You lie, you will not take it!



Those who encountered sharp fighting cockroaches are not afraid even the most bold fighting mosquitoes.



© Dmitry Sviridov

How to cure dangerous diseases

The famous therapist Sergey Botkin turned to a wealthy merchant suffering from diabetes, obesity and hypertension. He offered the doctor a lot of money, but Botkin replied that he would only take treatment on one condition: if the patient, taking only a kitten with bread, without money will go on foot to Odessa, where treatment will begin. The buyer was shocked to hear. But since he had no other choice (all his illnesses were considered incurable), he only had to agree and go on the way. On the way, he asked for help, stopped for a night in the villages, ate what God sent, walked more than 2,000 kilometers and eventually reached his destination in the hope of a doctor's help. Botkin looked at him and asked why he appeared if he was a perfectly healthy person. The buyer was surprised. However, he had no signs of obesity, diabetes, or hypertension.

The day before it was wet snow, and it froze at night. And when I went to work in the morning, I understood why in Russia the best figurists...

Take everything from life today, tomorrow it will be more expensive.

One day, a man was taken to the regional hospital by ambulance with a suspicion of a stroke: two words cannot be linked, the look is absent, sluggish, almost not moving. The patient was examined. Obviously everyone, the young, drunk, immediately put the droplets. It is three hours, the man and sleep, like, and droplets do not help - washes, turns his eyes. In the evening, change of doctors. The morning doctor gives the patient, explains - his wife at home found it, immediately called the doctors, came, examined and delivered with a stroke
We put droplets, but somehow unsuccessful yet. The receiving doctor was interested, looked closer at the patient. He approached sharply and cleverly returned his jaw to his place. The patient is pleased, the doctor thanks quite clearly already and explains: in the evening with friends they drank, argued and one in his jaw moved. From the pain and drunken he immediately fell asleep, and his wife found, counted, called an ambulance, so here and got. The doctor asked why he agreed to the dropper? The man honestly replied: doctors should be trusted! Would it suddenly help?

Comments on "Duma may prohibit calls from Skype to subscriber numbers of Russian operators":
“We would say directly that the bubble is going past the pocket of some Russians from the ‘big mobile three’. Large operators lose up to 90 billion rubles a year because of this - this is the whole essence of this news.
- Soon taxis will count how much they lose because of the subway and will offer to close it.

Doctors say reading after eating is a bad habit. And no one warns that eating habits after reading are even more harmful.

The daughter is all in tears and with a math textbook.
What happened? Why are you crying?
I cannot solve the task!
What is the task?
The silence.
What is the condition? Why are you silent?
The daughter is poured with a new portion of tears:
I don’t know...I haven’t read it yet.

“Dad, tell me, but the coolest man, whom everybody is afraid of, can there be problems?
This is a 100% problem, my son. When he gets upset, no one dares to tell him about it.

One day I went to an interview at a project institute. I was recommended by quite influential people and I was quite calm before the interview. In addition, it was a Saturday and only those who worked on the urgent object were "sweeping". In short, there was little people and I was stuck in a large hall, looking at a healthy aquarium. And then the somik is stuck with a butt in a piece of shell and can not open the barrel. I saw him shake and then began to slow down. And something conscience did not allow me to quietly observe the sudden death, and I decided to save him. He removed the health cover from the aquarium with lighting, removed his jacket, pulled his hand out of the shirt, and began to ball down the bottom. As soon as I removed the shell from the shell and threw it back, I heard behind my back: "Have you thought?" I slowly turned around, and I was struck by four blind eyes. I could only say that Soma saved me. Those four eyes looked at me all the time. The job was offered in the end in a month, but I found another at that time and I do not regret it. Per it was the intervention of higher forces to direct me in a different direction.

My acquaintance booked a seat in a bus to another city, calls the operator, and asks to name. A acquaintance says:

and Elizabeth.

“Yes, we already have Elizabeth, say you are Elizabeth II.

