It is not enough to hit everything, you do not have to catch your finger yet.

happened today. First action: time - half an hour before lunch, the place of action - the smoker, the actors - me and my boss. The manager is interested:
Are you going to lunch today?
A small clarification: the boss is not in the car, I am always in the car, but I rarely go to lunch.
I don’t know, probably. I wanted to take my dog to the vaccine for lunch. What did you want?
- Yes, I need to go to the barber, so I thought, if you go - maybe you will catch me, otherwise you need to call a taxi.
"Now I will call the nursery and if there is a vaccine, then I will go, and I will take you away.
Second action: the time is five minutes before lunch, the place of action is the office of my department, the actors are me, my boss and all the employees of the department. I call the veterinarian and say to the veterinarian:
Do you have a vaccine? (The Department is listening)
What interests you?
- I am interested in imported, combined, which must include rabies vaccine (the department hears).
Well, it’s a pity that I’m killing my dog twice, and so all the vaccines once.
Yes to eat.
Can I come in now? The Department Hears.
Yes come here.
I hang the phone and say to the boss:
- All, I agreed, there is a vaccine, we went - I will take you...
For the second five in the department is set a grave silence, then a wild laugh, everyone lies.

I understand correctly that our prices are bound to the dollar only when it rises, and when it falls, they are no longer bound?

When I was studying in the universe, the teacher asked us this question: "What do you need for happiness?" He began to question. The girls answered who “a lot of money”, who “a rich husband”, “healthy children”, “a good car” and so on. (When the turn came to me, I replied - "I don't need anything, I'm so happy," which caused a considerable surprise to the audience). Then the priest asked the following question: "What is happiness different from pleasure?" Everyone has thought here. “The correct answer is pleasure what do you do? Right they get. Thus e. When you get something, you get pleasure, not happiness. Because if you take away what you got, you automatically become unhappy? And happiness is not only to take, but also to give, to live in harmony with the world, it is a relationship to the world around you.

Gold words for me.

(Thoughts in the world) - a place on the redite for ridiculous, philosophical ideas, finding fun and interesting in the ordinary. Best of the Year



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It happens that the maps of military actions are also dropped.

Leonid Gaida before shooting the comedy "Ivan Vasilyevich changes his profession" appealed to the design bureau with the task of developing a layout of the Time Machine for the film. For six months, the specialists of the bureau were spelled over the "invention" and were born with the project of almost a real spacecraft. The main character of the picture - the single-inventor Shurik even in his most bold dreams would not be able to approach such technical perfection. A fundamentally new solution was needed. The deadlines were already pushed, the shooting was coming to an end, and at the same time the director could not "send" one Ivan Vasilyevich to the past, and another to our time. And then Gaidai was advised: "There is such a specialist by the name of Počechev on "Mosfilm". At that time he worked as an artist-sculptor on the painting "Ruslan and Lyudmila", and the talk about him went through the "Mosfilm", as about a master on all hands: and the fairy forest will create, and the boundaries of Chernomore. Negotiations were held on an equal footing. Gaiai was on the ground because of the shortage of time. I was rattled because of a shortage of money. And already two days before the desperate director lay a new project. Vyacheslav brought a large sheet of vatman, on which the coal was depicted something: tubes, cloves, balls, springs, snakes. And the wires! Absolute abstraction and unprecedented obscurity. The filming group stumbled. The shootings clearly collapsed... But Почечуев was eloquent, artistic and persuasive (he had to feed his family). And Gaida surrendered, not looking for another "inventor". In the shortest possible time, all the truths and lies, but the Car was assembled. There were two helpers. They pulled out of the warehouse some pieces that remained after "Solaris" Tarkovsky. We came to the city of Klyn for a glass factory, placed an order (which, according to rumors, almost the next day made a couple of bottles of vodka by Uncle Vasya from a grocery shop). They bought flashes, flashes, reagents, dishes for chemical experiments, and the machine appeared in the pavilion in all its glory. As soon as she earned, from the first launch, she fell in love with the entire filming group. Something in her mysteriously whirled, glittered and whirled, and rolled. The film was saved. As a result, the sculptor himself received a prize from "Mosfilm" - forty rubles and a certificate from the accounting office: "Money issued for the invention of the time machine", and without any hints.

The dollar price has fallen. I couldn’t buy it for 85 rubles. I can’t buy it for 80 now.

