The President ordered to pay an allowance of 5 thousand rubles for children under 7 years of age, rightly assuming that children over 7 years of age can earn themselves, for example, by wiping the windows of cars at intersections.

A farmer in Russia.

Last year, oil processors, apparently conspiring, all as one gave for a seed of only 12 thousand.
For farmers, this is a loss, but there is nowhere to go, I had to sell - not salt it. Someone broke down, who survived - this year did not sow the seed. Plus the drought. Naturally a deficit.
It was all in the price of oil on the shelf.

The situation has come to you know who.
The Commander-in-Chief issued an order: the price should not rise!
The execution was appointed by those who "not noticed" the cartel conspiracy of merchants.

And now, as Zadornov said, get the air in your chest.
The decision was made to support merchants and processors with subsidies and preferential loans, and the prosecutor’s office will shrink the ugly farmers.

- What is the name of a person who climbs into different spheres of life and introduces all sorts of questionable innovations there? That, for example, will come up with the police police to rename, then change the time zones.
The diversity?

One summer in the country, my mom, with a very serious look, said to me, "How could you? I knew it all, I didn’t think you could do that! “I’m waiting for you to tell me something.

I got a point, I think about myself, well, all the fucking, floated, I'll get it now. And she continues, "Better tell it yourself, nothing will be the truth for you."

So stop, I think, if I really did something serious, she would already scream at me, and so she apparently doesn’t know anything. Of course, I hurt and did little stuff, but I didn’t want to admit anything.

Well, I say, "I don't know who or what you said, but I have nothing to confess, I did nothing." 10 minutes later we "played" the game "I know everything, admit it or it will be worse" and I replied "There was nothing, I did nothing."

Eventually, my mother gave up and said, “Okay, I checked you. “Your younger brother told me.” I don't remember exactly what he was telling there, but he didn't stand up and confessed in all his faults, which not everyone even knew.

About a couple of years later, my mom decided to repeat this fascination on me. I immediately said, “You didn’t do anything last time, or get trained on the younger.” She replied, “Hm, really, well okay.” The younger went for the second time. I put everything in spirit.

The guard says:

"At events, people often drag wine in a plastic container from under the gasoline.

If there is no more than a litre on the pot, we look through our fingers.

But the character who poured red wine into a bottle of sprite was pushed out with pleasure – idiots must suffer!”

A case in one company. A new employee came to work.

Since the first day, the relationship has not been fine.

I was scared of the office cat.

Sisadmin, who arranged her workplace, gave her nail bar and said, “Do something with your nails.”

Then she grossly demanded a sandwich from the secretary (although, in general, the duty of the secretary in this company included the organization of snacks for all employees).

And all that. This continued week after week, while it is necessary to pay tribute to the employee - the ways to bring to white thickening all around her were distinguished by her exceptional diversity and creative approach.

At the same time, no one could understand what specifically she was doing in her workplace, just a manager and everything. What a manager? Why a manager?

Only a year later, when she was no longer working, and she was still remembered, the truth emerged. It turned out to be an innovative approach of the Director of Personnel aimed at team training. She was hired to be the most unpleasant person in the team against whom everyone would be friends.

The approach, by the way, worked, many agreed that the team was never as friendly as during her work, and the effect remained after her departure.

Appreciate what you have now. Who knows if it will happen in the future?

My friend has a teenage daughter, thirteen years old. We sat with a friend in the kitchen, talking, and she left, asking her daughter if she would have a baked potato with meat for dinner. He touched, got permission, looked around.

Do you want a potato with meat?

I eat vegetables.

Okay, I will cut you, come and eat.

Don’t worry, Mom, I am alone.

My girlfriend came back to the kitchen and I was sitting there surprised. and pleasant.

All my life in my family there was no understanding of what personal boundaries are. I shared a room with my younger sister, and I had no space. Although we were small, we had hardly any problems. But even such conditions my mother managed to make even harder. The door to the room never closed, “Do you have anything to hide? “” At some point I was hysterical about this, my mom listened. Two days later, it all started again.

