Archimedes

I have always been impressed and inspired by people like Archimedes. After all, only thanks to their minds, Homo sapiens still somehow survives on our fabulous and dangerous planet.
The old man Archimedes was sitting in his courtyard and could be counting the surface area of his body, or the mass of the moon without Amstrong. Is it little? As suddenly to him in the courtyard broke to crazy frightened people and interrupting each other, began to exclaimingly explain that a large enemy fleet is approaching. In an hour or so, he will be on the shore. We have nothing to protect the city, so all hope is on you, Archimedes. You are the smartest person in the world, if you don’t lie to us. Invente something. Save us!

How will I save you? They are on ships, there are many, and I am alone and I am under seventy.
Well please please please please! If you do not save us, we will all die. All hope is for you, Archimedes. Less than an hour left, put on your sandals and start doing something.
How do you imagine it? What should I do? Stop screaming, I don’t like that. Now we have something sensible. Well, here, at least take all the mirrors you have out of the house, and there we will see. All, let us go out, or my cow is frightened, because of you her milk may go missing. Yes, you didn’t hear the ordinary mirrors. Run if you want to live. We meet on the shore.

It is not known whether Archimedes burned enemy ships or not. History is silent. But, in any case, from thousands of mirrors, the enemies on the ships caught such "rabbits" that did not see even the most stupid assistant of the welder.
So the enemy fleet had to urgently deploy the hole from Syracuse.

Of the people living today, like Archimedes, I know one personally – this is of course my old friend, the former KGB-eshnik, Yuri Tarasovich. Every time he struck me with his systematic approach, speed and the power of thought. He has never been in a deadlock in his life, simply because he did not know that the situation was deadlocked. For Yuri Tarasych, there is no highlight and no subwoofer in the problem of the wolf, goat and cabbage. Ordinary logistics, nothing more.

Several years ago, Yuri Tarasovich went to rest somewhere to friends in the Caucasus, and at the same time took his grandson Yuri and his young wife Ole with him. And Tarasych was more fun and for young people it was something like a wedding trip.

Nature is stunning, but from the house to the bank of the river to melt kilometers three by the serpentine, and the water in the river to touch about minus thirty degrees, especially not float, especially in the heat. But somewhere to go, Yura and his wife went down to the river twice a day: in the morning and after lunch. And the grandfather did not go to the river at all, he burned up, not far from the house. Why go there and waste the energy? He is no longer a boy, he is eighty. The river is well seen from above.

And, we must say that Yura's wife is a very sporty lady, she has been engaged in mountain climbing since childhood and even conquered something like that there. One day, when the newlyweds were to go for lunch, Olya decided to play her husband. She told Yura to go ahead, and she would go down again and very soon catch him.
Yura sneezed, without thinking back, gathered a blanket, towels, phones, bottles of water in the backpack and went up the serpentine.

And at this time, Olya began to conquer a wall of almost twenty meters high. Olli calculated that in eight minutes she should have already been upstairs. On top, where, without suspecting anything, he read the book Yuri Tarasovich and where only in half an hour the tired and surprised Yurk should approach.
In principle, a great plan for nineteen years.

Tarasovich, sitting on a climbing chair, was really reading the book, but suddenly, through the noise of the wind and the riot of the river below, he heard some strange whirling. I listened. It seemed. No, it didn’t seem right now. I laid off the book, stretched well, put on the clothes, quickly approached the edge of the breakout, looked down with interest and saw. Olya, with all the twenty fingers of her hands and legs, fell into a rocky rock and could not move, but breathed hard and trembled from fear and fatigue. Of the clothes on her only a swimsuit and the whole body scratched to blood. Apparently it has long passed the point of return and now, almost at the top, it has stopped. There was some meter to the end, maybe even seventy centimeters, but they can no longer be overcome, absolutely nothing to cling to, and it is even more impossible to descend.
It was only to wait for the forces to leave the stupid climbing woman, her hands to shake up and she will die in terrible, but short-lived torments. I probably didn’t have to wait more than a minute. Yuri Tarasovich assessed the situation, sat on the edge of the abyss, smiled, blinked at Ole and calmly said:

All right, I’ll take you out now, don’t worry.

