Only the cableman will ask the wife if it is possible to sit with friends. A real man knows that he cannot.

Girls, don’t envy seaweed, they can’t stretch their legs.

Funny little, but still.
An employee, living about 1.5 hours drive from the capital (in a car), on Friday took home important docks - to subdue, time pushed. On Sunday, he called his boss with the news that he had pulled out his leg, broken his ligaments and would lie for a few days.
The boss grabs his head - the originals are needed, the scan does not roll, and there is nothing to scan the poor. On Monday morning, a colleague is charged with a car: go to the village and bring a docks. At the same time, our sick man has his favorite fists plus the sympathy of the department (it needs to be him, yes).
In the words of our courier:
"Ele found this wreckage village. The navigator led to some village, eat-eat - hail, hail! Asked the Aborigines, it turns out that the bridge has long collapsed, now you have to go back on the highway, drive another two kilometers, turn where the gun is on the stand and go on the other side. The Yandex cards! I went where they said, oh, this is the center of the world. I ask the street Spalopropitočná, there are no signs anywhere, they said how to get there, they say - and which house? The third, I say. Aaaah, it’s not you with Propivkovna, but out of that courtyard of the left of the Khrushchev you have to go. Okay, I walked out of the yard and stumbled into his house. My dear mother, I’m kidding. A natural two-storey bar. In any case, I went in from the side of the street and... there is no street in general. There is a roof of grass with holes, where you will leave the wheel. Behind this type of street is a promzone that smells of creosot. It smells like iron. There is really a spat factory. He still smokes, his mother. At the end - a bunker with garbage and everything around is overwhelmed. And the smell, of course.
Okay, I went back to the yard, I hear shit from somewhere. Imagine a bucket. And at the entrance of the grandmother in trainers and coffins on the bench seeds click. As in childhood gold got, only in our courtyard apples smelled and there were no such scary hoops.
Hi to you. I say.
And to me in response:
Paint it up! Do I need? I didn’t let Mishka go, Ninka strictly told me not to bite.
I am in the fourth, to Dmitry Sergeevich. I am from his work.
This type of container turns and rolls, like a sirene, into the right window:
by Dimkaaa!
He went out on the window and said:
Baby, it’s about me.
Aaaah, then come in.
I am at the door - there is no homephone, so it opens. Although with such a border there is a homeopath. Wild somehow. To get into the entrance and just a wooden door on the spring...brr.
At the entrance... tears flowed. Fuck - I think - innovation is somehow promoting... you would have repaired the channel first, fucking. And even better people have moved out of this rot. A wooden house! The staircase to the second wooden, dark, boards under your feet play. In the corridor on the walls of the pelvis hang, a whole room is great. The Dark!
Dmitry has opened the door, oh, the beam of light in the dark kingdom.
Well I went in, and this smell of shit just chases me, although in the apartment it's lighter. The threshold at the entrance is unbiased. Sanctuary forty. The door to the floor.
I gave him wishes, wishes, wishes. I take the file and ask:
– Smoke, what is your DEZ or who can’t repair your channel? What Affairs? It is impossible to live.
The channel is working. We just have a burial hole in the basement. I have a window under the window, there the barrel enters and pumps out once every two weeks. It was cold, it wasn’t so cool. Everyone will have a salary, let’s get off and call the barrel.
What? → Are you paying yourself?! to
Well who? The money ended in the nineties. Under Soviet rule, it was exported for free, and now that is the case.
How can we live here?! to
As I lived forty years, so I live. The floors here Daddy started to strengthen, I still laid the floor and hydroisole made. You see, I do not pull.
The fuck doesn’t pull!
Or rotting the floors. The smoke continues. The neighbor died, fell through the floor and drowned. She was a good aunt.
Do you know where my aunt drowned? Fuck her mother!
I was driving from there, I couldn’t get in. Shame on the Spanish people! We are rubbed in our ears about innovation, about digitalization, about robots, about... space, fucking! And an hour and a half passed and here you have a barracks over a dirt pit in which people have lived for decades. Fuck those robots! You are going to get people out of the shit!”

Three reasons for rising food prices in Russia:
Reason No. 1: The price of the ruble falls
Reason No. 2: The rate of the ruble is rising
Reason #3: The ruble is stable

The glass gives birth to the vocal.

I have a childhood story that taught me how to behave properly in marriage.

Dad has a friend. The Cousine Uncle. In fact, Uncle Vasya, but after years no one remembers it anymore. Dad is a servant. Thirty years ago, they served together, first in Turkmenistan, then in Gatchina. After Dumbledore, we were very friendly.

