We do not have a cellphone, and the entrance is closed on the key. The late autumn. I go out in the evening, at the entrance there is some man of not quite presentable appearance and says - I, say, a homeless, let half an hour warm up at the battery. And I’m somewhat stubborn to let go a little, but it’s like it’s a pity in a human way. Okay, I say to you, grey. Within an hour we are back with our wife, there is no battery. I left, I think. We climb to our floor (the last), and there the painting with oil - this man is snoring on the floor in front of our door, next to the empty bottle of port wine rolls and the awful smell of bombs on the whole entrance. If we woke him up, we barely persuaded him to go out, handed on the trail some sort of hot tea, cups of cucumbers (which got under the hand).

And somewhat ugly on the soul, like a man thrown out into the cold.

And in the morning we go out to the entrance, and we are on the pitch. The soul immediately calmed down.

It was under the new year. They came back with their parents from the store, picked up products and gifts. On the street darkness, freezing below 50 degrees with cracks and fog. There was a lamp at the entrance and in its light we saw the body. He was lying in the snow next to the trail. He came and checked his pulse. Alive and warm. They dragged into the entrance, wanted to call an ambulance, but the man (dirty and dirty, but not stinking and not like BOMJ) began to drill that the ambulance is not needed, that he will now sleep and go on. Someone who pulled him to the ground floor, upstairs. There is warm. My mother and I went to the apartment, and my father laid the man on the potato boxes, divided and made sure that nothing was frozen, scratched vodka. I took out an old pillow and cushion. No ambulance or menus were called. The neighbor went out to see what the noise was, but he did not argue. There was a man at the entrance for the night. For the “natural need” left my old pot. In the morning the man fell asleep and left. He went and went. I forgot about it, the pre-year trouble. Here, closer to the evening, a call to the homephone. “Did you pick me up yesterday? Here, I came to thank you...” As it turned out, Uncle, entered and went home. On the way, dogs attacked him and he ran away from them and found himself in our yard. His run, apparently, exhausted him to the end, and he fell asleep on the track. The man thanked me very much, brought me a bottle of cognac, candy and a toy. Then he called on the New Year’s Eve, congratulated himself, thanked his wife. After that, he and his father crossed a couple of races.



P.S Fortunately, we didn’t go to my grandmother’s visit, but Fige knows how it would turn.

I go to the metro. On the other hand, the mother and the little boy are already tired of watching the child’s too mobile games. According to an old parental tradition, she, whispering at me, says:

I will give it to the girl.



The boy is curious, he looks at me in all the eyes. Kiev, I will take it. I show my hands. “Here,” I say, “a recedivist girl, her fingerprints were taken.” I am glad myself that the inaccurately filled stamp at work has gotten out of an alibi.



The boy runs to his mother and asks:

What should I do to take my fingerprints?

The story was a few years ago in Kursk. They took me there on a business trip. The company rented the one in which I settled.



One night I sit in front of the TV and drink beer. And I see an announcement that in half an hour there will be a criminal hearing. Well I think twist, I need to order food for the movie, some rolls, sushi. In Peter and Moscow, this is easy. They arrive in 30-40 minutes. I used to search for a good delivery of sushi in Kursk. I chose the most positive.



The time is 21:30. I call. I order all kinds of tuna, tongues, and so on. They say everything will be delivered within an hour. Oh well ok. We wait.



The movie ended, I watched it for the first time in one breath, there was no advertisement. The clock is around 00:30. Where is sushi? I call :

I: Hi, I ordered to such an address, where is the courier?

C: I will now clarify and call back.

I am: OK



He calls back:

C: You know, we can’t call the courier, but he’s gone to you with your order a long time ago.

I: Well I don’t even know, I don’t need an order anymore, I’ve gone to sleep.

C: Okay, we will cancel the order.



Time 2: 30 at night. Call to the homeopath:

C. Delivery of sushi

To say that I am ah-well – to say nothing

I: Is it you? Lucky in Japan? I’ve been sleeping for 2 hours as...

Q: Sorry, I am delayed

Only for 4 hours, pff nuts

I: Listen, I don’t need them anymore, I cancelled the order. I think you better eat them so they don’t disappear.

K: How is it! ? to * Something not explicit

I: Are you okay? Need a help?