By the way, I, many times scrolling this story in my head, thought for a long time - and what can be done in such a pathetic situation?
I have not invented anything explicit. You won’t run behind the rope, you won’t call the rescuers either. Yes, even for a sweaty hand you will not catch it, you will simply not reach out, and if you reach out, you will not hold it anyway. It only remains to say goodbye to a man, or to jump after him. Just an impasse situation, or at best a scene from a nightmare.

But what did our wise grandfather Yuri Tarasych do? He took off his shirt without a pause and said:

“Ola, I’ll give you a shirt now, but you don’t hold it with your hands, don’t hold it, just hold onto the wall as you hold onto it. Bite the shirt stronger, try the root teeth. Don’t be afraid, your teeth will withstand three of your weights. As you eat and you are ready, wash and I will pull you out, and you just help me with your hands and feet.
Olya bitten the T-shirt, shut up and already in ten seconds was up. Grandfather pulled not very hard, fifteen kilograms not more, but this was enough, the rest Olya did herself.
Yuri Tarasovich took her away from the edge of the abyss, and then, with all his strength, he answered Ole a good pencil, sat down on the ground and fell on the side.
He had a heart attack. A week in the Baksanian hospital failed, all the rest of the young man ruined.

Is Olga at home?
Olivia is not.
- It's too late, and you, parents, if the hell, where is Olya, with whom is Olya! Call her and call her home. I have no more money to drink your daughter!

Jacobins are those who are supposedly for freedom, equality, brotherhood.

I took my 5-year-old son from the garden. We go home, and the girls pass by without a pipe. My son had a question:
Why do these women see their breasts?
Well, I explained that I need to talk about the chest, explained what a bra is, that it is hot in the summer, and so on. Question is closed.
It is hard to guess that at dinner, the wife asked her son:
How did you get out of the garden?
Okay, we talked to Dad.
What were they talking about?
About the breasts...

Do you have economists in your city?
Taliban is an economist.

Idiots will not be translated because they are divorced.

Cases from my life. Where, how and what was sold in the USSR. The theme has become popular, people are nostalgic. I’m pissing and I’m with everyone.

The case 1. People who sold the photographs.

In 1983, resting on the "Stavropol-Dombay-Adler" trade route, I found myself in Sochi, and went to the "Photo" store (well, or as he was called there; photovoltaics, film "Svema" and hyposulfit). And there lies on the shelf a miracle of domestic optics, the Mir-10 wide-angle, with a scissor M42, that is. This is straight for my Zenit TTL. Money was. I approached and asked to weigh me one thing. The seller dumbed and, returning from the box, told me that this lens was for veterans. I was 22 years old, and I didn’t pull a veteran. Then I went from a distance, regrettably saying that I am from places where this does not happen at all; then stealthy asked how much this lens has been on the shelf (it turned out to be quite long), and finally asked how much, in the opinion of the seller, it still lies, given the likelihood that the veteran of VOV will come to this particular store, and he will want to buy for his particular camera this particular lens.
The girl again went to the director, joked, and, returning, agreed to weigh me 1st. The Mir-10 objective.

by PS. It had to be sold in Italy on the market, when everyone was sold. They bought it quickly, unlike Zenit TTL himself, in which some buyer, throwing his finger, repeated the word "Museum!“”

The case 2. About what was made in cheese factories and not sold in the city where they were located.

There was a cheese factory in my town. They made different cheese, cheese, and even cheese "Coolbasny", which was served as a snack to beer in the local bath "Red Ear".
But in the shops... in the store we have never seen any products of the factory.
And then returns from Moscow, from a one-day trip, an employee of our research institute, and says: she went to a dairy store, and there an old lady approaches the shelf, and asks her aunt in a white hood: "Sweet, and N-sky cheese hasn't been around for a long time?“”

The case 3. A good saleswoman loves in Coop.

