bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №82385
 03.06.2013
They have us, that’s all we have.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №82384
 03.06.2013
My friend Max has been riding around Los Angeles in a minibus for many years and repairing and installing household appliances – all kinds of washing machines, dryers, microwaves and air conditioners. It doesn’t matter what he repairs. It is useful that Max knows physics well.

I understand your confusion. After all, the connection between the repair of the air conditioner and, say, Newton's 2nd law - well just no. It's right, there is no connection. There is a benefit...
In the words of Max.

That day was busy. I changed the air conditioner at 3 employees. I hit the car in the morning with candy boxes, I eat. Rather, the car under the weight settled capital, and the road - in the mountains.
I installed two air conditioners, I look at the third call I am late. Well, I - on the gases (the car became half empty), but I didn't have time to jump through a couple of quarters - the policeman stops for excess speed, writes me a fine and wishes me a good day.
What is this, on the Fig, I think, a good day, if now the weekly salary of the dog under the tail? Could I go to court and try to get this penalty? What the fucking joke? After all, if the policeman does not appear in court, then I automatically won.

A police officer appeared in court. The judge listened to his version and said to me, say, can you say something in your excuse, or am I just closing the case? This insult took me. Half of the hazard. I think I’ll tell you how fast I was.
– Your honor, I say, the officer’s radar is lying! I was riding a loaded car in the mountain. Nothing happened when I was stopped. I just’t have had time to reach the speed that the policeman is talking about. All the laws of physics. Do you want to prove?
The judge was a normal man. With a sense of humor.
He smiled, and proved it. If you do, I will let you go in peace.
Well, I gave him a course of physics for 9th grade with formulas and charts. Mass, distance, acceleration etc. He doesn’t have to know that I’ve gotten a bit of the weight of the car :-)
He released me without a penalty, as he promised. Everything honestly.

And I, by my foolishness, two weeks later came to the same grabs. Just another place and with another police officer. And then he went to court again (one time passed, maybe again passed?)

I come, and I shrink. The judge’s seat is the same as last time. This is despite the fact that there are at least 15-20 judges working... Luckily, you won’t say anything.
The judge is listening to the police officer (the law blaster is stuck in the court again, for my "happiness") and becomes dark. Well, I think, Pepe... now he will play on me and for this time and for this time...

And the judge turns to me and says, "If I give you the word now, you will again present me a bunch of formulas and schedules, and convince me of your innocence. Therefore I will not give you words...I will let you go.
But if you, Mr. Physic, again find yourself in my court with a similar violation, I will deprive you of your rights for at least 3 years.
No laws of physics will save you.
The judge, as I said, had a sense of humor.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №82383
 03.06.2013
The rules of good tone.
You should not put the interlocutor in an uncomfortable position with a simple, uncomplicated question:
What are your impressions of the last book you read?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №82382
 03.06.2013
Sooner or later I will die with the diagnosis of “too much rust.”

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №82381
 03.06.2013
Joppa: Hi to you. Take my record tomorrow, I’ll be on the exam :-)
I: Fuck, Kirill, am I supposed to suddenly change my nick?? to

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №82380
 03.06.2013
We cut trees in the woods on the site. Brushing on my shoulder. Well, as a barrel - 12-15 centimeters in diameter and 4 meters in length. I walk by my wife:
I: Every time I walk with a barrel on my shoulder, I feel like...
How is Lenin on Saturday?
I: shit, boring, like a swordman from the commando.

[ + 42 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №82379
 03.06.2013
Who are the rabbits there, who first get their pets, and then look for a way to get rid of them, because somehow they don't.
Do you have to think with your head before starting"?

This is how you go home in the winter evening and hear the scream from the desert. And there is a kittens - the size of a palm, the mouth is broken and the leg seems to be broken. And you seem to think with your head that the third cat did not give up on you, but the hands themselves take, and carry, treat, feed, bath. And grows out of it a beautiful, sexually mature man, who begins to melt carpets, beds and everything in general. Here you are crying, but you are looking for who to build on the country, to climb trees, catch mice and rejoice in life. And those who do not go by will pass by, yes. Let it breathe in the snow, but I do not swallow the pen.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №82378
 03.06.2013
Just on television in the next broadcast blasphemed the EGE... And the reporter issued (pronouncing words by slogans and signing on the board):
- Many students on the dictionary wrote "ry-za" instead of "ry-se".

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №82377
 03.06.2013
This Lila

to this:

Take a taxi from SMS spam. Order your car to remote areas from different phones. Let’s hit the rubles!