Q: No, thank you I went to eat your sushi.



The next day, their boss called me and told me I had to pay for the order they brought me, but I didn’t open the door. Another kind of penalty. I’m not a warrior and I told it calmly. The boss said it will be done. No more calls. I don't remember the name of the company, it was a long time ago.

I remembered a funny case from my childhood. I was 13 years old (or 11-12 I don’t remember already). My parents sent me to the sanatorium and I was very pleased. A few words about the sanatorium. The pine pine, a large territory, a little healing procedures in the morning and all the rest of the time you are provided for yourself. In fact, at the procedures I met the girl (let’s call her Tanya), well, as I met, I looked at her, embarrassed to approach. She also looked at me with an interest. Days went by and it was Friday, and on Friday the disco and every 5 songs played slowly! I had to invite her. It was said, done. And now we are dancing. Dancing, of course, is strongly said, throwing up I would have expressed myself more accurately. But fact is fact. Tactile contact is present, which I am very pleased with. The song ended and everyone ran away. I went to drink water until the next cup.

I go back in and hear a topic from Titanic. I find Tanya in the crowd, I walk to her with confidence, take her by the hand and lead her to dance. What I say to her, she answers something unclear. I embrace her stronger, behave more relaxed, overall everything is fine. The song ends all apart. And already in the hallway suddenly comes to me a girl (as it later turned out Lena - Tani's best friend) and starts to openly chase me: why did you dance with Yulia? They and Tanya hate each other, as you could well and so on.

What lessons I learned from the situation:

1st If you have vision -2 on both eyes, then you should not be ashamed to wear glasses.

2nd When communicating with girls, you need to be confident in yourself.

I asked at the restaurant not to add olive oil to my salad, which is included in the recipe from the menu.
I have a salad with mayonnaise. I ask the waitress:
Why is mayonnaise in my salad?
- You asked not to add butter, and the salad needs to be lubricated with something, I handed the cook about mayonnaise.
I didn’t even find anything to object to this iron logic.

According to women, an interesting man simply has to be - provided.

In the morning, a friend called, said that she found some tumor in the lower abdomen of the cat, and asked me to go to the doctor with her.
They came, arranged, the doctor began to squeeze the cat. The girlfriend whispered frightened:
Doctor, what is there?
The doctor also whispered, looking her in the eyes, said:
It is a greyhound.
Everyone has fallen :)

On September 1st in all schools:
Announcement
There will be no classes - all teachers have gone to business.

xxx: "You stood between me and my milk." I didn’t expect it to sound threatening.

Amatorero: This Phelps is some kind of Ichthyander man.
In what is he a champion?
Amatorero: by throwing gold ;D

For example, I am a lesbian. Can I go to the theater alone? And with the partner?

In theatre with a man? Don’t laugh at my tricks, everyone knows that men in the theater are asleep.

tn: Here are the times when a light bulb is easier to download than to look in the closet.

to this:
"I understood that I was *blowing when I tried to enlarge the picture in the newspaper"

I press Ctrl + F on the original contracts.
Paper in hand, hand on the keyboard. Yes...
And a copy paste from the calculator I try to do.
And here’s the most favorite: knock on the provider’s phone to ask why it doesn’t go.

What happens if it rains for 40 days and nights?
BB: Not Noah )
and aa: (

I am a teacher of English. Yesterday I saw the inscription from my friend on the T-shirt "Miami bitch". I’m now thinking whether this is an original idea or whether the Chinese say hello from the factory.

The brother-in-law once struck the tractor, a strange noise is heard and it is unclear where it came from. He took it all over, invited local specialists, nobody could find the source of the scratch. I decided to sell it on the avatars. Buyers will soon come with their specialists. I watched, I heard the screaming. The specialist immediately, "you have that which is broken, we will not take" well and showed that it is broken. The brother repaired it the same night. and did not sell. I need this technique myself.

I went to play tennis with a friend and rented a court. I give 1000₽ and the administrator says, "give less, there will be no surrender, or run for 2 hours"...with a quick glance inspected me gave the phrase " although you can see 2 hours you will not extend!" My friend got 500₽.

We are training on negotiations, we are training with the new one to ask questions:

I: Ah, how is it at all?
She is: well!! to
I: What is good?
She is: Nothing!! to