I go to our KOOP shop, in the village next to NII. Anything to buy for breakfast. Under the glass - a baton of black cooked sausage (I was assured that this is a sign of quality; said - no nitrates), the location of which has not changed for a year, and the Hungarian spike, dried with red pepper (the same rate of redemption; an alternative to the salon it was very mediocre). The shelves are empty, on one of the canned "Mintay in tomato oil filling". At least something for breakfast. There was bread. I am already accustomed to the burn. There is no one in the store except me.
I take a couple of pots, I approach Luba; Luba looks at me, at the banks, then regretfully speaks, calling me by name, say, please, I will bring you a nice (so she said - "good") and, running into the warehouse, takes out two banks of true "a few in tomatoes". I have to say that my gratitude did not know boundaries.

The case 4. The last. The medications.

Fifth degree of university. The Spring. I headed to the main universe. We wrote diplomas, and therefore we stopped being together in pairs; therefore we did not see our fellow students for several months. And here to me, with a sad expression on the hairless face of a horse, which made it even more horse-like, my classmate Momma (he in the army accidentally washed his face with water from the cane, which turned out to be acid... but not sulfur. Since then, the skin, like a baby, and even the puff on it does not grow. There are no burns. That fucking, eternal youth. The fact that he came out of the pharmacy with such a face intrigued me. Momma was much older than most, he was already over 30, while I was 21. He said, “Hello Momma! How is it?“I heard that his one-year-old son is lying and coming from pneumonia in the central hospital, and there are no antibiotics anywhere. He went through all the pharmacies and found nothing. In general...
So it turned out that in this particular pharmacy provider was Mom's best friend T. The mother doctor. I asked Momma to wait, asked the girl at the stand to call T., and, heartily greeted and hugged, asked to help as much as I could, explaining the situation. T. told me that all she has is 6 ampoules of penicillin, a personal medicine. No more not. She gave it all to me. Momma, of course, was happy (although our relationship with him was not very good at first)... Yes, the child has recovered.

Here is. It is about the USSR, and how, to whom, where and what was sold. Or not sold.
Memory is such a thing, trying to remember the good.

What will our education be called after the abandonment of the Bologna system?
Education and point.

I go somewhere in the subway, at the “Academic” station in the car enters a Gypsies with a child. The boy immediately runs into the wagon with an outstretched arm. The case, unfortunately, is usual, and the people do not rush. Suddenly, a man sitting next to him, apparently a visitor, who could quite well go down for the boy’s father, stops him and stretches out a note. The child takes the money and wants to go on, but the man holds him back:

How old are you?

“Five,” the boy replied.

“Five years... and begging...” said the man sadly.

I was stealing in your years.

In elementary school, a teacher wrote the word "Long" on a board and said that it was the only word in Russian with three E in a row. I was a young man and immediately shouted:

What about the “Smaid”?

I was told that such a word does not exist. The next day I had to drag to school the thick volume of Maine Reed, from where I read this "non-existent" word.

XXX: There was something. On Saturday, the whole day was killed, right here is such a general cleaning - dust cleaner, there was washed, washed, washed, washed. Satisfied as such. Tonight my ex-wife calls, I’ll go for papers tomorrow. Oh well ok. The next day I went, picked up papers, drank tea, went away and so on - well, I understand, you live alone now, but at least sometimes you could clean up in the apartment.



YYY: Once he raised his ass from the couch and arranged a specific general at home. As a rule, there is less. About a month later, a strange girl looked at the guests and said, "Fuck, you're here, how do you live here?" I was stunned by that conclusion at the time. Then the ex-wife came and said, "Fuck, you are clean here, until the eyes are cut." I couldn’t find a word, fucking silent.

