same river and use the seminar as a dating club. The plan failed, the second wife I found later elsewhere, but I do not regret the money and time spent, it was fun and interesting.

Quite quickly I learned that Horkov is not just entertaining young people and making money for bread with oil. He dismantled traditional morality in every way and raised a new man, not limited by morality and aimed only at achieving a goal. I am not a religious and not a Christian at all, the traditional morality did not hold on to me at all, and many seminary visitors really did not bother to unravel and look at themselves and the world from a different angle. But yet Horkov overwhelmed the rod, I often argued with him and even wrote a whole manifesto, it is included in one of Horkov's books by a separate chapter called "Anti-Horkov".

We go to the exercise "submarine", it was key and repeated in every Khorkovsky course. I don’t know if he invented it himself or borrowed it from someone else. Introduction: The group is in a sinking submarine. There is a rescue gateway, but it can release strictly one person once per minute, for this minute the boat will descend deeper, each next chance of safely sailing significantly less than the previous one. That is, the chance of survival depends only on the sequence of the exit and nothing else, the first will surely be saved, the last will surely die, in the middle as it will. The task of the group is to determine this sequence.

As soon as Horkov announced the conditions, several guys, who apparently already knew what the chip was about, rushed to the door, which played the role of a luck, and arranged a fight around it, until one, Kostya, was the first. Horkov told everyone to sit down and solve the problem verbally.

“Let’s let the women go first,” someone immediately proposed.
And why actually?
They are weak.
Not everything. Von Lena is clearly stronger than half the boys – and what, let him die? Let us throw the scratch.
– No, the draw is the escape from responsibility.
I am pregnant. If you save me, you will save two people at the price of one.
and what? I may be pregnant tomorrow. and double.
And if you save me, in the first year of my life, I promise, ten women will become pregnant.
All nine will have an abortion. I am the only one in a large family. My descendants will compensate humanity for the loss of all who die in this boat.
They will produce poverty. I am a businessman, I may have one child, but he will grow up in happiness and wealth.
It will be until you die from alcoholism. I will live up to 100 years with a healthy lifestyle. If I count in human years, it is more profitable to save me.
“And maybe I will invent a cure for cancer, this will be true plus in human years. We need to save the smart ones first.
Do we make a victory?

Further, according to Horkov’s plan, voting was intended with the issuance of labels “for life” and “for death”. Everyone was asked to formulate what his life was more valuable than others, and try to convince others. As a result, it turned out that the strongest and most stubborn survivors, such as the Bone comrades, were the first to rush to the door. But before moving on to this part of the lesson, Horkov asked if someone would like to determine the order of justice so that everyone would agree. And I realized that I seem to know the solution to this task.

I arranged them all in a random order and turned to the closest at the door:
You are lucky, you will be saved. But look back, how many wonderful people will die because they are less fortunate. You can save one of them by changing places with them. Do you want?

I was fortunate that the good-hearted shy Glory was the first. Everyone noticed that he was secretly in love with Marina, who was one of the last in the row. Glory did not fail and gave up his place to Marina. Marina immediately desired to hand him over to Egor, but I did not allow him to pass: you did not decide, but Glory.

The second was Anton, an eternal athlete, who in every conversation inserted his particular opinion. He stated that he is most worthy of all and will not give up the right to live to anyone. I left him alone. The third was the fat Ira, the one who split up on striptease classes. Here I expected an easy victory, knowing that she was indifferent to the beautiful Sasha. Ira really said, “Sasha,” but when Sanek moved from the place, she stopped him:
not you. The Sasha girl.

I have always forgotten about Sasha. The youngest of us, very complex, she was always sitting in the corner, silent, and on the striptease she didn’t even take off the cows. Come to the case before voting on Horkov, she would surely be “dead.” Even I was surprised:
Irene, why is she?
“She has not seen life yet,” answered Irma. Let him see.

I did not ask the fourth and the others, but addressed them all at once:
Do you understand what I am doing? I am sorry for you all. You are all wonderful talented people, and if not very beautiful, you are still people, and equally worthy of living. I cannot choose which of you to die, I have no such criterion. I don’t care who of you will be saved. But it doesn’t matter why. Kostia survived because he smashed everyone with his elbows and was the first to find himself in the hole. He will continue to live in the conviction that the main thing in life is to tear everyone apart, and will teach his children this. Anton survived because he was lucky and he was closer to the door. Now he will know that the most important thing in life is luck, to be closer to the feeder and not give it up. And Marina and Sasha will continue to live with gratitude to those who saved them, will tell about Slave and Ire to their children, and if necessary, they or their descendants will also sacrifice themselves for someone who is dear to them. Someone clever said, “Whatever you do, the amount of good in the world must increase,” and this criterion works.

In order for no one to doubt that the Russian court had turned into a circus, he began to tour...

I’ve long hiccalled over the names of Abkhazian wines. Finally, they came up with the theory that they invented.

The oldest resident of the village. He is blamed. And when he drank, a slice of pepper was poured into his face. He breathes and sneezes or coughs. And what sounds, so they call it.

Here are the names:

Psoe, Apsna, Ashandra, Eshera, Chegem - sneezed through his nose.

Lychny, Amra, Radea - coughed, pepper in the throat.

My mother and I recently talked about raising children.

I: Mom, how were you punished when you were a child?