There was no lock on the door to the bathroom, and the grandmother had a way to break in to take soap/powder/put something into the laundry. I still get nervous every time I come to my parents and take a shower.

You go out to talk on the phone to yourself, close up, speak quieter, "Who are you talking to? “”

I have been locked up, insecure, and my teenage years have been hell for me. At the age of twelve I started keeping a diary, and a couple of months later my mom called me to the kitchen. She had my notebook in her hands. Within me everything was cold of fear that she now knows everything about me. She opened the page by chance, ticked her finger and asked, “Who taught you to write the letter ‘T’?” I hope I do not see that again.” That she shouldn’t have seen it at all didn’t embarrass her. Now I think why she read all that was there, and worried not about my condition, but about the cracked calligraphy, but that’s a different question.

Now I live far from my hometown, with a man who respects my personal space, and for me it’s still wild, and I feel as if I owe something for it. The matter, of course, wasn’t in the doors that didn’t close, no matter how I asked, but it significantly added to my nervousness. It is important that children (especially adolescents) see an individual with their basic rights.

Once asked us on the lesson of natural sciences in the third grade of school to write a work on the theme of "Vermost - a domestic animal".

We then studied in the third shift, from three o'clock in the afternoon, and from school I came at eight o'clock in the evening, ate a Chinese cup of soluble coffee "Pele" and went to bed under the black and white TV "Spring". In other words, you realize that it has been a long time.

I did the lessons in the morning. My mom was going to work, waking me up, and I sat down at the table to study.

Well, there was to write the composition "Vermell is a domestic animal." A paragraph of two or three. Apparently nothing complicated. But I knew almost nothing about camels then, except that they were splashing. I saw it in a Russian comedy.

He sat down, opened the notebook, wrote that the camel is a domestic animal, but does not live in the houses. Two lines came out. very little. He wrote that in the desert without a camel, people would have disappeared for a long time. Too little too.

And I wrote, as I now remember, "A vertebrate cannot be irritated for anything, beaten with a stick or dragged for a tail. Otherwise, he can release his 660 milliliters of food.” Apparently two-thirds of the page. It will go. It is time for mathematics.

I submitted my composition. The teacher checked and asked, “Alexa, why exactly 660 milliliters?” I do not know how to answer. In general, at that time, the kiosks began to sell bottle beer and all kinds of lemonade of the type of fantasy or Dr. Pepper there. And on the streets began to roll empty beautiful shiny bottles. All the boys took them home. And I pulled, gathered the whole collection. The bottles were 330 ml. It was written on them. As in the Chamber of Measures and Weights. Other amounts I did not know at the time. Then came mathematics and mathematics. I was commissioned to compose a three. Not a trouble. Three is not two.

Then I had to write a story about my family. Our family was modest: me, my mom and the cat Musa. I wrote so in my writing. I also wrote that my mom is constantly at work, and at night Moussa jumps on her bed and my mom screams so suddenly. The trio also caught. I have the most written about Moses. And the cat is not a family, as it turned out.

But the most interesting thing was when I wrote about how I spent the summer. The most striking impression was the scene when we were sailing on a boat and some adult man saw a worm leech floating next to him and began to beat him with a veil until he killed him and threw him off the shore. I wrote everything so. That in the summer I saw, as a neighbor in the country of Uncle Sereza killed a worm fish with a veil and tired.

The teacher said, “If you write any nonsense in your style again, I’ll give you three pairs in a row.” So I stopped writing in my own style and started writing like everybody else: “This summer we went for mushrooms and berries. I admired nature and collected a lot of blacks. Tonight we went swimming in the river. And if it was raining, I read a book about Tom Sawyer. I love summer and songs at the fire.

I have never read anything about Tom Sawyer. And the white mushroom from the bug began to differ only with the appearance of a phone with Google. At that time I was given four. It is a pity that his style has not appeared since then.