I visited my grandmother in the village. In the farm of cows, chickens, chickens, garden... I am a resident of the city, and not clever. It’s summer, the brains are melting. The time is closer to the evening, the aunt approaches and asks: Do you know our cow?

I know, red with white spots.

Aunt, it’s okay, get out, get out.

I have no back-thinking, I take the big, I chase the cow. And there are hundreds of them, and they are all red with white spots. Taaaak, life didn’t prepare me for that, but I didn’t give up. I remembered how our cow was dogged, remembered what the moths had on the wreath, and went to look for it. I found! I pressed. The whole family went out to see if I could go or not. Asked how he found out, he pointed to the witch. Everyone laughed and showed me that our left horn had a spleen, and you can ask the shepherd, he knows! HY is

Soon the ruble will be so strong that we will receive the salary in pennies!

It may be unfashionable and unpatriotic, but I do not like the so-called simple people very much. At least his typical representatives.

Brejnev was already dead, and the USSR is not yet. After graduating from the university, I received a degree as a software engineer and a distribution to the factory computing center in the provincial city of N. I do not want to specify, other cities were not better.

I was given a bed in a dorm room with two police officers. They lived there decently, there was an agreement between the chief of the OVD and the management of the factory. The boys were simple, grew up in the village and went to the police after serving in the armed forces. Vovan had time to fight in Afghanistan and told about it on the occasion and without a reason. The stories did not shine with consistency, nor with the variety of stories: it is understandable, not Leo Tolstoy. The spirits came, Pete cut off his hand, Kolie his leg, and Vase his head. But we did not break them either. The next time Petya and Vasya changed places.

Stepa did not have such a bright biography, he served urgently in the North. A bride from the village came to him. My bed was in the corner behind the closet, and at night there was a whisper and a hot whisper before me: Ira was embarrassed, Stephan insisted. Vovan, whose bed stood close to Stepina, had more impressions, after Irina's departure, they and Stepan discussed the quantity and quality of the sticks.

They drank every night, of course. I tried to support the company of the day three, then got off the distance and got a contemptuous nickname “student.”

One day Stepa came home and gently nodded me on the bed with a book:
Stand up student! The crazy man leads.
What idiots, from where?
I stuck two wipes at the stop. Fuck me, my student!
How about IRA?
IRA and its ancestors dig potatoes. The fucking should not go away. Don’t worry, they will give you.

I gave up this tempting prospect and spent the next three hours in the dormitory hall. This was repeated often: Vavan steal the washer, I read in the hall. He read the entire city library from A to, it seems, G. He was impressed by the lightheartedness of the girls of the city of N and the talent of the seducer of Vovin: he did not look like a model of male attractiveness at all. But I was terribly naive.

One day I got sick, left work early and fell asleep in my ankle, hiding my head. I woke up from the voices behind the closet: apparently the mints made me pale, and I was not noticed. Listening, I realized that the girl, firstly, alone, and secondly, is not behaving at all foolishly.
I shed blood for you in Afghanistan. He swallowed waves. Do you not respect VDF?
I respect it.
Then drink it. And touch the muscles, see what biceps? Now I am touching you.
On to need! I have a guy.
Why is he leaving you alone?
He is working.
Well and well. He works there, and we will work with you.
Boys, can I go?
Where will you go one night? They are raped by maniacs. We are good, aren’t we, Stephanie?
Let go please!
Why are you cuddling? Anyway, if not in a good way, then in a bad way.
I will report to the police.
We are a militia.

By that moment, I was somewhat dressed and jumped out of the closet:
Girl, do you like it here?
No is!
Do you want to leave?
and yes!
So let’s go.

