From the discussion of the news about the new Spider-Man movie on one of the information sites.

X: They did not deal with these spider men.The first lacked brutality, the second lacked determination.Here, on the go, only Matthew McConaughey will save the franchise in the role of a spider man.

Y: The spider will only save Seresh Bezrukov :)

Z: Or, as an option, Kostya Habensky.

W: The spider man? It is original

My story was here...
One day I went to the store "The Cross", I needed a sweet pepper.
I approach the vegetables, there is a container, before which 2 different prices are attached: sweet red pepper 219 rubles, sweet orange pepper 179 rubles. tk. In the container were 2 varieties of red and orange pepper: pepper packaged and pepper dispersed, I read on the packaged - "red pepper" and I conclude that the dispersed pepper is orange pepper. I go to weigh.
The seller is a girl:
Do you want to help?"
Help me if it’s not difficult.
Weighing, weighing machine splashing check - "red pepper, price - 219 rubles/kg...". Why is it orange? Do not believe. I suggest going to see.
The lady in the trade approaches the vegetables... and with a light movement of the hand breaks off the price bar with orange pepper, nervously swinging it in the fist... I wonder what’s going on? Explains that it’s all red pepper, don’t you see, and orange is here, and points his hand to the neighboring container... in which lies a green with yellow veins pepper, and 2 labels with different prices before which they say – “sweet pepper green” and “sweet yellow-green pepper”.

The unsuccessful analogues:
I am not well. I have eaten too many hearts. and chickens.
And broke them?
Eggs are broken and hearts are eaten.

What if the partner is in a coma is necrophilia?
It is like a vegetable.
A vegetarian?
and raw.
The raw!

Man has gone through millions of years of evolution, and... God... what idiots we have become.

Suffering from a hernia
If you understand, there is nothing inappropriate in the word “her”. Thus was called in the church Slavic alphabet the letter "x", as well as any cross in the form of the letter "x". When crucified out unnecessary spaces in the text, it was called “to spoil.” The old alphabet with all the asas and bukes was finally abolished at the beginning of the 20th century, and the word "her", coming out of use, after half a century became synonymous with the short word on "x" (you know what). And at the same time, it seemed disgusting and a common expression with a similar root - "suffer from a hernia." Hernia in Latin means "hernia", and it is this diagnosis that good military doctors most often exhibited to the children of wealthy villagers who did not want to serve in the army. Every fifth resident in Russia at the end of the nineteenth century suffered from hernia (the peasants often had hernia not in their pocket, and they were shaved much more actively).

Can you advise me to read something?
Read “Our Father” while I read the correspondence on your phone.

Protecting against cabbage in the forest. The girl Tripinka summarizes the advice:
Yes... I can’t help consumers anymore because I summed up all the advice and got the result:
I go out into the woods, in a diaper for the case of taking Kamassutra's posture by a cowboy, behind the belt of a bullshit, soaked with the poison of a black mamba or curare.
In the basket - a supply of melted pepper, a bottle with gas, petards and an aluminum fork to tick the cockroach in the eye.
There is also a bell and a tie of keys from the apartment, to scare the cock with the sounds of iron about iron. In the back is a haubit, on the lafet - a gun with a syringe.
When entering the forest, the bushes in the course of the movement are treated with napalm, shot from a haubice and clogged with a knife.
If by a miracle the surviving cock still attacked me, I first apply the aforementioned means in the form of pepper, gas and fork and evaluate the result.
With a negative outcome, I begin to speak with a cowboy — a powerful voice, without fear, but with anger, simultaneously finding out his literary tastes.
If this does not help, then I, tighting him on the nose with a rod, jump on a tree, urinate on the top of the cane, let the petards and ring the bell.
From the joint impact of these proven hunting methods, the cockroach crashes into fainting, and I descend from the tree, shoot it with a syringe and photograph the resulting natural death, signing a photo - Features of fungal hunting.

Small (4 years) in the morning came out of the blanket and thoughtfully commented "I get up.."
I ask :
Do I get up or get up?
I thought.
Okay, I will sleep again.
Back under the blanket.

Talk to a friend about different ways of influencing children.
Girlfriend: If mys behave badly, I scare them with Timati’s guards.
A: Do you explain it?
Timothy is our neighbor. He is seldom seen, but his beastly kind of security often hangs in the hall of our entrance. When we go out for a walk or come home, we often see them. The children are silenced in reverent horror when they see these closet-like men, who all the team even in the cargo elevator with difficulty accommodate at the same time. Here I tell you that they are sitting there waiting for mothers to give them their disobedient children. They believe.

Five years ago, with a scandal, I resigned from one office, which began to squeeze money under various pretext and eventually left me owed almost the entire salary. You could be judged, but I spit, I decided that I paid that money to never see them all again. The days updated the resume on the work site, not two hours have passed - they are called to this same office (do not know, apparently - I have since changed my surname).

I come to the interview and I gladly say so to the boss - said, I will not work with you, Ivan Ivanovich, but if you give back the money, pressed five years ago, I will not object!

What do you think, they’ve come back! The magic thing is a sudden attack!

And my cat is not ashamed to wake up at dawn and ask to let her in the closet. Actually, she is not sleeping, she is just sleeping.

I ran in the evening to throw out the garbage, in the darkness I watched a picture: near the garbage there is a characteristic bombage, next to it a couple of bags with a pipe coming out of them, all as appropriate. Bohm holds an old phone in his hand and says to the whole street:
“Well, Wally, where am I going to get you? This is a bathroom, not a restaurant.

You are waiting for nightmarish, post-apocalyptic landscapes, ghost stories, crazy scientists, serial killers, gates to alien worlds, mysteries and legends, and, of course, twists throughout the body.

YYY: Of all the listed "flies", it is undoubtedly the worst.

It seems to me to polish the alarm with the sound of a whirling cat is a brilliant business idea...and how the cat-loving sensor will also work, whirled somewhere in a crowd of people, everyone who began to look nervously - owners of cats)))

Peripheral store for PC. The girl just asked a four-deck router!)
He couldn’t hold his smile and began to imagine what a combat modification,
But in time understood its maritime associations with the four-port model.

From the animal world:
Employees of the Reserve "Knižinskaya Pushha" settled a male to the female polar sova, so that he made her company. A few days later, the unfortunate was found dead and half-eaten...We showed the remains of the bird to the veterinarian. He found that the male genitals were underdeveloped. In other words, he was not suitable for a female as a partner for mating", he said. Apparently, the male was unable to distinguish himself in the process of mating, and the female killed him, being angry.

A ventilator of 50 tons.
I never liked the novels from the "Sharm" series (there were such at the time). And since this masterpiece is very similar to them in my opinion, I could not read it. There is no desire or desire to watch. But! The one who made this boulevard a world-famous bestseller, discussed by millions of people, and most importantly perfectly purchased and sold - he / she is really a genius! Not that he is the author. That should be cut off! Most importantly legally. It is beautiful! ?

In the shop:
Buyer: One L&M please.
One blue or one red?
Buyer: 1 x

yesterday
Q: What do you give for your anniversary?
Mommy: I don’t know...
I: "Buy an apartment and live separately"
Mommy is excited: Aaaah!