Mom: My grandfather and great-grandmother decided that I should play a violin. I hated the violin. Every time I refused to rehearse, I was placed in a cellar. It was dark, cold. I sat there for hours and cried. I was very sad. It is still hard to remember.

I: It’s just terrible, how can you do this to a child? Was your brother punished? Or just you?

Mom: There was less demand for him, but one day he was very upset, he was locked in a cellar, like me. Two hours later, the grandfather opened the door and found the following picture: your uncle found a drill and pierced almost all the compotes that the grandmother kept. He was drunk and tried every taste. Then he slept safely. He was no longer locked in the cave.

You can react completely differently to the situation you find yourself in. Someone catches his head and begins to cry. And somebody will find pluses in their position and take advantage of them.

The presence of elections does not prevent the absence of democracy in the country.

We played at funerals and weddings.

The guitarist was an alcoholic. He smoked forbidden plants. I was fascinated by sad women, which is worse than drinking and smoking. The most impeccable was the vocalist, the only Latvian Negro Monika in the world. The daughter of an Olympic fool from Kenya. Her only unwilling sin was the tempter. Strongly melted, in the shape of a heart, incredible beauty. He broke fate and destroyed the psyche. Little black, he danced separately from his mistress. Because of him, the bassist did not sleep at night, once a month he offered Monica to create a family, at least for the evening. Monica whirled, left alone and took all the beauty with her.

Monica needed money, she was expelled from the apartment. For her, our black friend.We agreed to play on the outskirts, in a working area where seeds are more expensive than oxygen and someone is beating his mouth all day long. And we thought that hooligans are also people. And many of the beautiful are not alien to them, maybe even us.

One of my friends plays rock and roll. They have the front-man champion of the region in hand-fighting. Therefore, they even play in rural clubs for evil mechanizers. They are always paid and they have never sung Walls-Boston.

Although Monica never killed the lions with a duck and did not tear off the elephant’s hoops, we decided to come along too. Played for ticket revenues. People come straight, to say very little. Two people. With chains, with crosses, with crusaders. Sitting in the center of the hall. Elegant as the piano.

We re-calculated the revenue, we got two dollars for everyone. Basil said he can’t give up. A stupid note. Again, Monica needs money.
And a ball.

Disturbed by the ignorance of the public, abundantly comforted by the guitarist, Monica suddenly got drunk. In the second section, she didn’t just forget the words. He stopped recognizing songs. We played the entrance three times, singing the couplet ourselves. She looked and said, “Fuck, what a familiar melody.” He fell into anabolic again. Only the dancing ass in the shape of a black heart gave in it a professional and an artist.

The audience looked at the counterbus. very carefully. They didn’t sing, they didn’t knock. And Igor, the bassist, suddenly stood up side by side, leaned and so played. Then he said:
Oh my God! What a long, long song!
And he looked at us with pupils rented from Philine.

People with crosses turned out to be straw traders. In the entrance they learned in Igor the incarnation of Bob Marley and offered to blow up. And a kind of hellish decoction, almost rocket fuel. And the whole third department was waiting for Gosha to fall into a flower bed and it would be funny. He did not fall. Our Igorok stood, I don’t know what, like a fucking son. A few sides, but standing.

We played side by side and danced in the back of the department. The visitors, both of them, approached Igor, took his hand and said that he was a beast. He was the first who could not fall into the salad. And a counterball in his hands, and he played, did not fail. The Beast. (And it was the opposite, he hanged on the counter bass and so won)
And here these two get the shoulder and count 500 (five hundred!!!) and backs. The real presidents in the middle. At that time, the plane was about as expensive. And they offered to take us to a Mercedes.

The counterbus did not enter the luggage compartment, the griff was torching, I had to go to the counterway. It was the longest race since the conquest of Mercedes. I am still proud of the participation and that I have not wasted the pampers. The flight took place at a low altitude for 40 minutes without a break. The Crusaders sat in front, peeling seeds. We from behind tried not to open our eyes, hugged for goodbye and said what to pass on to relatives if someone accidentally survived.

All the way, Monica sat at Igor’s knees. Drink right here. Neither he nor she remembered it. Therefore, it is assumed that nothing happened between them.

c) Glory to you

In Russia, there is also the third oldest profession. The Judge. By the challenge!

I was 10-12 years old. Sitting with a friend on the bank of the river, nature admired. Summer is grace. Suddenly we see a couple from the rear: a man of an indefinite age, it is visible that he is professionally drinking, and with him a woman can get him. The woman stands, the man approaches us, says:

Oh well, break up!

And he climbed his hand into the double tree beside which we sat. He shakes there for half a minute, then makes a solemn shout and gets a classic granite glass from there.

“Well,” he said, “the party seemed to be successful!

Blinking and showing us a litre bottle of vodka lying behind the sinuses.

– Uncle, – we’re curious with the comrade, – and why are you drinking? It can be from the throat.

- Ah, little girl... - breathes the man, - I would have no problems with the throat, but today can not, with me the lady...

XXX is Giza.

8 years ago. The Wife:

Let’s take the dog?

I have only two conditions, you will walk in the morning and it must be a dog, not a microscopic laughing whore.

It is going.

We have a Labrador and my wife is pregnant. All the walks are mine. The condition is fucking.



yyy: Agree, then you will walk with the dog and the child))