Today I brought a collection of works by Jack London and three volumes of Azimov. I am happy

Do you claim that you did not report the loss of your credit card because the thief spent much less than your wife?

It is so, your honor.

So why did you report now?

The card was found by the thief’s wife.

What if admin works badly?

Try to dismiss and accept back.

I am here, all wanted to ask the experts - is it safe in the socket?

Here is the answer to the question where the missing pair of socks are going.

Talk to your wife during dinner.
I: So great, we don’t even quarrel with you today :-)
Wife: Yes, I just don’t have the strength.

Ohhhhhhhh Who knows what viruses are launched under the casper?
Oh wow. Wind starts up there.

Such, forgive gods, girls, in those days their own brothers were beaten to death.

Do you have anything against such fools? Only against women?

Are you afraid of a three-meter tower to jump?

How nothing to do. My grandfather in the village was even bigger, so I jumped with her a hundred times.



Lying was incredibly stupid, but I couldn’t stop it. There was indeed a tower in the village, but it was so old that the adults were afraid to go into it, not to jump into the water. And most importantly, I never jumped into the water from it or any other tower.



So go jump!

“Yes, it’s easy,” I said, realizing that I’m crossing a line for which there is no return. Nobody loves Vruins, and cowards - overwhelmingly.

As much as I could, depicting the negligence of walking, on my bending legs, I approached the tower and slowly, with a cheerful smile on my shaken face, walked up. At that moment, I was only thinking of what a fool I was, and that I would have to move my hand to the boys, to show how I wasn’t afraid at all. But the hands categorically did not want to break off the armor, so it was only to smile. When I went upstairs and saw the water of the pool from an unusual perspective, I realized that if I thought for a second about whether to jump or not, I would stay here forever, so I quickly approached the edge and fell down with a soldier. While I was flying, I had a thousand times promised myself never to lie again, and then hard water embraces interrupted my skull.



Nothing, you can do it! I heard it coming out of the water. And there was not a drop of delight in these words, although I had enough of what was blowing in my shower.

- It's a pity that the tower is low, or I would show you a class, - I broke out and I realized that you can't cure some diseases at once.

Sunday and evening. I wanted to rest my body and soul.

He dug up on the internet a serial, jumped, cooked a cup of fragrance puer. But it wasn’t there.



Phone call from an unknown person. I take the phone, I say “olle”. At the end, the girl is frightened and throws the phone.



He calls back in a couple of minutes, I pick up the phone again and this time I say so long: “Daaaaaaaa? “” It is silent. Breathe in the tube. He hangs the phone.



There are 5 minutes. The call again. Again from the same number. I take the phone and say, “Girl, don’t be embarrassed, once you call, talk to me! “” He is silent, breathing in the tube. I said, “Well, let me start first. Is this your name? “”



He is silent first, then he says, “Young man, I need Serge.”



I say to her, “Well, you’ve been lucky today, I’m just Sergei! “” He breathes in the tube again, silent. I say to her, “Well, you see, I have introduced myself. Maybe you can also introduce yourself? “” First he breathes into the tube, then he says, “Young man, I tell you, I need Sergey! “” I say to her, “Girl, that’s me! Let us get to know soon! “”



The girl, almost screaming at the phone: "Why are you shaking my head! Call Sergey on the phone. “” I answer her in a calm, polite tone: “Don’t call anyone, I’m already here! “”



The girl goes on to shout, “Yes, you are deceiving me! ! to ! to You are not Sergei. ! to ! to “” I say to her, calmly and confidently, “Girl, come to visit me. I’ll drink tea and show you my passport. I assure you, I am exactly the one I pretend to be. And I say with full confidence: I am Sergei.”



The girl snooped badly, and almost whispered in the bell: “You... I do not know. You... let’s bluff! ! to ! to You are not that Sergei. ! to ! to You are blowing my head with your tea! The Fucks! ! to ! to You are a cheerleader! ! to ! to The fucking goat! ! to ! to “” He dropped the phone.



That night the stranger called me no more. and sorry. I liked it. It was fun.

We went to a McDonald’s at the local shopping center. At the next table the family - grandfather, grandmother and boy aged 5-6. They eat, get up and already leave the table, and the child stops and begins to scratch the glasses and papers into a bunch of hands.



Daddy (D) comes back: What are you doing?

The boy (M) points his hand to a metal container nearby: "Look, the garbage needs to be thrown out.

A cleaner is here, she will clean.

M: I will clean it.

D is no.

M: Well please!

D is no.

He takes the boy.

When I moved to the new school in 9th grade, my future wife was already studying there. Before September 1, she saw a new surname in the lists and still laughed at her, said strange, jokes some with her friends invented. and naive.

I heard on the street the monologue of the grandmother with the crying grandson, apparently something did not buy him:

“Sashenko, you’d ask if we had money and then you’d cry.

We do not have a cellphone, and the entrance is closed on the key. The late autumn. I go out in the evening, at the entrance there is some man of not quite presentable appearance and says - I, say, a homeless, let half an hour warm up at the battery. And I’m somewhat stubborn to let go a little, but it’s like it’s a pity in a human way. Okay, I say to you, grey. Within an hour we are back with our wife, there is no battery. I left, I think. We climb to our floor (the last), and there the painting with oil - this man is snoring on the floor in front of our door, next to the empty bottle of port wine rolls and the awful smell of bombs on the whole entrance. If we woke him up, we barely persuaded him to go out, handed on the trail some sort of hot tea, cups of cucumbers (which got under the hand).

And somewhat ugly on the soul, like a man thrown out into the cold.

And in the morning we go out to the entrance, and we are on the pitch. The soul immediately calmed down.