No need to give up if you can just run away. And from a distance to shouting, “I won! I just have no time!“”

From the Diary of K.I. Chukovsky :

25 December 1964
Walked with Sima Dredden. He told me a wonderful, meaningful story. An intellectual settled in a railway guard's cabin. The guard was illiterate. The intellectual had great difficulty teaching him literacy. The guard was dumb, but eventually overcame the beginnings of grammar. He wanted to be a driver on the train. To do this, you had to learn dozens of rules on hand - and pass the exam. Intelligence has helped here. The guard became a guide, coming to the south, purchasing oranges and so on. It was sold in the north. and rich. Intellectual was arrested. Having spent his time in the camp, he returned home. Here he was rehabilitated - and showed his "case". It turned out that, after learning literacy, a grateful railroad driver first wrote a note on him: "I warn that NN has connections with abroad."

The final objectives of the special operation will be determined after its completion.

It is clear why war is needed by those who sit in the offices, but it is not clear why war is needed by those who are on the battlefield.

We were cool at the gathering with a loaf overlooking the appearance of the girls: shorts are short, blouses are exciting, destroying painted. They say that you are such parents if you can’t make them look decent. One daddy stands up here, approaches her and suddenly sweeps her phone under her nose. She says, “Look, this girl is a physics Olympiad winner. She has a shirt and makeup, and what, does it bother her? Children should be taught, not thrown into their brains with an external view.” The beautiful woman immediately confused the whole hustle. She is physics leading, and the results in children are below the average.

After the Oscars ceremony, I’m tormented by one thought: “What if Will Smith was white?”

It is better to understand something without changing anything than to change something without understanding anything.

The date was announced - March 22, well, and doping scandals.
The 1976 year. After the Winter Olympics in Innsbruck, where the USSR national team shone, our district school leaders, being in euphoria, decided to hold a spartakiad on ski races on this day. I, a seven-year-old, had to run 15 km in a 10-degree frost. There were 6 kids in our school team. And I had two neighbors, two brothers - Vitya and Tola, much older than me. Vitya worked at the "Gutalin" factory in Tula, and brought empty aluminum tubes from under the cream for shoes, and Tola worked in the Lipetsk region at the factory, where he produced condensate, which he also brought to the village (naturally, everything stolen). And the condensation was ordinary, and with cocoa, and with coffee, everything was deficient. And we poured this condensate (with coffee, with cocoa) into the tubes of shoe cream (shoe cream, brown) and took it with us to the competition, where we ate it during the race. Delicious, delicious and adding strength. On March 22, 1976, in the race we took all the first 6 places, and about 200 people started. There was, as I would say, a doping scandal. Everyone said that the body skiers cannot be defeated, because they are on the track "Gutalin jurt".

When refugees coming to Israel from Ukraine are asked whether they are Jews by their father or mother, they answer – by the president.

For a day, I have been tormented by one question. Russia wants to sell gas to Europe in rubles, and Europe wants to buy it in euros. So why is Israel still silent, which could have long ago announced that the issue for both sides can still be resolved by some commission?

The alarm of the lover to sleep after the call is instinctively frightened.