I took her by the hand and brought her out of the room under the eyes of confused police officers. Below, on an empty night street, he caught a private man, gave him three rubles and asked to take her where he would say. When he returned, Vavan badly asked:
Do you lie down? She is crazy!
Well, so I did a good thing – deprived her of her salary. But I think she didn’t want to stay. How did you convince her to go with you?
Like all of us. Xiu under the nose: go through, citizen! Then you will get rid of me.
Did you and the others do that? Xyva and force, not because they like it?
I like it, I don’t like it, it doesn’t matter. They are all crazy, only broken. And the more it breaks, the sweeter to break.
Step, and what are you? Do you also think so? What if IRA is like that?
Let him try! I break my legs.
I didn’t have time to rejoice for Irma, as Stepa continued:
I cut off my breasts so that it doesn’t fade.
Yes I understood. To re-educate you is useless, just remember. Here in this room, it won’t happen again.
Oh I was scared! The wave smiled. I will deliberately bring the Jew. They say they eat so funny. Would you do it to me?
“I’ll tell Leontic, you’ll fly out of the dormitory in front of your own whistle.

With the commander of the hostel Mikhail Leontievich I was connected by business relations. He served as a client of the program, which I was instructed to write on the toilet, something about the recording of bedding and the printing of accommodation certificates.

Are you knocking up, Pidor? Asked by Vavan. Not in terms of that.
I do not live by terms, but by law. I also advise you.

Two weeks was quiet. The menta did not talk to me, but the girls were no longer driven and hostile actions were not taken. Then I went to my parents for a weekend. When he returned, he began to lay out his bed and saw that the entire bed was filled with blood.

“The whole thing got caught,” Vavan laughingly explained. - And hole her to do, not to leave a fool like you.

I silently turned my gaze from him to the bloody spot and back. He understood, took the deformed palate and brought in exchange his own, almost pure.

The next morning I told Leonty.
Oh how! He extended it. And I told the director for a long time: Chase those mentions. Drinking worse than tears, all the toilets blurred. The guards do not listen. It turns out that the blasphemy has also been separated.

It wasn’t exactly what I expected to hear. But I achieved my goal, the ments were expelled from the dormitory and transferred to a barracks, ten people in a room. Hopefully, after that, the life of the girls of the city N became at least a little safer. But the opposite is not excluded: those who were not lucky were now allowed to circle not two, but ten.

If you wonder why I do not miss the USSR and do not seek to return to Russia, then yes. In addition to that.

As for the allegedly rescued girl, I am bullshit. Once I began to rescue, it was necessary to bring her to the very home, and not to leave in the middle of the night in the car with a stranger. How can I be sure that she came home whole and unharmed? Right, no one any.

At the competition of bullying over the new name of McDonald's with a big break won the phrase "Taste of the push."

Xxx: It was a very strange day. At first I found a hat full of money. Then a bad guy with a guitar followed me!

Once I worked in one company for a very long time, one colleague decided to joke about another. I went to the dressing room before everyone else and wearing a hat every day. I asked him constantly, “Are you okay with your health? It seems your head is growing" It came to the fact that the hat wasn't located, and he really was going to see a doctor) But the joke admitted.

After a long trial, he took his 9-year-old daughter to fishing. Immediately warned: men will drink vodka, you are on self-service. From the evening, she set up a tent herself, prepared a bed for herself and me, ran around the fire, watched for me to snack.

Fishing, as usual, has not happened.

In the morning, the daughter, looking out of the tent and seeing that the men, gathered at the fire, began to mourn, on the whole lake as shouting: "Daddy! and Dad!

Rise up! The men without you drink vodka!”

I took my 5 year old son out of the garden. We go home, and the girls pass by without a pipe. My son had a question.

Why do these women see their breasts?

Well, I explained that I need to talk about the chest, explained what a bra is, that it is hot in the summer, and so on. Question is closed.

It is hard to guess that at dinner, the wife asked the son:

How did you get out of the garden?

Okay, we talked to Daddy.

What were they talking about?

About the breasts...

xxx: If the homeopath, before the operation, offer homeopathic anesthesia or ordinary, I wonder - what will he choose?