bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122937
 12.01.2016
When I was 16, I was an eye-catching botanist, studied well and won the Olympics, but I dreamed of being a sports strong guy to like girls. I went to the training room!



At 21 I was wearing lenses, I was a strong-pumped guy with no bad habits. But girls liked charming guys with hanging tongue. What I thought – it is definitely not a problem!



By the age of 25, I became my boyfriend, the soul of any company, but girls liked guys with money and cool cars. And I set myself the goal of finding a job where I could make good money.



By the age of 35, I earned a very good money, bought a sports car, but for the woman I loved, the status and a certain wealth were much more important - an apartment, a house after a city, a position.



At 45 I have it all. I’ve been divorced twice, but now I don’t have a wife, family, friends, a favorite job.



Is that where I am so rattled?! to

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №122936
 12.01.2016
And so it was in the morning, I stand I mean on the crossroads I burn a red man and cars mean also stand, here they light up green, and at the head of the morning column is Madame on "Kalin". Well, she’s been there for 30 seconds, 40 seconds, well, and the drivers behind her, respectively, begin to adjust her with the signals of their cars and what you think she did in this extraordinary situation in the century, you can’t guess she’s also begun to cheer, cheer. And then I started to get over a slight hysteria)))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122935
 12.01.2016
and Kamchatka. I work on distribution. The young secretary fills out the questionnaire, reaching the fifth point.

The question is: nationality?

The answer is: Jew.

(Untransmitted gamut of feelings): So to write?! to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №122934
 12.01.2016
My wife is studying as a teacher. She practices in 2nd grade. Among the students is one nence, a real, from the tundra. She gives the task: make two sentences with the word "cow". Check how it is done. Who fed the cow, who fed it, who fed it, and who drank it? It is the turn of a notebook with the task of a small ninja. First sentence: I used milk from a cow’s breasts. And the second proposition: I slaughtered the cow.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №122933
 12.01.2016
When I just arranged to work on the railway, I was not able to remember the simplest signal, how the fire alarm signal is delivered, I was all the time confused and mistaken in the tests. But there was an old mechanic who immediately explained to me once and for all how this signal is given: "Remember, the fire alarm is always with you, you have one in your pants - one long, two short!"

Comfortable though.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №122932
 12.01.2016
The knowledgeable IT'schnik shared on the day: It turned to them the management of TOO buy-sell. They performed on the wave of crisis optimization of personnel - dismissed the courier. The courier, who collected primary documents on their points, was taken to the accounting office of the head office and killed in 1C. The chief accountant is the only one who has no time to do this.



They came, they said, “The programmers. Let us delay the transfer of the first from the entornet points to the 1C office. Preferably with a simple, one-button menu - pressed and everything merged.



conducted an examination. We found out: on the periphery of the accounting program varied, somewhere and just dumb Excel. Historically it happened. It is not possible to automatically merge data from them - different codes in reference books of legal entities, goods, etc. We proposed a standard option - the implementation of the 1C network. TOO'shka's rejection is a crisis, expensive, plus it is necessary to partially update the computer fleet.



We also thought, we proposed a costly budget decision - to make in the office 1C a correspondence block of references of peripheral systems so that it could be merged. But! A staff unit of the administrator will be required to accompany him daily. The management agreed. The admin accepted the former courier.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №122931
 12.01.2016
D: According to the belief, most marriages concluded in the high year are doomed to failure.

D: It is very symbolic to play the wedding on July 6, because this day is considered Kissing Day.
In numerology, 6 is a lucky number.

M: 666+666+666+6+6+6 years 6+6^0 months 6 numbers. This is if you have signs.)