At some point in life, everyone got wives, families and Kuzya's uncle disappeared. He was called, called to sit down, came to congratulate him on his birthday, he gratefully grieved his hands, turned his eyes away and went to the house, at the door of which the wife stood in the position of a sugarcake. Uncle Kuzya abandoned hunting, abandoned fishing. The wife said it was a terrible wild hobby and would rather help in the garden. Friends drag him down and on the weekend it is better to come to thee. He helped and drove. He blasted and condemned.

I don’t know what happened to them later, but they divorced. Friends helped get up on their feet and very suddenly appeared aunt Kuzya (in fact, aunt Ir, but who is interested in it). I remember how he brought her to know, she was terribly embarrassed and tried to like, because they were his friends.

She never went fishing before this relationship, but when she saw him burn with it, she decided to try. and carried. Winter fishing, summer fishing, the purchase of boats, wickets (initially, there was one - his). She told me how they had almost fought for that whip.

My uncle has bloomed. He gave up an unloved job, helped her in her hobby work - she took photos in schools / gardens, started selling what they caught together, remembered hunting, they started riding for two-week alloys.

Now to them, specifically, come from all over the country, they have 13, only cargo, boats (+ inflatable), he leads entire groups, knows all the hunting land, all the fish. There is always a fridge in the freezer. They burn their eyes, they talk about their travels (how they, bad ones, were caught out of the ice (we do not approve)), show videos, call with them, offer tetereva, eat fish.

She never gets tired of repeating that it was the best, in life, decision to support her man. And with us, the children (some already under 30), they remained one whole - Uncle and Aunt Kuzya.

- Vasya, why are these neighboring chickens stopped walking into our garden?
At night I laid twenty eggs on the beds, and in the morning before the eyes of the neighbors gathered.

Conversation with my husband:

What do you like most about me?

I don’t know, maybe your nose. You are still fun.

My daughter passes by (6 years old)

Dad, what are you? I need to tell my mom that she has beautiful breasts!

After viewing "The Runner on the Leather 2049"

I fell in love with Ryan Gosling. Noou was not in love with Pidorsky, but as an Actor.



YYY: Yes, even if it’s a pedicure. Who will judge you is Ryan Gosling.

Can I go to your toilet?

We have water counters.

I will not wash!

If someone is busy talking or doing something, you can stretch out his hand and he will give everything he holds right now. I did so with my sister, and she gave me the car keys and then thought I had lost them somewhere in the store.

I am not a drunk!

Wedding in Jewish. I am with my wife. A wedding according to "Jewish" canons, these tables are separate for 6 guests, and not the usual arrangement with the letter "Pe".
As it turned out, at our table there were the same "related" souls that did not like the bride. And our table in the furthest corner, near the exit.
And here we are sitting, three couples of strangers, and on the table only a bakery. Well, there is a celebration on the stage, the engine, and we have the Zapolarje, as you understand.
We talked, we met...
Well, we called the waitress, opened the envelopes and with the slogan - for all!!! They pissed. I gave empty envelopes.

Zelensky was a clown and became president.
Medvedev was president.

I was in class at 3, and we were asked to write about my mother. I painted what a good mother I had, how beautiful she was, and I wrote that she had green eyes. After examining the compositions, I was surprised to find that I got 4. The green eyes were highlighted. I went to the teacher to find out what happened. She barely told me that I didn’t know what color my mother’s eyes were in the third grade, although I knew it very well and my objections passed past her ears. Mom never had to go to school just so, she waited for some school tea drink, well it was soon, approached our teacher and asked why I was lowered. It was necessary to see the surprised face of the teacher carefully looking at Mom’s eyes. My assessment was corrected.

XXX: As a friend at Nissan knocked the door by habit, he is such "I will avenge you," in a couple of days on my car 2104 knocks on the door and stands joyful I say "you are glad you have not even closed"!

If Sheherezada had entertained the lord only with fairy tales, it is unlikely she would have lived long.

Yesterday the SMS came: "Hello, sorry, please, we accidentally put on your number 2 thousand rubles..."
Everything is understandable here, right? Without reading, it is useful to check the balance - real plus two cutters. Well, I think kids, thank you. But... I read further:
“We will not ask you to send them back, because we are not fraudsters, but deceivers. Please drink for your health. Svetlana and Michael.”

As Coca-Cola leaves the Russian market, it was decided to replace the import of this drink. Several models were proposed. In the blind test with a noticeable break, the cognac won.

Many know that God has no other hands than ours.
But they forget that the devil has it too.