Xxx: I have a cat on my laptop. In short, a potential customer with whom I have long decided that it didn’t work, remembered me and in response to a set of symbols, suggested a project.

Has the cat been raised?

XXX is an older cat.

A failure is a person who, if he gets a recipe for happiness, is written with an absolutely incomprehensible handwriting.

Vladimir Vladimirovich, what was the year?
of 2020.
and thanks.

15 years ago my parents had a small tour firm, besides them only 2 employees. They mainly traveled on business trips. And they had a regular customer, with very good orders.



One day he urgently needed tickets, but there was no opportunity to come for them. I ordered it and took it home to my wife. Only my daddy in the car. Everything was done quickly and lucky.



I came to the entrance, called the home phone, went in and on the staircase realized that the elevators are not called. Then often in new buildings they were still refined after giving up the house, sometimes even a couple of months.

I went to the 10th floor, but there was nothing to do.



From the client’s wife:

I opened the door and stood and waited. A minute or two, the elevator does not go. I think he should get up already. Here, from the stairway hole, a man's head appears, and, breathing deeply, he stretches the envelope.

As I was ashamed, I forgot to warn the home phone that the elevator from the second floor is being called, and the ad below is hardly visible. I pull a hundred rubles and I hear “Don’t... Fuck... I’m the director. “Better water”



Since that history, much has changed, the tour firm has burned, had to get out of a rather deep crisis, but at the same time a very strong friendship between our families began. Everything happens ?

They gathered a drill in the forest. Instead of a crane, we had a helicopter. Fuck the dance, but the arrow is clearly in place and I see it pressing the finger of one of my colleagues.

And he doesn’t even feel — he needs to catch millimeters. No matter what, I don’t have time to jump. And all, the arrow lay down. And only now this person is paying attention, very scared, pulls out his hand, the gloves are left under the arrow... And there is no finger! He was removed five years ago.

Once I lost the flash, there was nothing important there in principle, a couple of dozens of photos and a few movies. Well lost and forgot about it, fig with her.

One week later, a strange girl called me on the phone, and so Mordvinnn, found your flash, come get it.

I am slightly ugly, because I forgot to think about it, and here it is unknown who, by name and surname, calls and proposes to return this flushed flash.

I bought a large box of candy, prepared a symbolic 1000 rubles, you have to thank someone and went to pick up at the appointed time.

I was all tormented by the question of how she learned who I was and found my number, because there were old photos on the flash drive ten years ago, where I was a young 16-17-year-old guy and did not look like myself real, old and bearded.

When he arrived, the girl told me about her search. First tried to hit the photo through the search for images in Google, but there were no results, then began to search among friends in the UK and check the photos from their pages with photos on the flash drive ( suddenly someone seems, the city is small, could work out), but here she was struck by failure. Then she showed photos to colleagues and one of them found out in the background of our university and the dean of the faculty that I studied at the time. Then they and a friend visited the universe, found the dean, explained the situation, showed a photo, he gave them the number of my former senior and through her, found me.

Why, I ask, was it so stressful?

Well, suddenly these photos were important to you, and you kept them on this flash.

From the money the girl sharply refused, barely persuaded to take candy, said not for the reward tried, but purely humanly, and not very hard at all.

Such good people sometimes come in.

Our president is once again trying to take revenge, competing in armrestling with the "invisible hand of the market."I fear, as if the next time he did not have to compete with the "bone hand of hunger."

A lonely snowman.
I love chocolate and champagne.

In the distant and good Soviet times, I was a Snowmen for three years in a row. I explained. Then professional artists were rarely invited, apparently for savings, and New Year's characters were selected from employees of enterprises.

In my company, Snow White was always chosen a slim, blue-eyed blonde Svet, and Santa Claus was the low-drinking man, which, as it turned out later, was a fateful mistake. So, for some reason, Light had the habit of picking up the flu for the holiday, and I was, so to speak, her doublor, spare Snowmen No. 2.