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №122930
 12.01.2016
"Sit, sit!" - likes to joke the chief of the colony, passing by the zecks sitting on the bench.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №122929
 12.01.2016
The pharmacy, the line.
Grandma, pretty loud and clear: - I have a medicine for hemorrhoids. But not expensive.
Here are the candles. Two pieces a day, insert in the morning and at night.
Where to insert?
The pharmacist, somewhat embarrassed: In the hole where hemorrhoids.
Grandma: In what one?
Pharmacist: Do you have two of them?
Grandma: I have two! All normal people have two. Do you have one?
The pharmacist: I have one! Then, realizing that the grandmother is confusing, she clarifies: - What is it that hurt you, grandmother?
Grandma, angry, goes on to shout: I say to you, Gemma! Here (showing just above the nose) everything is stuck, I can’t breathe!
The curtain...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №122928
 12.01.2016
When peaceful Arab migrants look at European gay parades, they will realize that not only women can be raped.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122927
 12.01.2016
The Hateful Eight Tarantino's fresh movie - in my opinion a masterpiece
I saw the disgusting eight today :) broke up on the road and created a traffic jamming

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №122926
 12.01.2016
XXX: A boy runs to a store, for example. Suddenly — saw a beautiful girl, stopped, the heart with a spike and boom about the chest. Everything, falling in love, thinking, and that’s just inertia.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №122925
 12.01.2016
19285: I understand that I did not satisfy your hopes, but this is not a reason to give in to the influence of your family and close people and thus throw away your feelings, thinking that the next man will be better.

I have been in this situation several times, and this is what I will tell you... At each breakup I heard: “I am the best, you just ate and don’t understand, but soon you will understand what all nonsense is, and you will go back to ask, but each next was better than the previous, because you learn from mistakes.

My feelings are no reason to wipe my feet. I’d rather bite myself in the back of my neck, but I’t turn into a cloth. A good word "cooled", much more successful than "saved by escape" or "expelled by a bad butt".

I still encountered a man who does not require a second chance, but dares to live right away, thinks before it, and then is ready to take responsibility for his actions. I hope your disappearance finds itself.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №122924
 12.01.2016
The working phone.
Hello, my name is Dmitry, I listen to you.
No, you’ve got the wrong number.
I am yes? So sorry then.
I put a phone. And I understand that something is wrong...

[ + 12 - ] Comment quote №122923
 12.01.2016
History of 19285. A few years is a lot. for the relationship. For the expectation. You said that the girl wanted to build a family with you, but you mature only after separation. So why are you breaking now? It is his fault!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №122922
 12.01.2016
Sophia is a very popular name. So popular that they even called Catherine II.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №122921
 12.01.2016
Here is an interesting observation. There are rabbits in a public place (I am not going to discuss this phenomenon at all, but I want to highlight one moment). And if you look at their composition, it turns out that most of them are people with iPhones. That is, the percentage of iPhonizers among rabbits, and the percentage of rabbits among iPhonizers is higher than in fans of other brands.

Here is another. In some public place, you hear someone listening to music on their gadget. He really listened, and everyone around him. You look — and again it will probably be a person with an iPhone. And headsets are standard - the guarantee is almost 100%. And again - if you look at people with other devices, then they have headsets bought separately, and the outside sound almost does not penetrate.

Problems with the phone? (from hardware to software) It is likely to be an iPhone again. And even broken screens are most often with them again.

I’ve never been an epplophobic or a hater, but a strange trend. The device is three times more expensive than the same from other firms (and an order more expensive than the economy options), but their owners behave... I don't know how to express more tactically... in a low-cost way?

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №122920
 12.01.2016
I add :
It is simple:
I’ve never been an epplophobic or a hater, but a strange trend. The device is three times more expensive than the same from other firms (and an order more expensive than the economy options), but their owners behave... I don't know how to express more tactically... in a low-cost way?

And also in credit take almost only iPhones, not Samsung or HTC different. Why is? Because of the brand, status and other social niches. We live in society and love to be no worse than others. Better to be even cooler. No one is to blame, nothing is to blame.

My sony was one and a half years old and I thought it was terrible that his paint was slightly flying away from the sides. Time has passed a little, and a couple of strikes on the cage is nothing. But when my acquaintance after six months the iPhone became similar to the consequences of a nuclear war, I realized how wrong I was.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №122919
 12.01.2016
How is it better to clean the pipidastre?

YYY: with a daclone stroke. Not very three!


[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №122918
 12.01.2016
xxx: David Bowie's audio recording - Blackstar was removed from public access due to the copyright holder's appeal
Where can I listen to it now?
Yyy: In Paradise

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