Absolutely stupid idea. If you are not aware, now 99% of taxi companies do not have their own fleet. These are just dispatch services that transmit information about your order to private bombs. Any owner of the car can throw the subscription fee through the terminal to the account of the company-dispatcher, connect to their newsletter database and become a taxi driver.
And now think: who will go out of good will to work as a taxi driver? People who do not have enough salary at the main job, but need to quench the loan, feed and dress their wife, children, etc.
If you want to send the hell on the knuckles of a normal man - well roll. Only it is not he sends you SMS on the phone, and not even the operators who communicate with you on the phone, but their management.
P.S I hate phone spam just like you all. But let’s let’s, before we include dull revenge, still think a little about who it’s going to touch first.


There is a service smsnenado tchk ru, there you can write about "sms spam", and in general you can submit to the FAS, permission was given to mail? No is? Road to FAS. In that portal is written what and why and about advertising. Let’s solve the problems legally, not fool taxis.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №82376
 03.06.2013
In the Cancellars
Do you have ambulances without divisions? Are they at all? Exam, I don’t know if it can be divided.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №82375
 03.06.2013
Mess: Rabbit, do you listen to an ambition like that?
A5 tarta: A little bit.
Mess: Can you tell us about him? Or I need to argue here to prove to the guy that the ambience is shit, and I have no idea what it is.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №82374
 03.06.2013
And if a girl wants to bite a guy all the time, to which doctor is better to register - to a psychologist or a psychotherapist?
to the veterinarian

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №82373
 03.06.2013
Repeat on TV "300 Spartans".

I remembered that in Petrogradka there was a beer bar with the same name.
Every evening, when the shift ended at the factory, the passageway of which was about 100 meters from the barrel, an unforgettable spectacle was repeated. The gates were opened and the proletarians, with a friendly reverence, went to the barracks. This roar could easily be taken for the cry of "Sparta!".

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №82372
 03.06.2013
daypr: The documentary "Wall-E" seen?
Mops Guide: Is it about the vacuum "Taifun" with eyes, on a hook? I saw!
dnepr: In my opinion, it was a stove "Atlanta" with eyes on a hose. Although I am not a philosopher, I may be mistaken.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №82371
 03.06.2013
Ophthalmologist Glazko, Lor Kryvonosov, dentist Zubik, gynecologist Nebaba.
Everyone has seen such doctors.
I think they are there in the medinstitutes during the distribution.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №82370
 03.06.2013
[23:49:46] T-CHO: Ahahaahaahaahaaha
[23:49:55] T-CHO: I’m a shorter guy telling the story
T-CHO: We smoked a neighbor yesterday
[23:50:08] T-CHO: and he is an adult man, wealthy, with wife
[23:50:16] T-CHO: shorter when I came home
[23:50:26] T-CHO: took his collar paparazzi
[23:50:34] T-CHO: He told his wife that he is now called a billion
[23:50:38] T-CHO: I drove him into the bank
[23:50:39] gram4eg :D
[23:50:41] T-CHO and went to sleep
[23:50:42] T-CHO:!
[23:50:46] gram4eg :D
T-CHO: I woke up in the morning
[23:51:02] T-CHO: Burns such a poppy in the bank and grits that fuck
[23:51:07] T-CHO: his wife
T-CHO: A billion in the bank

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №82369
 03.06.2013
Why in relationships with women you are always in a situation between: "You are the owner. I am a free woman and I have the right to do what I want "and "Do you care? You don’t love me."

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №82368
 03.06.2013
to this:

Take a taxi from SMS spam. Order your car to remote areas from different phones. Let’s hit the rubles!

Absolutely stupid idea. If you are not aware, now 99% of taxi companies do not have their own fleet. These are just dispatch services that transmit information about your order to private bombs. Any owner of the car can throw the subscription fee through the terminal to the account of the company-dispatcher, connect to their newsletter database and become a taxi driver.
And now think: who will go out of good will to work as a taxi driver? People who do not have enough salary at the main job, but need to quench the loan, feed and dress their wife, children, etc.
If you want to send the hell on the knuckles of a normal man - well roll. Only it is not he sends you SMS on the phone, and not even the operators who communicate with you on the phone, but their management.
P.S I hate phone spam just like you all. But let’s let’s, before we include dull revenge, still think a little about who it’s going to touch first.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №82367
 03.06.2013
xxx: There is a fencing section near me, when two 12-year-old girls went to class and saw a man climbing through the window of the first floor, they waited for him to come out and chased him with rapists to the police station. As it later turned out, he was a repeatedly convicted recidivist.

Yyy: And this recidivist was Albert Einstein.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №82366
 02.06.2013
It is a pity that Sunday comes so late.

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