It was under the new year. They came back with their parents from the store, picked up products and gifts. On the street darkness, freezing below 50 degrees with cracks and fog. There was a lamp at the entrance and in its light we saw the body. He was lying in the snow next to the trail. He came and checked his pulse. Alive and warm. They dragged into the entrance, wanted to call an ambulance, but the man (dirty and dirty, but not stinking and not like BOMJ) began to drill that the ambulance is not needed, that he will now sleep and go on. Someone who pulled him to the ground floor, upstairs. There is warm. My mother and I went to the apartment, and my father laid the man on the potato boxes, divided and made sure that nothing was frozen, scratched vodka. I took out an old pillow and cushion. No ambulance or menus were called. The neighbor went out to see what the noise was, but he did not argue. There was a man at the entrance for the night. For the “natural need” left my old pot. In the morning the man fell asleep and left. He went and went. I forgot about it, the pre-year trouble. Here, closer to the evening, a call to the homephone. “Did you pick me up yesterday? Here, I came to thank you...” As it turned out, Uncle, entered and went home. On the way, dogs attacked him and he ran away from them and found himself in our yard. His run, apparently, exhausted him to the end, and he fell asleep on the track. The man thanked me very much, brought me a bottle of cognac, candy and a toy. Then he called on the New Year’s Eve, congratulated himself, thanked his wife. After that, he and his father crossed a couple of races.



P.S Fortunately, we didn’t go to my grandmother’s visit, but Fige knows how it would turn.

I go to the metro. On the other hand, the mother and the little boy are already tired of watching the child’s too mobile games. According to an old parental tradition, she, whispering at me, says:

I will give it to the girl.



The boy is curious, he looks at me in all the eyes. Kiev, I will take it. I show my hands. “Here,” I say, “a recedivist girl, her fingerprints were taken.” I am glad myself that the inaccurately filled stamp at work has gotten out of an alibi.



The boy runs to his mother and asks:

What should I do to take my fingerprints?

The story was a few years ago in Kursk. They took me there on a business trip. The company rented the one in which I settled.



One night I sit in front of the TV and drink beer. And I see an announcement that in half an hour there will be a criminal hearing. Well I think twist, I need to order food for the movie, some rolls, sushi. In Peter and Moscow, this is easy. They arrive in 30-40 minutes. I used to search for a good delivery of sushi in Kursk. I chose the most positive.



The time is 21:30. I call. I order all kinds of tuna, tongues, and so on. They say everything will be delivered within an hour. Oh well ok. We wait.



The movie ended, I watched it for the first time in one breath, there was no advertisement. The clock is around 00:30. Where is sushi? I call :

I: Hi, I ordered to such an address, where is the courier?

C: I will now clarify and call back.

I am: OK



He calls back:

C: You know, we can’t call the courier, but he’s gone to you with your order a long time ago.

I: Well I don’t even know, I don’t need an order anymore, I’ve gone to sleep.

C: Okay, we will cancel the order.



Time 2: 30 at night. Call to the homeopath:

C. Delivery of sushi

To say that I am ah-well – to say nothing

I: Is it you? Lucky in Japan? I’ve been sleeping for 2 hours as...

Q: Sorry, I am delayed

Only for 4 hours, pff nuts

I: Listen, I don’t need them anymore, I cancelled the order. I think you better eat them so they don’t disappear.

K: How is it! ? to * Something not explicit

I: Are you okay? Need a help?

Q: No, thank you I went to eat your sushi.



The next day, their boss called me and told me I had to pay for the order they brought me, but I didn’t open the door. Another kind of penalty. I’m not a warrior and I told it calmly. The boss said it will be done. No more calls. I don't remember the name of the company, it was a long time ago.

I remembered a funny case from my childhood. I was 13 years old (or 11-12 I don’t remember already). My parents sent me to the sanatorium and I was very pleased. A few words about the sanatorium. The pine pine, a large territory, a little healing procedures in the morning and all the rest of the time you are provided for yourself. In fact, at the procedures I met the girl (let’s call her Tanya), well, as I met, I looked at her, embarrassed to approach. She also looked at me with an interest. Days went by and it was Friday, and on Friday the disco and every 5 songs played slowly! I had to invite her. It was said, done. And now we are dancing. Dancing, of course, is strongly said, throwing up I would have expressed myself more accurately. But fact is fact. Tactile contact is present, which I am very pleased with. The song ended and everyone ran away. I went to drink water until the next cup.

I go back in and hear a topic from Titanic. I find Tanya in the crowd, I walk to her with confidence, take her by the hand and lead her to dance. What I say to her, she answers something unclear. I embrace her stronger, behave more relaxed, overall everything is fine. The song ends all apart. And already in the hallway suddenly comes to me a girl (as it later turned out Lena - Tani's best friend) and starts to openly chase me: why did you dance with Yulia? They and Tanya hate each other, as you could well and so on.

What lessons I learned from the situation:

1st If you have vision -2 on both eyes, then you should not be ashamed to wear glasses.

2nd When communicating with girls, you need to be confident in yourself.

I asked at the restaurant not to add olive oil to my salad, which is included in the recipe from the menu.
I have a salad with mayonnaise. I ask the waitress:
Why is mayonnaise in my salad?
- You asked not to add butter, and the salad needs to be lubricated with something, I handed the cook about mayonnaise.
I didn’t even find anything to object to this iron logic.

According to women, an interesting man simply has to be - provided.

In the morning, a friend called, said that she found some tumor in the lower abdomen of the cat, and asked me to go to the doctor with her.
They came, arranged, the doctor began to squeeze the cat. The girlfriend whispered frightened:
Doctor, what is there?
The doctor also whispered, looking her in the eyes, said:
It is a greyhound.
Everyone has fallen :)