So it happened in my life that I studied and lived a few years in Geneva. She communicated not often with local and not very people, because she studied with her own Russian guys, and spent time with them, or with her young man (also from Russia). And although communication with foreigners was rare, but memorable. She is a Swiss Nigerian (her parents were children of migrants, and she was already considered directly local), he is a Swiss Korean (approximately the same story with the migration of ancestors). So, she, it turns out, loved Russia very much, because her parents studied in the Union and often remembered the USSR as a country "fort et tendre" (strong and tender). He even went to Russia a couple of times. Of course, I asked what she liked or disliked most, which was unexpected for her. Her eyes burned and she said:

“I had a Russian girl who helped me on my trip and was even my guide. She travelled with me everywhere, although she was from Peter, but went with me to Kazan, Sochi, Moscow. And in Kazan, something happened that I could not imagine. We had lunch at an outdoor cafe. At the next table, an elderly woman sat and looked at me very closely. At that time I already knew that in Russia there is no such racism as in some Western countries towards Africans. So I asked the woman why she looked at me that way. I asked in English, “Where are you from?” I said it was from Switzerland. The woman shrugged her head, “No, you’re from Africa. Where exactly?” My parents are from Nigeria. The woman smiled, “Oh, now I understand. “You look like a house.” It turned out that this woman is a specialist on African ethnic groups, that her husband is from Ethiopia. We talked for about an hour, and she told me how she identified my ethnic group (house) and even told a couple of stories from her experience of communicating with Nigerians. It was so unusual for me. I could never even imagine learning more about my roots from a Russian woman than from my parents, who tried their best to fit into European life!

More and more often I catch myself on the fact that after hearing the good news, I immediately start to think painfully: and what, in fact, the underdog?

The client came into the office, holding two A4 sheets in his hands. On the sheets were black and white drawings.
Can you scan these drawings? In the color?
and no.
Why is it?
Because they are black and white.
Well and what?
We cannot physically scan a colored document if it is black and white.
But they were colored on the computer, so it turns out they have color.
Yes, on the computer they were probably colored, but you printed them black and white.
We do not have the possibility to add color to the document through the scanner if the colors were not there initially.
"But I need to make them colored, why can't you configure the scanner to the desired color mode?
“Look, I can reset the scanner, but your page — the one I’m going to scan — is black and white, it doesn’t contain colors, but only different shades of gray, so the scan of the document will consist only of gray.
What is? Why is?! to
"Because the scanner scans what it sees and can't create something that is not in principle.
You have color scanners, right?
Yes, and we scan them with colored images.
And yet I don’t understand why you can’t just scan my document in color?! to
Because your picture is black and white.
and yes! But it was colored before I printed it!!! to

The “who called” service lacks the “what wanted?” function.

Give her a glass of red wine.

I am not cleaned in my apartment.

What does this have to do?

Especially if it has nothing to do with it.

When I was 7 years old, at the end of December, friends came to visit my parents along with my son − my peer. We met, then yes, we went out to play something together until we called to the table. And this guy is taking, and taking my chair from the move!

I say, “Oh, here I am sitting!”

He replies, saying, “I sat first, therefore my place!”



Unfortunately, the parents did not have time to intervene, because... at this moment an associative line arose in my head, and I decided to answer with a quote from the film, not suspecting its meaning. At the same time, a completely decent Soviet film "Gentlemen of luck", which is constantly rotated on TV before the New Year.

I asked him a rhetorical question:

“Don’t you think your place is next to the parachute?”



Say that all the adults were shrinking − say nothing 🌚

For a long time I could not understand what I was attached to and what I replied, I just meant to move somewhere, as if that was the point, wasn’t it? And then as I understood...



But despite the fact that my new acquaintance was also small enough to realize the whole context of this phrase, the communication with him somehow never worked out ¯\-(ツ)_/¯

People usually confuse the truth with their opinions.

In the clinic today says a nurse taking blood: yesterday a man came to donate blood without a bat. I say to him, Man, put on a Bachila. And he says to me: I can’t bend, I’m radicular.
I sat down and put him on a bagel.
He comes with chocolate today. I tell him, you don’t have to.
He replied, “Please take it. I am ashamed. I didn’t have a radiculite, I just didn’t want to wear a basil. Now my conscience is tormenting.and :-)

How to obtain permission on the website of state services for the opening of a video salon for the display of new American films in the voice of Volodarsky?