The snow was healthy. My dark curls were trying to get out of under the white wig all the time, and my little coat was cracking under my head and on my core girl’s chest.

So the celebration scheme was the same for three years. The inexperienced Santa Claus was very quick to get into the dirt, because it was customary to drink him in all the apartments with vodka, and I was served with champagne and chocolate. It was impossible to refuse. The driver refused to replace Santa Claus, and I was forced to carry out the mission alone.

What I did not write to poor children to explain the absence of Santa Claus. Then he walked on deer, rescued geologists who were lost in the taiga, then helped astronauts in space, then in Africa rescued elephants from poachers.

From the excess of champagne and chocolate in the body, I told with such a feeling about his heroic feats that children and adults listened to me as enthralled. Even forgot to read the New Year's verses about the tree tree and drive around it. It took me, not to stop. Then the Father on the fires brought people out of the fire, then the thief who stole the old lady's bag caught, then the birth took. In general, it is horrifying what can be said about the champagne snuggle.

But people liked it for some reason. Then I gave the kids New Year's gifts, kissed everyone in the cheeks on behalf of Santa Claus and left, all so drunk, bright, fixing on the go my dark curls, coming out of under the white hair.

Since then, I almost don’t drink champagne, I don’t like chocolate, but the habit of telling all sorts of obscene stories I still have. With the coming!

He drinks water and flows.
You listened to the brief content of the press conference of the President.

At the dawn of my dim youth, when I had not yet had time to break up with my virginity, but had already had time to get out of school at a medical college (then it was called a medical school) in the specialty of a midwife, this story happened. I sit in the guest house of my sister, and here one of her friends invites me to say so on a t-a-tet to the bathroom. With his humble eyes, he says:

- You are studying at the gynecologist, and you can't look, or I have "there" some pimples, it's not syphilis?

So show me.

She pulls her shirt, then trousers, I look - there's really something, but the most that pulls her pimples - it's irritation after shaving. I look seriously, reassure about syphilis, but I advise, once so afraid to pass the analysis anonymously (just in those years they were allowed to do). Then I go out, I see my sister and two other friends standing in the hallway and looking, “Well, you’re a fool.”

After many years, having met this girlfriend heard the story - it turns out, my sister and friends decided to "check" me (just don't understand what), like I would use her, and they would break in and "save" her.

So why didn’t you react, you’re just a virgin?

- You are stupid, according to my situation, the doctor turned on, so I did not see the girl naked in you, but, sorry, the object of the examination, and the brains only in the direction of medicine worked. I had one practice mentor — the head of the town named Goliath (an epic character, I report to you, under two meters tall, with an underarm thick with my leg and a palm able to embrace a three-litre bowl), so he always said in response to the whispers of the young man who first went to the examination of a male gynecologist — where do you see the man? You think of me dress, no, it’s armor! As long as I am in it, I am not a man, but a function!

It was long ago. There was a young man at work. We all earn the same money, but he never had his own cigarettes.

As a smoker, he gives everything, let me smoke. And most importantly, he shot on a sliding schedule - first at one, then at the second, then at the third, and so over the day he had time to "shoot" everyone.

At first, everyone suffered, well, do some people have financial problems? Then they began to refuse – said, at the last. But that didn’t stop him, the “shooting” continued every day.

In short, we decided to study it. He started borrowing small sums before his salary.

Who will borrow 200 rubles? So at the end of the month and borrowed from him I do not remember now how much. For that money, I bought him a cigarette.

After the receipt, we gathered in the cigarette and said to him, "Do you remember borrowing from you? I am so much, is he so much?”

I remember, he said. “Well,” we say, “we don’t have money – take all the cigarettes, or you never have them!” And we give him a package filled with packages!

He swallowed, but took the package and left silently. But then he was whispered as a grandmother from the "shooting"!

He worked with us for a long time and turned out to be a good guy, but most importantly, he never "shoot" anyone else.