Reading about your childhood, school, your shop shelves, trips for potatoes and other agricultural work..Yes, by the way, but no one ever mentioned that his distraction to the Soviet farm interrupted any production cycle, or, a scientific stream, I am not afraid of this word, which led the country to ruin. Riding and diverting.
We emigrated to Russia in 1984. In the Russian village. Yes, that was dying. And that was even a little truth, for I had never seen so many empty houses and land before. I personally drove out of interest. It has remained with me until now. I lived in the Far East, lived, studied, and then served in the army in Siberia. This is another. As everywhere. But here is central Russia, it was and is America for me. And we moved here.
I lived in the Soviet Union for almost a year. It was boring. Total indifference to everything from the leadership, from the working masses. And it would be with them, but work must be rewarded. And that was... no. He showed himself in action. I promised the director to revise my salary: - wait, this is as soon as the seedling is over... now we will finish the seedling... we will finish the seedling, we will remove the grain... we will excavate the potatoes.
Yes, the question is – you, the boss assistant, who was concerned about the outcome of your work? Anyone ever wondered what happened to your potato? And the cabbage? Where are they divided?
I’ll tell you, they’ve been cut off. And what else can happen to the vegetables stored in the bucket under the open sky all autumn, and then winter, and then spring? and? At least something remains. Food for cattle. But why not thank the bosses for their help with the delivery to the school, or work dining room of these vegetables that are then rotten in the barrel? It was not even considered. Should the economy be economical?
Okay well. I have to live and I have to go back to transport. Located in the automotive base. The structure is as follows; in Moscow the ministry, in the regional center of the glaciers, in the district centers mechanized columns which carried out this same amelioration under agreements with the Soviet farms. Where to dry, where to drain. My task is to carry them to the pipe object for digging.
The wolf feeds the feet, the driver feeds the flights. And then there was a mess; as long as the brigade comes from the district center to the object, as long as it is cracking, and it is time to swallow the pits. Working day until 6 p.m. and travel time is included. Therefore, I have a flight a day, rarely two. And that is little. And I suggested a shovel - I will load the pipe larger, and we will then scatter them on flights. The probation entered. It is even good for him - if bad weather happens, in the field is not just a loaded straw to pull, empty not to pull out. The tubes are already in place.
I came to load. The crane dropped the package. Please give me more? is loaded. There’s a man here, and will you get another? I will take. ... and more?
It turned out to be mr. Engineer of the base. We loaded the pipes with the pyramid.
Carefully reached the field. I had to drive metal. I made a couple of flights, and on the tubes, count, three came out. It is interesting to live.
The first bell ringed the day after three - the counting woman stumbled. Her husband worked in the same house.
You load a lot. It is dangerous. cannot be
I need to earn.
My husband and I always have enough money.
Sculpture and Sculpture. I do not pay attention. But a couple of days later, the authoritative guys came to me in the base - you hear, little, you load a lot.
I need
We don’t care about yours. We don’t want it to be ours.
I am a boss, as a job?
Oh well well!
Drivers are worried that they will be driven like this.
Give it to them, I will not smite anyone. Let them load. They don’t want, they don’t need.
I went out and gave an answer. The drivers looked me in the eyes – well, we warned you.
Two weeks worked. I come to another loading, loading the original package of pipes and that’s all. Why is?
Banned
Who is?
- there - and point to the window in the office.
I come. A doll is sitting. I am her, what’s it about?
I am prohibiting.
And who are you?
I am a cargo master.
Where did you come from? You were not there before.
I didn’t do it before, but now I’m here and I forbid it.
I go to the engineer. He goes down and lets the team load.
To my happiness, Mr. Ing. As a puddle, it is always in place.
Okay well. The reporting period passes and when I appear again on the load, they require me to rise to the head.
Hi and Hi. So, small, the pipes are metal, metal is the first class of cargo. Yes, they are empty and long, and we decorated them in the fourth class. And since you drive a full body, we will now design them for you as a first class. Go to load.
It was previously heard that cutting prices in Russia is the usual game of office workers in the struggle for "productivity growth". Now I convinced myself. However, I have a bonus – for me, columns, scraps. They were the last to pay for transportation. I mentioned their benefits.
I am worried. Go to the object. I give papers. He writes to me instead of the former ones.
So went the summer.
The sky breathed in autumn.
Again, I was sent to go to Mr. Bush. entered
Meaning so is. When you drive. We’re going to ask the chief who would drive it all like this.
Sit on the pope. I will go to the glacier myself.
He did not load, turned around and went to the glacier. Time was afternoon. There was no main head. It was his. A man in a ping jacket and a tie.
He told everything. Not to hide. The entire epic. Please leave me alone.
The man sat down, twisted the pencil. – I don’t understand, but why? Why can’t they drive like you do?
It was not for the sake of grandparents to make a revolution that their grandchildren would smell.
You are walking, right? So I can.
It cannot. I explain; if you, tomorrow, make them load like this. It will be as follows: I will be filled with a mouth and I will go away. They are loaded. And they will do as last time. about the past time, about him in the smoker with laughter told me by the drivers themselves when I just arranged. I had to move some cargo somewhere. I don’t remember the reason, but it wasn’t in their heart. They were loaded and sent. And they. Arriving at the track. Arrive to the first post of the GAI and, to the Haishniks – brothers, commanders, you will see what they creatures do! My driver talks, and they drove me out of the flight.
- And I have brakes, there are no screws, everything is on turns.
And I have...
And I have...
For a long time, the car is not suitable for use. And the haishniks that, the fish themselves came into the net. Cars from the road and behind the booth, report on the instance. There was noise on the top. Who was then deprived of the prize, who was pronounced on the party line.
You cannot force them. They will load up and go out on the track. They explode wheels, there is overload on the rear wheel, they throw cars. You will have hemorrhoids.
The man sat down, silenced... But you’re driving.
and no. I am not driving either. Say goodbye.
He went out, sat in the car and left. He went home and filed an application for dismissal. In the bus base, as expected, signed immediately. There was no director in those days. He came to me afterwards. He called back. He assured me that everything was shaken.
But my brother and I have already found and repaired the cabin.
In one of the offices sent a car on the flight. There was a motor on her way. While the driver was driving for help, the car was smoked off on spare parts. And he stood under the fence waiting for a write-up.
We addressed the director and we will repair the car. Find a job for him. I need an apartment.
We rebuilt this cottage and walked around the country. From Novosibirsk to Kerch
So you say that the USSR collapsed because of the low price of oil?
Oh well... :-)