bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 84 - ] Comment quote №42904
 09.02.2011
Dad at the customs at the airport, 5 in the morning.
Purpose of the trip?? to
Father: Business talks with elements of drunkenness.
Customs is dependent. I gave her passport.

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №42903
 09.02.2011
I... slept with the girl... and realized... that it was not worth leaving her alone for so long... I thought that in the night I would die...
I had 2 packs of condoms, they no longer exist...@@@...why is there so much cruelty in it?

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №42902
 09.02.2011
He: I have your number next to the emergency services
He is : )
How symbolic it is
She: Is this the type I am a prostitute?
It is :(
Logic of PPC

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №42901
 09.02.2011
zzz: The transition to winter time has been cancelled.
Zzzz: Idiots forgot to cancel the summer
Zzzz: Now every year we will move to summer

[ + 108 - ] Comment quote №42900
 09.02.2011
But recently one of the leaders of the Orthodox Church said that too open clothes provoke people to adultery.
And let him change his golden cross for a plastic and not provoke people to steal!

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №42899
 09.02.2011
EVA
At her age, I was sitting at home and reading books.

EVA
I have already learned to smoke.

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №42898
 09.02.2011
Yellow wine is called white because it is made from green grapes... now say - where is the logic?

And now the most terrible: white wine and red grapes are made.

[ + 72 - ] Comment quote №42897
 09.02.2011
From letter to summary:

Hi Mary Ivanovna!
There is a vacancy in your department. Look at my resume, maybe I’ll come. Tired of driving to work for three hours at a time, I would like to get closer to the place of residence. There were no business contacts with you, however, in the mid-1990s we provided you with two machines of production inventory, the calculation was done carefully and quickly, which was remembered. The only excitement is your phrase in the requirements for the candidate: "Skill to work in a team". Experience suggests that it is the ability to drink. Alcohol is an inevitable part of business. I am tired of drinking before. So, if you need not a young and looking, but just a working, let me know. Better to call by the contacts indicated in the summary...
With respect,
by Ivan Ivanovich.

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №42896
 09.02.2011
Find out the relationship with wife.
I am in despair. You called me shit.
What a shit you are, shit.
That’s great, it raised my self-esteem.

[ + 68 - ] Comment quote №42895
 09.02.2011
Putin also came up with a new program with the beautiful name “Housing”, according to which every third resident of Russia by 2015 will be able to buy a home, well, or housing.

[ + 73 - ] Comment quote №42894
 09.02.2011
From ZJ: For the whole vacation received from home only 1 sms: "Where do you have the roof?"

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №42893
 09.02.2011
Did I eat too much yesterday? and ((
You were like a cucumbers.
The vegetables?
WOW: Yes...

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №42892
 09.02.2011
Sales of wind turbines:
"Please pay attention: the absence of wind is not a warranty case."

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №42891
 09.02.2011
I play with my colleagues in the counter. A neighbor comes in, looks at all this shit and says:
“There was a boy who played such games and then actually killed them.
by Vasya:
“It’s a shit, one boy played such games... and so he remained a boy.

[ + 78 - ] Comment quote №42890
 09.02.2011
xxx: I now understood what I meant Kipelov - "night shorter than day, day will kill me"... he sang about chronic insomnia...

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №42889
 08.02.2011
He: and then let good gnomes come to you and...
There are no gnome! I am for cakes!
He: married, urgently married (c)

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №42888
 08.02.2011
From the news:
Kolobok and Ktolhu will not be the talisman of the Olympics in Sochi

How is it? It is :'(

[ + 146 - ] Comment quote №42887
 08.02.2011
Our team won at the university. They were students, so they did it in spite of all the ruthlessness and irresponsibility of our officials.
In our biathlonist due to incorrect documents at the customs were selected a UNIQUE rifle, i.e. He came to the competition without weapons. On the day of the competition, he forgot the ski sticks in the bus. At the start it was collected by the whole world, helped teams of competitors, who had spare equipment, as a result - our gold.
Our biathlonist at the stage lost her embrace, neither she nor her coach noticed this, she came to the shooting without ammunition, also broke up, handed out. She won with a break of over 40 seconds.
And so almost everywhere. Now our officials claim that they are so preparing for the Olympics in Sochi, and the victory is their merit.
Respect to you, winners.

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №42886
 08.02.2011
Today I get on the bus, a man comes in front of me, paying for the ride. to him:
To Moscow?
– and?
To Moscow?
by Cho?
Go to Moscow?? to
Fuck to Paris!
Then the conductor approaches me and says, “You’re going to Paris too, fucking?”

[ + 71 - ] Comment quote №42885
 08.02.2011
Two forum posts in a row:

Message from user Dmitry: "The forum is crazy! It's time to change the moderators, and the admin has done something! Apologies, it has broken down..." Number of user messages: 1187. Status of User: Banned The reputation is 900.

Message from user NT: "Do not dare to touch the moderators! And especially admin - they are the best!" Number of user messages: 1. User status: VIP member Reputation of +650.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna